


Memento Mori

by kayura_sanada



Series: Fanfiction.Net Archive [10]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: (for the most part), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Battle, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Casual Sex, Dark, Dubious Consent, Episode e09 Boukoku no Shouzou | Portrait of a Ruined Country, Episode e19 Baruji Kyoushuu | Assault on Barge, Episode e20 Sennyuu Getsumen Kichi | The Lunar Base Infiltration, Episode e23 Shinigami ni Modoru Duo | Duo the God of Death Once Again, Episode e36 Oukoku (Sanku Kingudamu) Houkai | Sanc Kingdom's Collapse, Episode e47 Gekitotsu Suru Uchuu | Collision In Space, Episode e48 Konmei e no Shutsugeki | Takeoff Into Confusion, Episode e49 Saigo no Shourisha | The Final Victor, Episode: e10 Heero Senkou ni Chiru | Heero Distracted by Defeat, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Happy Ending, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Games, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Past Solo/Duo, Post-Canon, Post-Endless Waltz, Side Pairing: Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner, Slow Burn, Torture, Underage Sex, Violence, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-16 11:29:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 162,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: There's no room for love in a war, but sometimes you don't really have a say in the matter.Originally published on ffnet from 08/21/11 to 11/12/12.





	1. Temptation

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter begins during episode 9.

 

Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week, much less a lifetime.

~George Bernard Shaw

* * *

Heero was sitting in front of that damn computer again. Duo stared long and hard at his back. Maybe the guy was addicted to the thing or something? Maybe the good ol' doc Heero had, whoever that may have been, had done something and now Heero couldn't go a full day without staring at that screen and clacking on that keyboard? As for him? When he didn't have to be on his computer, he wasn't. Hell, he'd just returned from basketball practice a little bit ago and was getting ready to use the showers down the hall. He'd taken off his shirt and everything.

So why was he stuck watching that idiot's hands jumping around that damn keyboard?

“Hey, Hee-chan. What are you always doing on that?” He pulled off his shorts, too, tossing them on his bed. He'd need to clean those.

“Hn. Classified.”

Classified, huh? Duo thought about trying to read the screen, but if he could do it, then Heero could catch him doing it. So he just walked over the the bathroom adjoined to their room and closed the door, only then slipping off his underwear and for once tossing it in the hamper. His hair feathered against the bare skin of his rear, the natural thinness of it making it bounce and swing to Duo's every movement. He pulled it over his shoulder and tugged at its binding, pulling out a small arsenal of items as he did. The bottom few twists pulled out immediately, but the top remained taut. He worked his fingers through until his hair was loose, flowing like a stream over the curves of his shoulders and back and butt. Duo shook his head and scratched at his scalp, feeling the tingling in his scalp that told of the stress of weight. He could see himself in the mirror out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't turn to it. Instead he stepped into the shower stall and pulled the curtain. He turned the water on while he was inside and let the spray of the shower drench him in cold. He shivered but let it go.

Then he leaned against the wall and took one long, deep breath. Maybe it was from when he was a kid – his situation – but he had grown into a hormonal teenager with both hands leaping forward... or, well, curving to the left of political acceptability. Hard left. And playing basketball, while a perfect way to integrate himself with the students on campus and thus keep himself hidden in plain sight, was almost physically painful. A couple of the guys were pretty good, though of course none could hold a candle to him. But those two... one was like Goliath, a huge, hulking mass of dark-skinned muscle that only made his height seem more monstrous, though he could run down the court fast enough to block practically anyone – and create seismic events in the process. The other was more like David from the same story, his dark hair and small stature giving him the speed to bypass his guard and shoot from the three-point line. It was the shorter who grabbed Duo's attention. Sure, he liked muscle, but not when it was popping veins into the skin. If only little David was a bit taller – at least closer to Duo's height. Then he was have the perfect body type.

Except for the nose. That guy's nose was a little big.

Duo finally turned the heat up on the water and lifted his head. With one hand he grabbed his shampoo from the shelf, still amazed at the ability to put it somewhere other than a duffel bag. He squirted a huge amount onto his hand and rubbed his palms together, then slapped the mess onto his head. Imagining little David with a couple better features was blurring lines again. He frowned and scrubbed. It was Solo's fault. Duo blamed him.

He hurried after that, letting the shampoo soak into his hair while he lathered himself with soap, then rinsed out his hair and started again with his conditioner. Heero still hadn't put his things up on the shelves. And Duo had been so curious, too. After all, what kind of shampoo was such a guy wearing? But his thoughts turned down a more lascivious path, and Duo had to clear his mind with another shake of his head before rinsing out the conditioner and turning off the water. His hand lingered on the knob, his head hanging. His hair, plastered like paint to his back, dripped water all over him, down his shoulders and legs and chest and face, all to the floor of the tub, dripping, dripping. He closed his eyes. The mission was coming up. He'd been studying the ship often enough to know its every crevice. Tomorrow would probably be the day. After the game...

Oh, crap.

“Hey, Heero!” he shouted, pushing back the shower curtain and wringing out his hair. He didn't wait for a reply; Heero never really gave one. “We need another player, short notice. A few of the guys got sick, and one of them just twisted his ankle this practice.” He heard Heero's grunt through the thin wall. It was noncommittal, the kind that told Duo Heero was neither listening nor caring. He continued, anyway, as he grabbed the towel from the rack. “Why don't you play?”

“No.”

The answer was quick and curt, and Duo blew right through it. “C'mon, it'll be fun. And it'll help you blend in!” He rose his voice a bit on that one; it was a constant bone of contention between them.

“No.”

Duo rubbed the towel over his scalp, then down his long, long hair. “It'll be good for you, Heero. We need some damn down-time before we're in battle again. Especially after that New Edwards disaster.” Duo winced as that slipped out of his mouth. Heero had been... well, stony was the kindest word Duo could use to put it, after that mission. After they'd learned they'd been tricked, as that damn Wufei bastard told them. As if he who apparently hadn't given enough of a damn to let them know what they were doing until it was too late deserved to be so damn cocky about it. In the end, though, Heero had been the one to do the deed, so of course he'd been the one hit hardest. The man was even more like a rock than when they'd first met.

Duo wrapped his hair in the towel and swung it over his head just as Heero said, “fine.”

Duo blinked. Really? He stepped out of the shower stall and pulled on his dirty underwear. Stupid him, he'd forgotten to bring in a new pair. “Awesome. I'll call the captain, then.” Duo stopped in front of the sink and grabbed his brush without looking into the fogged mirror. It took a long time, but Duo had his hair brushed out, and finally he was able to pull the wet strands into three clumps and twist them back into a braid. Last came his lockpicks and needles, which were each placed in specific twists. Finally Duo walked out of the bathroom to make the call.

Heero looked up just as Duo came out, and for a moment their eyes met. Duo had to look away before his poorly hidden cock started showing something that would get him shot. And possibly in a place that may be more important than a fatal area.

He grabbed up his phone as he passed, stopping in front of his bed and twisting his movements until leaning down to his duffel bag meant catching a glance of Heero. Thank goodness, the man had turned away. And in half a moment, Heero was clacking away on that keyboard again.

Duo pulled out a new pair and shimmied out of his old before pulling the new up as quickly as possible. He pulled up another glance as he grabbed his pants and shirt. His two Winchester riot daggers went into his boots, his two krag bowie knives into slips that were placed on his underarms. The only gun he took with him was his Five-seveN, which he hid in the small of his back instead of its usual hip holster.

Lastly, he grabbed his cell phone, which he immediately flipped open. He called the coach's number by memory. “Hey,” he said when the man entered, “my roommate agreed to catch Richard's spot.” Duo passed Heero a peace sign, though the man was ignoring him for the siren's call of that laptop again. Duo rolled his eyes and grabbed the laundry hamper, dragging it through the room and into the hall. “Yeah,” he responded to the coach's question, “he's good. We both got taught similarly.”

The coach practically crowed.

Duo grinned, made a little small talk, and signed off. He'd managed to go down the halls, greeting with nods a few fellow classmates. He made one last turn, leading him down the hall that held both the laundry room and, slightly further down, the trash room. The smell was rather rank; the trash would be picked up the next day, but until then, the piles just continued to grow. Duo slid into the laundry room. Another guy was grabbing up his laundry, and Duo and he exchanged a short hello before the guy left and Duo had the room to himself. He pulled open the washer door and stuffed the clothes inside, then hesitated. He would never admit this, not to anyone, but washing machine knowledge eluded him. He'd never really been given training on such things. He'd had two outfits, and one was cleaned by the Sweepers while he wore the other. His days and nights were filled with battles – lockpicking, as if he wasn't good enough, artillery, explosives, stealth, assassination tricks. He learned them all, without time to spare for cooking or cleaning or laundry. Hell, there were times he'd been taught to fight without having eaten or drunk anything in days. Laundry had been far, far behind any concerns of the time.

So he looked at the knobs and buttons as if the machine were alien. There were buttons asking how hot the temperature could be – and they didn't make any sense! Cold cold, Warm cold, Hot warm, Hot hot? Duo glared at them. What in hell was warm-cold? Either it was warm or it was cold!

Duo frowned and turned the washer to warm-cold, not knowing if the water should be warm or cold and figuring both would work nicely. Then he dumped everything in and looked at the two knobs. One asked things about regular or delicate or whatever, and the other asked how large the load was. How was he supposed to know? It looked like the thing was half-full, so he turned it to 'Average' and just said to hell with it. A couple more button presses – how was it that Gundams were more understandable than these things? – and the thing started making creepy noises and rumbling around a bit. Duo shrugged and took the basket back to the room.

It wasn't surprising to see Heero still on his computer, and Duo did nothing but walk around and grab up his few belongings. Once the clothes were done, everything would be put back into his duffel. Things were going to be changing tomorrow night. Again.

Suddenly that clacking halted. The silence was weird; Duo had finally gotten used to the noise. He looked up to Heero and saw that his entire body was still, his fingers hovering over the keyboard like they were uncertain. The idea of an uncertain Heero put Duo on red alert. “You are sexually active,” Heero said, and just like that, Duo's hackles were raised.

“What?”

“You were trained in sexual advances and interrogation techniques.”

Duo scowled. “You mean like _rape_?”

“Among other things.”

Duo dropped the basket in the middle of the room. What the hell was going on now? “Yeah, I got trained, same as you.” Though he was pretty sure Heero didn't believe that, anyway. Heero saw Duo as inferior. And since Duo's experience had already been... started, his training had skipped the first few basics. Technically, they _hadn't_ gone through the training, but like hell Duo would tell Heero he might actually be comparatively lacking in some way. “Why, exactly?”

Heero shook his head and began clacking again. Duo had the sense that he should back out of the room. Instead he stood in that one place, not knowing what would be stupider – walking away and showing a weakness or stepping forward and seeming aggressive. He raked a hand through his hair. Great. Perfectly great. Now he had to hold his gun while he slept.

Finally he managed to pick up the basket and deposit it in the bathroom again. Heero's hands didn't so much as pause on the keys. His head didn't move. For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if he'd never spoken. Maybe it was some sort of warning? But Heero didn't seem the type to give warnings. Heero didn't seem the type to look outside of himself. Did the man even know they had the same mission? If they didn't have the same room, would the man even know he was around?

Well, that one, at least, was a stupid question. Heero was aware of every person in a five mile radius.

The rest of the evening was almost normal; Duo finished the last of his homework and cleaned his guns while Heero... well, Duo listened for the clacking and kept his weapons on-hand. Just in case. The evening stretched into nighttime, with Duo's wash finished and the basket now on his bed, brimming with his and Heero's clothes. He tossed Heero's onto his bed without folding them, more so he wouldn't be caught practically fondling the material than for rudeness' sake. His own clothes he folded and then packed away, save for his school uniform for tomorrow. He'd switch out of the uncomfortable garments once it was time to roll.

The clacking stopped, and Duo tensed like a bow string until he was sure Heero was headed for his unfolded clothes and nothing more. He wasn't surprised to see the man fold everything like a well-oiled robot and neatly place each and every article in what looked like a preordained area in his own duffel. Duo watched out of the corner of his eye as Heero zipped the thing closed. He almost expected Heero to jump at him, just like a viper, reaching out his arms to wrap him in them. He knew how to twist out of them, but right before a mission? He couldn't imagine Heero being easily defeated, and one blow from the guy could mean defeat. The dude could bend steel! He'd heard the transmission from that woman at the Edwards base. Freaking _steel_. Poor, inconsequential skin and bones didn't really stand up very well to that kind of power.

But Heero didn't move toward him. He didn't move much at all. Instead he sat on that bed of his and stared out at nothing, giving a deceptively calm appearance. But Duo could read the lines of steadiness in his seating posture and the looseness of his arms, and he knew better than to think the man was anything other than prepared to kill. And those beautiful eyes were cold and heavy with something Duo couldn't name, an idea that didn't seem to want to take root. Heero shifted then, and a faint twitch of his eyebrows gave a small, almost insignificant sign of something. Annoyance? Frustration? Disgruntlement? Heero stood, looked to his computer, and didn't move. “I will have sex with you.”

Duo's jaw dropped.

Heero almost started pacing; there was something in his stance that said he wanted to. His hand twitched, too, as if it wanted to go somewhere, but it was stopped and he was still. “Stress can lead to impaired judgment; impaired judgment leads to death. Before that happens, release your stress. The quickest and most efficient solution is sex, but women get pregnant.”

Duo listened to it all and knew Heero was quoting someone. His trainer? The dude must've been a sicko. It would explain a few things. Duo thanked Shinigami he'd been brought up through his training with the Sweepers. They were a cold bunch, but solid and loyal. They, for instance, wouldn't steal parts from an ally. “So... what?” Duo's voice was a little squeaky, but really, who could blame him?

“So I will have sex with you.” Heero looked at him then, and there was no trace of embarrassment or even remorse. Duo understood then how this would go down. Either he would refuse and have a fight on his hands – one that he wasn't sure he could win – or he could agree, have quick sex with an absolute hotty, and get away from it with nothing more than a sore ass. He considered it for a moment, but only because he was sure there was some sort of stipulation. There always was. But if Heero had any plans to tell him said stipulation, Duo would already have been informed.

Finally he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. I've got a hankering.”

Heero didn't wait for anything more than that; he swept past Duo to double-check the locks on the door and then turned on him. The idea of a viper hadn't quite been wrong; the man's hands shot out and pulled Duo into his chest, and those frowning lips crushed on Duo's. It was surprising to feel a small jolt up and down his back, but that only meant it wouldn't be a chore. Heero's hands fumbled for a short millisecond on Duo's shirt. Had the man ever been the one in control before? Duo wondered if he should take the initiative, but Heero growled when he tried to lift the man's shirt up. He was backed into his dorm bed and pushed until his knees bent and he fell onto the bed, making the old springs creak. Heero wasted no time on foreplay; those hands ripped off Duo's shirt, then his pants, and only stopped for a second as he held himself up over Duo, looking over the newly revealed wares. Something flickered in those eyes again, but Duo didn't get the chance to see it before it disappeared. When Duo made to run his hands down Heero's sides, he was growled at again. Finally he let his hands go limp at his waist and let Heero do everything, as he apparently wanted.

His weapons were taken off, leaving him more vulnerable than just losing his clothes, and only then did Heero take off Duo's boxers and toss them over the side of the bed, within easy reach. Heero, on the other hand, only divested himself of his spandex shorts. Duo frowned, wanting to see everything, but he was content enough to find out that Heero wore a fat wad of nothing under those skintight things. Heero placed his own gun on the corner of the bed and lifted Duo's hips onto his shoulders. Duo grimaced. If they were going to do this dry, then he'd underestimated the cost.

Heero's eyes were bright as he stopped, his breath almost heavy. Duo looked up and saw something like uncertainty for a brief instant. There was no doubt that Duo's interest was high – men couldn't hide that – but Heero could tell it wasn't at enough of a peak, and his eyes lowered to it. Something definitely flickered in then. “Just do whatever, man,” Duo said, and grinned up at Heero. The man grunted. Still he didn't move, almost seeming fascinated with what was underneath him. It was definitely Heero's first time in control. Duo would know – he'd never really had that position, himself. “Just go with it. You know what you want – just make sure I'm not fucked over instead of just fucked, okay? I need to be able to fight, same as you.”

It seemed to clear something in Heero's head, because he reached up and stuck two of his own fingers into his mouth and sucked. Duo watched those eyes deepen and darken and felt that weird flutter-spark thing. It made his eyesight flash white, and finally Duo was up and ready for action. Heero looked down at the evidence and let his fingers go free. They trailed down from Duo's sac to his hole, just rubbing it for a moment before the first finger plunged in. Duo bucked slightly, his breath hissing a bit in pain. Heero stilled his hand while he spat into his other, rubbing that liquid on his own erection. The time it took was short, and a second finger joined the first, the second one almost dried by then. Duo rode it until it became easier, then nodded. Heero scissored for a moment, stretching, before he obviously thought it was all taking too long and positioned himself. The plunge of cock into hole was painful, greedily so, as if Duo's silent yelp was food. Duo could feel the lubrication of his blood finally coming in, and Heero rode the new slickness hard, not forgetting to grab Duo and pump him, too. Duo clenched his fists into the sheets and bit his lip to keep from making noise, and just like that it was over. They both jerked and spasmed to completion and lay for almost a full five seconds before silently getting up and cleaning themselves, Duo carefully keeping his hair out of the shower so he didn't have to deal with that again. Then it was time to clean up the sheets – Duo hardly recognized that they'd done it on his bed, or that he was the one cleaning said sheets, taking another load to the mystery machines in the laundry room.

His body was sore as hell, but hell if any stress he'd felt wasn't gone.

* * *

I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed  
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by, I spent ages giving head  
Then I remember all the nice things that you ever said to me  
Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe you're the one for me

There's just one thing that's getting in the way  
When we go up to bed, you're just no good  
It's such a shame

 

~ “Not Fair,” Lily Allen

* * *

It splattered onto his face, wet and white. Dodger licked off the worst of it and looked up, his dick pulsing. Solo's hazel eyes opened, and he grinned. “Good job.” Solo patted him on the head like he was a mouse and pulled his pants back up. And as Dodger watched, he walked away.

He sat there for a moment, feeling such discomfort he couldn't believe it didn't kill. When he stood, his dick stood against his pants as if putting up a tent. He took a deep breath before pulling his lips back. What the hell? He'd been offered a place beside Solo and all the rewards the position brought. What rewards? This _hurt_. He'd prefer the touch of the military to this.

Finally he sighed and walked off to his corner of Solo's space. The older rat had his own piece in their nest. Maybe staying in here was a reward, but not if he had to keep doing _that_. Dodger reached down and tried to hide the strange twist to his ripped tunic, his fingers brushing over the turgid flesh beneath his clothing. His breath hitched. That felt good. No wonder Solo had sounded like he'd had such fun. No wonder the body sellers – whores – swaggered. No wonder people took this feeling from those who didn't feel it, too.

He played on his clothing like others played music for the first time, almost afraid of what he might do. It felt like the blood in him was turning white-hot, pooling down to his groin and boiling inside him. He gasped at the feeling. Was this what Solo had felt? Why hadn't he been given anything? Why hadn't Solo done this? It felt really good.

He took off his pants and stepped away from them, finally holding his dick the way Solo had shown him just before. With his whole hand around it, the pounding seemed even harder, the blood even hotter. He bit his lip and felt his hips buck. It made his hand slide a little further up, and the punch of warmth left him moving his hips again, then again. He had to swallow back the noise in his throat. The white-hot furnace in his body got almost painful, and with a breath he felt it explode, covering his hand and the dirt floor of their hideout. He panted. His knees felt weak. His hands shook. He'd made a mess, but it fell around where Solo's had, and he hoped it would all blend in. But maybe he was supposed to clean it up? How?

Finally he decided to dig up the dirt and rearrange it on the floor until the mess was buried. It was almost midday then, far past time for him to get his rest before he worked the evening. He moved back to his corner and lay down in a little ball. It was warm out for once, the heat in the colony finally spurting back on. The problem now would be fires, as the system started spitting sharp, painful lights. There would be smoke. There would be death.

But for now, there was warmth and the promise of safety from those outside the room guarding the area, and Dodger let himself slip into sleep.

* * *

The most persistent sound which reverberates through men's history is the beating of war drums.

~Arthur Koestler, _Janus: A Summing Up_

* * *

Heero was as good at basketball as he was with everything else. When Duo had arrived at the game late – teachers apparently didn't appreciate threats to other students, whether they deserved them or not, though it was perfectly okay to pull another guy's hair – he found Heero sitting on the bench. Coach informed Duo that Heero had refused to go on the court without Duo, and the scoreboard had read them behind by almost 50 points. But they were at the end of the game and only had one more point needed to win. It was almost too easy to pass the ball to Heero and watch that body move to the basket. And of course the man bounced the thing up and off the backboard before slamming the ball into the net. Heero hung there for a few seconds. It was enough to give Duo a nice view of those arms and legs.

The crowd screamed as the buzzer sounded, and all the members crowded around the two of them as Heero finally landed back on the ground. Duo went on autopilot, cheering and high-fiving and laughing. Heero was looking at the net like it had said something dirty to him. Duo guessed the guy hadn't meant to show off his skill to such a level.

It was hard to believe he'd actually felt that flesh on him. Heero, of all people. It was something he hadn't been able to fully twist inside his own head. Heero, Mr. Perfect, Mr. Stoic, somehow felt the need for sex, too. Hormones on such a well-oiled machine, who would have guessed? And it had been so fast, the idea of having done it with Heero seemed dream-like. The only proof of it now was the ache in his ass, a vivid reminder of the blood he'd cleaned from his sheets. But for a moment as he stood in that crowd, he thought he could see those short moments again. And despite the great orgasm and the feel of Heero's hand around his cock, the thing Duo remembered most vividly was that moment of hesitation, that flicker in Heero's eyes as he tried to figure out what to do, as he struggled to accept dominance in a role where he'd clearly played submissive. Those deep blue eyes had looked almost afraid.

Why did that make Heero seem charming?

It was after he'd joked to Heero to wave to the crowd that he became aware of his surroundings in a snap. He felt eyes on him – not the eyes of the crowd or his teammates, but eyes of an enemy. Duo itched. It was impossible to play basketball and carry weapons, and he felt like maybe Heero had been right – this was too large a danger. Heero turned away from him and walked away. Did he not feel it? Were the eyes not on him? Duo couldn't believe it. His cover had been blown and not Heero's? He kept his cocky grin in place as his gaze swept the area. He couldn't see anyone but that really wasn't a surprise. He waited until Heero was out of there, heading away from the gym lockers and toward the courtyard. Then he waved off his fans and left the court.

Around the area was field and courtyard, an area made to overlook the ocean – and the military ship docking within. There weren't many places to hide; trees didn't offer much protection when they were thin and sparse, which they were in the field. That left the school buildings. He made to check them when his coach clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey,” he said, and Duo turned his grin on the man. “Your friend looks like he could use some cheering up.” Coach pointed behind him and grinned his crooked grin. The man had broken his jaw once as a child, and Duo could see the miniscule imperfections the injury had left.

The itching feeling was gone, but Duo knew he hadn't imagined it. Someone was out there. He had to find out who and kill them. He looked toward the courtyard and nodded. “Yeah, sure. He's always been a loner – probably isn't thrilled with all the attention.”

Whether Coach had something to say to that or not, Duo didn't stick around to find out. He slipped away from the man and went to Heero, trying to act as if the loner was only a passing acquaintance and not a fellow Gundam pilot. Just down the basketball and tennis courts sat the courtyard, a pretty little place filled to the brim with landscaping. Heero sat on one of the benches at the fenceline, practically sitting on the water, his gaze out at sea. Duo walked up to him with footsteps loud enough to carry, but the teen only turned to look at him once he was close enough to be considered normal. It was a thing of habit, not one of normality. They were the only ones in the courtyard. Looking as soon as he'd heard would have been normal. But Duo just smiled and gave Heero a little wave. The feeling hadn't returned. Duo's little stalker was still MIA. For the moment.

His conversation with Heero wasn't what the coach had expected, Duo was sure. From blending in to eminent military assaults, none of it really constituted average teenage drama. Duo was almost expecting it to go smoothly until a car came up behind them and Heero turned to the sound of a car door shutting. Adrenaline slammed through Duo's veins, but at his turn, a girl stood before them, a horrifically pink limo sitting shamefully behind her. Duo recognized the prim stature and long blond hair. It brought memories of Heero, too, and of the smells of sea and sky. His first moments on Earth had been spent shooting one of his allies.

“Hey, that's...” Duo said, staring at the girl like she had green skin.

“Relena,” Heero said, giving the girl a name, a voice, a body. Was that why he'd hesitated when he'd had the gun trained on her? Because he'd had a name?

But then Duo registered the emotion in the man's voice – surprise, obviously, but there was something else. Something deeper. Frustration sat beneath it, but maybe that was caused by that... other tone. Duo hardly recognized it himself; it wasn't like he'd had thousands of opportunities to become acquainted with it.

The girl walked up to them, her hands pressed together, and gave Heero both a respectable berth and a weird, cocked-head, eyes-closed grin. “Heero. I wanted to see you.”

Good Lord, he'd stepped in it. Duo took a deep breath. “Well, she's not your average chick, wanting to see the guy trying to kill her.” Unless, of course, Heero wasn't planning on killing her anymore. Duo hadn't been with the guy all the time since he'd rescued the man – maybe they'd reconciled. Maybe that was why Heero had needed sex, and not just stress from the job. Duo had thought the New Edwards fiasco had bothered the guy, but maybe this little blond thing was the real culprit.

Heero just humphed and looked away.

* * *

No matter how hard Duo looked, he could find no trace of enemies. No one had entered his and Heero's rooms, and there was no gunpowder, no oddly marked area, no security film – or glitches – that said someone had been around. Duo wanted to think that it was just a sore loser of the game, but the feel of death had been real. Whoever it had been had wanted him dead. He had grabbed his things from his room with Heero and had made his getaway. The name Duo Jackson couldn't be used again, either. Maybe he couldn't use the name Duo again, ever. That would blow.

His race with Heero over who would blow up the ship first got stolen from him, and he went on his way with Heero's laughter still ringing in his ears. Heero's somewhat maniacal laughter. Maybe Duo had slept with the pretty-but-psychotic type by mistake.

Of course, whether he wanted to be with Heero again or not was moot. He was sent to the same safehouse as Heero, and they engaged in the horizontal happiness a few times. And just a short week later, the guy up and detonated himself.


	2. Amidst War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during episode 19. The dubbed version was used in order to speed the writing process.

 

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating faster

~Panic at the Disco!, _Lying is the Most Fun A Girl Can Have_

* * *

The return to space was a bitter one, and like a cold touch it left chills. Duo was alone again, for the first time in over a month, and without others around, he had no distractions from his thoughts. Instead he drifted, routing the ship's sensors and visuals to his Deathscythe as he sat within, prepared for an assault. Now that he was abandoned by those he fought for, he couldn't even know who his enemies were. It was enough to make even Heero's heart flag. Well, it would have been, if the man were alive still. Maybe it was for the best that he'd blown himself up. This way, someone as blindly loyal as him wouldn't have to see what the colonies had done.

He leaned his head back. Why was he still thinking about Heero? How long had it been? They'd hardly even known one another. Half a dozen meetings wouldn't make them close friends or anything. Neither would that one night of quick sex. And even with that moment of indecision in Heero's eyes, they hadn't really opened up to one another. So what the hell?

Though, if he let himself really think about it – something he didn't do for longer than a millisecond – he would know that it was because he was scared about what it might mean. Only a few days after he'd given Solo his blowjob, he'd found the plague had taken hold of the man. He'd allowed Solo to fuck him, even sick as the guy was, and while Duo came out unscathed, Solo died the day after. And now Heero. Perfectly healthy – creepily so – and now dead. It was enough to make him wonder. Especially if he thought about the accidental death of a certain member of G's squad who had just happened to supervise a specific part of Duo's torture training. As if Duo's bodily crevices were cursed.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. See? There were reasons why he didn't want to think about it for longer than a millisecond. Where were the bombs? The enemies? The anything that would keep him from thinking about Heero's body playing Quidditch without a broom?

Besides, all he'd done was sit still on the bottom every single time. Heero hadn't let him lift his hands; Duo had once thought over the chances of it being a dominance thing, but it was probably simply a lack of trust thing. If Duo lay still, he couldn't be up to anything. The act of sex was a vulnerable act to be caught in, after all. The man always kept his gun within easy reach, no matter what, but Duo had to divest himself of all things dangerous. It wasn't a fair trade, but Duo would take it. Better than rape, better than nothing. Better even than the one-handed flute playing. And Heero, for all his hurry and roughness, was a good lover. Had been a good lover. Duo covered his eyes. He should be getting sleep. He had to turn his brain off and get to sleep.

Duo had come to the quick realization that Heero would be his only free outlet. He couldn't exactly get his rocks off with just anybody – civilians would take exception to his knives and guns, after all. Quatre was far too nicey-nice, and Trowa kept to himself or was glued to Quatre's side. The little blond had gained the guy's trust somehow. As for Wufei... well, the guy was like a freaking rock. Duo couldn't imagine the man bending from his high-horse long enough to fuck. That left Heero, which meant it left no one.

If Duo was even more honest with himself, he'd say that his time in that safehouse hadn't sucked, exactly. They hadn't done anything but fuck and work on their Gundams, but it was still pretty nice. Duo rambled, Heero ignored, they fucked, and Duo felt safe. He couldn't ever relax completely, of course, and once he'd thought he'd felt those danger-eyes again, but it had disappeared and he'd swept the area. Heero had once again acted as if he'd felt nothing, and Duo had let it go after finding no evidence of humans anywhere near them. But other than that one time, Duo had found himself letting his shoulders slump a bit when Heero was in the room. The guy was so... so in-charge, so military that Duo couldn't help but feel that the man would know if a twig snapped a mile away.

If it hadn't been Heero who'd blown Heero up, Duo would doubt the man's death. He was just that perfect.

Duo took a deep breath and looked through the visuals. The scanners weren't picking up anything, not this far out into boondock space. If he was lucky – ha, what a joke – he would make it all the way to the dubious safety of a colony with no problem.

He was just waiting to be fucked.

Until that moment arrived, however, he needed to rest. Which meant he needed to stop thinking about Heero and his perfect awesomeness. Then again, that solidness of his was probably why Duo had started relaxing around the man. It reminded him of Solo. Or maybe the fucking reminded him of Solo. In any case, Heero's death was mixing with Solo's death, and those memories never allowed for restful sleep. Something to look forward to.

He wanted Quatre to be there. He'd gotten a blip from the guy that'd told him the blond had managed to get to his own shuttle. It'd been late, late enough for Duo to worry. At first he'd just been happy the blond had made it. Now he wished the blond had accompanied him. He hadn't needed to here his damn thoughts with the blond around the distract him.

Screw it. He had to sleep, so sleep he would. Nightmares be damned. He'd just have to suck it up.

Pardoning the pun, of course.

* * *

The alarms went off just as the bad dreams hit, and Duo was almost thankful. One quick look showed mobile suits advancing on his position. He snapped off the autopilot of the shuttle and pulled his Gundam free from the restraints holding it in place. Through the visuals streaming from the shuttle, Duo saw them coming closer. Hacking into their communication signal took only a short moment and confirmed his fears. The chances of them moving on were pretty much gone, but still he waited for them to stop directly in front of him before he snapped his fingers over the keypad. His scythe sliced through both the shuttle and the hand of the suit touching it, and just like that the battle began. Duo clicked on his battle music and let Chimaera scream in his ears.

Another press of keys had the scythe playing through the vacuum again, this time chopping the offender in half. He listened in on their conversation and heard, beneath the incoherent shouts of Chimaera's singer, the panicked shouts of 'enemy attack!' that by now were as natural as his music. He laughed. “Come on, now, keep up!”

Two suits charged in a pincer move. The rookies had obviously forgotten they were in space. Duo flew above them both and twisted Deathscythe upside down, cutting through each as he twirled. Both machines were destroyed, and they did their best to explode in the vacuum of space. Past the Leos were the new model Taurus suits, each poised to attack. “Well, well,” he said, looking them over on his systems as he tried to readjust to battles in space, “that's quite an honor, being greeted with your latest model, but let me warn you that anyone carelessly approaching is gonna die!”

He'd been hurt on his escape from Earth, and the injuries weren't too keen on being ignored. Pulling on the gears and forcing Deathscythe into deep dives and turns also pulled on his cracked rib and broken wrist. Worse, the new mobile suits, though they did have the tendency to dive straight into the battle, had a speed he'd never before seen. It was a wonder the pilots were able to handle it. “Shit, they're fast.” He could hardly see them, even when relying solely on his sensors. There were shots fired at him before he could check their originating coordinates, and all he could do was brace himself. If he'd have time to curse between shots, he would have.

He took three rounds before he pulled himself back, snatching sight of a small group of Tauruses over to his right. He wrenched up his left lever, raising Deathscythe's arm, and with the punch of the button on top of the lever, he shot out his Buster Shield. The fast-ass Taurus bastard dodged it. Great. And now he was minus a Buster Shield. He cursed.

This time the blast came from behind. With no time to even brace himself, he was jammed into his harness, crushing his cracked rib until it broke. A choked scream strangled out of clenched lips as Deathscythe was pushed forward by the blast. He managed to hit the jets to stop his movement and wrenched himself back up in his seat. And that would be when Deathscythe went dead. Sensors blacked, lights dimmed, and the emergency air kicked on. “Great,” he hissed, then shook his head. Of course, with Deathscythe down, he was pretty much screwed. He tested his controls, but Deathscythe was out. A Taurus paused in front of him, and he braced himself for impact. But when the Taurus fired, it hit his right arm, blowing away the metal and scythe both. On a scream, he realized what was happening. The bastards were trying to capture him. And his Gundam. Shit.

His hands shivered slightly. Of course his mind would flash over everyone who'd died before him. Solo, who had gone with several of Duo's brethren. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, for the simple crime of caring. Kole, who had fucked Duo on G's orders and had found himself under a piece of metal that should have been tethered properly. All those people he himself had killed, all in the name of peace.

And Heero, who had randomly decided to fuck him and had paid for it with a loyalty Duo could never dream of, who with a press of a button had decided his own fate.

“I don't wanna copy Heero, but...” He pressed the emergency console and flipped open the seal on the self-destruct mechanism. The thing helpfully popped out, its little red light blinking above the button. The thing looked like it should be scary, but it really wasn't. He'd expected to die. He'd almost wanted it. Not in the suicide type of way, but in the ending it type of way. At least this way, no one else would die because of him. Maybe peace just wasn't what people wanted. The colonies themselves had chosen a different way... right? Besides, there were Quatre and Wufei, and maybe Trowa, too. They could...

“Tag along with me on my journey into hell!” he cried, and smashed the button down with a fist. He waited a beat, but all he heard was the emergency air system and the horrible sound of silence. And life. He punched it again, just to be sure. How the hell didn't it work? It wasn't like he'd had the opportunity to fuck with it. Unless it was from Heero's messing around with his system. But no, Howard would've caught that. He sighed. “Not my lucky day. Can't even self-detonate.” That was great. Torture and a slow death awaited him.

Then it hit him, like a load of bricks. The safehouse. It was the damn safehouse. _Heero_.

“Maybe I am lucky.” Though Duo couldn't quite believe that. Purposefully or not, Heero had fucked him over. Except in a different form of the literal sense. Wasn't that great?

He fell unconscious mid-chuckle.

* * *

He's all I've got

He's all I've got in this world   
But he's all the man that I need

~Whitney Houston, “All the Man That I Need”

* * *

Heero had invested in lube at some point, or maybe he'd just found it in the safehouse while Duo had been battening down the hatches, so to speak, but in any case, the tube was almost empty, and Heero was struggling to get enough to wet Duo's hole. Duo squirmed. Heero held Duo still with one hand, applying such pressure that Duo knew he'd be stuck no matter what ninja move he tried. He clenched his fingers and tried like hell not to try just for the fun of it. He'd done that once. He still had the sore shoulder from when Heero had popped it out. Dude did _not_ get foreplay.

The fingers of Heero's free hand came forward with the small amount of lube on them and played like a worm along Duo's hole, poking inside for just a moment before wriggling out. Duo tried to squirm again, but couldn't. Maybe the guy _did_ get foreplay. He'd certainly gotten more used to his position on top, and the dude learned fast as hell. Heero had already found a few places on Duo's body that popped his member up for action in an instant. Heero held Duo still and wriggled inside again, this time keeping it in and simply pumping. Duo bit his lip to swallow a groan.

It was the first time they hadn't done it in the bedroom, the first time Heero had almost seemed to be out of control. He'd stopped Duo from going to his Deathscythe and had dragged him down to the floor of the underground basement they'd hidden their Gundams in. The gun was still within reach, and Duo's had of course all been divested. But now Duo was feeling the cold touch of concrete on his back as Heero entered his second finger. His other hand held Duo still as those fingers scissored and pulled against his flesh. “Shit,” Duo whispered, and Heero added a third. Duo pressed against that hand despite himself, but Heero didn't punish him for the move. Instead he lifted Duo's legs up onto his shoulders and let go of his torso, exchanging the grip to Duo's hips. Duo leaned his head back and felt the ungiving ground forcing him to conform to it, as well. Heero let out a breath as he entered Duo, the only sign he'd given so far that he might be having fun. For the first time, he hesitated before starting in on his usual rhythm, fast and hard, jerking to deliberately hit the special spot each time. Duo banged his head against the concrete floor and saw stars just before the white spark of completion. He whimpered as he hit his release, and with a spray he arched his back and dug his elbows into the concrete. Heero came as Duo clenched around him, and Heero's seed shot into him. He banged his head again as he came down from the high. “Well,” he said, “I won't be getting up to my 'Scythe for a while.”

Heero extricated himself from within Duo and glared at the mess on his chest. Duo almost expected to be punched for daring to leave such on him, but the man simply grabbed a rag and wiped himself off. He took the rag to the trash and dumped it inside. Then he went over to one of the tables used for repairs and grabbed up the lighter before going back and lighting the rag on fire. Duo sat up and watched it burn as the feel of completion gave way to the bright soreness left from the quick sex. With so little time to adjust, he was amazed he hadn't bled. Heero seemed to have learned how much stretching was needed to ensure that didn't happen like it had the first few times.

“Go clean this up,” Heero said. “I will take care of your Gundam.”

Duo blinked. “Say what?”

Heero glared at him. “Go.”

Duo stood, but he still hesitated. He was almost worried that Heero wanted to help him out. “Um, not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but why are you going to be working on Deathscythe?”

“I made you unable to do so.” And while Duo watched, Heero turned and moved toward Deathscythe. “Now clean that up. We can't leave DNA evidence.”

Duo mocked him behind his back and stuck out his tongue, but he really didn't know what to think. Would Heero have done that before? If _his_ Gundam had been the one that had needed help and Heero's had been okay, and if Duo had been the one injured and not Heero, would the man have fixed his Deathscythe in order to repay him for busting the guy out? Somehow Duo doubted it. So was the guy actually being... nice?

Duo shrugged. In any case, he had to get it all cleaned up so that even luminol wouldn't catch it. He'd be busy enough, and as he'd said to Heero – he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And he'd be sure to double-check the repairs... just in case.

* * *

Brave men do not gather by thousands to torture and murder a single individual, so gagged and bound he cannot make even feeble resistance or defense.

~Ida B. Wells

* * *

Duo woke up in pain, the sharp stabs in his abdomen reminding him of his now-broken rib and the fight that had caused it. He felt his broken wrist throb against cold metal and knew he was officially captured. Great. The room was a simple one, something he checked out before even fully opening his eyes. Small square, metal on all six sides, boring table with two chairs. One was occupied by him, the other a man in his early thirties with completely forgettable looks. Short-cropped brown hair, smallish brown eyes, clear white complexion. Another man stood behind him, three behind Duo. Well, at least they weren't underestimating him.

“I wasn't expecting the pilot of that Gundam to be just a kid.”

Duo tried leaning forward in his chair, but the flunkies with his interrogator weren't as stupid as he'd hoped; two immediately came and grabbed his shoulders, keeping him back. “Well, excuse me! So I've wounded your pride, have I?”

“That's nothing compared to how your pride's suffered.” Duo glared at the man, but said nothing. His mouth usually got him in trouble. For once, he wouldn't get himself even more messed up. Unless the guy pissed him off. “You'll be executed. The people's feelings toward the execution will unite the colonies.” Wow, thank goodness for that. The colonies, finally united against something. Fucking idiots. “I never expected to be able to utilize the Gundam pilots in this way.”

Son of a bitch! “Why, you!” Duo felt the karate chop against the back of his neck and fought like hell to stay awake. “Goddamn all of you to hell!” he screamed, but when he moved to stand, he found a boot in his way. He crashed to the floor with a cough and felt his broken rib move unpleasantly. Another boot rose to hit him, aimed unerringly for his gut, and with a whoosh the air was stolen from his lungs. Someone had the bright idea to drag him up by his hair, and once Duo was on his knees, the punches began. One landed on his broken rib, then another. He clenched his teeth to keep from crying out. Another punch cracked another rib.

“Now, now, pilot,” the leader said, standing from his seat. That forgettable face lit into a smile, and Duo ingrained the man's face in his mind as a guard punched him in the jaw. “Stop resisting arrest.” Duo snarled. On the way to the gallows, he would take death, but only if that man's neck snapped beneath his fingers.

He suffered their ministrations, unable to block with his hands held behind him in cuffs, but the braid-holding had gotten old, and they finally pulled him to his feet, holding his shoulders and keeping him up as the other guards played sparring practice on his chest and stomach. The pain almost started to dim when the leader held up his hand. The two using him as a punching bag stepped away, but he wasn't dropped. The bastard came up to him and smiled in his face. Duo spit on him. The man wiped it off, but that smile didn't so much as waver. Instead the leader bent down and pulled up a chair. “Hold him still,” the man said, and held the chair high. “We need to make sure this dangerous terrorist doesn't escape.”

Through one still-good eye, Duo watched as the bastard whipped the chair toward his legs.

* * *

I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.

~Che Guevara

* * *

“Shit. They really did me over.” Duo tested his limits and found them to be on a rather short tether. He'd been tossed into his cell, leaving his body to bounce ribs-first onto the concrete floor. Yeah. Lying on that floor wasn't quite as fun as it had been the last time he'd lain on a concrete floor. And Heero's death had definitely been a bit flashier, and certainly nobler.

Duo laughed, but it jarred his ribs and he ended up coughing. At least he wasn't hacking up blood. He really needed to stop thinking about dead people. Hell, he should be more concerned with Quatre and Wufei and Trowa. Those guys were down another man. And who knew when his execution would be? They probably wanted information from him, though they hadn't asked for anything yet. It was only a matter of time. They probably wanted to test his limits. Too bad they hadn't found them yet. Although they _had_ found his broken and cracked rib. That hadn't been fun.

“They could've been more gentle,” he said, musing, and almost laughed again. How ludicrous a thought was that? At least he'd been trained for this. He wouldn't go completely shamed. He would not allow them to get anything from him. He wouldn't have as noble or flashy a death as Heero, but he'd do his best with what he had.

First, he had to at least see if he could get out. He had his ways, of course; his band-aid held poison in its padding, his hair held lockpicks. They'd made their first mistake by taking off the cuffs. He doubted, then, that there were more than two men guarding him, and since he heard no conversation, he was either in a soundproof area or the guard was either alone or sleeping. The last two would be useful, but the first could cause some problems. Unless he could find a way out. He needed to check his cell for exits... hell. He needed to get up. If he could.

His first attempt to move squeezed muscles he hadn't known could hurt. Which was incredible, because he'd been put through the ringer more than a hundred times by G and his trainers. Duo felt – literally felt – his broken rib play tag with his organs and shuddered. The movement was more than enough to get him coughing, and he struggled to get to his hands and knees through the pain. If the room wasn't soundproof, then whoever was outside could hear him cough. And if they were smart – though leaving him uncuffed would argue such a point – they would know he was moving. And by knowing that, they would know to check on him.

He managed to get his limbs under him, but they shivered and shook. He almost fell as his broken wrist screamed obscenities at him, and his other arm informed him that he'd pulled a muscle through the shoulder at some point during the pummeling. His legs were thankfully broken from calves down, but that didn't change the fact that walking on them would be almost impossible. He could feel the bones, knew one was broken twice, knew the other was poking through the back of his leg. But it was his ribs that hurt the most. Every twinge, every spasm of muscle pulled and tugged and made things shift that shouldn't be able to move. If he were to, say, try to escape, chances were good that something might get punctured. And then would come worse than just the coughing of the blood.

Through the pain, Duo managed to get himself dragged to the nearest wall. Of course it was the one farthest from the door. Just in case he was hoping he would get some good luck, just for a change of pace. He pulled off his band-aid. He could only hope that the poison would get the chance to kill whatever guards waited outside. It would be moot if he didn't get out, and with the injuries he had... “this isn't good.”

It was like the words summoned the act; suddenly he heard the sounds of fighting from outside his room, and some man shout. He didn't even have time to move to meet the noise; the door opened and he saw the form of someone from outside. The light was bright compared to the dark interior of the cell, so he thought maybe he'd gone delusional. There was someone holding another over his shoulder; the unconscious man was bulky and large, but the other was slim, lithe. Duo would recognize the body anywhere. He'd had it over him a number of times. It wasn't fake.

The smaller form flipped the other over his shoulder, and the man didn't move. Duo actually felt his heart jump as the shadowed form stood tall. It was such a stupid thing, but there it was. Relief. Happiness. Heero wasn't dead. Duo hadn't killed him. He was alive. Duo felt his grin widen, even as it stretched against a bruised cheek. “What a surprise. Hey, Heero. You really are superhuman, huh?”

Alive. It was incredible. Duo couldn't explain how he felt in that instant. It was weird. Heero was an ally, yes, and his aforementioned lover. But it wasn't the normal feeling of a comrade showing up. Duo felt his heart go light for a short moment, short enough to recover from, but long enough leave its own kind of stain. Heero was alive. It was all that really entered his head, and he never even thought to try to move. Heero was alive.

And then Heero raised his gun on him.

Duo was actually happy to see it. It somehow proved that the man was real and not a figment. If he were a figment, they probably would've had another round on a concrete floor or something. And at least this way he would have the slightest bit of dignity when he died. “Just in time,” Duo told him, and kept right on smiling. “They were just about to use me and my Gundam for their plans.” Of course, Heero probably already knew that. It had to be why the man was in front of him. Didn't explain why the guy had let someone scream out, but maybe there'd been a heavier defense than Duo had anticipated.

He moved to stand, pulling at all of his injuries. He didn't know why; Heero could just as easily shoot him where he sat. Maybe it was for Heero, all the same, so that Duo could be seen as an ally, and equal on the playing field and not a victim. Maybe it was for himself, so he could feel like something more than a whipped dog when he drew his last breath. Maybe it was for the memory of that first moment when Heero had hesitated and shown that damnable human side of himself. Maybe he was just going on instinct, trying to fight back. It didn't really matter, did it? He was going to be shot by his lover, who had apparently come back from the grave.

Finally he managed to get his feet underneath him, though he needed to clench his fingers against the wall in order to do so. “If I'm gonna die, it seems appropriate that you be the one to do it,” Duo said, and leaned his head back. Gods, his head throbbed. “Here. Go right ahead and shoot me.”

He clenched his eyes shut and splayed his arms out a bit, though the action hurt and made him wobble. Heero made a little noise, a strange, girding-up sound, and Duo felt his heart flip. Heero couldn't have changed so much in so little a time, could he have? And wouldn't that mean that Duo's invitation wasn't even needed? Duo snapped his eyes open then. “Hey, you're really gonna shoot me, aren't ya?”

His eyes had adjusted to the beam of light shining in, and now he could see Heero's face. It really hadn't changed at all – as if he hadn't ever been hurt. Those same frowning lips, that ridiculous hair, those deep blue eyes. “If that's what you want me to do.”

Duo blinked. What the hell kind've reasoning was that? Duo didn't know if he should be happy the man was giving him a choice or disturbed that he was making that kind of joke. If it was a joke.

Heero humphed and turned from him. “Your right hand's still okay, isn't it?” And before Duo could answer, the man threw Duo his gun. He caught it automatically, adjusting his grip for Heero's heavier weapon. His right arm happened to be the one with the broken wrist, but he wasn't going to be arguing details at this point. Duo made to follow as Heero grabbed the downed guard's weapon, and Duo finally got a look at Heero's competition. There really had been only one guy. Then what the hell? Duo put weight on one leg for the first time since he'd been beaten, and the thing crumpled under him. He closed his eyes and got ready to hit concrete, but Heero snatched at his shoulders and easily held his weight. Without speaking, Heero readjusted the gun and Duo until he held one on each shoulder, his free hand wrapped under Duo's shoulder. Maybe... maybe Duo was in some fake alternate universe after all. Or maybe not. Unless they both ended up dead. That seemed to be the main motif of his dreams.

Heero helped Duo out of the cell, and they both checked the hall. Duo's vision, however, was half-blinded by the light and half-blurry from the blackening eye. “So, which way is it?” Duo asked. “Where's your Gundam?”

“I left it on Earth,” Heero said, and that seemed like such a Heero thing to do Duo started believing what he was seeing again. “It'd stick out too much in space, so I'd probably wind up getting caught like you did.”

And there's the barb. Duo glared at the man. “Yeah, well pardon me.” Heero kept looking around. “So how did you plan on getting us out of here, anyway?”

“I came in here to kill you. I hadn't gotten around to planning an escape route yet.”

Oh. _Oh._ What?

Heero _had_ planned on killing him? Then... what had changed his mind?

“...And if we don't make it?” Duo asked.

“It's as simple as silencing the two of us.”

Oh, _shit_. So for reasons unexplained, Heero had fucked over his own plan in order to save Duo, and had thus put his _own_ life in jeopardy? Duo struggled to get his feet under him. He couldn't let it get that far. Then Heero really _would_ die because of him. That was beyond unacceptable.

But despite how hard he tried, he only managed to tire himself out. His damn legs just wouldn't let him anymore. They were done. Heero waited for him to finish his pathetic attempt before pulling out a small switch and pressing it. Duo heard multiple explosions as Heero tugged him along. Duo had been taken the long way around when he'd been dragged to his cell, and now he was given the opportunity to see why. Metal bars sat from floor to ceiling on the short side. A cute way to screw over any attempt to escape. He probably would've fallen for it. Hell, Heero had just fallen for it.

Duo turned to look behind them, ready to fight his way through the hard way, but Heero just placed his gun against the wall beside the bars and wrapped his hands around two of them. Duo's eyes widened. No way. He was actually going to see it firsthand. And there it was – with a grunt, Heero bent the bars until he could fit through. Duo saw that the man's hands had turned red from the strain, but otherwise he seemed perfectly fine. He simply picked up his acquired weapon and pulled Duo sideways through the bent steel. The dude wasn't freakin' human.

Well, as long as Duo was getting lucky with death, maybe he could go so far as to hope that Forgettable Face Leader was killed by one of those pretty little blasts.

Heero dragged him past a couple of men shouting and heading toward the explosions, then past the stairs. Duo understood it, but he wanted to scream. They _had_ to take the elevator. Duo wouldn't really be able to do much on the stairs, and not only would he slow Heero down, but he would end up making Heero tired. So Heero stopped in front of the elevator and mashed the button for them to go down. When the thing arrived, Heero pulled Duo inside and hit the button for the mobile suit docking bay. Then Heero put Duo in the corner and pulled his weapon forward in preparation, sticking to the edge of the elevator, as well.

Though Heero didn't ask, Duo told the man how he'd gotten caught. “They were faster than I'd thought they could be, and their accuracy was killer.”

“Those are their mobile dolls. Machines automated to attack without pilot assistance.”

“So those new models were their mobile dolls?” Duo scowled. “No wonder their reaction time was so quick.” Damn things were harder to hit than fleas on the run.

“Once they lock onto a target, there's just no escaping them.”

Duo watched Heero for a while. The man wasn't moving at all, automatically adjusting to the movements of the elevator, while Duo had to fight to keep his balance as he struggled to find his feet. His legs produced agony with every movement, with every heartbeat. “Then how are we gonna get away?” Duo asked, and finally Heero turned to him.

“I'm not thinking about escaping.”

“What are you saying?” If Heero was planning on dying, Duo was gonna be pissed.

The elevator doors opened then, and they were met by a number of enemies firing upon them. After the silence of the elevator, the sounds were so loud they grated. Duo hugged the elevator wall. “Here,” Heero said, and gave Duo a switch. Huh. More booms, then? Duo took the thing and held it as Heero returned fire. “Duo.”

Duo nodded. “Right.” And he pressed the switch. More explosions went off then, and Heero grabbed Duo up as the smoke filled the elevator corridor. Duo did his damnedest to get his feet under him, and the adrenaline was enough to actually get them moving. Heero let him go then and Duo was on his own as the smoke filled his eyes and ears. He used the momentum to get him around the corner of the white-washed halls.

They were in zero-g, at least, and as soon as he made the turn Duo used the last of his strength to launch himself. The explosion took care of the rest, pushing him up to Heero's side as he, too, launched into the zero-g hall. It led straight out to the mobile suit hangar. It was freaking empty, and a small group of Leos sat around a little shite shuttle. How convenient. Was that how Heero had made his entrance?

“We could be able to use this,” Heero said.

Well, strike that idea. He'd apparently used a different entrance.

Heero grabbed Duo and led him to the white shuttle, pushing him inside and helping him into a spacesuit before ordering him to get the thing moving. “Aye aye,” Duo said, saluting with his free left hand, and pulled himself through the shuttle with his left hand, using the zero-g to get him to the front. He let his gun float as he settled himself. Heero, he presumed, was in the back putting on his own suit. He sat in the passenger seat and turned on the machine. The hatches began closing in order to turn on the gravity, and Duo worked quick to click the auto-compress off. Then he killed the satellite feed that linked the shuttle to the military ports and turned off all alarms that would signal the military. By the time he was done, his wrist and shoulder were burning and Heero had turned off the compression and opened the hangar door. Duo pulled up external visuals and got to see Heero loading a couple Leos onto another smaller shuttle. The plan was so simple it was diabolical. Heero flew from the shuttle to other Leos to the shuttle and back around. Duo kicked on the sensors and checked the shuttle for defensive abilities. It only had a shitty shield. Great. Obviously all the money was spent on those mobile dolls.

Finally Heero was sending the things out, and none too soon. Duo intercepted a message to send out the mobile dolls on them, just as Heero had predicted. He thought to call out a warning, but Heero was already out of the shuttle and heading to the Leos lined up on the side of the hangar. Each flew out, the shuttle first, then one Leo at a time, set at intervals. Duo cradled his bad wrist and started the shuttle's engines.

Heero had sent all the Leos out by the time Duo managed the complicated button pressing necessary to set an autopilot run out of the base and to an abandoned colony. If Heero wanted somewhere better, he could take them there himself. Especially since Duo could hear battle chatter on the radios now.

Heero turned to return to the shuttle when the alarm systems sent off. Duo blinked the lights of the shuttle, but Heero already seemed to have noticed it. Maybe the sound of engines had given it away, or the feeling of danger that was starting to trickle up Duo's spine. Either way, Heero turned to the hangar door as a Taurus rounded into range. The man was armed with nothing more than a semi, but that didn't stop him from turned that gun on the thing and firing. Duo got up, using his left arm to pull him up and grabbing Heero's gun with his bad hand. Heero shot out the Taurus' external sensors, and as Duo prepared to go to Heero, proceeded to jump onto the thing as it aimed where he'd stood and landed where the cockpit would be. Duo watched as the Taurus shot at nothing and Heero methodically shut down the Taurus suit. Heero hacked into the Taurus even as it continued shooting at the spot Heero had long vacated, finally shutting down altogether after about half a minute. Duo let his gun float again.

Heero came to him then, entering through the rear and sitting in the captain's seat without hesitation. He looked over Duo's work and nodded, then allowed for launch. Even as they began moving, Duo heard explosions surrounding them. Outside the hangar, Tauruses were attacking the last of the Leos and were switching their target to something inside the base. Duo almost laughed. Heero's suit must have been targeted. Oh, how beautifully classic. He could even see, if he switched a visual to the base, little explosions popping up around a part of the base. Duo could only assume it was the command center; where else would Oz military group together when there was an attack on the base? Duo wanted to cackle with glee. Instead he watched as Heero took his weapon and made it float by his hand and checked what Heero was doing as his fingers flew over the keyboard. It was oddly relaxing, watching the man type. It was so... normal, somehow. He'd thought the sound was gone forever.

And that thought made him want to check the guy out. How ridiculous; he was looking forward to sex while still in a slightly dangerous situation. He pulled off his helmet and was about to let it float when Heero grabbed his gun and turned on gravity. Every single wound seemed to be pulled down, and suddenly the helmet was too heavy to hold with his broken wrist and wounded shoulder. He practically dropped it beside him. Heero took his off without issue, of course; he simply put his gun within arm's reach and ripped it off. Duo leaned his head back, then felt adrenaline rush through him all over again. “Shit! I left my Gundam behind back there. I've gotta destroy it.”

Heero didn't even turn to look at him. He was too busy reading the new destination he'd typed in. “The Gundams are worthless.”

Duo blinked. “ _What?_ ”

“Doctor J and the other doctors who originally have all been captured by Oz.” Duo had a short moment of fearing for their futures before Heero's face contorted into a fierce, almost vindictive sort of fury. Duo was almost reminded of Wufei. “I'll kill them all.” And that quote was all Heero.

Of course, that meant Heero was going to kill someone who was like his father... right? Duo didn't like much of what G had done, but it was better than being dead, which was how he would've ended up. And Heero had to have gone through hell to be accepted by his own doctor. Besides... the man had almost died for his doctor. Duo saw Heero a little better then – a creature created to kill, to have no emotions, to exist and not to live. If he always had to kill... what was left? “Oh, Heero.”

It had come out without thought, but Heero didn't seem to have heard him. “I'll eliminate all obstacles.”

The phrase was not unknown; Duo had heard the man say it before – when discussing Relena, when warning him, when on the battlefield. Duo had known it was a phrase that had been branded into Heero's skull, but now it warped and shifted and morphed itself into something truly terrible. Heero was a killing machine. It almost made Duo want to ask – just why had Heero gone against his original plan and let Duo live? But that might be testing his luck a little too much.

“Rest,” Heero said. “I didn't see any medical supplies that would allow me to properly tend your wounds. We're going to a colony I've taken shelter on. There's a doctor I can contact.”

Despite what Duo had learned about Heero, he still felt safe around the man, and he let Heero take watch. It wasn't like he could fight back, anyway. His life was still in Heero's hands.


	3. A Rising Swarm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place around episode 20.

“No, we're never gonna quit  
Ain't nothing wrong with it  
Just acting like we're animals”

~Nickelback, “Animals”

* * *

Duo had been in surgery, he was told, for over fifteen hours, as Heero's secret stash of doctors fixed several various parts of his anatomy. Somewhere in there, probably in the last explosion before they entered the docking bay, Duo's broken rib had decided to puncture its way into his liver, and he'd been turning slightly yellow by the time Heero had gotten them on the colony. Apparently Duo had been secreted out of the shuttle; he didn't remember anything past resting on Heero's orders. All he knew was that he'd woken up in a strange room in strange garments with no weapons. He'd grabbed the IV, intending to use the needle as a weapon, just as Heero had entered.

Now they were in one of the hidden hospital's rooms alone, no doctors or nurses fluttering around, and though Duo struggled to sit up, it was nothing doing. The room was small and white, with only Duo's bed and a metal fold-out chair. Heero, of course, preferred to simply lean against the wall. A quick mental inventory told Duo that moving wouldn't be the brightest decision yet, so he was at whatever mercy Heero knew. And oddly, there had been mercy in the created killer. Heero could have killed him back at that station. He could have left Duo behind during surgery, could have even let Duo die after they'd escaped. For whatever reason, Heero had decided to keep Duo alive. He'd been the one to pay the hospital bills and watch Duo slowly recover. Duo was still unfit for duty, his ribs slowly fusing back into place, his legs still in casts. And Heero was getting restless.

“You'll regain full use of your limbs.” Heero nodded to Duo's legs. “But you won't be walking.”

Duo scowled. Heero had already shown more compassion than a war machine was supposed to have. Duo would be completely helpless until his legs healed. And as an escaped convict, he would be in danger from any sort of law enforcement – which would be hard to avoid in a hospital, where cops brought in and spoke to patients. “I'll be fine. What are you going to do, Heero?”

He didn't really expect an answer, so he jumped slightly when he got one. “I have to verify the location of the doctors. Then I'll kill them.”

Duo opened his mouth, then closed it. Heero had followed a coded message given to him by his doctor – Doctor J – and had unhesitatingly blown himself up. Now he was going to kill the same man? It seemed heartless, but it looked more to Duo like Heero had had his kindness sucked right out of him. He'd told the coach at that school that he and Heero had been taught similarly, but now he wasn't so sure. The Sweepers had been like the rats on L2, hard and tight, demanding and giving. Duo had been taught that you gave and you got, and that's what kept you alive. Heero learned that alone was the only safe and that he was to do what must be done, no matter what. Duo breathed deep, taking in the scent of antiseptic and sick that clung to the walls. “I'll help.”

“You'll stay here,” Heero said, and glared down at Duo from his stance against the wall until Duo stopped objecting. “I'll come back again before I leave.”

Damn straight he would. “You leaving now?” He couldn't believe he actually sounded upset about it.

Heero hesitated. “No. Not yet.”

Duo blinked. He'd been right. Heero had changed. The old Heero wouldn't have offered to help Duo with his Gundam – and Duo was very careful to not yell at Heero about the self-destruct button, simply because he wasn't sure if he was mad or not anymore – and the old Heero certainly wouldn't have saved Duo's life. Something must've happened after Heero blew himself up. Maybe facing death had made him start questioning things. Duo didn't know Trowa all that well, so maybe being with Trowa had done something. In any case, he'd changed.

So Heero and Duo played cards for a bit. Duo tried cheating, but Heero quickly caught on to his games. It hadn't pissed the man off, either, and Duo had found himself having fun, trying to beat Heero in poker with skill and finding himself losing more often than he cared to admit. Still, though Heero had caught him twisting cards up his hospital gown sleeve, Duo still had a few tricks, and they kept him from losing all the time. Heero, Duo learned, was a very good strategist, and annoyingly good at bluffing. The man really did have a face of frickin' stone.

But the weirdest part of it all was that it was fun. Heero kept his body erect and his back to a wall, and Duo was staying back on the bed, keeping his head away from the window. They were still soldiers, still ready to fight, but Heero wasn't leaving him. Every time they finished a game, Heero would wordlessly pick up the cards and shuffle them again. The sun moved from the East to the middle of the sky, and still Heero stood wordless vigil over Duo while he was incapacitated. Soon enough they both reached for the next card and their fingers brushed. A few minutes later, they sized one another up and suddenly something in their gazes changed. Duo felt it building and almost sighed in relief. When Heero laid down an ace and a ten, he put down his own double jacks with a smile. There were two aces on the bed.

Heero pulled the cards to him, then placed them, unshuffled, on the floor. He leaned over Duo. Those bright blue eyes of his took in Duo's face, lingering on his eyes and lips. Duo leaned back on the headboard and watched Heero stare at him, those lean arms holding Heero's weight as he stayed poised over Duo's form. Those lips of his firmed finally, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips to Duo's, and just like that they conformed to each other, tongues devouring. Heero pulled Duo down the length of the bed, careful of Duo's many hurts, before cupping Duo's chin and lifting his head so Heero had better access. Duo groaned.

Heero was careful as he pulled Duo's clothes off of him, and when Duo's shirt was lifted off, Heero didn't wait for Duo to put his hands back down before he ran his own hands down Duo's sides – a move that never failed to make Duo's breath hitch. It felt so damn good, somehow even better after he'd thought that he wouldn't ever... he leaned his head back and let his breath out, nice and slow. Heero's hands were careful as they picked their way around the bruises to his erection. Heero stopped again, making Duo want to scream, but there was something in those eyes that made Duo keep quiet. It was like the first time. There was hesitation, a sort of confusion.... but now that it was lasting more than a millisecond, it looked like there was something else there, too. But then Duo blinked and it was gone again.

Heero was careful getting Duo ready and into position. Duo was on enough painkillers that his legs didn't hurt too much, but any attempt to move his chest made the nerves along his ribs burst into flame. Heero managed to defeat that problem by lifting one of Duo's legs and having him rest on his better side. It was a weird position, one that made them a bit more vulnerable than usual – amazing, since the act of sex already made them extremely vulnerable – but they managed it without too much trouble. Heero reached around Duo's leg to prepare him, rubbing one finger around Duo's hole. Those dark eyes searched the room, but Duo already knew there was lube available without asking a doctor, so finally Heero just played, placing that digit in only a centimeter, then an inch, Heero's arm never tiring of its burden. Duo, for his part, did his damnedest to relax and take the finger inside him. It felt strange after the break, after he'd thought his body was somehow cursed. The thought made him tighten, and Heero hissed. He forced his body lax once more.

It took a while, and Duo had to empty his minds of thoughts, but when he did, the tightness in his gut churned into a flame. Heero's fingers slid in and scissored, aiming for his prostate, and when they hit it, he almost came right there. His body arched, spasming pain through his ribs. He lay quietly then and let Heero position himself. Heero's eyes jumped to his then, and Duo, still breathing heavily from pain, his erection jumping in anticipation, smiled at him. Heero looked quickly down again, and Duo thought he saw a little pink on the man's cheeks. His eyes widened.

Then Heero was pushing in, and Duo had to fight to keep his body still and his mouth shut as he was filled with the feeling of Heero's pulse and blood. It was a rather short affair after that; both of them had gone too long, and on a sharp exhale Heero and Duo both came. Though it was usually Duo's job to clean up, Heero did so this time, and only after everything had been taken did Heero leave, absconding with the sheets in order to burn them at his leisure.

* * *

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.

~Leo Tolstoy

* * *

The next day, Heero leaned back against that damn wall and told Duo that he was leaving for the lunar base.

“Did you say the lunar base?!” Duo asked, looking at that expressionless face like a madman was lurking inside it. Heero's face didn't change in the slightest – not that he'd expected it to – but the lack of expression only made Duo somehow more incredulous.

“That's right,” the idiot said, and Duo felt his brain seizing up. The lunar base – Oz's stronghold. One man versus that was like one man begging a city's worth of people to please hang him. “A large amount of Gundanium alloy is being brought into the Lunar base factory. It's probably for making a new type of mobile suit.” The man had pictures, and he actually pulled them out and studied them. It was a sign of how quickly Heero was moving. Duo felt something freeze in his chest.

“So what are your plans?” Duo asked, hoping there _were_ plans, that Heero wasn't going to just run in like a fool and hope for the best. Like, oh, how he'd come in to save Duo.

He was shifting uncomfortably on the bed when Heero glared up at him. “Just stay here. You'll get in the way.”

Duo bristled. “What do you mean?” He tried to stand, his mind nipping around about how Heero thought he was useless just because he couldn't bend metal or survive explosions or five-story falls, and winced as his ribs shot lightning through his chest. He couldn't help but crumple back onto the bed. Dammit. He hadn't even had the chance to stand on his legs, newly freed from his casts. His body was ruined. He grimaced. Great. That meant Heero was going to run off alone to the Lunar base. That was war, though, wasn't it? “I'm gonna need time to recover, considering all that's happened, but how about being a little kinder to me once in a while?”

Heero glared harder and turned his gaze back down to the pictures. From the lack of movement in his eyes, Duo guessed there was nothing to really study. After a few moments, Heero put the pictures away in his jeans pocket. Duo hadn't seen Heero in jeans before today, and he was still trying to get used to the difference it made to have those athletic legs hugged by denim. “Why not got to school instead of me?” Heero said then, catching Duo's attention once more. Duo blinked. “I've already got the administration taken care of, under your name.”

It took Duo a moment too long to respond. His mind buzzed. Heero had used his name? Why was he so damn happy about that? _Because,_ his mind responded. It meant Heero, over the course of time they'd been separated, had thought about him. The thought made him almost giddy. How... weird. “What?” he asked, making his voice more incredulous than confused. “You've got to be kidding. Sure your name would stick out here, but still...” Actually, he couldn't think of anything annoying about it save the fact that his 'real name' had been used. He couldn't use it again. And he couldn't help but remember the feeling he'd gotten at the dorm school with the name Duo Jackson.

Heero looked to the window, and Duo thought he saw a tinge of pink on those cheeks again. It shut him up quick. “Instead of complaining, just rest and get better.”

Duo's jaw dropped.

After another short moment, Heero pushed himself off the wall and turned to leave. “Don't overdo it,” Duo said, the words spurting out of his mouth before he could stop them. Heero looked at him, those deep blue eyes like oceans, those lips pressed tight together. Then without a word, Heero left.

* * *

Heero was long gone now, with the sunlight in the colony marking the middle of the day. Duo had trudged a careful path to the window and watched out of it as shuttles came and went. Something shivered up his spine, and for a moment, he let himself turn away, let himself place his back in a vulnerable position. Something was squeezing in his chest, biting through his hospital gown to his skin and then deeper, all the way to his bones. His breath locked up in his chest, not for the first time. He couldn't help but feel the slight pain in his ass, reminding him of Heero's rough fingers against his skin. But every time he focused on it, he saw the image of Heero flying from his Gundam. Maybe if Heero hadn't shown him that hesitant look. Maybe if Heero hadn't blushed and told Duo to get better. Maybe then... he closed his eyes. “Don't overdo it,” he murmured, repeating those last words, but already he was shaking his head. “Like he's gonna listen. Of course he'll overdo it.”

The thought scared him.

* * *

“Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”

~Denis Waitley

* * *

His recovery was fast.

He'd always had fast recovery time, even back on the streets. He'd needed it, because rats who couldn't run couldn't escape. Running and hiding were the only way to live on the streets, and Duo had learned that broken bones weren't a good enough excuse to save him. Still, his recovery was too slow. He knew it as every day passed without news of the Lunar base's destruction. Duo felt the loss anew, like an old wound opening up after the scar had already formed. In that moment, he hated his body and its weaknesses more than ever.

He'd sworn. He'd sworn never again. And he'd failed. He'd lied, and to himself.

Until he healed, he did as Heero ordered and rested, going to classes once he was well enough to walk. This time, though, he didn't take part in any sports and made up a medical record about asthma to get out of gym classes. Every day he worked through his physical therapy workouts and learned as much as he could about the Lunar base.

The least he could do was finish Heero's job.

Even though his ribs were that which hurt worse, it was his legs that took the longest to heal, if only because he walked on them from class to class. He had a few weeks of recovery to look up what he could of the Lunar base. He was no longer surprised that Heero had been staring at a few vague pictures before going in; the pictures were actually some of the best information he could find, even with all the time he had and all the hacking skill he possessed. The only other piece of information he'd gathered was a line-up of recruits that would be heading for the base, which gave him a few pictures of what the recruits could be expecting. Mobile suit containment units. A facility where the mobile dolls were being produced, where 'a lucky recruit may have the chance to wield a mighty sword.' That was most likely where the doctors were, perfecting a new mobile suit for the enemy. Duo didn't know if he had any time left before the suit was completed, but nonetheless, he would do what he could.

He had just closed his newly-stolen laptop when he felt that sharp prick along his shoulder blades again. In an instant he was beside the window of his hospital room, his heart thundering. He'd been about to leave. He'd already made the arrangements. Was he too late? Had Oz found him again?

The feeling disappeared again. Duo held his breath for a moment, then released it, nice and slow. This was the third time. And it had happened, once again, shortly after he'd spoken with Heero. He was involved somehow. The fact that Heero had never said anything about it, had never shown any notice of the danger, meant something, too. Duo scowled. Was this what had been making his shoulders itch? He'd thought it was because of his thoughts about Heero. How stupid of him. He wanted to scream. Damn it! He was in a fucking war, what the hell was he thinking?

He took a look through the bit of the window he could without showing his face. There was someone out there, someone watching him, someone good enough to hide their killing intent. Duo couldn't see them, but that wasn't a surprise. He turned to his hospital bed. He'd stayed in the room, pretending to recover slower than he truly did. He avoided the window and moved to his 'bookbag.' It had taken all of his extremely meager sewing skills, but he'd managed to hide within the thing his weapons, replaced thanks to Heero's OCD memory. He pulled out his Five-seveN first, thankful that the weight was the same and the grip only the slightest bit different. His knives were all the same, and he placed each of the four in their places, his new Winchester riot daggers going in his boots, his two new Krag Bowie Bayonets sliding into his new lower arm holsters. Heero had remembered everything, and the feel of his daggers made him sigh. Of course, their virgin blades would have to be anointed. He grinned a Shinigami grin and opened his fake school books. Inside were two new Bersa Thunder 380's. He hid his waist holster under his pants, thankful that Heero had also gotten him his usual jodhpurs. The bags around his hips were what he needed to keep his weapons hidden. He still needed to get his Uzi's, but that was a problem easily remedied. The only thing left was hiding his looks – something else Heero had taken care. The man might have acted like a stone, but he was a thoughtful stone.

Duo pulled on the cap and jacket, hiding his braid underneath both before leaving the room. He nodded and smiled at the nurses. They smiled back, of course; one of the younger nurses tittered and giggled when he made a charming remark. Good grief. He was still a teenager.

Of course, he'd already had sex several times, so what the hell?

He steered clear of the windows and stayed tense, even as he pretended to struggle on his feet, which called over a couple of nurses. A few blithe smiles sent them on their way, telling him to be careful on his way to school and that they expected him on time for a therapy session that day. He just kept grinning.

As soon as he was out of the door, he slipped around the building and slid against the walls. No one was taking a shot at him, but that was also not surprising. Usually he would avoid any place private in order to prevent any secret assassinations. But even though he'd run from this person twice before, they kept coming back. That meant he had to deal with them. Now. He couldn't afford to have someone showing up to call attention to him when he went to meet up with those recruits.

Progress was slow; every step he took, he listened with all of his senses, trusting more the intuitive part of him that had been trained to perfection by Professor G than his poor sight and hearing. But though he looked through the day and into the night, no one showed themselves. There wasn't even an attack.

Was he just being spied on? Was that what was happening? But who? Why? Most importantly, how? How the hell had anyone found him?

It was in the dark of night when Duo let himself take a break. He let the tiny sliver of moonlight through the colony systems lead him to the warehouse district. Normally, Duo had learned, the warehouses would all be near the docks on some sort of waterfront. Here on the colonies, it was usually just the outskirts of the sectors, away from the middle, which held the offices and shops, which spread from richer houses to poorer until the warehouses finally took over. Duo leaned back against one of the dusty sheet-metal walls and sighed. Colony nights had a completely different feel. They were darker, less beautiful. Stars couldn't be seen clearly through the colony's filters. It made the black turn gray in a few areas, but otherwise left the sky dark, like on the Earth when it was cloudy. Out here, no one else bothered to be out. If there were homeless, they weren't camping out at the edge of the Sector 8 warehouses.

Duo was starting to think the enemy wasn't even spying on him anymore. This was about the time he'd let it go the first two times, thinking the enemy had run or reconsidered, or maybe that the enemy wasn't one from the war. Who the hell would be after him, after all? The Gundam pilots were disgraced, turned useless. He had nothing to offer Oz. Well, nothing but a head to put on their metaphorical London bridge. The escape would have hurt their pride, but not their power. Maybe before, when Duo had been a threat, maybe those had been times to watch out. But now?

Duo hunched down, leaving his weight on his feet in case he needed to move, and just rested his heels for a moment. Even if it was safe, he wouldn't be returning to that hidden hospital again. To that place he was just another wounded soldier, and there he would be considered another one who hurried back to the battlefield too fast. And wasn't that what he was? If he could convince himself it was safe enough to do so, he would head for that recruitment base as fast as modern travel could allow it. If nothing else, he would take down the rising power of Oz. And hey. If Heero could survive blowing himself to smithereens, why not the Lunar base, too?

And hey, wasn't he minus a Gundam at the moment? Didn't that mean no more blowing-up?

Though with Heero, creativity was wasted on suicidal tendencies.

Duo looked out to the street far beyond where he rested, the lights dimly flickering in a despondent rhythm. If he was being spied on, he couldn't feel it. But why, then, would the feeling hit him like a bulldozer and then just disappear? Someone was watching him and hiding their killing intent. That took some skill. It also meant that Duo had someone following him without him being aware of it. Hell, the person may have been following him all this time.

So why would they be furious enough to give themselves away when he was with Heero? If they hated Heero, then they wouldn't have stayed behind with Duo when Heero left – not unless they stupidly thought going after Duo would upset Heero. Upset the un-upsettable. Almost, Duo rolled his eyes. If that were the case, the most skilled spy Duo had the displeasure of knowing would also the stupidest.

No. The spy had something to do with Heero, but wanted Duo. His brow furrowed. But who the hell would care about Heero and then turn around and chase Duo?

The answer clicked just as the itch in his shoulders returned. He ducked around into a turn, spreading one leg long and low to keep his head down as he twisted from his resting spot. Something dug deep into the sheet metal wall. Duo pulled himself into a crouch and studied the hole in the metal. It was big, obviously a rifle shot, sniper, equipped with a silencer. The hole had a slightly more recessed quality on the left side. Duo turned his gaze in that direction and ran to the opposite warehouse before he clung to its wall. He'd been right, dammit. They _were_ after him.

He tugged the hat off and stuffed it in a pocket. He couldn't let the tip take away his sight. Once that was done, he slid around the warehouses, keeping himself in the shadows on the opposite side of the shooter. Snipers – good snipers – never stayed in place after they took a shot. But the only building the sniper could've been in was the guard tower beside the Sector 8 exit, which had one entrance. The sniper must've been desperate.

Duo frowned. For whatever reason.

His progress was a bit slow, but he rushed as much as he could. There was no sound save fort he colony filtration system, a normal background noise that soothed Duo. The warehouses were in rows along the edge of the sector, leading to the tower, which sat tall on the edge by the sector wall. Skirting around the warehouses took his sight from the tower for a few seconds each time. He focused on his hearing and strained it against the filters to hear footsteps or the shifting of cloth or metal. Finally he reached the tower. It felt like it had been hours, but only a couple of minutes had passed. Putting the rifle away would have taken a good number of seconds, and trying to be quiet would have taken a good few more. Still, it would have been more than enough time for Duo to get away. He had to prepare for that possibility.

But then he heard a soft, almost indecipherable clang, and he hugged the warehouse wall tighter. A mottled gray shadow moved within the confines of the tower, then slipped through the door, barely pausing. Duo, straining his ears, heard the small beep of a security system being turned back on. Duo grinned.

Duo wouldn't have minded following the bastard back to his base, but the man seemed a bit smarter than that. The shadow hesitated against the tower wall, then slid around, keeping to the darker parts of the area. There wasn't any sound of static from a radio, and Duo hadn't seen or heard anything else anywhere. Still, the idea of making noise and alerting any of the man's possible allies made him frown. Instead he took a slow, careful path around the last warehouse, until he was on the edge of the sector with his little assassin buddy. The roof of the colony glowed with the reflection of the moon, allowed in through the colony's screens. It gave Duo little light to go on this close to the edge of the sector, but it let him watch the man crouch and turn, waiting. So, the man knew Duo would follow him to here.

Duo turned back to the warehouse beside him. It was a single story hunk of metal, probably lacking basic heating and filled with boxes yet to be unloaded for the colony's citizens. Food, perhaps, or tools. Maybe sheet metal to fix any leaks in the colony's metal. In any case, taking the time to go inside would be stupid. Any attempt to climb the thing would bang the metal, alerting his assassin to his location. Still, the thing glinted in the moonlight. He could use that.

Slowly, taking care to not make the thing glint, he took his gun out and, leaning on his tip-toes, placed it on the edge of the roof, practically having to jump to get the thing steady. Now he had a time limit. Quickly, Duo moved from the warehouse, ducking around it to the next, moving from building to building in a circumference, circling slowly around. Keeping the man in sight all the time was impossible, but every moment he could, Duo watched him. The shadows the assassin hid in were long and thick, allowing small movements without calling attention to the person within them, and Duo had to wonder just how long into the process this assassination attempt was. The man had known the shadows would help hide his movements, just in case. Duo couldn't even be sure where the assassin's head was. And if the man was this prepared, the thought of him acting alone seemed even less believable.

Duo saw, from where he'd left his gun, the soft twinkle of the metal against the moonlight. Duo's enemy saw it, too, and Duo had a clear image of the man's head as he turned, aimed, and fired. The soft pock melted into the night air.

With practiced ease, Duo ducked down and snatched one of his riot daggers from his boot. Still crouched, he threw it, then pulled out one of his bowies from his shoulder before the riot dagger embedded itself into the man's right shoulder. Out in the open, Duo relied on his speed to get him to the man's side before he shouted. Duo heard the squelch of the dagger digging into flesh, then the man's grunt. He slid to the man's side and pressed his dagger to the man's throat. “Shh,” Duo murmured into the man's ear, and grinned. The man still held his gun;the suitcase containing his rifle rested by his right knee. Duo pulled the gun out of the man's grasp even as he studied his wannabe assassin's features. Short-cropped black hair, a thin growth of stubble on his lips and chin, and small, almost bead-like eyes. Try as he might, he couldn't place the man.

“Let's talk, shall we?” He grabbed the man's jaw and pried it open as the man made to bite down on something. Most likely, the man had a cyanide capsule hidden on a molar. Duo slid his knife up the man's neck to his lips, then slipped it inside and pulled out the offending thing. “Nice try.” With a short flick, the capsule was airborne, lost in the shadows of the warehouse district. Duo's captive moved to struggle, but Duo simply moved his fingers from the man's jaw to his neck and squeezed until the man nearly passed out. Still, the struggle lasted a while. Duo found himself short of breath as he felt the man's pulse weaken under his fingertips. “One more time,” Duo said, and watched the man's eyes flicker. Duo didn't let up the pressure on the man's neck. “Who are you?”

The man was expressionless. The look in his eyes made something in Duo tense. It reminded him, just the tiniest bit, of Heero. Duo grinned and shifted the pressure around the man's neck. A few seconds pressing against the pressure point made the man fall unconscious. Duo had nothing to tie the man up with, either. The sound of the man's gun, no matter how quiet, would bring anyone listening for it to the fore. Duo tugged the man's body against the wall, took back his dagger, and hid back against the shadows.

It only took a few minutes. Two men slid through the warehouses, both coming from the opposite side from Duo. Had they been hiding, or had they been waiting? Duo turned slightly to them, raising his hand the tiniest bit and turning his head to where the gun still glinted slightly. The two men fell for it, raising their own hands and sending signals. Duo stiffened slightly as he read them. It wasn't surprising that he could; he'd been taught the Alliance's signals and code words, and he'd brushed up on the alternates used by Oz and Romefeller. But these weren't used by any of those. No, they were the ones taught to Duo, the ones he'd been told were his own, the ones designed for use by the Gundam pilots. While both men slipped back to surround the glittering warehouse, Duo aimed.

His riot daggers both flew through the air, striking the two men in their necks and downing them. Duo could only hope the one he'd managed to capture alive was the one with the most information.

Duo waited for a long moment, his body taut like wires as he waited to see if anyone else would come. His bowie knife, which he'd placed on the ground beside him, shone dully in the darkness, right next to his captive's suitcase. He picked it back up, moving slow as a snail, but no one else showed. Just three men? Then again, any more and Duo most likely would have noticed them. He was already pissed he'd missed three.

It took a few minutes, but he managed to reach the first dead guy. He searched the man's body, finding nothing more than a few more guns and what looked like a safety deposit key. He looked at it, but it had no defining characteristics and looked old – probably not from this colony, then. He scowled. Getting to the next guy was even slower, since a straight line would put him into a pool of moonlight. He had to go around the warehouse. His progress was slow but steady, and the only pause was when he reached back up and grabbed his gun again.

The other man had been the pack mule. Duo could tell that as soon as he got close to the body. Beneath the pool of blood, made worse when Duo pulled his second dagger free, was a myriad of... crap. Duo grinned. The man had his own knives, though they were of inferior quality, lockpicks, stun guns, and bushels of ammo. Best of all, he had a pair of handcuffs. Duo picked them up with an eyebrow raised. He'd been shot at, and he'd sworn it was a kill shot. Still, in the bustle of battle, he hadn't looked closely. Had the shot only been to incapacitate him? If so, then why? And why were these people signaling the wait signal with the palm toward the recipient of the message? That was what they'd been taught to do. Not Oz. Oz held the signal for wait with the palm facing forward. Duo searched the man a bit more, but he didn't find any keys. Duo shrugged. Oh, well. Guess his little unconscious friend wouldn't receive the amenity of freedom any time soon. The thought made Duo grin.

When he finally made his way back to his one still-breathing captive, the man was already shuddering his way awake, and the moon was starting to twist its way across the canvas of the fake sky. Duo knew the projection was false; the screens were making it seem like the moon was disappearing, but it really wasn't. The colony couldn't spin slow enough to make such seem real, and so close to the moon, it would be visible even in the light of day. Still, the false information was nice. This was definitely a richer colony. Trust Heero. Only the best would suffice for that man.

It took time, and a lot of it, for him to handcuff his captive and knock him out before carrying his dead weight into the warehouse he was starting to think of as his. The dead bodies he moved, as well, finding the nearest out-chute, tossing the bodies in and pressing the button to start decompression. Only after the damn things were gone, floating madly out in the vacuum of space, did he turn away and stare with annoyance at the blood. He couldn't do much about that; he had no bleach, no water, no soap. No anything. His best bet was to try to get as much as possible out of his little songbird before dawn broke. Any later and he'd be in trouble. Hell, if these guys had any other friends, he needed to move. But more than that, he needed answers.

The moonlight was dim as he came back; he almost thought the screen was implanting the darkness of clouds, but then realized it was simply moving faster than the dawn sequence. That meant it would be dark as pitch for a short period. He couldn't believe his luck.

It made sense when he returned to the warehouse. He should have known better than to think the man was out cold and out of options. His captive was still trapped on the floor, a giant box of warehouse goods on his legs, another on his hands, assisting the bind of the handcuffs. Of course, now it was a moot point. Blood ran down the sides of the man's lips, and his body was prone. There was no point in running up, but Duo did anyway, feeling along the bastard's neck for a pulse. Nothing. Duo could see the evidence of the suicide easily; he himself had been taught to do it if he had to. The man had bitten his own tongue, nearly clean through if the puddle forming under his body was a sign. The pink muscle was red and slick with blood, the thing hanging oddly in that crimson-colored cavern. Duo grimaced with distaste. He'd wondered if he'd have to do the same as this man when he'd suddenly found himself saved by Heero.

Duo's lips thinned. Heero.

Straightening, he sliced the man's jaw clean off, cutting the throat. Blood spurted sluggishly, spraying the floor. Duo dodged the spray and cleaned his daggers before slipping them back into their boot sheaths. Hopefully that would mask the suicide and make it seem like Duo had gotten some answers. It might trip up his pursuit a bit.

Duo slipped out just as the light disappeared from the screen-sky. The darkness was perfect for him, and he crouched and stealthed his way out of the warehouse district, pulling on the cap once more before he entered the housing district. A couple of lights were on, as people with early jobs got ready to greet the day. Duo fought back a yawn. Now that the adrenaline was gone and his heart was no longer racing, his legs and ribs _hurt_. He grimaced. He couldn't believe he hadn't remembered them during the fight. It always seemed to amaze him, his capacity to just forget his body and focus on the goal. Why the hell hadn't he been able to do the same in the cell?

Well, probably because at that point he couldn't walk.

Whatever. The more important things were the scant pieces of information he'd gleaned. It was more than before, and he would take it. If the damn doctors hadn't been captured, Duo would send a message to G and ask what he should do. Howard hadn't been answering his own secret link before Duo had been captured, and Duo feared what that might mean for the old fogey. It meant he was on his own with this.

That was okay. He'd chosen this path. It was his to control.

Still. He hesitated for a moment as he reached a road full of apartment buildings. What the hell was going on? Was Heero really a part of all this? Had he... what? Saved Duo, only to set up his assassination?

Duo shook his head. That didn't make sense. Heero trusted no one. If Heero wanted him dead, Heero would have done it himself. And more, it would have succeeded. Normally Duo would argue such a point, swearing up and down that in an unfair fight, at least, he would come out the winner, but with Heero, that would be nothing but a lie. Duo smiled slightly. Lying was the one thing he didn't do, right?

His reflection danced on the corner of his vision as he neared one of the apartment buildings. They reached high into the colony skyline, their windows bright as crystal. Duo carefully kept his eyesight averted. Heero, he supposed as he leaned against the building, may not be directly involved, but he was a part of all this. Hell, maybe they all were. Maybe they were being disposed of like garbage by the Professors who had taught them. If that were the case, though, why didn't he recognize any of the three men? A sniper wasn't just born, he was trained. And why the hell had the men sent Duo death wishes solely while he was with Heero?

His stomach growled.

He leaned his head back and grimaced, still keeping his body tense. He had to leave the colony. He had to get on the first shuttle out and hide himself once more, at least until he could fight back. But then, what about Heero? Duo couldn't hold onto the illusion that the man was still alive, and that meant Duo had to at least take care of the Lunar base before he died. He couldn't go chasing after these ghosts without putting his life on the line. The idea of dying before he watched the Lunar base burn made him snarl.

He watched people leave the buildings one by one, walking to their cars as if they could slow down time by dragging their heels. Dawn blossomed across the screen, a small portion of the colony's sky lit by the sunlight. Duo couldn't see anyone who gave him more than a passing glance. Though he seemed relaxed in a seemingly random area, he knew a sniper shot was almost impossible from any of the nearby buildings. So long as he stayed where he was, he couldn't be easily shot. The other buildings were at too much of an angle.

Still, rooftops weren't so high that fantastic snipers couldn't take him out, and finally he decided to move. He hunched his back slightly and put his hands in his pockets, chafing at the vulnerability it caused but knowing it helped him blend in. Once he reached up like he was going to rub his neck and double-checked that his braid was under his shirt. It wasn't, and he felt the first flutterings of panic as he looked around. He was in a crowd now, and in front of him was a huge pile of people, each paused in the middle of their duties as they stared up at a giant screen. No one seemed to be looking at him. No one pointed him out as the escaped Gundam pilot. Still, the amount of people was staggering. While Duo had been focused only on the danger feeling that would warn him a split second before it was too late, he'd hardly paid attention to the thickening crowd. It had been careless.

He was about to slip away when he, too, saw what was on the screen. His jaw dropped. His heart froze.

Deathscythe.


	4. Until We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place from the end of episode 22 into episode 23.

“I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.”

~ Katherine Mansfield

* * *

“So, Quatre, huh? Interesting name.” Duo laid back on the bed and took a deep breath, letting the dry air of the desert trace its way down to his lungs. Outside, he could hear the festival continuing, the music below pacing a fast, dissonant beat. They'd barely escaped that disaster in Singapore. Even now, the only reason they'd made it safely away was because of the confusion caused by Heero's... Duo shook his head. Yeah. Best not to think about that.

“Yes, I know.” Duo turned his head and stared at the blond member of their little Gundam squad. The guy was short, even shorter than Duo, with a perfect posture that Duo hadn't ever seen before. The guy sat like a prince. “My father,” Quatre continued, “thought it sounded appropriate, since he's... well, my family's lived in the L4 quadrant for a few generations now.” Quatre shrugged and blushed. Duo rose an eyebrow. Quatre cleared his throat. “Wh-What about you? Why were you named Duo?”

Duo closed his eyes. He'd kind've been hoping he could dodge around this line of questioning, but he'd instead jumped into it feet first, and only because he'd let his guard down. It was stupid to do so, of course, but those big, burly bodyguards of Quatre's made it easy to feel safe. And Quatre was certainly taking it easy. Duo couldn't see any tension in any of the blond's muscles. Maybe... maybe, for the moment, they _were_ safe?

Just the thought made Duo stiffen again. They weren't safe. They would never be safe.

Duo felt Quatre's eyes on him, and he turned to see the blond smiling softly, his eyes pinched. “I'm sorry,” the blond said, and smiled a bit softer when Duo's brows furrowed. “I shouldn't have asked. We all have our own pasts.”

Duo blinked. It took a moment, but finally he smiled, big and wide. “You know what, Quatre? I think we're gonna be good friends.”

* * *

“I'm having these thoughts of you  
And I don't know what to do  
I'm having these thoughts of you”

~ Changing Faces, “Thoughts of You”

* * *

He hadn't had a good night's rest since he'd last been in that hospital of Heero's. He'd caught the first shuttle out, just as he'd sworn he would, and had immediately taken an apartment under a hacked Oz official's credit. Yet every time he tried to sleep, the sound of a car horn would wake him up, or someone would walk past his door and his hand would be around his gun. With the danger he was in, getting a good layout of the colony was necessary, and it was his next step.

The light shone in on him as he grabbed up his newly acquired duffel bag and mentally checked his inventory. His mind buzzed. It had gotten to the point where he was injecting himself with adrenaline to keep himself focused. He hadn't felt anything from his assassin wannabes, but he knew without a doubt that they were following him. He only had so much time.

His thoughts were scattered as he looked around his apartment building one last time. He'd managed to smuggle all of his weapons with him, tossing them into scan-proof pouches in a backpack he had to find and remodel himself, stealing parts for the backpack from a house with a family who would not be thrilled when they returned from wherever they'd gone. When he'd arrived on this colony, he'd searched around until he'd found what amounted to the black market here, which was nothing more than a hosh-posh of a few men in black sweaters arguing over who had gone to the most trouble. Duo hadn't known whether to laugh at them or crack their damn heads open. Still, he had his mini-Uzis, and that made him a very happy man. Then it was just a quick jump to the nearest superstore and grabbed his duffel bag and some clothes; all of it – his mini-Uzi's, his clothes, a pair of sunglasses – all of it was in the duffel. He had to hide it, however, if he was going to remain undetected by the scanners in the buildings.

He grabbed up the backpack just as he left the apartment, locking the door behind him twice and plucking out a strand of hair, leaving it to dangle precariously on the door. If someone came and touched the door in any way, he would now know.

Then it was down the stairs, his eyes taking in the security cameras and the windows, his body avoiding them all. It took him a good few minutes, and he had to rearrange himself quickly when a neighbor came out of their own apartment, jumpstarting Duo's heart until it was in his throat. But the young man just smiled and waved. Duo grinned and greeted him back, and when the man was out of Duo's sight, he slowly made him way down the stairs and got onto the road. The adrenaline in his system, making his nerves buzz a bit like his head, kept his alert as he walked through crowds and past cars until he was in front of the military base. A strangely large amount of people were in front of it, and Duo almost wanted to laugh. This place was probably the safest place for him right now, what with the crowd and the number of people with guns. How sad was that?

Still, he slid into an alley nearby and slipped off his backpack, stuffing it into the air vent of the bank beside the base – he had plenty of jokes he could make about that, but he wouldn't – and carried himself lackadaisically into the base, slipping on his sunglasses as he did.

He didn't stop as he entered. He didn't let his jaw drop. Still, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. While it had been sunny today, thanks to the colony's screens, he had thought the base would have only the artificial lighting to help the military personnel work. But no. The place was wide open, with walls of windows spanning the back and sides, leaving a lovely if not vulnerable view of the colony. Duo had to make an effort not to let his body tense too obviously, and as he readjusted his duffel, his fingers clenched enough to make the handle leave an imprint in his skin. Unerringly, he went to the far corner, where he could see everyone in the building and anyone entering through the front door. His gaze swept the area, and he pretended to be looking out the windows and looking at the brochures on a far table in order to avoid the cameras getting a good view of him. The uniforms pressed all around him, heightening his already drug-heightened awareness, making every breath freeze in his chest as a woman walked toward the front desk and asked for directions to a shuttle with a disembarking crew. The man behind the desk refused to say, and the woman started pleading. Duo tuned her out and took careful stock of the room.

Yes, there were windows, but a closer look showed Duo that behind the base, the colony's flooring dipped down and away, giving a look like a valley, allowing people to live far below without giving them a chance to snipe at the people within. The sides also had windows, but the buildings on either side didn't, leaving those safe, as well. If they'd considered the windows of the other buildings, then they'd certainly considered rooftops. Almost, Duo let himself relax.

The people within the building were all moving with purpose, swerving around him without giving him a second look. Duo relaxed a bit more then. The only things in the lobby were a bunch of waiting chairs and that huge front desk, a sign with blue writing that read 'Information' hanging above and several people sitting behind, taking calls and answering questions and leading military men to their destinations. For a moment, Duo stood looking around, hefting his duffel again and scowling. Then, satisfied that he'd shown at least one person at the desk that he was supposedly waiting for someone, he sat in the corner and let his head fall back. Just for a minute.

He knew, as a soldier instinctively did, that he was still being followed. His enemies, whoever they were, would have already followed his tracks to this colony. He couldn't afford to stay here, not for long. Those three men would have had allies, he was sure of it.

And that hand signal. Every time Duo tried to rest, he remembered that hand signal, and fear had him bursting up from the bed again and again. Even now, the image danced across his mind. Oz would have the wait signal with the palm forward, Romefeller with the hand formed into a fist. Only Gundam pilots and those affiliated with them turned the palm to the recipient. Which meant someone on Duo's team wanted him dead. But who? Neither G nor the Sweepers would do it. Duo had faith in that, at least. That left one of the other four. But what the hell for? He'd hardly met Trowa or Wufei – though his encounters with Wufei hadn't been exactly great – and he'd gotten along fine with Quatre.

It always went back to Heero, didn't it? It was while with Heero that the danger had presented itself, and it was with Heero whom he'd had the most... interesting relationship thus far. He and Quatre could be considered war buddies, and Trowa and Wufei were more like strangers than partners. And Heero... well. They were professional allies, complete strangers besides...

And fuck buddies. They were fuck buddies.

Duo rubbed his head with both hands. That was just great. It made a sick sort of sense, too, if he considered what kind of personality type would order Heero to blow himself up. And gee, when they'd been thinking of the dangers in fucking each other, somehow it had never occurred to them that their own mentors would get pissed enough to go homicidal on their asses.

Someone walked past him, the scent of pineapples wafting behind them. He slitted his eyes open and saw, from behind the safety of his sunglasses, a woman with a big ass sashaying her way to the counter. He lifted an eyebrow and smirked. Some people.

For a strange moment, his hands itched. He wanted to reach forward and shift two fingers into that big, ugly purse she was carrying. He had the feeling she'd be a good mark.

He tore his eyes away and tried to focus once more on his surroundings. One quick glance through the windows assured him of his safety from that area, and another around the room made him relax once more. His muscles shivered. His hit of adrenaline was low. He was going to have to take another soon. Someone walked into the building then, a man with a beard long enough to touch his chest, and Duo watched the man carefully before finally dismissing him. The desire to rest was almost painful, but he'd come in to spy on the cameras and get a look at the military force on this colony, and that was what he was going to do. He couldn't keep agonizing over his decision to fuck Heero – a decision, he thought with a snarl, that was either 'willing' or 'unwilling,' not 'do it' or 'don't' – or how the lack of communication from Heero or the Lunar base could very well mean said fuck buddy was dead. He would take out the Lunar base, and that wasn't an easy feat. And if he was lucky – which he wasn't, not ever – he might even find Heero's still-breathing body. But probably not.

He was just about to get up and lean innocently on the front desk when the television in front of him caught his eye. He couldn't believe he'd just looked over the things; the tv's in the room hadn't even registered in his mind. He had also tuned out the monotonous broadcasting voice of the man speaking. Duo grimaced as he heard about wars in the colonies becoming obsolete thanks to Treize and Une. Un-fuckin'-believable. What about the fact that Une had been the one to target the colonies? Or how Heero had almost given his life to save them? “What a bunch of shit,” he said. “They're the ones who planted the fear of war in everyone.”

“That's not true.”

Duo tensed, his adrenaline pounding like kettle drums through his blood, but all he did was turn his head and tilt his sunglasses down. The moron talking to him was a woman, one apparently around his age. And she was wearing an Oz uniform. If she hadn't been smiling at him and standing in a pathetically vulnerable position, he would have pulled out his knives. “The colonies have suffered a history of humiliation,” she said, and he had to fight to keep up with the change of topic. “We aren't afraid of battles that will allow colony independence.”

It took Duo a moment to realize the woman was talking about being willing to fight for freedom, not specifically about Treize and Une. He lifted a brow. “Who are you?”

“My name is Hilde Schbeiker.” She pointed to herself, cocked her head, and smirked down at him. Almost, almost he laughed in her face. “I've volunteered my services from this colony.”

'Volunteered her services.' What a platitude for entering an occupation well-known for its roach motel-like qualities. Duo hmm'ed and leaned forward. Whoever this girl was, she was going to attract too much attention to him. He eyed the front desk for a moment, almost yearning for it, but it was too late now. “So you're an Oz soldier,” he said then, and made it clear he was unimpressed.

“Anyone can be critical.” Her hair was cropped short and so black it almost seemed blue. Bangs fell into her face. Hell. The cut was almost like Heero's. The thought made him smirk. “The work of the colony's students speaks for itself. Our volunteer work at the Lunar Plant reflects our faith in Oz.”

Well. That certainly wiped the smirk off his face. Here was a citizen, one of the nameless millions whom he'd trained his ass off for. Risked his life for. Seen even Heero risk his own life for. Here she was, a completely normal, obviously still-naïve girl, and she was talking about having faith in Oz. Oz, who had put her life on the chopping block in order to get the Gundams to ceasefire. Oz, who was slowly taking over space and using it to further their own military desires, including the production of the mobile dolls, all for Romefeller's gain. Duo hadn't been fighting for any lofty goals like saving the world or bringing about world peace. Still. Still. He couldn't believe how much this one girl's words hurt. “Huh. Is that so.” Duo looked out the window, really looked, instead of searching for danger, and saw a huge line of soldiers being trained. Were those all colony civilians?

He took a deep breath and turned back to the girl with a smile, his mouth completely on auto-pilot. “Then maybe I should apply, as well.”

The girl held a paper right in front of his face, so close he had to back away from it. His sunglasses slipped down his nose. “The next military exam is in one week,” she said, still smiling. What the hell? Was the woman a fucking recruiter? Why did she have this paper? Still. Duo took it. “Why don't you give it a try if you like?”

He stared at it. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. He read the thing. Name. Social security number – as if he had one – address, birth date. He scanned it all and found the e-mail address, address, and phone number of the military compound on the colony, the main building where military shuttles are kept. Perfect. Beyond perfect.

The woman walked off, her back straight, her walk completely non-militaristic. He grinned. She was like his angel. His totally unwitting, idealistic messenger angel.

He adjusted his sunglasses and smirked. “Count on it,” he murmured. “I'll be there.”

* * *

“No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”

~ Colin Powell

* * *

It took him time, a computer he had to steal from a store, and almost two full days, during which he'd changed his location eight times, but he managed to get everything in order. His fake identity, complete with birth date and social security number, was officially in Oz's system. He was, in the eyes of every computer in existence, a volunteer for Oz from the colony. It couldn't have been easier.

He should have seen that as the warning that it was.

The compound was hectic and crowded, even more so than the base on the other side of the colony. Duo hoisted his duffel bag, now containing his backpack, back up on his shoulder. The line stretched out in front of the compound, far enough that the whole block was cut off. Traffic had to reroute away from the road. And Duo had come a little early. It was ridiculous. He'd been sent by Professor G secretly because the colonies were trapped and unable – Duo had believed – to properly fight back. Yet now here they were, lining up for the honor of helping those who had initially enslaved them to begin with. Duo couldn't believe it. How easily people forgot.

It was as he got closer to the hangar – which was full of mobile suits and still seemed to inspire the civilians somehow – that he saw the potential problem. The girl, Hilde, was up at the front with the man looking through the ID papers. She was wearing her flight suit, an odd purple color that looked good on her. Duo raised an eyebrow at the thought, but it was true. It was an idealist's color, and it suited her idealistic beliefs, even if she was standing stern-faced now. It almost made him laugh. Did she think she was important? She was obviously a symbol – see this young woman, ready to die for this alliance! Join us!

Still, Duo had no choice but to pretend to fall for it and act like it was no big deal. He finally arrived in front of the man accepting the forms. The guy was too busy, apparently, to look up from the computer screen in front of him, and when Duo handed the man his papers with a confident platitude, the man hardly glanced at it from behind his glasses before Duo just took it back out of the guy's hands, giving the guy a cheery farewell. Unbelievable. Duo had been worried that the picture, which he'd had to force himself to take, wouldn't be accepted, but the man didn't call out a warning or tell Duo to stop or anything.

“Stop!”

He did. He stopped and inwardly he cursed. Of course she would notice him. There were only at least a few hundred people here, but of course she would notice him.

“You...”

“What?” He closed his eyes and grinned. Change of plans. “You talking to me?”

“I told you, new volunteers are to apply next week. Let me see that application.”

“Oh, this? It's all filled out.” He turned. She did look rather stunning in that tight vacuum suit, and if it weren't for the fact that curves and softness didn't pump his blood, he'd be eying her far more appreciatively. “But it's a fake!”

Duo threw his duffel at her, not allowing himself to be upset at the loss of his weapons _again_. Hilde let out a little shriek, her arms not quite reaching up to shield her in time. She fell rather predictably to the floor.

He was already moving when she shouted something at him, probably some stupid insult. But his eyes were on a Leo sitting against a wall of the hangar. As soon as he entered the space, he launched himself up, feeling the sudden lightness of the air on his skin and knowing he would start soaring up in the zero-g. The Leo loomed larger in his vision, large enough for him to snatch the leg and use it to switch his position in the air, until he was climbing up to the cockpit. A man was working on the Leo's console. Duo could only hope it didn't mean the thing was severely injured. With one hit, the man was unconscious, leaving Duo to take the man's suit and seat and leaving the mechanic to float like a dead man in the air.

The Leo was simplistic in design compared to his precious Deathscythe – RIP – and he had the thing hacked into and started practically before he'd suited and belted himself in. The colony was already mounting a force against him, and though Duo instinctively pulled out the Leo's beam rifle, he hesitated. Civilians. In the end, they were nothing but civilians. He was surrounded by them on all sides. He turned on his external speakers. “Everybody stay calm!” he said. His heart hammered in his chest. Maybe he shouldn't have injected his last bit of adrenaline. It made him feel like his body was trying to explode. “I don't want to start fighting inside the colony!”

He didn't know if it was because of his words, the threat of the rifle, or the incompetence of the civilian soldiers, but he got to the decompression hatch without resistance. He closed the hatch and heard the decompression begin. Before it was done, he forced the outer hatch open. The air being sucked into the vacuum forced his Leo into a roll, but with one punch of a button, the propulsion system jetted out and he could get the Leo back into line.

Up ahead, the moon loomed, bright and big before him. He checked the logistics and scowled. Stupid Leos and their stupid rifles. “My goal's the Lunar base, but it's too far away.” He wanted to punch the damn machine. It was with another pang of loss that he thought of Deathscythe and its superior capabilities.

Someone shot at him, missing and firing to his right. Duo turned the suit. Another Leo was chasing after him, firing haphazardly in his general direction. “Stop!”

“Her again!” Son of a bitch! The idiot just wouldn't give up. He scowled. She was hurtling herself into a battle even though she couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. The dumb bitch. She was going to get herself killed.

He fired back, deliberately missing by mere inches, but he very quickly had to alter his trajectory as she tried to dodge – straight into his line of fire. He wanted to scream. “If you retaliate, I'll have to kill you!” He kept hurtling toward the base, even as he fired.

The woman just dodged once more straight to where he was aiming. He let go of the firing trigger before he could kill her. “Good God. Warning shots are fucking useless against inexperienced fighters.” The woman didn't know any better than to think his misses were due to poor aim. Dumb cow.

She kept coming to him head-on, without zig-zagging to avoid enemy fire. It would be too easy to shoot her down. His chest heaved, but then Shinigami returned. Suddenly he was calm. Fine. If that was her decision, then fine. She was part of Oz now. An enemy. He'd been wrong to think of them as civilians. They'd chosen their path.

“This one,” the girl shouted, “is for the peace of the colony!”

The words punched through the calm. It hurt, physically hurt, to feel Shinigami ripped away. “I'm fighting for the peace of the colony, as well.” This woman was supposed to be an ally. What the hell was going on up here in space? What the fuck?

It was stupid, stupid, but he froze. On a battlefield, he froze. And she finally got enough of a handle on the firing mechanism to hit a glancing blow. Warning sirens rang in the cockpit. The right side of the Leo had taken damage. The right leg was at eighty-five percent working capacity. He shut off the sirens on instinct, but his mind was numb. Why did he have to kill someone who fought for the same reason as he? This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. Not at all.

The dumb bitch came at him again, and he dodged around her. They moved in a parody of a Western shootout for a bit, and finally he tossed his beam rifle away. “Hey!” His voice sounded hoarse in his own ears, and he tried again. “Hey! We're both fighting for the colonies! So why are we enemies?!”

Why the hell was he trying? On a battlefield! “Are you pleading for your life?!” she asked, her voice full of triumph, and he felt that ball of something in his chest explode. Dumb bitch!

She moved her Leo to punch him. He was so shocked by the stupid move that he only just barely managed to manipulate his own Leo to catch hers. “I'm telling you!” he said, “we aren't enemies!”

It said something about her level of inexperience that she actually sat in her Leo without trying to escape. “I volunteered and pledged my loyalty,” she said, and he found himself once again amazed. She was holding a conversation with him. She really was. On a battlefield.

And wait. Did she say what he thought she said? She was ignoring what he was saying because she 'pledged her loyalty'? “You're so intense it makes me sick,” he said. Like an explosion, the feeling of danger erupted from behind him. He turned his head and through the Leo's sensors beam rounds being shot at the both of them. Shit. “Hey, get outta here!” he shouted, and shoved the stupid little bitch away.

The shots landed squarely on his suit and the space where she'd been a moment before. The warning system flashed again. His Leo spun in loops, pushed into motion by the force of the blast. He held tight to the controls as his belt caught against his breast. The pain made him grunt. He hardly managed to get the Leo to stop turning before blast after blast hit. His head banged against the back of the seat. The belt squeezed into his ribs until he lost his breath completely. The damn cockpit kept flashing, little messages reporting damages popped up. He barely noticed the message detailing the loss of one of the Leo's legs. His still-healing ribs cracked again under the pressure. Great. He coughed, thankful that he didn't hack up blood. That would be all he needed.

“Shit,” he muttered, then again, long and low, “shit.” He almost bit his tongue for his trouble. The last thing he wanted to do was fall unconscious again – it was the very, very last thing he wanted to do – but one more shot made the Leo buck, and finally the belt snapped under the strain. His head smashed against the console. Before he could even gasp, he was out.

* * *

“Hope and pray that you never need me  
But rest assured, I will not let you down  
I walk beside you, but you may not see me  
The strongest among you may not wear a crown”

~3 Doors Down, “Citizen/Soldier”

* * *

It took a while to wake up, but when he did, he was surprised by his surroundings. The room was small, but nothing cramped it up. Literally nothing – the only thing in the room was the chair he was handcuffed around. The place was stark white, a room aboard the ship – whatever ship that was – that hadn't been decorated whatsoever. He didn't feel any injuries save for the ones he'd already gained in the Leo or during his previous capture, and he didn't feel any lightheadedness or dizziness that would warn him of any drugs. He was being treated almost humanely. What the hell?

He was equally surprised when the white door opened and allowed in only one interrogator – the girl. Hilde Strange-last-name. He cocked an eyebrow. She'd even brought in papers, and she was looking at them as she entered. Good Lord. He wasn't even handcuffed to the chair; his arms were behind his back, that was all. Civilians.

“Duo Maxwell,” she said, her first words spoken with eyebrows raised. She pulled out her weapon, but it sat lax at her side. Good God. It would be too easy to stand and kick the weapon out of her hand. “Who would have guessed that you were a Gundam pilot?”

He grinned. Well, anyone who'd been paying attention to the news recently.

She looked him up and down. A frown marred that young face. “Why did you save me?”

Almost, he was surprised. These people seriously didn't know how to interrogate someone. And what were they doing sending her to begin with? He straightened his shoulders and tilted his chin back. “What are you talking about?”

That frown turned into a scowl. “I'm prepared to sacrifice my life. I don't need sympathy from my enemies.”

Good God. It was so ludicrous he had to smile. “Hilde, you say? What 'enemies' do you mean?”

The girl looked surprised, sure, but then there was hesitance – confusion. She really hadn't thought about it. And on the heels of that realization came panic. Good grief.

“Since when is the colony an organization fighting a war?” he continued, and saw that panic sway back to confusion. “When the Alliance came from Earth to attack the colonies, smiles disappeared from people's faces.” Duo remembered it, how difficult every day became, how little people cared for the children as their own lives were destroyed. He thought of Solo, working his ass off to help the other rats at an age when most children were still playing with toys their parents bought. He thought of Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, always reaching out their hands, even to the very end. Sister Helen had wished for his happiness, blessing him with her last breath. He remembered the faces of the men, women, and children fighting to survive as the Alliance took everything the colony had to give. “I've been fighting to help give back those smiles.”

The confusion was changing again, those eyes of hers widening even further. Her mouth moved, but nothing came out.

“Then I come back to the colonies, and guess what?” Despite himself, his voice grew darker. “People don't want their smiles back. Tell me something.” His shoulders slumped. “When did the colonies get so twisted?”

The closed her mouth with a snap, and a spark of something lit her eyes and straightened her spine. “Outer space is affected by the war on Earth. We can't just sit back and be taken over.” Finally she raised her gun, cocked it – holy shit, she hadn't done that before entering the room? – and shoved it in his face. He had to lean back to avoid getting hit with it. It made him smirk. She was an amateur with the thing, but hell if she didn't have fire. “This is outer space's decision.”

He could use his legs to kick the gun away, sure, but she was close enough now that he could take her out without a problem. The weight of his daggers were gone, but he didn't really need them to kill someone. Especially someone stupid enough to come right in front of him. Still, there was no hesitation. She knew he was a Gundam pilot, but her lips were firm, her gaze steady. He closed his eyes, but he just couldn't clamp down his grin. “Your bravery's commendable,” he said. Then, because he knew he wasn't in any danger, he leaned against the chair and settled in for a nice, long discussion. “So where are you taking me?”

He waited a beat as she probably adjusted to the change of topic, then, “to the Lunar base. You'll be questioned on the Gundam, among other things.”

He almost laughed. Not only did she actually answer his question, she also told him they were taking him exactly where he wanted to be. Holy shit. Was his luck changing, or what? And she even told him their plans for him! It was too much! “Saves me a trip. You know I'm planning to destroy the Lunar base.”

He said it just to see what she would do, but all she did was lean her gun until it was touching his forehead. An obviously empty threat. If she was going to kill him, she would have already pulled the trigger. “You don't stand a chance.” She believed the clichéd words, that was plain. He could feel the laughter bubbling in his chest. This time, she seemed to see it. “Why don't you see me as an enemy?” He kept right on smiling until she snapped. “I won't let you destroy it.”

The woman still had her gun on his forehead. It was nice and cool against his skin. “Hate to say this,” he said, “but you don't have the skills to be my enemy. So it's foolish for you to risk your life against me.” He could feel the metal against his skin tremble. Another perfect chance to kill her. Amateurs. Civilians.

Still...

He opened his eyes, looking at that face of hers: childish still, the lips pressed so firmly together they were pinched, her glare weak but full-force. In those eyes of hers he saw himself, staring down a soldier who wanted a grab at a rat, looking at the soldiers of the rebellion as they threatened Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. Staring out past the controls of Deathscythe and wondering just what Earth's air felt like. “But you remind me of how reckless I was when I went to Earth to fight all on my own.”

“Don't patronize me!” she said, and it was so exactly what he would have said, the desire to laugh came back, just like that. Still, maybe she had a point. What room did he have to talk, in this situation? Fighting those he'd chosen to protect.

“In fact, we're both foolish.” That got her. Once more, her eyes widened, though the trembling stopped. “A soldier can get killed at any time.” Now, for instance. “We'll see many friends in the colony lose their lives.” So why was he saving her? Why was he reasoning with her? Why did he think he could bring back people's smiles when he was murdering their loved ones? Why in fuck was he thinking about Heero? No. No more of that. “Let's live our lives believing in the paths we've chosen.”

Believing that he was right to try to get the medicine to save Solo, thus being one of the few who survived the Alliance's raid against the rats. Believing he was right to try to save Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, despite how useless his efforts had been. Believing his desire to save the rats and desolate of the world was right, even as he raised the death toll to the thousands, the millions. Believe in Heero and the feelings he didn't understand. Believing. “You've got to be at least that foolish to make it as a soldier.”

Her arm fell to her side. He didn't look back up. He wasn't in danger from her, and he had too many thoughts in his own head. Trying to open her eyes was a mistake. He knew that. She was as set on her path as he was on his. One of them, at least, had to be right.

She left him, alone and with only handcuffs holding his hands behind his head. He sighed and stood. Really. Thinking about Heero at a time like this. How stupid. How... girly.

Ugh. Gross.

It was simple to step over the handcuffs, then to reach back and pull a lockpick from his braid. These people were the worst captors he'd ever come across. And he'd come across a good many. To his chagrin.

Once he had the lockpick, he had the handcuffs off in a matter of seconds. Quietly he unclipped them from around his wrists and took them – his only weapon. A small, vindictive part of him wanted to wrap Hilde's wrists in them and watch her squirm, but he concentrated instead on listening outside until he was positive no one was guarding his door. God. Civilians.

It was painfully simple to go down the whitewashed halls of the Oz shuttle and hack into the holding bay. The place was pressurized, if still zero gravity, and he skimmed along the edge of the hangar until he reached the busted Leo. He grimaced, but it was the only one no one was near. The number of people milling around the mobile suits was fairly large, even though there were only a few suits and what looked to be a handful of technicians. Good grief. Duo looked around. There was so much he could use – Leo beam rifles, a floating engine, loose tools and what looked to be ammunition and fuel. A closer inspection even showed him a ten millimeter pistol.

Instead he continued past the Leo and to one of four corridors. They were standard military engine outposts, and for a moment, Duo was glad simply to see something normal. They led to a locked sector, but without any proper guards – they were all probably gawking at the suits, even with a Gundam pilot onboard – he hacked his way in without resistance and went straight to the engine's console. It stood like a beacon in the locked room, surrounded by smaller consoles filled to the brim with buttons and switches. Duo ignored those and pulled up the main screen of the engine control console. On it, he could see the heating system functioning properly. He hacked his way through that, too, and changed it to too low. The heating system turned on, raging loudly when before it had been a soft hum. Duo looked out to see if he'd caught any attention, more through habit than because he thought he'd be in trouble. And he wasn't. Holy shit.

The heater was apparently on the inside of the room, the interior of the outer workings of the ship. Normally, that would make it harder to hit. Even from another room, Duo could hear it shudder and rock with the effort of fulfilling his wish. Duo grinned.

His return to the hangar bay was once again uninterrupted, and Duo just gave up on these people entirely. With only the slightest desire for stealth, Duo flung himself toward the beaten Leo. The thing was very conveniently lying on its back, waiting for a technician better suited than these fools to fix it. The door opened, and though he took a surreptitious look around, no one looked over. Duo shook his head.

The engine finally overheated, bursting in flames that were hopefully unmanned – probably unmanned, since no one had been around to stop it. The entire ship bucked in the vacuum of space, practically rolling as the other side of the ship overcompensated with the first and second engines. People shouted and screamed. It took a painfully long time for people to react, each pushing off toward the busted engine, bypassing him entirely. Duo watched with his mouth slightly ajar as one man raced past him, shouting, over and over, “what happened?”

Good God.

“And now the getaway,” he said, recovering enough to grin and trying, trying desperately, not to laugh. He twirled the handcuffs before tossing them away, wondering if the damn things would ever be found. Then he prepared to close the hatch.

“Duo!”

He stopped, surprised. Wow. Was she the best one they had? She was certainly smarter than the rest. He turned. She stood at the side of the closing hatch, looking at him with a strange, wide-eyed expression. As if she couldn't believe what was happening. Unbelievable.

He tacked on another fuck-all grin and waved. “Hey, that was quick. You've got good instincts.” She kept giving him a dumbfounded look, and he twisted his face into the serious gaze he held when he killed. “I'm blowing up the hatch,” he said, and saw her brows furrow at his Shinigami grin. “Step back if you don't wanna get hurt.”

He heard her respond, but he was already returning to the cockpit, shutting the hatch and starting up the suit. The pathetic little Leo struggled to life. Hilde didn't even think to start an alarm. He wondered if she was closing the hatch, or if she was staring stupidly at him, wondering, maybe even daring him to do it. Well, he'd warned her. It was more than most of his enemies received.

The Leo managed to sit up, and with a little maneuvering he managed to grab up the nearby Beam rifle. With one lever and a button, he raised the rifle and shot it toward the outbound hatch. Once, twice, over and over as Hilde shouted at him. He thought he heard his name, thought he heard the word 'stop'. The woman really was just standing there watching him. He took a deep breath. It was her fault. Her choice. He'd said they should walk confidently on their own paths, and he'd meant it. She was choosing her path. He was choosing his. That was all they could do.

The hatch finally caved under the onslaught of the rifle, and with a booming crash, the hatch blew up. The air in the room blew out, sucking out the tools and several of the rifles. One of the Leos wasn't battened down correctly, and the poor thing bashed against the suit beside it before sliding with a horrible grinding sound to the open hatch. It slipped out into the void just as the rest snapped free of their bindings, following the suit of the others. Duo rode out the suction as best he could, listening to the incessant blare of the alarm systems in the busted suit. He manually shut them off and finally let the thing slide out of the hangar, now that everything was gone from the bay. He looked back at the last second and saw the inner hatch closed. Maybe Hilde had figured it out before it was too late. Maybe the automatic safety lock systems closed it and she'd flown out with the suits.

The thing kept rolling end over end, and Duo had to manually punch on the thrusters. He didn't get the damn machine straight, but at least it stopped twisting over itself. “Great,” he hissed, pulling up specs on the Leo even as he hunted for the Lunar base's proximity. “The damn mass balance device is busted.” Looking past the obvious shit about a lack of a leg and a hand, Duo saw the engine's instability, cooling the suit constantly, even when at rest. He scowled. Stupid machine. When everyone had run off, he should have taken a better suit. Ah, hindsight. “Great – I'll get seasick!”

Alarms went off, and he tensed. He'd turned off the alarms for the suit's condition, which meant these had to be proximity alarms. He scanned the area and found three enemy suits in flight mode coming from his left. He held out the rifle and heard gears grind. The enemies flowed smoothly, avoiding his shots as he aimed, and he snarled. Wonderful. No wonder the civilians could afford to be careless. They had mobile dolls.

He punched on the thrusters as the dolls fired at him, pushing himself to the right, then again, until the damn machine flipped upside down. He squinted as the sensors tried to work angles upside-down. He pulled the rifle around and heard a dangerous creaking in the gears as he fired again. The damn arm was about to break.

The damn suits switched from flight mode to suit mode. Duo snarled. “Don't move!” He shot at the thing while it was changing, but it shifted too quickly. The damn things dodged again.

They swerved around him, and he tried to get the damn thrusters around to let him turn, but the suit fought against every inch, the thrusters pushing through the coolant system. He rocked in his seat as one of the dolls' shots hit him in the shoulder, then again, right on the cockpit. Alarms blared, but the pit held. Barely.

He tried to lift the rifle, tried to counter, but the gears ground together again, then snapped. He heard it like one might a death knell. The Tauruses landed another hit, then finally knocked out the sensors on the Leo's head. The outer world went dark. All he could see was the cockpit, lit red by the alarms, by the blood in the memories he saw flashing before his eyes. He snarled again, roared an inhuman cry as he pushed the Leo back, toward where the maps he'd pulled up said the Lunar base sat. He looked back, almost feeling it rise up behind him. He smirked. “I made it to the moon!” At least he'd managed to get that far. Hurray. Of course, he was going to die. “That's ironic,” he said, and was surprised he'd said it out loud.

Duo tried to pull up shields and found himself rocked by another hit. The belt, already snapped – something he'd forgotten – broke entirely. He threw his hands out to keep from busting his injured ribs against the dash and got hit again. His head whipped back. He felt the muscles in his neck flare in pain. Through memory, he hit the thrusters. Sound entered through the suit. The thrusters were kicking something up. Dirt? Moon dirt, maybe? Something fluttered in his chest – hope? – before another shockwave rocked the Leo as the mobile dolls hit him once more. A small screen popped up, informing him that the rifle and the arm holding it had both been blown off. He cursed.

The Leo crashed back from the blast, and when he tried to turn on the thrusters, they sputtered. The coolant system was loud in the sudden silence. This time, his curse was louder. He tried to get the last arm moving, or the leg, to make them get him crawling, but all the gears did was whine piteously. His adrenaline rushed, pumping fast, but the energy had nowhere to go. For a moment he was angry, angry at the civilians letting the dolls fight for them, angry with the dolls for existing, angry at the Leo for being an inefficient suit while his precious Deathscythe had been murdered by some self-righteous ass – a civilian, he remembered, and felt the anger fly higher. But who could he blame but Oz? War? Fate? His hands slid bonelessly from the controls. “Am I washed up?” he asked, and listened as even the coolant dimmed. The Leo was shutting down. The thing was past repair now.

At least he'd made it to the moon. Considering the bad luck he always had... “Not too bad a job, if I do say so myself.” Although Heero would probably scoff at him.

Well. Not like Heero had been able to take the place down.

Heero.

What the hell was he doing?

He raised his hands behind his head in the symbol of surrender. “Hurry up and finish me off! I hate the thought of being killed by a machine!” Not like he wanted to die by a human much more. And he certainly didn't want to die like some stupid schoolgirl, thinking of her lover. At least he didn't have little hearts or flowers around the picture of Heero in his head.

Goddamn the hesitant look in that soulless bastard's eyes, anyway!

There was a sudden rumbling in front of his Leo. A crash, then a boom, and Duo's eyes widened. He leaned forward in his seat. That had been an explosion – an exploding bit of machinery, to be a little more precise. One of the dolls? “What?”

Static hit his ears over the soft hiss of the struggling oxygen system. He looked down at the controls and saw emergency lights blinking on. Finally! Stupid old machine! Duo tried to pull up emergency visual and found one camera hidden in the crevices of the cockpit. It took a moment for him to readjust to the new position, but when he did, he turned the camera to in front of him. It was a doll, all right, smoldering in a thousand pieces. Another twist of the camera controls showed a fuzzy picture of a Leo standing off against two of the dolls. His mouth fell open. It couldn't be, could it? But...

He turned up the staticky communication signal and turned on the cockpit's speakers. He was surprised to see the things flick wearily on. “You fool!” he said as greeting, his mouth working faster than his brain. But the dolls were actually turning on her. “Give your code to prove you're an ally! You'll get killed!” Did the idiot not know how? Did she not know she'd get targeted?

He fought the emergency systems into submission, begging the gears to let him move. The legs didn't so much as flinch, and the arm hung useless, but he found the waist joint to be in perfect working order – of course, the least helpful piece – and got the Leo to sit up. The camera showed Hilde's Leo landing on the moon's surface. He tried to get the stub of his right arm moving and heard a groan that warned of imminent fuel breakage. If he wasn't careful, the cockpit would get flooded. That would be bad.

“I can't do that.” Hilde's voice slipped from loud to so soft he barely heard it. Her voice came though the speakers perfectly, which meant she wasn't wearing a helmet. What the hell was wrong with this girl? “There's no telling who my allies are anymore.”

Duo gaped.

Hilde's Leo turned and fired, and Duo rickety system saw a hangar sitting on the surface of the moon. He punched the thrusters again and heard them whirr uselessly against the coolant system. He just turned them up higher as the hangar door fell to Hilde's assault. Shit. The girl was a quick learner.

“Duo.” He turned back to her as the thrusters finally stopped chugging stupidly. He turned down the heat before the system broke. “Hurry up and do what you want to accomplish.”

“Hilde...” He recognized the words for the response it was. This was her answer to his words. She was believing in her path – no, _his_ path. And her path was to trust him. It was a scary idea – someone looking up to him. It was the first time since he'd botched taking over Solo's job.

“I decided to live out my life, believing in my chosen path.”

His heart thumped. Fuck. He'd just changed this woman's life, hadn't he? For better or for worse. “Sorry, Hilde,” he said. He had his own path to follow. “This time I'm not bailing you out!”

It gave him the response he was hoping for. “I told you, I'm already prepared to die!”

It made him laugh. The woman couldn't change _that_ much, at least. “Yeah, I remember.” He pushed on the thrusters and heard the things flare into a droning hum. Thank you, stupid machine! He pushed them a little further and found that only one still worked, the one on the left side of the Leo's ass. It flipped him around and up like a paper bag, and he fought to stay on the moon's surface. He'd like to say it was skill that brought him through the broken hangar door, but the thrusters sputtered just as he'd feared he would miss his target and fly over it. He crashed through the thing, banging his head and shoulders and chest against the console. His ribs screamed. His head hammered. His shoulder throbbed.

But he was inside.

He screeched against the floor of the hangar. There was no way to orient himself; he was moving too fast. Still, despite the danger surrounding him, he couldn't help but think of the girl who was risking her life and her future for a guy who had only been spouting words, never taking her seriously. He should have, from the start. “But Hilde!” He bumped over something, and the bouncing game in the cockpit began anew. He gritted his teeth through it. “Just don't die in vain!”

“Same goes for you,” she said, and then something ripped and communications went out. He didn't even have time to curse as the suit finally smashed into something hard enough to stop its sliding. He shouted as he banged against the console again. Black spots danced in his vision.

The helmet he'd left in the cockpit was still hidden behind the chair, lodged apparently well enough to survive the battle without clanging around the cockpit. He pulled it out and on, only stepping out once it was latched properly. Anyone who'd been in the hangar were dead, though Duo couldn't see them through his own dizziness. He managed to step out of the machine without falling feet over face, and that, he thought, was a victory right there. The place was wrecked. There had only been a couple of suits inside this particular hangar, both probably busted even before Hilde had desecrated their corpses. Now their limbs sat scattered like detritus around the hangar. Duo had to jump over them, adjusting quickly to the moon's slightly different feel – not quite zero-g, not quite Earth. The hangar had already closed its safety latches, but a quick hack took care of that long enough for him to slip through. The latch locked behind him again as he rolled under it.

The place was quiet, oddly enough, and Duo cocked an eyebrow as he unlatched the helmet and tucked it under an arm. He had no weapons, no defenses, and suddenly he was getting lucky. He would pay for it at some point, he was sure.

He traveled down the empty hall, readjusting now that he was back in zero-g. He listened for footsteps or shouts, but he heard nothing. His brows furrowed. What the hell?

A computer screen sat on the wall, military technology making it look like a darkened window. He went up to it and touched the screen, waking it up from is Sleep mode. The blueprints for the base were simple to bring up now that he was inside the building, and he took a few precious minutes to learn the basic layout. “Interesting,” he said, flicking through the specs. “It's underground.” A developing plant was located a couple of levels below him, with a few rooms separate, labeled prison cells. Two were taking up energy. One energy level was higher than the other. That one probably held all five of the scientists. It was certainly large enough, he mused. Ducts were scattered throughout the entire base, with one main duct flowing through all levels. “I'll get to the plant through this duct.”

“There he is!”

Duo blinked. Oh. So that was why it was quiet. Apparently the base had already been informed of his escape. Huh.

He turned and threw his helmet at the bastard, hitting him straight on the cheek. Diving into a roll, Duo caught the rifle before it could take damage from the fall. He was running practically before he pulled himself up.

“Don't lose him!” someone shouted from behind, and fired. Duo dropped to the ground and barrel rolled, shooting as best he could at the two men. He missed, his mind still spinning from the Leo's fail balance system of fail, but he got out of the corridor and threw himself into running again. Footsteps pounded up the corridor, then screeched to a stop behind him. He fired on the bastard and heard him scream before he hunkered back behind the wall. The man tried to sneak a look at Duo. It was the opening Duo had been looking for. One shot and the man's brains were on the wall, sliding down with a slurp. He ran.

The corridors started to fill with enemies, and with a curse, Duo hid at a turn, picking off enemies one at a time. A hand here, a leg there, until someone fell onto all fours, dropping his assault rifle. Duo pocked off the man's head, then took out the man who'd run out to help. Their blood mixed on the floor. Duo was hard-pressed to grab the rifles before they became ruined, and he had to run straight back to the hall when four others ran up. They took almost a minute to take down, each shouting for back-up in turn. Duo ran up and confiscated their weapons, too, though he had to leave two guns behind. They were spattered with the intestines of one unlucky fool. Still, one had an EMP grenade, and Duo took it with a grin.

The going was easier then, as he tossed the grenade and ran passed his blinded pursuers, shooting two in the neck and another in the back as he turned down another hall. Here was the duct he'd been looking for, and he shot off one of the damn screws, then another before the shouts of reinforcements reached his ears. He reached up and used one of the guns to lever the damn duct open. The voices were close then, and he had to stop and move to the edge of the hall before they turned and found him. There were only three, but each had grenades, and none were afraid to use them. He watched as threw flew in the air toward him and grinned. With one bullet, he shot the first in mid-air, just barely dodging back around the corner before the explosion began, kicking the other two into early detonation, as well. The men chasing him shrieked.

He turned back to the duct and finished wrenching it open. Once he was done, he hopped up, grabbed the edge of the duct, and pulled himself up. It took some maneuvering to fit with his many assault rifles, but he managed it. He used the same gun to try to wrench the metal back so that his escape route wasn't so easily found. It was an ugly mess afterwards, and anyone looking closely would notice it immediately, But, he thought as he heard footsteps pound from below him, no one thinks to look closely in a battle situation. And no one ever looks up.

He had to abandon that gun, since it had begun to twist rather alarmingly during the last few minutes of that endeavor, but he still had several, and he took a moment to take all the ammo out of the others and put it all in easy reach on his suit, then abandoned all of those guns, as well. He took his time moving through the vents, trying to remember the twists and turns. Once he got the schematics in his head, he started going faster. If they'd been informed about his escape, then they would know where he was going, especially if they got Hilde to talk – if she hadn't already. He didn't know how much time he had.

The ducts were dark and dusty, and more than once he had to fight back a sneeze. How was there dust on the moon? Moon dust, maybe?

The echo of his footsteps became louder, and Duo found himself staring down a duct vent that went straight down. He'd seen this on the schematic, but it was still daunting to look at. Because of the lack of lighting, it looked like Alice's rabbit hole – only there was no safe landing below. He worked one of the latches of his spacesuit until he could hang the rifle precariously on his back. Then he took a deep breath, tensed his muscles, and jumped into the hole.

The duct was a bit wider than the others, enough so that he almost had his arms spread out when he tried to catch the walls of the vent, leaving every muscle straining as each muscle failed to lock into a position. His legs did a better job, clutching at two opposite corners and skidding his feet until they were stuck in the small wedges of the corners. His knees locked easily, slowing down his descent as his palms got scraped raw.

He bumped hard onto the bottom of the vent, and his knees wobbled beneath him. Pain blossomed up each of his joints, exacerbated by the throbbing in his skull and palms. His toes, too, pounded. He touched his chest and sighed in relief when nothing stirred underneath. His ribs may have been bruised, may still have been recovering, but they hadn't broken again. Finally, something good.

He scooted from where he'd landed, finding himself suddenly in a cramped vent hardly wider than his torso. In order to move, he had to put his arms in first and shimmy his way through. Good thing he wasn't claustrophobic. For a moment he paused, waiting for someone to shout, but there was nothing. He heard another metallic bang and tensed before he heard something whirring from a distance. Hell. No wonder they weren't investigating. Whatever machine was supposed to keep these ducts in stable working condition, it was ancient. More good luck. He was seriously going to pay.

Wiggling like a worm, he finally reached an exit. This one he could unscrew at his leisure, and he used a needle from his hair for just that purpose. The screwed squeaked a bit coming out, and he had to twist himself into a painfully unnatural angle, but he got the damn things off. He had no choice but to hold on to the grate and work his hips and feet to slide out. His rifle screeched along the metal, and he stopped, waiting for someone to come. He heard someone cough, then nothing. No one came. More good luck.

It took even more work to get out than it did to get in; keeping the gun from making noise meant holding himself straight as he squirmed out, holding himself up with his upper body strength alone until it was clear and he could let himself drop. It was like falling into a swan dive, only it was six feet into concrete. As soon as his legs were free, he tucked himself in and started to roll. He'd only gotten a third of a roll completed before he landed, but it was on his back, as he'd hoped, and it was easy to force himself back up. Of course, now it meant that his back hurt, too. Was there anything left that didn't?

His ears, he decided. His ears didn't hurt yet.

“What was that?”

_Fuck._

He ran, following the route through the back passages to the prison cell. He could only hope that the damn scientists were there and not at the Plant. But as he ran, he didn't hear sounds of pursuit. He looked back, just for a second, and tried to hear over the rush of blood in his ears and the pounding of his heart. Nothing. Other than his own breathing, carefully controlled, he heard nothing. Still, he hurried past. The back passages led to an empty piece of the lot, one avoided because of a gas leak. He doubted that was the real case. A gas leak on the moon? What the hell would the soldiers have to do to be that thoughtless? And why not just lock on the latch and shove the bad air out into space? No, it was a secret place, one Oz didn't want other Oz officials knowing about.

In any case, it meant people.

Duo got through the empty passages and saw the empty lot ahead of him. He couldn't hack the damn door and be ready for those behind it at the same time. Instead he used his momentum to jump toward the door and pound his shoulder against it. It caved under his weight, thank goodness, and Duo concentrated on turning his fall into a roll. Free from the door, he caught himself mid-roll and twisted around, ready to fire.

Gundams.

He froze, stupidly, stupidly he froze, and stared. The room was large, high, a hangar bay sort of place, obviously made with the intention of accommodating a couple of mobile suits. But this wasn't the plant... was it?

But a closer look made his heart skip. Through the darkness, he could see two large shapes, and... the one on the left. It was different, slightly. There was something being built on its back, and the face was slightly different. And the scythe. But still. He would recognize Deathscythe anywhere.

“What the hell...?” He dropped his rifle to his side.

“Who's there?”

He jerked into a turn, thrusting up his gun. He crouched. The room was dark, almost as dark as the vents. Before he could see his enemy's location, lights were turned on right in his face. He covered his eyes. “Shinigami,” he said, answering the question.

Slowly his gaze adjusted, letting him see five forms clustered close together. Again, his heart hammered, one pounding, strong beat. The scientists. “That's four of them,” one of them said, and Duo struggled to understand. Four of them? There had been three others here? Were any left alive?

 _Heero_.

Son of a bitch! How many times was he going to think of that man?

“Are you here to kill us, too?”

Too? Heero? Duo snarled. Another light slowly slid on. He could see each of them. For the first time, he knew what they all looked like. G was the first one he saw, his parrot nose as pronounced as ever. He looked like a hunchbacked hawk with a mushroom on its head. There was a tall bald guy, a mad scientist, and an Italian, but the one he focused on had a mechanical arm and what looked to be mechanical eyes. That one he recognized from Singapore, when Heero had blown himself up. It was Heero's doctor. And the man didn't look thrilled to see him.

Duo wanted to ask the man right there if he was the one who'd sent those assassins after him, but he didn't know how. Besides, it didn't matter. These were the men he'd come to kill.

“Long time no see, Duo,” G said, pulling Duo's attention back to him. A wave of what could have been nostalgia passed through Duo. Training to be a Gundam pilot had been hell. Every minute he'd struggled had been torture. Still... still, he wouldn't be alive if it weren't for this man. He would still be a street rat, and by now, either dead or in jail – or worse, parading himself on the streets. He owed this man everything. And now Duo had been planning to repay him with bullets.

“So it was you guys,” he said, and lowered his gun slightly. He looked back toward Deathscythe. “Then those are–”

“That's right,” G said. “They're new models. Duo, how would you like to pilot one?”

New models? A new model of Deathscythe? “When they're finished?” Duo said. He could only presume they would want time to complete the damn things. Which meant his attempt to kill the bastards was going to have to be reworked. Wonderful.

“One month,” G said. Duo looked in the man's eyes and saw steel in there. The old bastard hadn't changed at all. “Make sure you live until it's finished.” Duo made sure his eyes didn't flick to Heero's doctor. “Then you'll have your chance in the spotlight.”

Duo was better in the shadows, and Duo understood G's words for what they were. Duo had to hide himself in plain sight. He had to get caught. He grimaced.

“In here! Hurry!”

The voices were still far away, but they were getting closer. Duo could hear the footsteps coming forward.

“Duo! Decide quickly!” G snapped. “We can't let them find this place!”

Live? He could handle getting caught again, so long as he lived. And these guys seemed fairly sure that he would. Did that mean the others had lived? Quatre? _Heero?_

Goddammit! “I understand.” He held up in hands in surrender. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He couldn't just walk out – that would make the soldiers suspicious. That meant more pain. Wonderful. But the idea of having Deathscythe back, of getting the chance to retaliate properly – hell, the chance to live and see the next moment of his own future – he couldn't back out on that. And he wanted to know – he wanted to know more about where he and Heero were headed. If he was going to be assassinated for it, dammit, it had better be someplace good.

“Okay,” he said, “we'll do it your way.” He dropped his gun and waited, eyes closed. No matter what, this was going to suck. Nothing happened. He opened his eyes. “Well? Hurry up and get started!”

G turned to the ginormous bald guy. “Would you do the honors?”

Duo felt a shiver of fear and wanted to laugh at himself. Really? He faced down ludicrous amounts of enemies, but this tall guy scared the pants off him?

“As much as I hate to.” G nodded as if okaying a dog to sic, and the big guy walked over to Duo. Every step closer just proved how freakin' tall the guy was. Fuck loads of enemies, this guy was fuckin' scary as shit. Period.

The first punch was to the gut, hard enough that Duo hit the wall behind him. He gasped for breath, but couldn't quite pull it in. And now his back hurt a little more. The next slammed against his cheek, right above the jaw. He almost flew into the air. The third punched him back down. He didn't bother trying to block; he needed the bruises to show he'd been attacked, that they weren't allies anymore. The big man punched him in his chest, though, and Duo lost his breath entirely. The big man hesitated, then punched him again, deliberately aiming away from Duo's ribs. It was such a relief that for a moment Duo didn't even feel the pain blossoming over his body.

The pain was worse than the other injuries he'd sustained on this damn job. The man's fists were like rocks, caving in flesh. He coughed once and felt fear in him for the first time when he tasted something warm in his mouth – blood. But it wasn't being coughed up; it was clogging his throat. A tooth had been knocked loose. He spit it out just before another fist clipped him under his jaw. His mouth snapped closed, crushing his tongue, making it bleed, too. His neck thrust back. With a thud, he fell to the floor. Barely, he stood, his knees wobbling a bit. Another hit to the gut took the air from his lungs. He crumpled to the ground.

The big doc pulled him up. The man's eyes, Duo noticed fuzzily, were black, the irises small. “It wouldn't hurt as much if you screamed out loud,” the man said.

Duo grinned, even though he knew his teeth were slightly red at the moment. His bloody tongue moved without permission from his brain. “Yeah, but I'm a real man.”

Maybe Duo pissed him off or something, 'cause the last punch went straight into Duo's gut, straight into one of his healing ribs. He heard it crack and prayed it wasn't broken and puncturing anything. Past the giant, Duo saw Heero's doctor, watching him with hard eyes. Under the mustache Duo thought he saw those lips thin. The man hadn't said a word to Duo. What was the man thinking? Would he prefer Deathscythe be given to Heero? But Heero still had Wing...

No. in the end, that man wanted Duo dead. He could see it. Even in mechanical eyes like those, Duo could see the desire for death. He vowed he would make that bastard die first.

Giant took him out into the hall he'd run down. Duo could barely concentrate, could only feel the dry air created by the base on his bruised and sweating skin, then the hard, blessedly cool concrete as he was thrown onto it. Vaguely he heard himself groan. “Traitor!” G said, and Duo fought to hide the grin. “Coming here and trying to kill us after all we've done!”

What a bunch of bull. It almost seemed too easy, how they staged it, but Duo's bruises probably decided their belief. It also probably helped that when G kicked him, whether intentionally or not, he hit the cracked rib. Duo didn't feel it move, but he certainly felt the pain. It made those black spots return. This time, Duo was thankful for them.

Things got fuzzy then. Duo heard G talk some more, then heard the soldiers shouting orders. Two groups of hands lifted him, and he let himself drift as he was carried. He could guess now where he was going, if he worked his tired brain enough to think about it. Two prison cells had been siphoning off energy. The one with less energy being consumed – that one would probably hold the others who were captured. Maybe Quatre. Probably... most probably Heero.

He came to at the sound of a door sliding open, and he was pushed inside the room. He managed to hold his balance down a couple of the stairs before crashing head-first to the floor. It was as he fell that he noticed his wrists had been cuffed together. Of course.

He fell on his face. Ow.

The floor felt good. Nice and cold. He let that blackness come back.

“Botched your mission? You couldn't destroy the base, and you didn't kill Dr. J and the others.”

 _Heero_. Duo was so relieved, he didn't even send Heero's words right back at him. He felt a smile slip across his split lips. “Don't rub it in. I'm still glad I decided to come here.” Especially since he now knew Heero had escaped death again, same as he. “Good news.” He slid a tired gaze over. Wufei was here, too. Huh. “Your Gundam and mine are being rebuilt. I can hardly wait.”

There was actually a glimpse of emotion in those dark irises. Wufei almost seemed to relax a bit.

“Looks like Oz will be keeping us alive for the time being.”

Was that relief Duo heard in Heero's voice? Did Heero feel anything like what Duo felt, knowing that they were both still alive? Somehow Duo doubted it.

“It's a good chance, so don't die yet.”

Pain echoed all through his body. He sighed, his breath trembling through his beaten body. He now knew the name of the doctor trying to get him killed – Doctor J. Even better, he could hear, somewhere deep in that Perfect Soldier voice, that Heero was worried about him. Why the hell else would Heero tell him to stay alive when before the bastard had been informing everyone he met that he would kill them? It made something in his chest flutter in a different kind of pain. It felt like agony. It felt like a pure sort of light. It felt... it felt like hope.

“Don't worry about me,” he said, and was surprised by the warmth he suddenly felt in the air. God. He really was turning into a girl. How the hell could he be in this position and still be happy? “I don't plan on dying so easily.”

Not until he figured out why the hell his heart fluttered around Heero Yuy – and not until he got a proper emotional response from said Heero Yuy. And, he supposed, not until the war was over, either.

“There's the colonies to fight for,” he said, and managed to open an eye. The other one was swelling rather adequately. He thought of something corny he could add, but thought the words might get him killed. “Just watch. I'll be Shinigami once again! I will!” His eye closed. The blackness was coming back again, and he was too damn tired to fight it. “Well...” He sighed. His chest hurt. His lungs hurt. Everything fucking hurt. He heard Heero sigh and wondered what it meant. God, he was turning into such a girl. “G'night.”

Before he fell unconscious, he heard Heero snort.


	5. When It Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place from episode 23 to episode 24.

“'Cause you put something better inside of me  
You put something better inside of me  
Makes me so much stronger  
I'm amazed at the change in me”

~ Stealers Wheel, “You Put Something Better Inside Me”

* * *

It was a while before Duo woke up. He knew it because he could feel each ache with that old, abandoned feel. His muscles had clenched up good and tight, and every injury was gritty, waiting for him to move so they could strike. One eye didn't quite open. His chest ached with every breath. He heard something rattle when he inhaled, but after a moment of panic, he realized it was just his mouth, trying to work past the blood that must have caked it. He rolled his tongue around for a bit and felt the wound in the muscle. He spit. “Fuck.”

“Eloquent.”

Duo squinted open his good eye and looked up. There were steps, of a sort, leading straight into a wall. Heero had been sitting on them when Duo had been pushed in, he remembered. It was all kind've fuzzy, filled with pain and frustration and relief. It was all jumbled together. In any case, Heero was still sitting there, with Wufei leaning against the wall. “'Fei. Hey. Wazzup.”

The man scowled.

“We looked at your injuries,” Heero said, his voice not quite as empty as Duo thought it should have been. “Your rib has been fractured again.”

Duo blinked. Even doing something as simple as that hurt. He grimaced. “Oh, yeah. That.”

“You shouldn't have been on the battlefield in your condition,” Heero said. His eyes were cold, his voice clipped, but even with that, Duo smiled.

“Yeah, well, I noticed the Lunar base still stood, so I thought I'd remedy that.” His tongue hurt to move it. He could feel, very painfully, the place where one molar had fallen out from the abuse. He rolled his tongue around a bit more. Damn, his gums throbbed.

Both Heero and Wufei, he noticed rather idly, were glaring at him. “At least I got to the doctors,” Duo said, blithely ignoring the feeling of imminent doom radiating from his two cellmates. He paused in the middle of his conversation to take a good stock of himself. Yes, his eye was swollen, and so was his tongue, and so was his lip. He was minus a molar and one of his ribs was cracked. That doctor had aimed more at his stomach than his chest, more at his face than his neck or back or arms. Still, it meant every breath made his gut shudder, and every time he swallowed, he could taste blood. “Hey, how far did you two get?” He turned to Heero expectantly.

Heero turned away. “It doesn't matter. We all failed.”

Duo might have fallen for it, if he hadn't seen the severe frown on Heero's face. Even in the darkness – apparently prisoners never deserved electricity – he could see Heero's brows, furrowed low over his eyes, and felt a small thump of triumph in his bruised chest. “You mean... I got the closest? I got the closest to the doctors?” The idea rolled over his brain like molasses. Slowly, a smile split his beaten face. It pulled far too many muscles, and he had to abandon it quickly, but Heero and Wufei both caught it. Duo saw both of them glare at him anew, but he thought Heero was having a hard time looking him in the eye. Embarrassed, maybe?

Another look around showed Duo far more room than any other prison cell he'd been in. There was room to train and keep up his stamina, if he so preferred, with room to spare. Then again, maybe they wanted to watch what Duo and the others did? As if he was a lab rat. He snorted.

Other than that, it was just a square room, the darkness helping to give the corners greater shadows. The steps Heero sat on were on the right of the cell door, which was a thick metal piece with no doorknob on the inside. Duo tried to remember which halls he'd been led through and felt his memory shimmer. So instead he called up the blueprints of the base and studied them, tracking the most likely route the soldiers had taken.

“Hey,” he said, his mind slowly clicking into place, “can they hear us?”

Wufei shook his head. His arms were crossed over his chest, his back against the wall. “No. We checked that long ago.” He made it sound like Duo had been twiddling his thumbs instead of, oh, lying unconscious. “Did you spill?”

Duo furrowed his brows. Spill? “I wasn't interrogated.”

That made both Wufei and Heero start paying attention. “Then how did you get wounded?” Heero asked.

A sudden thought came to Duo, and he couldn't believe it took so long for it to sink in. “I let one of the doctors beat me up,” he said, not even thinking about his words, and thought. Heero and Wufei both knew his rib was cracked, which meant one of the two of them had checked Duo out, probably thoroughly. One of the two of them had at least partly undressed him as he'd lain unconscious. That...

Oh, he hoped it had been Heero.

“One of the...” Heero seemed unable to grasp the concept.

“Which?” Wufei asked, his mouth thin.

Duo gave him one of his best looks. “How the hell am I supposed to know? I only know mine. The dude was tall and bald; that's all I know.”

Wufei's lips pulled back. “He hit you?”

“Beat the shit outta me, actually,” he said, grinning. “We needed to if we wanted Oz to believe we were enemies.”

But Wufei's snarl only grew. “It's dishonorable.”

The word almost Duo laugh until he realized Wufei was being serious. It made him rethink all of his previous encounters. Someone who fought for honor wasn't going to like a thief. If Duo introduced himself as he usually did – that he run and hid and never lied – then he'd be hated. Honorable men didn't run or hide. Duo smiled grimly. They didn't run or hide, so they died a lot quicker. Duo wondered how Wufei had stayed alive as long as he had.

“Your stomach has multiple contusions,” Heero said then, pulling Duo away from his thoughts. Those Prussian blue eyes of his were hooded. “They all blend together. It'll be hard for you to sit up for a while.”

Duo was already feeling that, thanks. He nodded, anyway. That probably meant that Heero was the one who'd checked him for injuries. Thank goodness. “Yeah. I lost a tooth, too, and bit my tongue.” Duo rolled the muscle over his bottom lip. “My lip, too.” He saw Heero's eyes darken. How freakin' weird. It was as if the darkness gave light to Heero's emotions. Or maybe Heero just didn't hide them, thinking they were already hidden? The former seemed more plausible.

Wufei's fingers clenched against his arm. Duo opened his mouth, ready to say something snarky, but for once he closed his lips shut tight again. Let the dude figure it out on his own. “Any idea how long I've been out?” he asked. His stomach roared as he tried to sit up, and he found his arms hardly able to hold him up. He felt something tighten in his chest and feared his rib was going to just give up on him. The feeling was different, though. He had to think about it; he'd only felt the tightness once before, when he was locked in a room by G in order to endure something painfully similar to this. He took a deep breath, this time paying attention to what he should have been noticing from the start. “This place is poorly conditioned, isn't it?”

“Yes,” Heero said. “The fans are old and the air stale.” It was like Heero had already figured it out. “Will this affect you?”

“Normally? Absolutely not. L2 isn't exactly the cleanest colony.” Duo held his stomach as he forced himself up against the bottom stair. The stone bit into his back, but he couldn't use his stomach muscles, so it would have to do. “But I was injured before this, as you well know, and now I have cuts and shit all over me.” He sighed. “With my luck, I'm screwed, anyway.” Still, he gave one big, Shinigami smile. “Still, I ain't dyin' 'til I sit in Deathscythe again.”

Heero frowned at that.

Still. Duo frowned. He really did have an awesome immune system; what the hell had gotten on him that was threatening his health? He was in space, for God's sake! He thought about it. Nothing in the Leo caused it, he didn't think, and he couldn't imagine it was running around in the ducts that did it. That left the bruises and cuts he got by that one doctor. Maybe something the man had been working on had tainted his knuckles? Gundams had very sensitive parts, and some of them needed a specific oil known as Agas. It was known to cause irritation on the skin if not properly treated, and could seriously mess with a person's body if in their blood. He cursed. There it was: proof that his luck always had to be bad.

Time didn't seem to have a voice in this room. Instead the darkness seemed to slither along the corners, licking up the steps and around Wufei's ankles. Duo watched the small grates far above their heads as the soft whirr of the sucky air filters shot through the vents. With an eye toward escape, he judged the distance from the floor to the bottom of the grate, but it was too high. Two men standing on top of one another might be able to reach, but only if they were willing to jump. The walls all seemed hella thick, and the door probably wasn't as easy to pick as Duo would like. At least he hadn't been checked. He still had his lockpicks and shit, if nothing else.

Other than the vents, it was amazingly quiet within. Even with the thickness of the walls, there should have been some sound – voices, footsteps, a general feel in the air of what was going on outside. Instead there was nothing. Was it nighttime? Was the base on a skeleton crew? In any case, neither Wufei nor Heero seemed to be paying any attention to what was happening outside. It made Duo wonder why they were staying in the prison cell. Heero should have tried to escape by now, right? Why hadn't he?

“Maxwell.”

His name almost made him jump. The voice had been Wufei's. Duo looked over to him and saw the man staring off at one of those shadows. The frown line on his forehead told Duo the conversation wasn't one the man was enjoying initiating. “Yeah?”

“You said something. About Nataku.”

Nataku? Duo blinked at him. What the hell was a Nataku? He thought about it, then made a small sound as the light bulb flickered on. “You mean your Gundam?”

The man snarled. “Yes, Maxwell.”

Rowr. Duo rolled his one working eye at the attitude. “Yeah. I've only seen yours a couple of times, but it's definitely like yours. At least, it's nothing like Heero's or Quatre's, and Trowa's was bigger on firepower.” He shrugged. “That just leaves you.”

That left a weird, extended silence. Duo found his gaze flickering to Heero. The man was sitting as still as a stone, not a muscle different from the last time Duo had looked at him. His back was straight, his knees lingering in front of his chin, forced to rise awkwardly high because of the short steps. His hands were steepled, leaving his pinky fingers to dangle in the darkness. Over the rim of his knees, those blue eyes glittered at Duo.

Duo found he needed to take a deep breath.

“What was it like?” Wufei asked, his voice a small, almost voiceless whisper. The man's gaze had switched from the corner to the floor.

Duo closed his eyes, bored with the bland surroundings. Besides, it was starting to feel pretty hot in the cell. “It wasn't finished yet,” he said, trying not to get the man's hopes up too much. “But its head was almost done. It looked like it had two of those snake arms,” he said, remembering the vague outline of the two ludicrously long arms he'd seen. “You know, like the one you had before?”

“Dragon Fangs,” Wufei said, his voice still quiet. For some reason, Wufei's tone made Duo's words slip in his throat. The man's voice was soft, almost a whisper, but it sat heavy in the air. It hurt to hear it.

Shit, it was hot. Duo scowled. Great. He really _had_ been affected by Agas. The next damn thing was numbness, then dizziness. Dammit. He leaned his head back. “Well,” he said, “if it makes you guys feel any better, I may have gotten the farthest, but I got the most fucked up.”

He was surprised to hear something like a snort from Wufei's corner. “Actually, that does make me feel better.”

Duo heard the smirk and returned it. Maybe there _was_ a redeeming feature in the man, after all.

The silence grew then, as fuzzy, shadowy images in the back of Duo's mind failed to coalesce perfectly. He'd been focusing on Deathscythe more than Wufei's 'Nataku,' so he could only remember bits and pieces. He tried to tell the man everything he could – the height, the leg's hydraulics, which were half-done and possibly the source of the damn Agas, but his tongue kept jumbling in his mouth. He gave up finally and tried to adjust himself against the steps. His legs didn't move. “Fuckin' Agas,” he snarled, and pushed himself up. His fingers were shaking. The effort to rearrange himself into laying on the floor left him gasping. Damn, it was hot!

“Agas?” Heero said, suddenly standing on the steps. Duo heard the tiny sounds of footsteps as Heero neared him. It took until he felt Heero's warmth beside him – heavy, heavy heat – for him to realize that his eyes had fallen closed. He opened them again and found the world to be dancing. “You didn't say anything about Agas.”

Duo grinned. “Oops.”

Heero glared. It probably would've been more intimidating if it wasn't doing the cha-cha in front of Duo's eyes. “How bad?” Heero asked.

Agas had three levels of bad, as, Duo supposed, murder and burns did, just to set the standard. The first was like a rash, just the irritation in the skin. Duo was told it was like an extreme case of poison ivy, though he'd never touched poison ivy before. The second was ingestion, where it would battle the hydrochloric acid in one's stomach before spreading to the rest of the system. If it went straight into the bloodstream, though, it was level 3. Duo told Heero just which one he had and watched something weird flicker in those eyes.

“Hold on, Duo,” he said, and the words were so fuckin' surprising he just nodded and kept his eyes open. Heero looked over Duo's body, then went straight for his split lip. Those calloused fingers rubbed against Duo's bottom lip, over the wound, making it burn slightly. Those Prussian eyes narrowed, then moved on, his fingers trailing down Duo's chin to his jaw, flicking it up and trailing down to his collarbone.

“There,” Heero said, his voice no more than a hiss. Vaguely Duo remembered something about a jaundiced look spreading from the point of contact. “I got a little immunity,” Duo said. His voice sounded fuzzy in his ears. He found his mind slipping into a black nothingness. “If this place was insulated better...” He tried to remember where he was going with his sentence, then mentally shrugged, figuring it wasn't so important anymore. Heero had already grunted, after all.

“He needs warmth,” Wufei said. There were a few more words, but Duo only made out “disinfectant” and “fluids.”

He thought he heard someone walking around, away and toward. It took far too long for him to label the movements as pacing. He found that, even though his eyes had been open for a while, he hadn't been noticing anything around him. He tried to focus. “I'll be fine,” he said, hoping his voice was intelligible. “I've got the devil's luck, 'member?”

He thought someone might have responded to what he said, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't think either of them would have much to say about his jokes that wasn't an insult, so he figured not hearing it worked just fine.

He became vaguely aware of noises from outside their cell, a voice and a clanging. He faded in and out, hearing something, Wufei speaking, his voice short and snarling, and then something cool was placed on his bad lip. He felt the world shift underneath him and belatedly labeled it as his back being lifted. Water trickled into his mouth, and he swallowed it like a dying man. He heard Heero's deep rumbling voice, felt it on his back. Why did he get sudden images of a bed with sunlight pouring in through the slat of the closed blinds, Heero's chest rising above him? More water came, and he drank it and felt it slide down his scorching throat. “I'll be okay,” he said again, feeling a need to say it, to pull his weight. He wondered if he'd actually said it, or if he'd only thought it.

Sometime after the water disappeared, something shifted behind him and he found himself lying down on the cold stone floor. He pressed his cheek against it and sighed. Damn, that felt good. He thought he heard some more talking – Wufei, he noted, just as Heero grunted an answer to... something. Then more warmth shuffled closer to his side. He groaned and tried to move his dead limbs to crawl away, but something snaked out and pulled him back. A snarl died stillborn on Duo's battered tongue.

“Sleep, baka,” Heero said, his voice monotonous and cold, but not quite empty. It called to mind those hesitations, that weird glimmer in the darkness of this cell. He collapsed against the heat and suffered through it, feeling each breath like fire through his lungs.

Things slowed down, or maybe sped up, because Duo felt only the heat surrounding him like lava, making every breath like smoke. Above him, too far away to be of any use, he heard the whirring of the air vents. It was so repetitive, so boringly monotonous... Everything was monotonous, even the room. All blacks and grays...

A picture of Sister Helen coalesced before him, a small, shimmering form of a smile and nun's robes. He heard the swish of them as he looked up into her bright blue eyes. She smiled for him. “Good morning, Duo.”

He opened his mouth to respond, then stopped. He could remember Sister Helen without her hood for the first time he'd ever seen, her hair tangled and spread around her, a melted sun. It was the brightest thing in that memory, but it only barely beat out the image of the fire. The burns that covered her body. The blood. His brow furrowed. He looked down at his hands and saw small fingers. A child's hand. Had he been given another chance?

When he looked up, he saw that smile frozen in front of him. Sister Helen was holding a hand out to him, her hair in that tangled mess, her hood gone. “May you have God's blessing,” she said. Her pretty blue eyes were empty. She fell to the ground. A whimper slid through his teeth. He could feel his own small hands trembling. What... what was he supposed to do now? Why... why was he the only one to ever live?

He felt his mind slipping in and out of unconsciousness. It was weird; he couldn't be sure, from one moment to the next, if a few minutes or a few hours had passed. He felt more water on his tongue a few times, so he figured at least another day had passed. That knowledge was followed by a few other things – the feeling of heat around him was abating, and he could make out some murmurings a few times, though he couldn't focus enough to understand the words. He slipped back into sleep.

Something was rubbed against his collarbone. “It's getting better.” Duo heard Heero's voice as if through a long tunnel.

“Good,” Wufei said. “About time.”

Duo's ears felt like they were filled with cotton. It almost hurt to listen. Something was touching his collarbone. The jerky movements told Duo it was Heero placing the whatever-it-was on him. “Baka,” Heero said. The word sounded familiar. Duo dug through his memory and found that the word had been used before in regards to him, something said as the damn Agas oil pulled Duo under. It was probably an insult.

“I r'sent tha'.” It was shortly after he opened his mouth that he realized his entire body was dried up. His tongue felt like a raisin. He wrinkled his nose.

Wufei snorted, then, after a moment, said, “Welcome back, Maxwell.”

There was a weird sound in the man's voice – something like respect. Duo opened up caked-dry eyes and found his bad eye opening slightly. That scared him more than anything. It meant he'd been out for a while. Wufei was sitting on the steps now. Duo was lying on the floor, giving him an interesting point of view of the still-bland room. But his gaze trailed down to that coolness on his collarbone. A piece of his own undershirt had been sacrificed to his cause, ripped from its seams and dabbed with water before being applied to Duo's collarbone. It was only now that Duo felt an unnatural heat centered around his chest, causing that damn feeling of congestion from... however long ago this had begun. “Time?” he croaked.

“It's been almost a week,” Heero said. “Your bruises have gotten better.”

As Duo would hope, after a fucking _week_. He found his throat working and nothing coming out. Finally he just nodded and closed his eyes. “What the fuck.”

Wufei sighed. “Eloquent.”

Duo tried to shoot a dirty glare at the man, but looking upside down from the ground wasn't really an intimidating stance and he had to give up. Instead he focused on Heero, still patiently patting Duo's chest, those dark blue eyes glaring at the injury like he could scare it away. It was such an odd idea. “They give us water, at least,” he said, and leaned his head back.

“There's food waiting, if you can eat it,” Heero said, his voice as monotone as usual. “If you need, I can soften it in the water.”

Duo tested the dryness in his mouth. “Good idea,” he said, his voice slipping more into a sigh. He closed his eyes. Shit, he was tired. Well, a week fighting something that usually killed people. That wasn't bad, right? He thought of the memories he'd had while under. Yeah. He'd always had the devil's luck.

Wufei moved, grabbing something beside him. Duo noted a small assortment of foods, mostly breads and a small piece of fruit. Wufei held up a piece of bread and handed it to Heero. Heero took it and turned to his right. Duo's bleary gaze caught the look of what seemed to be a paper cup. He dunked a part of the bread into the cup and waited, watching it, then pulled it back up. The bread was dripping slightly. And it said something about Duo's hunger level that it looked appetizing.

The first bite made his stomach tighten and twist, and he had to push back Heero's rather insistent hand for a moment to wait it out. It really had been a while. Duo's stomach was like a zombie, reaching out from the grave, desperate. He shuddered. Finally he nodded Heero forward again, ignoring the severe frown on the man's face as he nibbled his way through the tiny piece of food. “Tha's enough,” he said, waving Heero away. “For now,” he added when Heero opened his mouth to protest.

A screeching sound echoed through the dark room, pulling Duo's attention toward the door. Beside it, a piece of the wall was being slid back. A tray was pushed in, filled with three paper cups and three pieces of bread. An orange sat innocently in the middle, and Duo saw it for the temptation it was supposed to be. They were all supposed to fight over it, thus dividing them slightly. Duo rolled his eyes. Thanks, but they'd endured hellish training. They could figure that part out.

Wufei got up to get it, leaving Heero alone with Duo on the floor. Those Prussian eyes were on Duo's face, watching everything he did. And weirdly, Heero was bending into his space, that usually perfectly straight back slightly bent. His mouth moved, too slight for Duo to make out everything from his lips. It seemed he was saying something about 'follow' and something that looked like 'motions.' Duo frowned. Was Heero trying to act like a nice guy in front of Wufei or something?

Wufei returned with the food, divvying up the orange amongst the three of them. Duo bit into a corner and let the juice rush into his mouth. He groaned and licked his lips. Shit. Shit, that was good. It soothed his throat even as it burned his tongue and gums. He didn't even care about the pain. Whatever part of his tongue was still in working order told him the orange was delicious. He moaned again.

“Never had an orange before, Maxwell?”

“Not in forever,” he said, not caring to explain that fruits had been rewards from G for a job well done. They'd been so new to him. He'd never had fresh fruit before joining the Sweepers.

After eating the orange, he was feeling so full he thought he was puke. It had been an old street habit that had had him eating it, anyway. On the streets, if you don't eat it, someone else will. And he _wanted_ that orange. He lay back down and closed his eyes. His stomach was grumbling, but it wouldn't revolt. On a sigh, he cracked one eye open. He'd been so ensconced in his own orange that he hadn't watched Heero eat his. It was long gone by now, of course; Duo had savored his. Knowing Heero, the man had eaten it without hardly noticing the taste. Duo couldn't imagine it.

“Maxwell.” Duo turned his gaze to Wufei to see bread being waved in front of his face. His stomach snarled in warning.

“Thanks, 'Fei, but if I want to keep the floors clean, I really shouldn't.”

The man's brow furrowed. “Bread makes you sick?”

“No. Eating does.” At the man's consternated look, Duo sighed. “Give me a while. My stomach hasn't had food in days, right? If I start eating a lot, I'll just throw it back up.” Duo could see Wufei trying to follow that logic. He also saw Wufei failing. “Look. The stomach gives up after a while. It shrivels or whatever and when there's suddenly food again, the stomach doesn't know what to do with it. It'll remember, given a little time. It just... takes time.” Damn. His tongue hurt.

Wufei gave him a strange look. Maybe Duo hadn't explained it right? He gave up on the endeavor and closed his eyes again. The room had nothing in it. One big, empty space. Duo was going to go stark raving mad.

The worst of it was that, though he had room to do his exercises, there was no way his body was going to cooperate. His rib was cracked. His shoulders and face hurt to hell. One eye was still partway closed. Hell, even if he was perfectly fine, he'd just gotten over a bout of Agas poisoning. His stomach was painfully full yet practically empty, his body heavy, and his blood pounded thickly in his veins. He could almost feel the Agas inside him, a sluggishly moving trickle of fluid that scoured his insides. And now his stomach was rolling slightly, angered that it had been roused from sleep with something as acidic as fruit. He bit his healing lip and felt a jolt of pain. He hissed.

Something banged on the metal door, making Duo jump. Every single muscle in his body burned at his sudden tension. “What the fu-” The door opened. He was crouched in a fighting stance before the first guards came in, their weapons out. Duo's stomach clenched and screamed. Duo's snarl changed slightly as he fought the roiling feeling that warned of his stomach's imminent rebellion.

The soldiers turned their weapons on Duo, but Heero and Wufei were still sitting, pretty as you please, as if nothing was going on. One man slid between the soldiers, obviously the leader. He turned squinted eyes toward Duo and smirked. “Looks like your friend is better,” he said. That gaze turned to Heero.

Something in Duo screamed. It made his back straighten, even as his his stomach muscles clenched, even as his body trembled in weakness. The man's voice spoke of something Duo didn't understand, something that sounded like ownership. Duo remembered how Solo spoke of him after Duo had become Solo's fuck buddy. Solo had sounded just like this man.

Heero stood. His movements weren't abrasive, nor resigned. He stood as if asked to come to the front of the class. As he passed, Heero gave Duo the sign to stand down. He bristled. Those guns didn't waver in the slightest, and none of the men looked afraid of Heero, even as the man came close enough for Heero to steal their weapon. Heero moved into the middle of their mass, passing two, then four soldiers, showing those four his back. Duo felt something in his chest clench, felt something akin to despair. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” Duo said, shouting to keep his voice from cracking.

Wufei hissed something from behind him.

The leader turned to Duo. From beneath his cap, blond hair glinted in the hall light. “You should thank us,” the man said, that smirk growing. “And your little friend here.”

Duo turned his gaze to Heero. The man didn't move. His back was as straight as an arrow as those men led him out. Duo moved to follow and felt a hand clasp his shoulder. His shoulder was bruised enough that he gasped. His knees buckled. Just as they gave way beneath his weight, he heard the cell door slam closed. Behind him, Wufei sighed. “What the fuck did he do?” Duo asked. He looked back, toward Wufei, but the man was sitting on the steps, avoiding Duo's gaze. “Wufei, what did he _do_?”

That small tail of hair trembled as Wufei shook his head. “He managed to get antibiotics from that man. In return, he would willingly pilot one of their new mobile suits and help them when ordered.”

Duo's mouth worked. Duo didn't even feel the rush of relief that Heero wasn't being raped. All he could think was that Heero was sacrificing his beliefs for Duo's life. Now Heero was helping his enemy, all because Duo had been weak. He felt a rush of self-hatred. Heero must be breaking inside. Someone so set in his faith, in his battles, had given them up for Duo.

Then that last part hit him and he paled. Heero was giving it all up for _him?_ Shit. That meant that... that Duo was important to Heero? Important enough to change Heero's prerogatives? Suddenly he was sure it was Heero's doctor who had orchestrated the assassination attempt. Heero was supposed to be the Perfect Soldier. Nothing around Heero touched him. The only thing that mattered was his mission. But now, simply because one of the doctors had been stupid enough to punch Duo after working on the damn hydraulics, Heero was sacrificing the mission, the operation, everything.

And somehow it hurt even more, realizing that no one had ever gone to such a length to keep Duo safe.

A burning sting centered around the backs of his eyes. He had to raise his head to keep the burn from spilling down his face. “Fuck,” he whispered, then again, louder, “ _fuck_.”

For once, Wufei didn't comment on his lack of eloquence.

* * *

“Friendship is possibly the most common form of love.”

~ Stieg Larsson

* * *

Heero was pushed back into the room, the push hardly making the man lose his balance. Duo and Wufei had been given two meals since Heero had been taken. Two days, Wufei had told Duo. Two days of doing who knew what for his enemies. Duo had only been able to eat the smallest bit of food. Every time something slithered down his throat, his stomach rebelled.

“Heero.” Duo stood. The chains around his wrists clanked as he reached forward, but he was frozen. How could he go to Heero after what he'd caused? When Heero turned his gaze to Duo, Duo looked away. He couldn't even meet the man's gaze.

“Wufei told you.”

The bright flash of light when the soldiers had shoved Heero in had messed with Duo's eyesight somewhat, and he was only now beginning to see the small features of Heero's face again. Those lips were pressed tight together. Heero was trying to catch Duo's gaze, but Duo dropped them again to the floor. “Yeah. I bugged him until he did.”

They both stood in place, neither of them moving. Duo didn't know what to do. He couldn't back down. Heero had given up so much for him. How the hell could he repay? Still, he had to try. But even as he thought that, the same thoughts that had been plaguing him for two days returned, and sparkling within them, skirting around the hows and the whats was the one, simple question: why? Why had Heero found Duo a worthy cost? What about Duo had made Heero go against everything he believed – everything he'd been trained to believe?

“Pathetic,” Wufei said. The man had been meditating on the floor before the soldiers had returned, and now he moved behind Duo. “Stop acting like a woman and _move_.”

Duo did, one short step forward, before he froze again. Even if he went to Heero, what would he do? Hug him? Thank him? The first seemed too forward, the second ridiculously inadequate. Duo's hands fluttered uselessly at his sides. “Heero,” he said again, but his words caught in his throat. Even though his tongue hadn't been hurting too much that morning, somehow it felt like he would never be able to use it again.

It was Heero who finally moved, and he did so with his usual strong stride. Duo watched him closely, but there didn't seem to be any injuries – though the man probably wouldn't falter with a rabid hyena on his ass – and he didn't seem to be hesitant or emotionally broken, either. Duo's brow furrowed. If anything, the man seemed to be walking even straighter, his chin a bit higher. And when Heero stopped in front of Duo, the very presence of him made Duo lift his head. His eyes got caught in Heero's gaze. “Are you combat-ready?”

Duo opened his mouth. Closed it. “Not... maybe fifty percent.”

Heero seemed to be searching for something in Duo's gaze. Those lips relaxed, no longer pressing tight together. Duo had the random urge to kiss him. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” Wufei answered for him. Duo wanted to glare at the man, but the flicker of emotion on Heero's face stopped him. Those brows had actually pulled down over those eyes. Had Heero just showed Duo anger?

“Eat,” Heero said, for all the world sounding like Duo's boss.

Duo crossed his arms, vaguely aware that doing so put him in a defensive stance. “I will when I'm ready, _dad_ ,” he said, the word feeling weird when used for someone he'd had sex with. “And what about you? What the fuck did they have you do?”

Heero shrugged. “More training for the Mercurius.”

Training? For two days? Duo's eyes narrowed. “Try again.”

Heero's brows lowered again, but the man inhaled and said, “I killed a small faction of colony rebels on an abandoned colony.”

Duo's eyes dropped back to the floor. He'd known it. His fingers clenched on his arms, his nails digging through his shirt. He'd known it, but still he'd hoped. For him, Heero had murdered allies. Duo squeezed his eyes shut.

“They were beginning to target the colonies,” Heero said. That monotonous voice seemed to be asking Duo for something. “When we investigated the colony, we found a missile targeting the outpost on the third sector of the next colony. It held a military compound, but it was a largely civilian outpost.”

Civilian? Duo felt something flood through him, cool and bitingly sharp. “Thank goodness,” he said, tilting his head back. If they'd been targeting civilians, then they hadn't really been anyone's allies. And that meant Heero hadn't had to kill people he would have thought as good.

But what about next time, or the time after that? Duo knew Heero wouldn't have been allowed to keep anyone from that abandoned colony alive, lest they gave away Oz's newest secrets. What if the next abandoned colony wasn't abandoned? What if the enemies weren't enemies at all? How would Heero feel? He wasn't heartless enough, no matter how hard he tried to be. If he was, he wouldn't be in this situation at all.

“I'm sorry,” Duo whispered. Still, he kept his gaze on the ceiling. He'd faced down the bald doctor better than this. He'd faced down the men in the Maxwell church better than this. In his entire life, he'd faced death so many different times, in so many different ways, and never had he felt this damn helpless. Here, there was no action he could take. He couldn't steal a vaccine or a mobile suit. He couldn't train, and there was no one he could fight.

Heero snorted and sat down beside Wufei.

Inside the cell, a new sort of silence reigned, even more awkward than the others. Here, there was nothing that could be said without the shadows whispering of emotions, of fears. Duo had too many of those right now. Heero, for whatever reason, was being silent, Wufei somehow respecting distances.

Duo stood until he couldn't anymore, then dropped against the wall, sliding down until his butt hit the cold floor. He sighed and leaned his head back again.

Time continued, but slowly. The metal grate beside the door slid back, and food was presented. There was only enough for one person, and Wufei carried it over to Heero. Heero drank most of his water, then ate his bread, breaking it off into pieces and chewing each methodically before swallowing. Then, with a few bites left, he offered both of what was left to Duo. “Eat,” he said.

Duo looked at the food, then up at Heero, before finally shaking his head. “Mine's still here,” he said. His voice came out a whisper.

“Eat it.” Heero still held out his food.

Duo's lips pulled into a scowl, and he snatched the damn food from Heero's fingers. Their skin touched. He couldn't believe the contact made his nerves spark. “Fine,” he said, then, not wanting to sound ungrateful, added a grudging, “thanks.” He dipped the bread in the water, more as a precaution than because he still needed to. Then he ate it. It was only a bit, and suddenly he found himself ravenous. He quickly finished off Heero's meal and pushed himself off of the wall to retrieve his food. Heero growled a warning at him.

Duo watched as Heero got up and got Duo's food himself, handing it over to Duo before he sat back down.

Pod people.

He ate slowly at first, but he couldn't ignore the rumble of his stomach for long, and soon he was practically tearing at the bread like a dog. He thought he heard an amused noise from Wufei.

Duo couldn't say how much time passed after that. The three of them sat with their thoughts, each musing in different ways. Duo, confined to resting against the wall on the floor by Heero's glares, watched Wufei get up and meditate on the floor once more. Heero sat on the steps without moving for what seemed like hours. It took Duo a long while to notice that Heero was slowly flexing one muscle after another – tensing it, then untensing it, then tensing it again, in order to stay still without getting cramps or having to shuffle around. The man seemed to be doing in unconsciously.

Duo, without anything to do, listened to the sound of the air vents, clanking slightly as it worked its feeble mechanics into giving them oxygen. He was lying against the floor, feeling every inch of the unforgiving surface as his mind wandered dully from memory to memory. He had a lot to worry about. Not only was he trapped in an Oz prison with no guarantee of survival, he had one of his allies trying to get him killed, one risking his own sanity for Duo's safety, and one just barely giving Duo the time of day. His cracked rib was taking forever to heal, and he had no guarantee it would heal correctly, since he wasn't receiving any help there. Of course, with Heero's penchant for putting bones back into place with his bare hands, Duo had little doubt Heero would have done something ludicrous that would have solved that problem.

Still. Still. Heero was an on-demand hitman for Oz just for some damn antibiotics, which would only fuel the fire of Duo's assassins' anger. Hell, he was angry, himself! What the hell was Heero thinking?

He heard movement from Wufei, and in desperation, Duo turned to it. The man was standing, stretching slightly. Duo watched as Wufei moved like water into a strange tai-chi sort of formation, standing on one foot and lifting the other into the air. Then the man danced into what looked like a fighting stance.

It was like lightning, only syncopated. Wufei thrust into a low palm strike, then danced low and away into a clawing grab, then a snake bite, then a round house kick, high enough that Duo wondered how the man didn't fall on his ass. Then he was moving again, striking to the left, blocking an imaginary foe, twisting around into a parry that would have most likely left his enemy sprawled on the concrete floor.

The moves were practiced, rehearsed, like a song. Each note was hit with perfect assurance, the dissonance played between hand and foot moving perfectly to the rhythm of Wufei's body. Duo found himself watching in awe.

Warmth centered beside him, a feeling almost recognized. He turned to see Heero lying down beside him. “He's graceful.”

Duo nodded, his gaze flickering back to their cellmate. “Like a dancer.”

Duo could feel Heero's eyes on him. They were heavy, too heavy for Duo to meet. “Are you angry?”

The question threw Duo for a loop. He looked over at Heero again. Those eyes couldn't show their luminescence in here, in the darkness. Yet they still held power. And Duo could recognize them in a way most couldn't. He saw within them the memories of the sex that linked them together. Duo hadn't thought the act one to bond over. He'd thought there was nothing attached. Looking into Heero's eyes now, remembering the moments when Heero would slide inside him, when those eyes were dark and molten like liquid sapphires, he knew differently. They'd forged a bond, a sword and sheath, one encompassing the other, the other cutting into the one. And damn him, but he couldn't be angry with Heero's decision. “No,” he said, answering Heero's question. He almost let it slip out; he almost said no, because now Heero had proven himself more than a machine, but he was afraid of what the words might do to Heero.

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

Duo opened his mouth, ready to say that he couldn't possibly avoid anyone in a cell, but he stopped himself again. “Because it's a high price,” he said finally.

Heero was silent. They watched Wufei dip into a low stance, his legs like iron, his loose pants rustling slightly. Then he was moving again, his legs snapping up as he jumped off the ground, one lead front kick, the next reverse front. Wufei landed back in his ready stance and flipped around, throwing an invisible assailant over his shoulders. That small black ponytail whipped against the man's neck as he moved.

“When your Gundam is ready,” Heero said, “I will take the Mercurius. During that time, you and Wufei can escape.”

It sounded reasonable. Logical. Duo frowned. “You couldn't have known they would use you for that.”

“I had guessed.” Heero shifted. “The reason I'd gotten caught was because I'd tried to destroy the machine. Trowa stopped me.”

“Trowa?!” Duo turned, eyes wide. Trowa was here? Trowa had stopped Heero? “Why?”

Heero was lying on the floor, but unlike Duo, he didn't have his hands resting on his chest. Instead he looked ready to stand in a moment's notice. “He's gone undercover to destroy Oz.”

Undercover. Duo blinked. It made sense. It he stopped Heero from destroying the new mobile suit, he would quickly climb the ranks, and any suspicion others had of him would disappear. “Okay,” he said slowly, “so you risked it for a chance?”

Duo hadn't filtered the doubt from his voice, but Heero didn't acknowledge it. “I made my decision.”

Duo huffed. “Look, it's not like I'm not grateful. I am. It's just... it's a really, really high price.”

Heero grunted. The sound was almost kind. “I was willing to pay it.”

The thought only then seemed to worm its way into Duo's skull, sliding through the crevices in his mask to find a nice, warm niche in his chest. Heero cared enough about Duo to risk everything. He'd thought it before, but this new thought-worm was bringing with it the second realization: the bond formed through sex wasn't just one of allies. It was deep. Very deep. Friends? Maybe, but a deeper friendship. There wasn't a word for it. Not in the English language. “Thank you,” Duo said, his voice low. Humble. “I...”

“You're welcome,” Heero said. “Nakama.”

Duo frowned. “That's another insult, isn't it?”

Duo jumped slightly when Wufei laughed. He turned his gaze from Heero to Wufei and saw the man slide helplessly out of his kata. The man slid to the floor, shaking his head. “I do not believe this,” the man said, looking for all the world like he'd entered a new dimension. “I can't believe this.”

“Believe what?” Duo said, frowning even harder. What the hell were these two playing at? “Believe _what?”_

The man just shook his head and laughed harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be picking up after the storyline in the next chapter, simply because if I have to follow one more episode, I think I'll have to hurt someone. If you don't remember, Heero goes with Trowa to investigate an unknown mobile suit – the Wing Zero, piloted by Quatre. Qat, his mind a bit broken by the Zero system, takes Trowa to be an enemy and shoots him down. The shock of it brings Quatre back, and after a manly man-battle between Quatre and Heero, they go to Earth. Duo and Wufei, meanwhile, are trapped inside the cell when the oxygen is turned off, but Une turns it back on and they decide to hightail it the fuck outta there, their new Gundams in tow.
> 
> For those who don't know, baka means idiot and nakama means very, very close friend/teammate. Kind of like someone who works toward the same basic goal as you, only there's a higher level of trust involved.


	6. When Touched By Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Around episodes 26 to 32. Yes. In all that time, you do not see Duo. Heero is in Sanq with the Bubblegum Princess.

 

“Me o hiraite mo mieru no wa uso to iu kagerou  
Me o tojite shika mienai mono tatoeba mirai

Ima wa me o tojite kimi o mitsumeru  
Shadow hearts color'd in blue.  
Shadow.”

(“What I can see with my eyes open is the heat haze called a lie.  
What I can only see with my eyes closed might be the future.

Now, with my eyes closed, I'm watching you.  
Shadow hearts color'd in blue.  
Shadow.”)

~ Yoshitaka Hiroka, “Shadow Hearts”

* * *

It hadn't been until Sister Helen explained it to him that he'd understood what the word 'Duo' meant. Solo had named him that when they'd started... being together. He'd heard some old guy yell at some fat kid holding a metallic something that solo meant doing it alone and duo meant doing it with another person. Since Solo was the only leader, he took his name. And since Duo was the one he ended up _doing things_ with, he'd ended up with that name. Duo hadn't understood such a thing as music duets or symphonies or saxophones – the object the fat kid had been holding. He'd just heard that duo meant two people together. And since he'd been with Solo, that had been that.

Back then, he had only known that he'd gotten the coveted title of 'another person,' that he'd been chosen for that 'something important.' And sex had to be important. Important things were paid for. Food, water, shelter. So sex also had to be important, since it was also paid for. And Duo had been the important one giving Solo sex.

He hadn't understood, back then, the importance of the word 'duo.' Two people working together, as in a dance or a song. He hadn't thought of it meaning two things usually found together. He certainly hadn't thought the meaning 'couple.'

But now... now, maybe, he was starting to understand it.

He and Wufei had left the Lunar base after the oxygen had returned to the prison cell they'd been trapped in. Somewhere in there, they'd been separated, and Duo couldn't say where Wufei had been headed, or if he'd even had a destination in mind. All Duo had been concerned about was Heero. Heero, who had gone out again on some damn Oz errand and hadn't been there for the shit that had gone down afterward. And Trowa, whom Duo had learned was the pilot of the other new mobile suit. And Quatre, who Duo hadn't heard hide nor hair from since coming out to space. And even Wufei, who had been Duo's predominantly silent companion during his stay in the Lunar base prison cell.

Duo meant working with someone else. And Duo was alone. Again.

It wasn't surprising to him that he ended up heading near a colony, and he just barely thought to open up specs on the place. It was a civvy colony, complete with very isolationist methods. The colony outsourced to the neighboring colony, picked up all imports from the place, and had several people making a living on trading scrap. The only involvement in the war this colony seemed to have was taking some of the leftovers from the battles.

Still, he didn't breathe a sigh of relief until he'd managed to hijack a shuttle, sneak his unfinished Deathscythe Hell onboard, and made his way into the colony. Feigning an emergency, he 'crash-landed' his shuttle into an enclosed airspace, and during the ensuing confusion got his Gundam secured in a false trail of red tape. Red tape documents in hand, he showed them to the annoyed landing colonel and proceeded to get his Deathscythe through customs without it being searched. From there it was to the nearest ethernet access site within the colony's docking space, in which he bought himself a recently vacated lot with a recently dead Oz captain's money. That finally completed, he towed the Deathscythe in a truck to the vacated lot. It had, thankfully, a bunch of junk hidden in the back of the lot still, and it was underneath all that that he hid Deathscythe for the time being.

It was all emotionally exhausting work, especially after the adrenaline rush of escaping from the Lunar base. He and Wufei had made the place burn, but Duo knew damn well the place was still running. And that meant Heero might have been brought back to that place. What would he think when he saw Duo and Wufei gone? Would he think they'd abandoned him?

It was a thought that grated along the edges of Duo's mind, haunting him with images of Heero looking around, those dark eyebrows folded down, those lips thinned. He thought about how supportive Heero had been. And remembering the weird words Heero had used, Duo hooked up ethernet at the lot with a little more recycled money and plugged in an old, rusty modem and monitor that might have been new fifty years ago. He grimaced. First item on the list was a laptop.

He spent a few good minutes waiting for the thing to grind into gear, then searched specs and blueprints on the colony and its neighbors. Then he called up the news links and hacked into sealed Oz reports. It all took a half hour just to get it all on-screen, and he watched the day cycle shift into night as he read everything. Oz had been busy while Duo'd been locked away, and several more military outposts had been built, along with their own defensive and offensive weapons systems. He memorized them and moved on to the news. Nothing about captured pilots or doctors, and Duo was ready to bet all the money he'd just put down on his new haven that the colony that had suddenly overheated had been the one Heero had been called in to investigate. The blueprints of the colony were simple and standard, the usual sectors A through H, each balanced with their own linking systems. He was in Sector D. The time was just past eight, and his own lot had three obvious exits and two more roundabout ones. He grinned and deleted all info on the lot. No use letting enemies know about those exits.

Then, business concluded, he started re-downloading his music and looked up those words. It didn't take him long to find a place where he could translate phonetic languages, and he played with a few Asian languages before trying Japanese. Already annoyed with the search, he typed it in one more time: _baka_.

_Definition: idiot, fool, stupid._

Duo snorted. He'd thought as much.

He yawned. How much sleep had he managed to get before the cell's oxygen had been turned off? As he looked back, he distinctly remembered not much.

The second word's spelling was a little more confusing, but using his small amount of knowledge on the Japanese language, he tried _nakama._

_Definition: colleague, compatriot, friend, comrade._

Duo blinked. He must have spelled it wrong.

But several tries later, he found that similar spellings didn't even exist as words. His brows raised. So... had Heero meant _nakama_ , as in _friend?_ Duo chewed on it, feeling something flutter in his chest. It made him feel even worse for leaving Heero behind. Even if staying there would have meant death.

“He'll be okay,” Duo told himself, just as he had when they'd left the damn base. The fact that he was still telling himself that meant he probably didn't believe it.

The lot had no defenses. There were no cameras, no sensors, no lasers. The place didn't look like it had held much in the way of importance before. Before he rested, he had to make sure his Deathscythe was safe. It meant leaving the place though. Leaving his vulnerable 'Scythe hidden under a pile of junk.

He hurried, calling up several different shops and buying only a couple of items, switching his name and his bank account between four different Oz soldiers, all of them still alive. Poor saps were now officially broke.

Then he told each one to drop their loads off at different locations, some even in different sectors. Only two cameras and one laser gate were to be dropped off in sector D. Then he hunted up the black market on the colony.

It was certainly better than the last he'd been at. The entire thing was sitting in a suburban neighborhood on the other side of the sector, each man wearing polo shirts and carrying suitcases, acting as if they had normal, average jobs. Duo was ushered into a house that looked like a bi-level from the exterior. It led down two stories, the first acting as a sort of seating area that hid the offices in the back, the second holding all the materials. Duo came in carrying Captain Frank Turnis' credits, smirking at the idea of having taken one of his captives' money. The leader, sitting in a high-backed chair and steepling gloved hands together, was the one to work the transaction. These sweet men didn't ask him why his face didn't match the photograph that the computer popped up, and Duo didn't ask them how they'd gotten so much military gear onto a civilian colony. They parted ways with a smile, Duo's much more chipper than the leader's thin-lipped farewell. And he had all his favorites once again. Maybe this time he could hang onto them.

With his hunting knives on his arms and his riot daggers in his boots, his FN pistol hidden on his hip and two Glock 28's on his shoulders, his two Bersa Thunder pistols on his waist, and his Uzi and mini-Uzi's packed away with a few pretty little explosions and mines in a duffel, he returned back to the base, checked to see if Deathscythe was still safe, then placed the mines around his Gundam and went on the hunt for his cameras and laser gate.

The night cycle was deep by the time Duo was back on the street. He didn't have a watch, and he remedied that at the first jewelry store he found. It was past midnight. He'd demanded the items be dropped off immediately. It would have garnered attention, but the cameras were for photography, the gate being sent to a museum. He got the gate first, slipping through the back alleys he'd just memorized and pacing away from the police station when he got too close. His priests' garb would attract attention if noticed, but the black color was helpful. Once he had the gate, he had to return to the lot. It was slow going; he had to pass a small residential area, and if anyone saw him hunkering down and dragging a big piece of metal, the cops would be called.

The thing was heavy, too. The gate was meant to be splayed across a fairly short distance, no more than a few meters. The two poles, magnetically linked together now, would be bound into the two sides, and when turned on, lines of lasers would beam across the two metal poles. Anything that went through would sound an alarm, conveniently magnetized to the tops of the poles at the moment. Of course, if Duo desired, they could immediately alert the cops, but he could easily re-rig that until it notified him or, even better, set off a trap. Maybe he would place an electric mat underneath the ground at each of the entrances. He grinned at the thought.

Of course, for now he would have to be content with putting up just one gate, and one camera would be set up at the other two entrances. That and the mines would have to be enough until he could get into the other sectors.

Once inside his lot, he took a breather, putting the gate down and huffing in a few breaths. The damn thing was _heavy_. He knew it was because the thing was supposed to stay where it was placed and not come off, but damn, it was hard to move! He stretched his back and wrapped his hands around the thing. Duo supposed it probably didn't help that he was still recovering from his injuries. His ribs ached, though he was certain now that if there'd been any problem with them, Heero had fixed it before he'd ever woken up. There was no feeling of wrongness, no swelling anywhere that wasn't caused by a bruise, all of which had faded.

He probably shouldn't think about Heero.

Tugging the gate to the back entrance was slow, but it was the best place for it at the moment. The front was so obvious, dangerous enemies would avoid it. The side entrance took the enemy through an empty lot. The back entrance, on the other hand, was dangerously close to Deathscythe, hidden slightly by the junk, and gave enough distance from the small building on the lot without being out in the boonies.

Duo didn't bother checking his newly-acquired watch for the time as he set up the gate. It couldn't be rushed; he had to lock the poles into the concrete wall. It was the reason he'd chosen this lot in the first place; a wall surrounded the thing on each side, and since it was made out of concrete, it was harder to climb. The gates that used to exist along the wall, however, were long gone in the back and front. The side still had one, but it was old and from the look of it, completely rusted. So the laser gate stretched along the meter-long space where the old, normal gate used to be, and as he locked it in with hooks conveniently placed along the outer rim of the poles, he searched the thing for how to turn it on. The alarm was taken off first and jimmied so it didn't send a frequency to the police stations. Then he took the alarm and changed it to make a small beeping noise. Not loud enough to alert any intruder that he knew they were there, but loud enough to wake him from a sound sleep.

That finished, he yawned and looked over his handiwork. Whatever hinges had once existed were gone, but the poles were meant to be as inconspicuous as possible and looked like parts of a fancy door that had been ripped off. In daylight, the thing wouldn't stand up to a second's scrutiny, but at night, it looked almost normal. It wouldn't catch any top pros, but it would slow them down, show them he had defenses. He yawned again. For now, that would have to be good enough.

And since he wasn't feeling secure yet, he would just have to sleep in Deathscythe.

One more trip and he would be able to sleep. He left through the front entrance and scurried back across those damn back alleys, this time going left instead of right. The cameras had been dumped near the black market's men, though he hadn't known it when he'd ordered them. The street was ritzier, with houses owning a good space of fake lawn. L2 hadn't had any streets like this one, and it made his shoulders itch. He hunkered down and studied the houses and their gates for security cameras. They were all there; each house had at least one. Hell. If he'd thought one of these houses was available, he would have just bought one of these.

Then again, he mused, someone entering a high profile neighborhood wouldn't exactly be inconspicuous. It was probably why the mob lived one street down.

His own cameras had been left in the mailbox for one particularly paranoid individual. The man had a mouse trap on his mailbox. Duo cocked an eyebrow at the thing. It was designed to go off when a person tried to open the box. It was hidden on the bottom, but the trigger sat on the lip of the lid, catching Duo's eye. He set the thing off before opening the lid, then reset it again after he got his cameras. He set the thing back where it had been and took off.

The cameras were a bit easier to handle, though he had to run in and out of the lot building. Inside the thing sat the table on which his pathetic computer sat – the market assured him that they would have a better computer that suited his needs come ten more hours – and a bunch of dust collecting on the wooden floorboards. He had to hook up the vid chips into both said suck-ass computer and his 'Scythe, then rig the thing to light up the screens when the motion-sensitive cameras caught something. He tried to hide them as best he could, but with absolutely nothing in the way of cover, there wasn't much he could do but place the cameras on the inside of the walls and point them toward the doors. If someone managed to climb the neck-height walls, he had nothing yet to catch them.

It made him antsy.

With a roll of his shoulders and a quick double-check of the premises, he slunk over to his Gundam, slid in, and bunkered down. He set up proximity alarms, heat sensors, and finally pulled up the cameras on-screen before letting his eyes slip closed.

When he dreamed, he dreamed of darkness and cold, and steely blue eyes that guarded over him. “I swear,” a deep voice said, rumbling the words into his ear as someone lay behind him, “I will protect you.”

And as he gasped for air in a fevered heat, he leaned trustingly into strong arms.

* * *

“And the joy of this world,  
when you've summed it all up,  
Is found in the making of friends.”

~ B. J. Morbitzer, “Friends”

* * *

“Duo.”

He opened his eyes blearily, immediately turning to the door. He found himself noting things as he did – the dawn's light, brighter than on the colonies, the almost-bare room he'd been staying in since he and Quatre had escaped Singapore together. Quatre stood there at the doorjamb, very carefully not entering. If he had, Duo would have instantly woken on red alert. The blond saw Duo's eyes were open and smiled. “Hey,” Duo grunted.

“Hey,” Quatre said, coming in and sitting on Duo's bed. It was a nice little thing, if a little like a cot. And it had comforters. Duo had slept on comforters back at G's, but training had always warned him that sleeping underneath the thing would get him a serious bruise and an hour's extra training. But here, with Quatre's army of Middle Eastern weight lifters, he felt safe. Still, he scrambled out from under the brown thing and pushed it away.

“What's up, Quatre? Trouble?” Duo's braid was an unkempt mess, but his first priority were his weapons. His knives he'd kept sheathed on him during the night – just in case – but his guns were all on the nightstand beside his bed. He grabbed them and their holsters and started strapping them on.

“No. No,” Quatre said, raising his hands. “Nothing like that. I just... I wanted to talk to you.”

Duo raised a brow. “Quatre, we talked to each other all of yesterday.”

“I know, I know,” the blond said, and Duo blinked when the man blushed. The little guy looked down at his hands, stared hard at the manicured fingernails, and sighed. “There's... something I want to talk to you about. Without having the others nearby to hear me.”

“Oh?” Duo said, and grinned. He sat beside Quatre now that he was done arming himself and leaned back on his hands. “This should be good.”

Quatre couldn't seem to help the laugh, though it sounded a little choked at the end. “The – the other pilots. Have you met all of them?”

Duo frowned. “We all met at the Edwards base, Quatre, remember? Though I have to say that was the first time I saw that Wufei guy. The other one, Trowa? I don't know him all that well. The one I'm... the one I _was_ closest to was Heero.” The man's name came out a whisper.

Quatre laid a hand on Duo's knee. “I'm sorry.”

Duo shrugged it off and smiled. “Yeah, well, it can't be undone. And he flipped Oz the bird pretty well, didn't he?” He smiled at Quatre, but the little blond didn't seem to fall for it. If anything, those clear blue eyes clouded further. “What did you want to ask me, Quatre?”

Quatre opened his mouth, then seemed to hesitate. He closed it again and shook his head. The dawn's light made the strands shimmer like gold. “I... I...” The blond sighed. “It's Trowa.”

Duo frowned. “Is something wrong? Is he–”

“No, no!” Quatre said, flailing his arms again. “Nothing like that!”Though Duo's questions did seem to pull him back out into the world. When it did, it looked like it had cost him something terrible. “Nothing like that,” he said again, and this time it was like a sigh.

“So then what?”

If anything, Quatre seemed to shrink into himself, seeming even shorter, even smaller. Even more vulnerable. “I think I love him.”

Duo blinked. Then again. His mouth dropped open like a carp. “You what?”

“Look, I know it's not rational!” His shoulders were hunched, his words oddly practiced. “I know we only met a couple of times. I know that! But still! He's nice. He's quiet, but he's kind. I... I can tell.” Quatre bit his lip.

Duo had several things he could say to that, but none of them were what the little guy needed to hear. “You care about him?”

“Of course!”

“And has he ever hurt you?”

Quatre looked at Duo with wide eyes, then almost snarled. “Of course not!”

Duo nodded, satisfied. “Then they're _your_ emotions, Quatre. So they can't be wrong. Right?”

Now it was Quatre's mouth that opened and closed like a fish's. “I... yes.” The kid beamed. God, he really did seem like a kid. Like a little kitten, all fluff and small claws. “Thank you, Duo.” And Quatre pulled out a small black machine. “I... I want you to have this.”

Duo looked at it and raised a brow. “Do what?”

“I...” The blond bit his bottom lip. “I didn't get the chance to give it to Trowa. He... left. Very suddenly.”

Duo heard the hesitancy in Quatre's voice that said the kid was wondering what in him Trowa had found ugly enough to run away. “You said he's quiet, right? He might just need time.”

It was hope, and it was cruel, but Quatre nodded and seemed to untense slightly. “I want you to have it,” he said, holding out the thing for Duo to take. “Put it in a watch or something and keep it close. All you have to do is say my full name – Quatre Raberba Winner – and it'll send out a GPS signal that will track your location. No matter where you are, I'll find you.”

 _Friend_. Duo had said it with aplomb the day before, but suddenly the word seemed very, very strong. He reached out and plucked the little thing from Quatre's hand. “Thank you,” he said, and saw Quatre give him a little smile. “Hey, we're both Gundam pilots, right? How were you trained?”

And carefully he steered Quatre away from the pain that lingered in those sky-blue eyes.

* * *

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care, for people will hear them and be influenced by them, for good or ill.”

~Buddha

* * *

He awoke to alarms.

The cockpit flashed red as he jolted awake, already leaning forward to read the warning charts popping up along his screens. Someone had triggered a proximity alarm. There wasn't anything on the heat sensors, so the person hadn't come close enough to set those off. In fact, if his Deathscythe hadn't been an upgraded version, the person would have skimmed straight past. He snarled. Already he knew who it must be.

He grabbed his duffel, glad he'd thought to bring the thing back before he'd become too tired, and pulled out his mini-Uzi's and their holster. He pulled them on while he pulled up visuals.

It was difficult to make out anything; the cycle was in-between night and day, a sort of pre-dawn that couldn't quite simulate the sun's rising. It would turn from black to blue with only pinks and oranges playing mutely across the sky. For now, however, there was only gray.

The lot wasn't much to sneeze at, but it was more rectangular than square, and the house was sitting on one of the long ends, on the other side from the side entrance. The back entrance sat at one of the short ends, with junk piled higher than usual thanks to his Deathscythe. His visuals were slightly blocked by said junk, but the rest of the lot was clear to view. He saw slight movement along the side of the house and sneered. One. Another was setting off the proximity alarms, so someone was hiding by the junk, possibly disarming his mines. He doubted they were alone. Duo scanned the other buildings around him, but he already knew the looks. Each lot was like his, though owned, with tiny buildings and piles of junk. Someone might be hiding amongst said piles, but there would be enough stability for a sniper. They would simply be back-up.

Opening Deathscythe's cockpit was an exercise in patience, as he had to work the thing manually in order to keep the junk from slipping noisily off the cockpit. The person by the house was peering inside. It wouldn't take more than a second for him to realize Duo wasn't in there. They'd know he was in Deathscythe. They would target him then.

He slipped out just as the man at the house turned and signaled something to the man near Duo. It helped Duo locate the guy; he was hiding on the side opposite the house. The man nodded and turned to the junk pile. Duo had to hunker low. The man pulled out his own semi-automatic. With one hand, the man raised his pinky and first fingers, held up his first two fingers, then pointed to the pile in front of him. Each of those were standard signals for Operation Meteor. Duo's lips thinned. They were his allies. J's men?

He waited for the man to skirt around the pile just enough to leave his ally's line of eyesight before throwing a riot dagger into his neck. The next man signaled men from the right, and as Duo'd expected, two men climbed the concrete fence. It would have slowed down any but the most professional – but these men were professionals. The three didn't even give each other signals; as a unit they split, the one who'd checked the house checking the front, the two who'd climbed over each taking a side. The one who turned to where the dead man sat was killed with the second riot dagger. Duo slid down that side then and wrapped the long way around, skirting past the leader. This man was disarming one of Duo's mines, and Duo waited until he'd finished before coming up behind him and pressing against the pressure points in the man's neck. It took all of two seconds for the man to go limp.

The leader stepped around then, and though Duo hunkered low against the junk, the man just aimed at Duo. “I knew you'd catch us,” the man said. He held his hand up in a fist. Duo tensed. He heard soft scuffling sounds as more men climbed the walls. “But we're used to you pilots. And we know one better than you.”

 _Heero_. Duo thought of him as four men came up behind him and another joined the leader. Shit. He shouldn't have been taken by surprise. But how the hell had these men found him? He'd only been here all of twelve hours!

The leader didn't move his gaze from Duo, and no one came within reaching distance. Duo didn't have a weapon in hand. He was practically defenseless. Yet these men didn't seem to want to kill him. His brow furrowed. “What do you want?”

The man smiled. “We realized something after our first attempt failed. You really are a good pilot, you know that? Not great. Most certainly not the best. But adequate. And it also occurred to us that even though you're a distraction, you dying might also be a distraction.”

Duo's heart pounded. He didn't know what exactly the man was saying, but he did know it sounded pretty bad. “Uh-huh. It would certainly distract me.” His mouth was working on autopilot. If he could just get someone to come closer, or have someone do _something_ – he wished desperately that a neighbor would show up. If someone showed, it would give Duo just the amount of distraction needed to get these guys.

The man smirked at Duo's words. “I'm sure.” Duo hard something behind him – a small, buzzing kind've hum. Electricity. A taser? No. A stun gun. They wouldn't try getting close enough to use a taser.

He listened to the crackle in the air, to the small, almost imperceptible scuff as someone readied themselves for the small kickback of the gun. Then he ducked and swung his leg out. Two men fell as he kicked their ankles, and he grabbed the stun gun from one as he fell. He used the gun on a third and swung around to use one of the fallen men's bodies as a shield.

He felt metal kiss his temple. “That's enough.”

Fuck.

Duo stopped moving, but he didn't let go of his prisoner. The man struggled in Duo's grip, but Duo's arm was around his neck and he just squeezed. The gun ground itself against Duo's head, sliding to his eye. The others around him were recovering; the leader was pointing his own gun at Duo, grinning a small smile. The man, Duo noticed, had silver eyes.

“Let him go,” the leader said.

Duo hesitated. They weren't going to kill him. Placing one's gun on one's forehead was always a threat to kill, never a promise. Still, there were more people with more guns, all aimed at different places. He wouldn't be shot by the man with the gun on his temple. He would be shot by someone else. And when he stumbled from the pain, that's when they would capture him. At least he held the stun gun. Now he had a weapon. He let go of his prisoner.

The man with his gun to Duo's head exploded.

Bits of brain splattered on Duo, but he was already moving, hitting the man he'd released in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious. He whirled around the leader and his cohort, his hair flying, and knocked the cohort to the ground before ripping one of his bowies from its arm holster. He stabbed it deep in the man's arm, then grabbed his gun and shot him in both legs. With one half-turn he ducked and shot twice more, hitting one in the chest and the other in the head. Then he turned back to the leader. “Looks like things just aren't going you guys' way, huh?” He grinned.

The man glared. “There are more of us.”

That wasn't surprising. “Just how many has J sent after me?”

Those silver eyes flickered in surprise, and Duo's suspicion was cemented. If it hadn't been J who'd sent these men, he would have looked confused. Duo snarled. “I haven't done anything to jeopardize Operation Meteor. And there isn't one anymore, anyway! The colonies have abandoned us – just like _you_ have!” Before the man could answer, Duo shot him again, letting the bullet ricochet off the man's head. He wasn't going to kill him – not yet. He still had questions.

He double-checked the men who were still alive, then hugged the junk pile again. Someone had sniped off Duo's captor's head. It seemed like an ally, but who the hell would snipe? Wufei didn't seem the type to skulk around. Heero? But what kind've luck would have Heero here? And if Heero couldn't be here, then Trowa sure as hell couldn't. Quatre? But somehow he didn't think so. He didn't have anyone else.

“Duo!”

The voice made him jerk like he'd been shot. He turned to the left side of the junkyard lot, the side away from the house. A woman was struggling to climb the wall. As soon as she did, she sat on it and waved. A sniper rifle sat in her lap. The dawn cycle was finishing, and the brightening sky played on her hair, turning the black edges purple.

Hilde.

The idea blew his mind, left him reeling for a short moment. “Hilde?” he said, blinking like a fool, gaping like a fish. Then, finally, gears started grinding. He heard someone moving across the street. “Hilde, quick! Get down here!”

She did, thank Shinigami, and he sent her to the junk heap to grab cables and start motors as he grabbed up bodies and dragged them into the building. The first motor popped into life, shooting out a few sparks and sounding like it had seen its last days twelve years ago. It fired up with a bang.

When the cops showed up, they actually apologized for the inconvenience. Duo had needed to take off his shirt to hide the blood.

* * *

“Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy if possible.”

~ Thomas J. Jackson

* * *

It took them far too long to properly dispose of the bodies in an incinerator, but they managed by wrapping the men in saran wrap and dumping them in the truck Duo had forgotten about. He drove it back to the docks, waved a few more red-tape documents, and got the damn corpses out of there. Hilde, meanwhile, had been left on guard duty, with explicit orders to not let the men wake up. Duo had three of them still alive. It meant three different chances to coax out information. Information he needed very, very badly.

It was as he waited for the incinerator to stop smelling like charred flesh that he found himself thankful, very, very thankful, that Heero wasn't around. These men had verified that J had been the one to send them after him, which meant that J was working behind Heero's back. Duo's hands shook as he closed the incinerator hatch. It meant that J had decided Duo was a liability. Because Heero was willing to risk things for him? Duo could understand that, in a logical, emotionless way. Had J somehow known that Duo was getting under Heero's skin? And how the hell did that make Duo feel?

Honestly, if he thought about it, then he would hesitate. He would worry about what was happening, what he was feeling, what all of it might mean for their fights against Oz and Romefeller. He would worry about Heero, about where he was and what he was doing and whether he had any clue what J was doing. And he would fear for his own future – maybe dying, maybe... maybe not dying. If he died, then he wouldn't be able to help against Oz and Romefeller. If he lived, he could bring danger with him everywhere he went.

He walked back to the truck and just decided what the hell. He would keep the thing. Pretending he had more to return, he turned back onto the roads, carefully following speed limits. His mind slipped back to what that man had been saying. Him dying could be even more of a distraction? Certainly not to him; he'd be dead. So... to Heero?

It left Duo with those damn questions again. He remembered Heero walking out without resisting as the soldiers recruited him once again. He remembered Heero practically forcing him to eat. Remembered Heero coming to get him out of his previous cell and saying, quite calmly, 'I hadn't thought up an escape plan yet.'

A bigger distraction alive than dead? How?

The roads were pretty full, now that daylight had come to roost. Duo was stuck at a stoplight, idly tapping the wheel, when someone pulled the passenger door handle. It was locked, but it was enough to make Duo pull out his FN pistol. He released the safety.

No one moved. He didn't see anything from any of his windows, nor his rearview or side mirrors. No one peeked through his windshield. No gun was lifted up. Yet though Duo's adrenaline rush was slowly fading, he knew he hadn't misheard. Someone had tried to enter his car.

The car behind him honked its horn.

Duo jumped. He pressed down on the gas, his nerves sizzling. He checked everywhere for a sign of an enemy, but nothing. He wasn't surprised. These guys were professionals. They'd gotten close to his Gundam without him noticing their presence. They'd also apparently hidden without the small spattering of people on the streets, getting close enough to knock on his damn door without making him feel any danger. It was enough to kick his paranoia into hyperdrive. He'd felt them before. His shoulders had itched with that feeling of danger. Why couldn't he feel them now?

Because. Because they had no intention of killing him.

He couldn't believe it. He didn't feel any killing instinct, so he didn't feel them nearby. It was so... so stupid. He'd thought he sensed danger. He'd thought that was what it was. But it wasn't. It was the sense of something near him trying to kill him. The sense of death approaching. He'd been taken so close to death so many times that he understood its touch. Could almost smell it. But pain? No matter how many times he and pain bumped elbows, he couldn't feel it sneaking up on him. How... stupid.

The thought almost carried him away with it. Then he saw a small flash of something on his side mirror. Adrenaline pumped through him again.

Without thinking about it, he turned right when he should have turned left. He instinctively moved to avoid Hilde.

There was no flash of clothing or hair, not like last time, but suddenly he felt it: death's touch. And he noticed he'd turned onto a back road with no one else on it.

He ducked just as the passenger window splintered into shards. Someone removed their elbow and pointed their gun inside. It was aimed where Duo's chest should have been. But he was ducked low. He aimed his FN pistol and fired.

It was a woman who screamed, a woman who used her bloody arm to unlock the passenger door. And it was a woman, a thin, flat-chested woman who pulled the handle and slid inside, her fingers still clenched around her gun.

Duo pulled the trigger again, but his hand was grabbed and twisted. He snarled as his bullet went off-course. Without turning to look, he slammed on the brakes. Before the car even stopped, he was pulling out a bowie knife from his arm sheath.

But she was moving, too, hoisting herself up on top of him and – and...

And kissing him.

He was so fucking stunned that an enemy would kiss him in the middle of a battle that it took until the liquid choked in the back of his throat for him to realize he'd just been drugged.

He wrenched his mouth away and struggled against fingers that were now digging into both wrists, pulled with everything he was, but only just barely managed to get himself free. And when she gyrated her hips on his, confusion made him stop once more. Wait a minute... was this... was this rape? He almost laughed. Was he being raped?

But then the woman lowered his wrists to his sides and leaned in, putting her mouth to his ear. “Sweet dreams, 02.”

Well. So much for that idea.

* * *

“And then,  
There you are  
As you have always been  
Behind my eyes”

~ Jon Anderson

* * *

He woke up to a haze of sensations. Heavy limbs, fuzzy mind, white. Lots of white. A voice, very calm, very tenor, asking for something. Receiving it. He thought he saw a hand pass over his face. Someone looked down at him. “He's up,” Duo heard, and thought the words meant something.

“It doesn't matter. We need to get this done.”

Lots more white, then pain. Something ground into the back of his head, and he writhed. Something held his arms still above him. When he tried to kick, something kept his feet in place. He bucked his hips, arced his back. Pressure came from above him – hands, he realized – and held him down. The pain grew bigger, an inferno, a lightning strike that never faded. A drill. He tried to pull an arm up, to attack the person putting a hole in his skull, but something stopped him again. Restraints. The words pulled him from his haziness with a gasp. “Fuck,” he said, and tried to pull his head away. “Quatre,” he said, his tongue practically stuck to the roof of his mouth. “Quatre Raberba Winner.” Near his ear, far from where it should have been, he heard something beep.

“Clamp him,” someone said, a deep voice, and someone grabbed Duo's jaw. He tried to bite the person's fingers, but he couldn't quite reach. Something cold and hard wedged Duo's cheeks still, clamping until he thought his teeth was crack. Only then did the hand pull away.

The drill dug deeper. He imagined bone particles flying through the air as a pretty little hole opened up a path to his brain.

“Give him more morphine,” that tenor voice from before said then. Duo thought he heard footsteps moving away. “Don't worry. This will be over soon.”

Duo wanted to say something scathing, but his mouth was clamped too tightly shut. He pulled again at his restraints. Now that his adrenaline had pulled him from oblivion, he felt panic rising in his throat. His heart was pounding through his ribcage. He'd let himself get captured by these people. He let them take him to gods knew where to do gods knew what...

Footsteps returned. The morphine. He arced his back again as the men murmured something lowly. His eyes finally focused enough for him to see a white ceiling and what looked to be a metal table. He was on a cadaver table. He looked up and saw leather straps nailed into the table, holding his wrist captive. He glared at it. He could get free. He could... if only he...

The morphine. _Fuck_. The morphine.

“Mr. Maxwell?”

Blearily he looked to where the tenor voice was coming from. He got a vague look at pale skin and long sideburns before his eyes slipped closed.

“I advise you not to meet with Mr. Yuy again. This will be attached to your occipital lobe. Do you understand?”

Duo tried to tell the man to go to hell, but he couldn't get his damn lips to work. He struggled to flip the man the bird.

“If you see him again, you will feel pain. Do you understand?”

Pain? What was pain? Duo wanted to laugh at the prospect. And hell, hadn't he always been awful with authority? He knew, already knew, that he would hunt for Heero now. He wouldn't stop until he found the man. Just to piss these bastards off.

Then the drug hit, hard and heavy, and he was sliding back down to never-neverland. It came to him, completely unbidden: a picture of Heero, his bangs slightly wet, his eyes gazing down on Duo – the hesitation, so minute, as the man felt his release coming close. And Duo daringly lifting his hips a bit more and shoving up onto Heero's heat. Then those eyes slitted, that body tensed, then untensed for a few precious seconds. Duo felt Heero's release inside of him. Saw those gorgeous eyes burn a deep blue fire.

Heero. He wanted to see Heero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, summary: Duo gets found by Trent, a stupid Romefeller douche who decides, hey, let's keep Wing Zero and find a Gundam pilot to pilot it. He finds Duo. (Poor Duo, never catching a break.) Duo goes a little crazy from the Zero system and thinks he's killed Hilde. He gets tossed out of Zero when some more Romefeller peeps show up, gets saved from dying in space in his suit by Hilde (lol think Sunhawk's Ion Arc), and proceeds to bash the shit out of Trent with his Deathscythe Hell.
> 
> Meanwhile (know that I'm going to rape this storyline a little bit), Heero gets Epyon via Treize and some mind games while Quatre goes off to find Sandrock. (I'm forcing him to take a detour first.) Wufei fights off mobile dolls until he's told to stand down or have his colony destroyed. When he hesitates, his master self-destructs the colonies. (I always have one of those 'why do they even HAVE that button?' moments, but there you go.)
> 
> Final Note: Because I'm fairly positive this will get some reviews, I very well know that rape isn't something to laugh about. However, considering Duo was expecting assassins, a female rapist would seem such a different issue as to be laughable – especially considering his history. This does not mean that the idea of women raping men is laughable. It's not. Ever.


	7. The Weary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place somewhere in-between episodes 34 and 36.

“Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.”  
~ Winston Churchill

* * *

“ _Hilde, I need you to not be here right now.”_

“ _Shut up, Duo. I decided to help you. I'm not leaving.”_

The words echoed in his head as he stared down the butt of a gun.

“ _Hilde, I mean it. These enemies are different. They–”_

“ _I'm not leaving you! You just got... got...! I'm not leaving!”_

He almost leaned against the thing, he was so hot. He'd been tortured and tagged and dumped, but he hadn't been given one fucking antibiotic. Hilde hadn't found him for... well, he didn't know how long he'd been in that white room, but it had been three days before she'd found him in sector B. Less than one since he'd dealt with Trent.

“You thought you could hide from us, Gundam bitch?”

Duo glared up at the young man smirking through thick lips and felt his own lips curl. The man off to Duo's side murmured something low. “Why don't you suck it yourself, asshole!”

Hilde's words made Duo's gaze whip to her. The man in front of her was older, obviously the superior of the two. He was snarling. Duo leaned toward Hilde instinctively just as she was backhanded with the man's weapon. “Hilde! Damn you bastards!”

The young man hit him, too, and his head smacked into the pavement. The pain that had brewed behind Duo's eyes slammed into focus once again. He groaned.

“Get up, fucker.”

“Go to hell,” he hissed, and watched as the superior officer grinned and grabbed Hilde's breast. When she didn't respond to the touch, Duo knew she was unconscious. “Get your fuckin' hands off her!”

The kid raised his gun to hit Duo again, but this time Duo rolled onto his back, used his bound hands for balance, and kicked the kid in the face. He landed on his back, leaving Duo enough time to twist onto his feet. The superior officer was gaping. Duo smirked. “Having fun?” he asked. His voice was like silk.

“Bastard!” the superior said, and lifted his gun with oddly thin arms. Duo was already in front of the man, ducking low and kicking his shin. The man fired into the air and landed with a thud. Duo stomped on the man's hand until he released the gun, then twisted backwards while the man clutched a broken finger. He shot the man in the gut before turning back to the kid.

The boy's eyes were wide, his gaze trapped on his superior's face as the man slowly bled out. His skin was chalk white. Duo almost felt bad, for an instant; the boy was a couple years older than him, but had obviously never seen the real world before. Then Duo snarled and shot him in the head. An instant death was the only comfort he could afford to give.

Then he was sifting through his hair to find a small razor, which he used to clumsily hack at his ropes. He turned to Hilde and noticed she'd fallen into a small pile of hobo shit. He wrinkled his nose. “Oh, she's gonna be pissed.” Then he hacked her arms clean and bent to pick her up.

It was bad. Ever since that bastard Trent had found him, it was like every single soldier in the known universe was crawling out of the damn woodwork. They needed to get off the colony, but the place was swarming with these guys. Duo had been lucky that they'd turned the corner on these two losers. But what about next time?

The back alleys had been the only clear paths, but it seemed like Oz was finally getting the layout of the colony. That meant the back alleys were a no-go. The sewers, too, and the colony systems would also probably be blocked. That left the front door. Duo hated using the front door.

“C'mon, Hilde, baby, ya gotta get up.” He lightly slapped her cheek a few times, then gave up and dragged her as best he could. His head was raging up a thunderstorm, complete with lightning bolts, and his vision was fuzzy still from... from whatever those bastards had done to him. Put in him. Whatever. Hell. It had only been a day since Hilde had found him. A day since she'd pulled him out of a gutter and cleaned the streets off of him. From the smell of her, he'd have to return the favor.

He checked before he turned a corner, then hid between two buildings, behind a trash can. He couldn't go to the main streets with an unconscious woman over his shoulder. He leaned her down and patted her cheek again. “Hilde,” he said, his voice just above a whisper, sounding like a hiss, “Hilde!”

She groaned, and Duo grinned. Her eyelids fluttered. She turned her head, breathed in deep – and made a disgusted noise. “What's that smell?”

Duo laughed and patted her back – gingerly. “That, sweetie, would be your hair, your neck, and the top of your shoulder blades.”

“Ugh!” She reached up to try to pat it off, then thought better of it. “What – that guy. That pervert!” Her voice was rising, but she seemed to realize it and dropped her volume again. “Where are they? What happened?”

“I took care of them.” She looked at him, up and down, and seemed to grow awed as she found no more injuries than he'd had before that mess.

Then she stood. “I need to use a restroom.”

For the smell. Couldn't exactly slip around unnoticed smelling like literal shit. “All right. Go in here; there should be a bathroom in one of these two buildings. Your face won't be as easily recognized as mine, but I'll be nearby if you need me. Just shout. And Hilde?” He grabbed her arm as she began to stand. “I'm serious. Don't try to be a hero.”

She smiled for him, though her nose was wrinkled. “Oh, Duo. I already told you, didn't I? I'm not leaving you alone during this.”

Duo's brow furrowed, but she was already walking out of the alley. He had to wait a moment himself, had to straighten his baseball cap and tuck his braid back underneath his shirt. But then he was moving again, watching the street as he entered from the alley. Hilde went into the mechanic's shop first, and when she didn't come quickly back out, he figured they had a bathroom. She took a while, long enough that he was getting antsy and was ready to storm the place, but then she walked out, her chin high and her nose unwrinkled. She was downright grinning at him. “I feel a lot better now.”

She at least looked it; her hair, which had begun to look a little oily – though not nearly as oily as his looked by now – was wet. He was tempted to do his own, but he knew better than to leave himself in such a vulnerable position. “Good. Let's go.”

She rolled her eyes, but did as he bade. They walked normally down the road, made a turn when Duo said they had to, and otherwise tried to inconspicuously watch everything and everyone all at once. The street didn't hold its usual crowd; the plethora of soldiers marching up and down the colony had frightened off most. Only those who had somewhere they needed to be – work, a shuttle flight – were out, and most were keeping to their cars. Duo and Hilde slid between pockets of people, their eyes on anyone with a uniform or walking with their backs a little too straight. Duo nudged Hilde to warn her of two more plainclothed soldiers and bent over her as if to flirt. “We still have another eight blocks, and then I have to steal a shuttle.”

She giggled and tilted her head. He wanted to grin. She got it. “I trust you.”

Jesus. Sometimes this girl still surprised him with her naïvete. He tried to keep his gaze flirtatious and not... something else. “You hardly know me, Hilde.”

She downright grinned then. A soldier brushed against Duo's arm. He had to bite his lip to not tense. “I'm not stupid, Duo.” Now there was another reason why he was biting his lip. “When I slowed down to think, I could tell you had saved me again.”

He blinked.

“You didn't have to.” She nudged him, just for fun, and then they were walking again. He hadn't even realized they'd stopped. It took him a short second to get his brain rearranged, to pay more attention to the men standing in front of an alleyway, pointing, than the woman hurrying down the street with a young child in her arms. The buildings were all skyscrapers, and in a fit of paranoia, Duo led Hilde away from the good sniping location they were about to head into.

Something pinged into the concrete walk.

Duo pulled Hilde back and hissed. No one else seemed to have noticed. Duo turned to her and leaned in as if to kiss her. “Sniper,” he said. It was unnecessary. Her eyes were wide. She'd noticed it, too.

“Hey!”

“Fuck!” Duo hissed. Beside them was a bank. It wasn't the best place, but there was nowhere else. He pulled her inside. Hilde's feet dragged for a moment, but then she got them moving again and stumbled along behind him.

“Hold it!”

Duo walked in, his gaze sweeping around to catch a description of the place. Two security guards, one in front of a hallway that would undoubtedly lead to the vault, another milling around beside the front counter. The counter stretched to where the vault hallway began, while other offices sat to the right of the door, hiding in an alcove. Duo went to the bathrooms positioned in front of the offices. He waved to one of the women behind the counter, even as his fist clamped so hard around Hilde's wrist that she winced.

“Right,” he said, and walked with her, gesturing vaguely with his free hand, doing a small dance as he got near the bathroom doors. He gestured to the little stick figure in a dress. “In. Get out.”

“I'm not leaving you,” she said, glaring at him.

“Meet again at the shuttle bay,” he said, and let go. “Don't die!”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. It was in her eyes; she was thinking about what he was saying. They needed to split up, needed to get through. And she knew – he could see the darkness in her eyes as the realization dawned on her that she was slowing him down. The darkness turned to pain. “I'll be fine,” she said, whispering. She slid into the bathroom.

The bank doors burst open just as she disappeared inside, and Duo slid into his own bathroom as a bullet sank into the plaster. The bathroom wasn't special; one regular stall, one handicapped, two urinals, two sinks. The only window was a small slit at the top of the far wall in the handicapped room. Duo locked the stall door and grabbed one of his bowie knives. It had surprised him, waking up with his weapons, until he'd remembered that they'd wanted him crippled, not killed. He'd found their presence reassuring as his brain had tried to pound its way out of his skull. He found himself grinning manically as he pulled it out now. The rusted lock on the window was easily broken. The thing was just big enough that Hilde would probably be able to slide right through. Duo heard one person enter the men's bathroom, heard from a distance another enter Hilde's, and hoped she could get away, or at least feign some sort of innocence. Duo couldn't, and when he didn't hear any more footsteps after the door opened, he flattened himself to the floor.

The shots were loud and slow. Pistol shots. Each banged into the stall door, into the stall wall, sinking deep. Some shot through and pinged off the tile wall. Then there was silence, the silence that said the man was waiting for a sound. Duo looked up to the window. Part of him couldn't help but notice that there were no gunshots coming from the women's bathroom. Maybe there was another occupant? He could only hope.

In the silence, Duo heard his enemy take a small step forward, the man's shoe sliding slightly across the tiled floor. Duo pushed himself up and stood, keeping each movement steady, each touch of shoe on tile silent. He wanted to wipe his hands on the floor, wanted desperately to clean his braid. Instead he took his knife and jumped up. The man shouted. Duo heard the man's feet skid as he used his knife to lever the window up. The thing slid surprisingly easily, and he pulled himself up. He didn't have time to worry about how he was getting out; he went head-first to make sure he would be able to wiggle out without getting caught, then just slithered and shook his way through. More bullets pockmarked the bathroom wall, then a sharp flash of lightning rocked up and down his left leg. He grimaced.

Beyond the bank sat the alley they'd passed just minutes before. Duo saw the concrete on the ground and the clumps of weeds before he was pulling himself the rest of the way through, until gravity grabbed him by the waist and dragged him down and he had to concentrate on not getting his legs caught in the window. He switched his hands from holding him up from the wall of the bank to covering his face and neck.

He landed on his chest and his arms, barely able to roll to catch his fall before he hit the neighboring building. Through the window he heard some shouting and knew the man would be following him. His head screamed, pounded, beat like sledgehammers against the wall of his skin, throbbing and throbbing until he thought he would go mad. His vision spotted. His balance dipped. He had to lean against the nearby building and stagger his way up to his feet.

It was like a tsunami just crashed against his skull. He hardly managed to groan before he was back on the ground. His vision went from black to red. Everything banged and crashed in his skull all at once. Blind and battered, he stumbled, trying to find his feet, listening to bells clanging against his eardrums, knowing he was running out of time. He reached up and clutched his cross. He wasn't praying. He wasn't even hoping. He simply reached up and remembered why he couldn't die yet.

He held out his knife and turned. By now, the soldiers would have circled around. Hopefully, Hilde had gotten out before him. Hopefully, that was why she wasn't in the alley with him. He hoped she'd gotten away. He hoped she could handle herself half as well as she pretended she could.

“You! Halt!” Duo turned to the sound even as it made something in his head split open. He felt the world twist under his feet and clutched at the building. It scratched up his fingers, but he didn't get a good grip. His legs buckled.

He heard cloth, then a grunt, then something crumpled to the ground. He managed to get his body weight to tilt back toward the building wall and blinked blinked blinked. He saw someone, some shifty shape in front of him, someone else crumpled to the ground. He snarled and raised his knife.

“Duo!”

Something... snapped. His arm froze above his head. “Quatre?”

He still couldn't quite see, but he saw the person with their hands raised as if in surrender, the body short and slim. A teenager's body. Quatre's body?

“Thank Allah,” the blond said, and Duo found his muscles wouldn't support him anymore. He slipped to the ground. His hand fell to his side, making the knife clank slightly on the concrete. “Duo?!” The form ran forward. Duo could now see that sun-kissed hair and that fair skin, that weird vest and those pulled-down brows, low over sky-blue eyes, as the young man knelt and grabbed Duo's shoulders. He winced. “Duo, are you okay?”

The blond's voice was like an earthquake. Duo clutched his head and winced again. “Quatre. I... I can't believe it worked.” His voice was no higher than a whisper.

Quatre's grip on his shoulders became a bit... stronger. “I'm just glad I got here in time. When your tracking device just turned on, I...” He squeezed again. “I had to come. I'm sorry I'm so late.”

“Nah. Thanks for coming.” He let Quatre help him up, let the blond practically carry him through the alley to the back of the buildings, then slumped as Quatre sat him in-between dumpsters. Again. He almost laughed. Nothing like taking two steps forward and one step back. “Wait. Quatre, they're everywhere. You shouldn't be here.” He couldn't believe how long that knowledge had taken to sift through his addled brain.

He could almost see clearly now, close enough to recognize the shadows hidden in Quatre's eyes, the tension in the small smile the blond gave him. “I had to come,” he said again, and was gone. Duo made to follow and felt his head explode. He barely managed to swallow the grunt.

Only Quatre knew how much time passed then; Duo had a watch, but every time he tried to concentrate on the little digits, his eyes would blur and his head would pound. He finally gave up altogether and tried to listen for anything. Footsteps, shouts. Something. Nothing happened. No one raised an alarm, no one shouted about enemies. Duo heard nothing. Nothing at all. It made his chest tighten, that heavy silence.

Time seemed to slow. It made everything that hurt more prominent. His adrenaline wasn't rushing anymore, so his back and shoulders and ribs and head were hurting even more. Duo reached back and touched the back of his head. Beneath his hair, he felt along until he found the prickly edges of the stitches. He wanted to reach in and pull out whatever they'd put in, but he had no idea how, or even if he could. He'd need to get an X-ray – but when the hell would he find the time and resources for that?

“Duo?”

He dropped his hand and looked up so fast the pounding took on an even greater depth. He caught a splotchy image of Quatre before his vision fuzzed again. “Qat,” he said, not thinking about what he was saying, and heard the silence before he heard the nickname slip out.

“It's safe to move for now,” Quatre said, and the boy's arms went around Duo again. With the adrenaline gone, Duo found himself wincing. “Duo?”

“It's nothin',” he said, and tried to shoot Quatre a smile. Too bad he couldn't tell if he was smiling to the right one. He blinked a few more times, until there was only one Quatre and a tiny outline of another, and then he dug his feet into the concrete and pushed himself up. Quatre's hands kept him from losing his balance and diving back to the ground. “I'll be fine,” he said, his mouth moving automatically as he scanned the entrance of the alley. Quatre kept on walking without pause. If Duo hadn't been so damn exhausted, he would have pulled Quatre back. As it was, he was the one dragged. Quatre felt his resistance, however, and paused. “Danger,” Duo managed, but as he looked around, his brow furrowed. All the soldiers were gone.

“I caused a distraction,” Quatre said. Duo cocked an eyebrow at him. “The shuttle pods in Sector C have all launched early. I also know someone here, someone who doesn't hate us Gundam pilots. He'll bring your Deathscythe to the shuttle we choose.”

Duo grinned. “You're awesome, Quatre.”

Quatre grinned right back. “Not Qat anymore?”

Duo tensed, but Quatre's giggling gaze relaxed him before he gave his body permission. “Qat, then.”

The blond's grin shone twofold then, and they picked their way across the alleyways, Quatre picking up the pace as Duo's body started working in tandem. “Hilde,” Duo said, knowing they were getting close to the shuttle port.

“What?” Quatre paused for a moment. They were running out of time, probably. It had taken too long to get Duo moving; they were still ten minutes out from the port and the checking of each shuttle was probably almost finished.

“Hilde,” Duo said again. “She's someone I got involved...” He tried for the thousandth time to stand up, but apparently his skull had had enough abuse. His vision swam. He remembered the doctor who'd worked on him saying something about how the thing in his head would be hooked up to his occipital lobe. The lobe in charge of sight. Fuck. “I can't abandon her. Go without me, Qat.”

“No.” The boy's voice was almost cold. It made Duo jump. It had been a long time since he'd gotten to really sit with Quatre. Something... must have happened. The thought made Duo ache. He didn't want the kind Quatre to change. Damn war. “I'm not leaving you behind.”

He said it like someone who'd done it before. “Qat...”

Quatre stopped just in front of the shuttle port and looked Duo over. His brow furrowed; the poor guy was probably trying to find Duo's injury and was having a hard time. “What does she look like?” he asked.

So Duo gave the blond a description and told him to be careful. When Quatre didn't respond to the words, he grabbed the boy's stupid vest. “I mean it, Qat,” he said. “I don't want to lose you.”

Something flashed in those eyes again, something hard and heavy and sobbing, before it was gone. “I'll come back for you,” the blond said, and gently pried off Duo's fingers. That small back receded around the corner and disappeared again.

Duo entertained himself this time by slowly blinking his eyes open and closed, open and closed until his vision was almost normal. There was a gray tinge along the edges but otherwise, he could see just fine again. He checked his weapons – his two bowie knives, strapped in the holsters on his arms, his FN, only one of his Glock 28's – apparently the other was lost somewhere during his stay with the hospitable assassin doctors – and neither of his Winchester riot daggers, since he'd used both before even getting captured. He pulled out his bowie knife and slid to the edge of the building. Hurried footsteps were coming from the side opposite the shuttle port, and Duo quickly shuffled to the building opposite. The thrum of adrenaline sent the last vestiges of gray from his vision.

It was almost disappointing when three teenage girls raced out, each of them giggling rather stupidly and telling each other to hurry up. He watched their retreating backs with a sigh.

“Duo.”

He jumped, then looked around. He couldn't see Quatre. Something lodged in his chest. “Status?” he asked, his voice almost shaking.

“We're both all right,” Hilde said, and he jumped all over again. “He... is a friend, right?”

Jesus. Almost, almost he banged his head against the wall. He realized at the last second that that would be a very bad idea. “Yeah.”

“Duo,” Quatre said then, “we have a small problem.”

Small? “Let me guess. Everyone at the port is looking for someone with my description.”

This time when Quatre spoke, it was with a small smile. “Yes.”

Duo had already known that would happen. “I can sneak pretty much anywhere,” he said, hoping it didn't sound like he was boasting. “If you can get Hilde to safety, I'll be able to get out of here, too.”

“I said I'm not leaving you, Duo!” Hilde hissed. Her voice, now that he concentrated on it, sounded like it was slightly muffled. Duo wondered why. Then he realized that for them to be leaning against a wall whispering, they probably only had a few certain positions they could be in. The thought made him grin. Oh, he was teasing someone for something later on.

“I'm going to lead them away, cause some sort of ruckus,” Quatre said. It effectively cut Hilde off. “I want you on the same shuttle as us, Duo. Do you understand?”

The kid's tone was so authoritative that Duo almost said 'yes' before even thinking about it. But when he did think about it, he thought of the danger he'd placed these two in, their connection to him, and the pain in Quatre's eyes. “Yeah,” he said, his voice low. “I understand. The two of you be safe, okay?”

“We will,” Quatre said. Hilde seemed ready to say something, but Quatre murmured something low and she was silent. Duo listened hard, but could only hear the tiniest of patter from their exit. At least Hilde was quiet on her feet.

Duo waited a moment, then tested his muscles. Once he was positive he was limber enough, he jumped onto the trash can, wincing as the thing bounced loudly under his weight. Then he launched for the top of the building and pulled himself up with the tips of his fingers. At least some business buildings were only one story.

Once he was on the top, he looked over the edge and scanned the thin crowd for Quatre and Hilde. He could see them, each holding the other's hand as if they were on a date, each surreptitiously scanning the area. Duo saw Quatre squeeze Hilde's hand, watched the woman slide slightly closer to Quatre and lean slightly away from him at the same time, preparing for an attack. Duo spotted the soldier that had made Quatre nervous, but the man was only holding one sheet of paper, and his eyes swept right over Qat and Hilde. Duo nodded and watched the two enter the large bubble building that led to the docking bay. Beside the bay were two parking garages, each rising up four stories to house as many cars as possible. Before those, however, was a long street, with nothing in the way of protection. Quatre and Hilde would be held up at Inspections, but it wouldn't take too long. It wasn't rush hour for shuttle launches, which meant less people in line.

Duo had memorized the basic layout of this colony before he'd gotten captured, however. He hurried from the top of the building, no longer needing to spy down on the people below, and once on the ground again, he slithered through two alleys and across a small parking lot in the span of time it had taken him to cross one street with Hilde. It was almost a feeling of triumph that swept through him then; he'd feared he'd lost something when those bastards had drilled open his skull, but he was at least still able to do this. He had to turn his head slower than he would have preferred, but he compensated by pausing longer whenever he met a corner or an obstacle or a shadowy crevice. He had to go the long way around, from where he'd been, practically in front of the port, all the way around the left around the small market district and into the tiny alcove of poorer houses. Once there, he hunched in his shoulders and pulled his hat bill slightly to the side before stepping on the street. It curved from the port to his street, turning to head up for about a mile before splitting into an intersection. He walked across the street, glaring sullenly around, his fingers resting against his FN.

The act did as it was supposed to: anyone who noticed him made efforts to un-notice him. And as soon as he was on the other street, he walked to the small backyards and skirted around a fence, then practically booked it across the rest until he was back in the market district. The flap of his braid and the shifting weight brought the warning ping of pain again, and once again his vision got splotchy. He gritted his teeth and pushed through it. The only obstacles left were the stores and the parking garage, and then he would have to sneak his way into the actual port. The backs of the stores was easy enough, just some more dodging through alleys and parking lots, and then he got to the shuttle port parking garage. This one would be a bit trickier. The place spanned the entire area, and Duo couldn't go around it and have a prayer of getting to Quatre and Hilde in time if he tried. They were undoubtedly past inspections by now, and their time at ticket pricing would be done, too. Quatre would have chosen one that waited for a short while, but he wouldn't feel safe waiting longer than fifteen or twenty minutes. Duo wouldn't feel safe with that, either. He needed to get into the bay and see which exit Quatre was at. The blond would know to sit near the windows, but if he was late, the chance of him catching Quatre before he got on his shuttle would practically vanish.

The garage was easy enough to enter. He had to pause just outside of the thing and check the cameras, then the guard station, before he could avoid the cameras and dodge around the guard sitting and staring at said cameras. Duo's picture was taped to one of the station walls. Duo had a stupid urge to stick his head behind it and wave. Instead he ducked and dodged under the glass and kept to the shadows until he reached the first line of cars. From there it was easy again; he flitted from car to car, plastered himself to one when a car sidled through, then got his way over to one of the slats in the concrete wall. Straight across from him was the tip of the security fence. Duo leaped.

Barbs on the top of the fence dug into his hands, ripping his palms open, but he was already scrambling up and over. His pants got ripped,one barb sliding like a thorn into his calf, then dragging through and out of his ankle when he flipped over. He launched himself over, and with a roll as he landed, sliding against the side of the port. His vision was black again.

He caught his breath and tried to calm the pounding of his blood against his skull. He clutched at his injured leg and blindly reached for the torn mess of his pant leg. He ripped off the cloth and tried to tie it around his leg before he noticed the length of the wound. He grimaced, his eyes still blinking blinking blinking, trying to get sight to return. Damn those bastards!

“Is someone over there?”

Fuck! Duo leaned against the wall of the dome, his hands now switching slowly to his bowie knives. His vision was coming back, but too slowly. All he saw were vague shadows dancing. None of them looked human. His grip tightened around his weapons.

“Son of a bitch, Joey! You scared me half to death!”

Someone laughed. Duo felt his tension freeze, then snap as if cut. “Sorry 'bout that! It was too good to pass up.” The voice was close, but Duo thought it might be coming from behind something. Duo stayed still and evened his breath.

“Dammit, you know the rules about that sort've thing! I couldn't called security, and then what kind've mess would we be in?”

Duo almost laughed. His vision was spotty, but slowly he was seeing colors again. He heard a shuttle being towed to the launch pads and felt the humor slip. Now wasn't the time to muse over irony.

Once he could see enough to know which shadows were shadows and which were objects or people, Duo started out again. For a while longer, he stuck to the port, his eyes scanning the windows high above, but he was too close. With a grimace, he slipped away from the port and ducked around an abandoned luggage rack. The two men were still talking nearby, and it was probably one of them who left the luggage rack unattended. There wasn't much else around; someone was manning a truck that looked almost full, and the driver was drumming his fingers idly on the wheel. Beyond that were the ships, with a very large space in-between. Two of those ships were being hooked up for passenger access. Quatre had to be on one of those and not the one just now being carted up. Duo had taken far too long. Goddamn sight crap. Goddamn doctors.

Duo looked over to the windows again, but he could only see the top half. White ceilings and the beginnings of a sign, deep blue with white lettering. Ex. Probably an exit number. It linked to neither of the ships, though, and he turned to look at those two places, willing Quatre to get taller, willing a miracle–

 _Hold_.

Duo had a flashback, a horrible moment of fearing the assassins were there, but the fist leaning against the window was small, pale. _Quatre_. Quatre was trying to give him one last bit of help. Hidden against the side of the luggage, visible to anyone who looked down far enough, his chest ached, his hope crested. He looked across from where that fist sat against the window, much higher than was probably comfortable for the short guy, and saw the closer docked ship to be the one he needed to get on. Damn. He would have to thank Qat for that one.

The journey still wasn't close to done, and the two men were finishing up their conversation. He looked over to the man at the truck again. Still bored, but now casting glances just over Duo's head to the two men, glaring at them. Duo ducked around the edge of the luggage cart and took another look around. The loading dock was being fitted into place, so the men involved with that wouldn't be looking around for a while. The two already docked sat without anyone manning it, just one man staring at the place where the dock latched to the ship, probably double-checking it. One last glance at the two lazy friends and Duo was off, sprinting with his body tucked low to the truck, sliding around and under it until he was hugging the bottom of the truck. His shirt was dragging on the ground, his back just barely off, no more than a couple of millimeters from causing drag burns as soon as the truck moved. Duo heard wheels, felt his torn hands scream in pain as the truck rumbled to life once more. He was holding the inner edges of the truck, keeping his fingers just barely away from anything that would cut them off, but the heat and vapor was encasing his injured hands. He looked down, just then remembering his leg, and saw a small puddle of blood forming underneath him. He grimaced. There was no time to clean it up, and with every muscle keeping him from leaning too far back, he couldn't even reach down and bloody his shirt for the cause. He could only hope the two men were so lazy they didn't even look down.

The wheels got to the truck, then paused. “Hey, is the truck leaking?” one man said.

“Huh?”

“Look.” There was a pause, then, “it's just a drop. If it gets worse, we'll have maintenance check it out.”

Duo almost collapsed from relief. The men were seeing his blood and, on the dark blacktop, mistaking it for gas. Something had to go wrong now – he was getting too lucky.

And as the truck took off at a hard angle, he realized how that bad luck would manifest. The truck was taking him toward the ships, but to the wrong ones, further away. He watched the ground, glaring as the bright sun from the colony's systems kept burning on the blacktop, until finally shadows emerged beneath him. He didn't have the time to wait for the man to stop, then take his first load to the ship. He should have known the luggage would already have been packed for the ships about to launch, but he'd never flown public transport before. Well, it didn't matter now. He waited for a shadow to become thick before he let go of the truck. He curled in on himself once he fell, his back scraping along the hard ground, the tires passing beside him. It took him a short moment to move, but then he was rolling into the shadows, his back ablaze and his vision – goddamn, his vision blackened once more. He felt for something to grab onto, but found nothing. The damn ships were probably raised on their posts, and he wasn't near one of them.

He touched the back of his head, but all that did was make the pain explode, turning the blackness red, like blood was on his retinas. He let go and breathed hard. He _had_ to make it to that damn ship. Leaving Quatre and Hilde alone with his mess wasn't an option.

He shuffled toward where he thought the ship to be, then stopped. He wouldn't help anyone if he was caught. Instead he tilted his head back and listened. Silence hovered around him, but further off, he could hear a small, low hum, like the first note of a song. A ship. He turned to that and started again, stooping and running in that low position, hoping he was sticking to the shadows of the ships, each in their own small docks, brought into a line by the hauling trucks. Duo hoped none of the pilots were checking their proximity alarms or coming out for a short trip to somewhere.

His vision was coming back in gray, and thank God but he could see the long line of the loading dock and hustled his butt to that ship. The thing had a standard emergency hatch, an entry hatch, and the hatch Duo was looking for – the mechanic's hatch. The thing was small, but larger than the one on G's ship, and Duo hadn't managed to grow that much. According to G, his growth would always be stunted. It was the price of surviving on the streets.

Duo reached the hatch and pulled out a pair of tumblers. It was as he brought them in front of him that he took a look at his hands for the first time. He grimaced. They were a mess. Strips of flesh were dangling. His palm was a mass of blood. Both shook from the shock, and he couldn't get them still. At least nothing looked too permanent, and the pain was searing, which meant there wasn't any serious nerve damage. He took a few precious seconds to test each finger, and only when he found each moving, each feeling the weight of the tumbler, did he turn back to the hatch. The damn shaking made him take four times the length of time he would usually need, and one time he'd had to duck from the man checking the latch of the loading dock as he left, finally satisfied. Then he was in.

The space was cramped and small, the opening sliding into two sections, one working as an emergency escape for any mechanic in the wrong place at the wrong time – fairly useless unless the mechanic had followed the rules and worn the standard spacesuit – and the fuel tank, sinking from a small hose-like opening to a tank that recycled the fuel at least twenty times before needing a new amount of oxygen and ethanol to keep the ship moving. It meant fuel could be reused so long as oxygen and ethanol existed. At least it was lasting longer than gasoline.

Duo contorted himself into the opening just as a low rumbling sound neared. The hauling truck. Duo pulled his feet in and grabbed at the latch. It hung too far open, and Duo had to twist his poor, screaming back in order to snatch the thing. He pulled it closed, just barely managing to get it to close without a bang. The hauling truck ground to a halt, then a beeping sound as a loud whirr started up. The winches were being hooked onto the ship. Duo tried to get himself into an acceptable position for movement as the fuel tank grew hot. He inched away from it, then tried to move. It wasn't happening. As it was, he was twisted, his one hand still around the latch, his feet stretched by the latch, his spine forming a pretzel as his lower body pointed away from the latch and his upper body strained back toward it. For him to get the space needed to get everything pointed forward again, he would have to touch the tank, which would be damned hot by now. But he heard the loud bang as the winches caught the ship in its grasp. A new hum started then as the security locks around the posts disconnected and the posts were brought back inside the ship. Duo wished the damn security locks hadn't been installed. They made it impossible for people to get up through the hole made for the posts – which was the point, but still.

He sucked in a breath and twisted as far as he could from the tank before he began inching back into position. His chest touched the tank, and he just ripped himself through. The burn scorched across his chest and slid along his torso as he twisted through. His shoulder caught the worst of it, digging into the tank for a moment before he could get it loose and lie flat on the floor of the hatch. Just beyond was where he'd hoped to reach before having to close the damn latch, and he inched toward it until he could curl up in what was often termed the mechanic's hole, a place with a dip and space large enough to accommodate a full-grown man in order for him to get any repairs needing to be finished. He sat there for a short moment, listening as the truck hauled the ship to a launch pad. He took a deep breath. It burned like a volcano, but the burns, once studied, weren't worse than second degree, and he thanked Shinigami for that. If he had to sit there through launch, however, he'd be fried. He got his ass out of the hole and touched the inner latch with the back of one mangled hand. Cool enough. And he didn't hear anything. Everyone would be belted down now, even the crew. Duo opened the latch and took a quick look around.

The long, thin hallway was dark, the lights saved for the passengers. The place held the engine rooms and the maintenance control room, along with what looked to be a storage shed. Duo headed for that.

Again he used his tumblers to get inside, the clock ticking as the hauling truck stopped, as the winching cables were removed, as the truck left. Duo felt the engines rumble all around him and cursed his trembling limbs once again. The tumblers broke.

“Fuck.” He reached into his hair and grabbed his last one. He used one of the broken tumblers to hold himself steady against the lock and glared at the tiny thing. The engines were roaring now, the floor of the ship shaking. He heard the whine as the thrusters kicked on. “Fuck!” Finally the tumbler clicked into place, and he jumped into the room and pulled the door closed. He didn't have time to brace himself before the ship bucked once and shot off the pad, breaching the colony's exit tunnel. He simply banged his head once more, this time against the corner of a locked cabinet, and barely had time to sever the emergency access panel before he passed out.

* * *

“Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.”  
~ Anais Nin

* * *

He had no idea how long he'd been out, but when he opened his eyes, his vision was back to normal and his body ached from being scrunched into place on the closet floor. He moved to stand and fell back down as soon as he put weight on his hands. He groaned, but managed to keep his head from banging against anything. Damn. His back _hurt_. This entire fucking endeavor blew. He'd have been able to get to the damn ship with time to spare if he hadn't needed to sit and get his damn eyesight back. He touched his chest, remembering the burn of the fuel tank, and felt the stiff burned feeling in his left shoulder. He took off his shirts and took a look in the dark.

It wasn't as bad as his imagination painted it to be, but it was still up there on the list of suck. Every movement pulled on burned skin. A blister almost as big as his fist sat on his shoulder, while four more trailed a path across his chest. At least there was only a small one on his stomach. The rest of his skin was just burned red. Damn. All of it hurt like hell. Couldn't he go through one catastrophe without getting fucked over?

The silent purr of the ship told him they were still in space. He couldn't imagine he'd slept through a landing, so hopefully he hadn't missed his stop. The panel, from what he could make out in the darkness, was completely busted. The door, however, was still unlocked. That had been fuckin' stupid. He reached up and locked it now, then leaned back.

The room was lit, just barely, by a small emergency light hidden behind the cabinets. Duo looked over to it and saw a portable cabinet latched literally in front of it. He rolled his eyes. Way to effectively use one's space. Another quick search showed him a few more cabinets, each carefully locked in preparation for zero-g. There was nothing else, though Duo couldn't imagine why there would be. He stood and searched as well as he could for a weapon, but the dim light couldn't penetrate the bottom wall of the cabinet, and the interiors were all dark. He snarled, but gave up. At least he still had what few weapons he'd started the day with.

The rest of the ride was spent playing with his gun and listening as footsteps traveled back and forth as the mechanics took hourly walks to check on the equipment. Thank goodness nothing happened on the trip; as soon as the mechanic opened the tool cabinet door, Duo would be fucked. When the landing came, he found himself equally relieved to find a lack of gravity. They weren't landing on Earth. But of course Quatre would think of that; Duo couldn't afford to land on Earth without being properly buckled. As it was, the cabling and docking of the passenger ship irritated his torn back and chest and re-opened the long cut on his leg. He ripped off the entire leg of his pants to get the thing wrapped up before it could drip.

Once the damn thing landed, it was out of the closet and to the fuel tank latch before the mechanics came to check the thing over and refuel. The tank was still hot, but now that he didn't have to twist himself around, he was able to stay away from the thing and slide out. Then it was a wait for the luggage truck to rumble up, then a ride underneath the thing until it reached the shuttle port. He dropped off and skirted around, taking a moment to learn the alleys and shops surrounding the port and its garages before he leaned against the front of the shuttle port, putting one foot up in order to hide the injury and crossing his arms in order to secretly grip his knives.

It didn't take long; Quatre and Hilde must have been waiting for him inside the building. Duo watched them walk out with one eye and scanned the small crowd around them with the other. Only a few people were milling around outside the building, at least for now. Duo grinned and waved as if meeting up with old friends, but he didn't move to greet them. Quatre frowned.

Duo dropped his leg once their bodies blocked him from most scrutinizing views. Hilde gasped. Quatre looked at the mess of his leg. “How bad is that?”

Duo prepared to wave it off, but Quatre glared at him. “Yeah, okay, it's pretty bad. We might need to stitch it. And I have burns. And I injured my back. And my hands...” He just shrugged and held them out. Hilde gasped again, this time covering her mouth. Quatre's face did something, and once again Duo saw that hollow, tortured look as the blond lightly touched the back of Duo's hand and lifted it for closer inspection. “It hurts like hell, so it's not that bad.”

Hilde gave Duo a look as if asking if he understood what he'd just said, but Quatre nodded. “There's a safehouse I was taken to on this colony. It was still secure when I left. I can't make any guarantees, but it's better than nothing.”

Duo nodded. And at a predetermined safehouse, there would be predetermined wares. Like a first-aid kit.

Quatre had to be the one to go get Duo's Gundam, leaving Duo with Hilde as his protector. The blond had given Duo an uneasy look, obviously uncomfortable with leaving Duo alone and injured with only her. Duo just cocked his head and grinned. When Quatre still didn't look convinced, Duo held up one hand in the form of an open circle. It was the sign for 'all clear.' Then he waggled his fingers in a mock wave. “Have fun,” Duo said, and watched the blond nod and leave, hurrying as much as possible without drawing attention.

It left Hilde to try to inconspicuously fuss over Duo's wounds. It was useless, and Duo finally got her to leave it alone by telling her first aid awaited them. She tried, she really tried to just lean in front of him and act casual, like they were old friends catching up, but she kept fluttering her fingers and tensing and looking around. Duo frowned.

“Hilde.” The girl looked at him, her eyes unnaturally wide. “Can you do something for me?”

She nodded. “Anything.” Her eyes flitted down to his hands, crossed once more in front of him. She couldn't see the gore, but he knew she was remembering it. He commended her for not looking down at his leg again.

“I need you to get my 'Scythe to the safehouse.”

She blinked, once, then scowled. “I'm not leaving you!”

He wanted to scream. “I'm not asking you to, Hilde. But if I lose Deathscythe...” He stopped his fingers from clenching simply because they were already in enough pain holding his knives. “Quatre's going to be busy enough dealing with me now. I need someone to be able to focus on 'Scythe. Okay?”

She opened her mouth to argue, then closed it and fumed. Duo watched that mind of hers work, running through the angles again. Then she looked down at his leg – she couldn't seem to help it – and grimaced. “I'm slowing you down again.”

He didn't want to confirm, but he couldn't deny. “You've helped me, Hilde. You saved me earlier. I need you to help me again. The Gundam is more important than me. Do you understand that?”

Her fuming got a bit more... furious. “You're important, too.”

Her words reminded him of J's men, saying it would be better if Duo stayed alive. “But the resistance can go on without me.” Whatever suck resistance may remain at this point. “If the enemy gets Deathscythe – if they get _any_ Gundam – we can all kiss our butts good-bye.”

“I know that.” Still, she was scowling. Tense. Duo didn't look around, but he knew they were attracting stares. “I know that,” she said again, and sighed. Her muscles relaxed one at a time, almost as if strings had been cut. She looked down at the pavement beneath their feet. After a few deep breaths, she looked him once more in the eye. “I'll go. You stay safe, Duo, okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Quatre will tell you where to put it and how to lock it down. I'm counting on you, Hilde.” He tried to communicate his faith and need in his expression. He had no idea if it worked, but he got the desired response. Hilde nodded, her face set, and left.

Once she was gone, he looked idly through the crowd. Two security guards, neither of them particularly alert. He checked his watch. Looked up again. Sighed. Camouflage complete, he looked at the passersby. None of them were dangerous; the four teenage guys laughing and pushing each other by the far bench were avoided by the other pedestrians, but their banter was all sport. They lifted their chins and glared at anyone who got too close, but they elbowed each other and guffawed whenever they actually scared someone away. Children.

The other people were either leaving or entering the shuttle port. A young, college-age couple, three old women scowling as if the world had done them some grievous wrong, a father in a suit, raking his hair back and tugging on the hand of petulantly whining boy he held. One middle-aged woman came dangerously close to him, a scent like spicy flowers leaking out of her every pore. Duo had to fight to stay in place, remembering the weird woman and her... kiss. He wrinkled his nose. But the older woman walked right past him. She didn't even look his way.

The four teenagers saw him. Their laughter changed, gained focus. Duo tensed. The boys each stood, all of them taking that 'gangsta' posture, grouping together into a pack-like formation. Duo tested his injuries, then scowled. It didn't matter if he could fight acceptably with his injuries. He couldn't afford to. His picture was on the news, in the papers, on the net. If he started fighting, people would start paying closer attention to him. Someone was bound to recognize him then. He'd have to start running all over again. These four assholes had no idea what they were doing.

“Excuse me!”

The thundering of his heart in his ears quieted immediately. Quatre was coming out of the shuttle port, waving down the four teens. They all turned to him with cocked brows. Their incredulous gazes told Duo they were switching their target from Duo to Quatre. “Is that a guy or a girl?” one asked. The others shrugged and laughed.

“Hi!” Quatre said, still falsely bubbly. He waved and stopped about a foot from the teens. “I'm new here. Can you direct me to the nearest hotel?”

They each gave each other looks. The one teen standing point in the pack laughed and turned back to Quatre. “There's no way. But we can show you the hot-spots.” He jerked his head in Duo's direction. “We were gonna ask her, too.”

Duo looked around himself, then snarled. They were talking about him.

Quatre looked over and smiled. “Oh! That's Karl. He's a friend of mine.”

That made all of them stagger back. “He?” the leader asked.

Duo had to fight like hell to change his glare to a smile. He focused on Quatre's face. The little brat was swallowing laughter. “Hey, Noah,” he said.

Quatre smiled a bit wider. “Hi, Karl. Thanks anyway, guys,” he said, and waved good-bye to the teens before coming up beside Duo. “I have a car rented. It should be in the garage, but I have no idea where the hotel is...” Quatre put a hand on Duo's back and ushered him away, hiding Duo from sight as he leaned off of the wall and walked away. His back and chest hurt, but it was his leg that almost made him scream. The long, deep cut was throbbing again, and Duo was certain it was starting to ooze again. It also had the swollen sort of pain spreading through it. He needed antibacterial.

“Thanks again, Qat.”

Quatre gave him a bright, mischievous grin. “It was worth it to hear their explanation.”

Duo scowled. “You'll tell no one.”

Quatre laughed out loud.

* * *

“Pain shared, my brother, is pain not doubled, but halved.”

-Neil Gaimain

* * *

The safehouse wasn't as bad as Duo was expecting, though he should have known that those Maguanac guys wouldn't let Quatre stay in anything other than a top-notch building. It had a _yard_ , for fuck's sake. A nice, pretty yard, with green, green grass and a tiny little garden that wrapped around the porch, which in turn wrapped around the right side of the house. The thing was a white two-story with red shutters, a high wooden fence, and woods in the back, woods that stretched into a fake forest that, according to blueprints, went for a good few miles. It was in there that Hilde would be hiding Duo's Deathscythe.

Quatre, sidling up in a car that most certainly was _not_ rented, went straight into the garage, though he left the door of the garage open. He turned off the engine and went around the car to get Duo's door. Duo couldn't even get the damn seatbelt; his hands were too torn up. Once Quatre had Duo out, he had to take most of Duo's weight. They hobbled together to the door connecting the garage to the house. The short step leading up nearly defeated Duo, but he hopped up and Quatre led him through the hall, past the hall closet, to the left. The room opened up to a living room, carpeted with some ugly tan generic brand and furnished with a simple sofa and coffee table. Quatre sat Duo on the sofa and pushed the coffee table out of the way. “I'll get the kit,” Quatre said, and rushed off.

The first thing on the list to get fixed was Duo's hands, and Quatre set to the task with a grim line around his mouth and brow. It took a while; Quatre had to clean the wound, then cut off the dead skin, then clean again before finally wrapping it all up. Duo didn't know why he didn't speak. For once, he didn't feel the painful urge to speak into the silence. Instead he took solace in the suburban house, the quiet, the solitude – the joy of being once again with someone he could trust. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Quatre was almost finished wrapping his hands; he was tying up the palm, having already finished the fingers. “Qat,” Duo said, flinching as he broke the silence, “I... I missed you.”

Quatre finished wrapping Duo's left hand. He reached into the first aid kit and pulled out the tape. That blond head stayed down, that sky blue gaze remained on Duo's hands. When Quatre spoke, his voice was quiet. “I missed you too, Duo.”

Duo winced. “You're going to tell me what happened, right?”

Quatre froze.

“What happened?” Duo asked, taking away the middle man he'd created before. He lifted his head again and looked down at Quatre. “Unless... you don't want to tell me.”

His words were exact, yet they weren't what Duo was asking. If Quatre didn't want to tell him, that meant the blond didn't feel the same sort of safety Duo did. It meant the trust wasn't equal. It meant the friendship Duo had thought they'd formed wasn't really there. Quatre was slow as he taped up Duo's bandages, that blond head still down. The boy almost seemed to blend with the suburban room, his light brown vest almost matching the carpet, his light pink shirt complimenting the neutral off-white of the walls. Why did it hit Duo so strongly then, the knowledge that they were worlds apart? Duo had been with G and the Sweepers, a bunch of greasy, cussing guys who'd known what it meant to struggle every minute of their lives. Quatre had hulking bodyguards that spoke eloquently and carried themselves just as Quatre did – like aristocrats.

Duo was out of his league. It hurt to admit it. He felt like he was back on the streets, back in rags with matted hair tumbling down his back, dirt griming his cheeks as he watched a mother buy a gallon of milk and a carton of eggs. The wide, wide range between those who went to the same place to sleep every night and those who were lucky if they could find a safe place to huddle and sleep in shifts on the ground. A vast, impenetrable chasm separated them. Duo felt it in how he reacted to this space – alien, beautiful, open, a sort've security in the idea of having a haven, fake though it may be. And Quatre. Quatre had simply opened the door and walked in. He'd hardly looked at the place, at the simple carpeting and the low-quality sofa upholstery and the off-white walls. For Quatre, it was probably sub-par. For Duo, it was opulent. Gorgeous.

Quatre was finished taping Duo's hands, and now Duo pulled them away. It had been early on in the war that they'd met. He'd been stupid. Quatre had said he'd _had_ to come to Duo's aid. Had to. Duo should have caught the connotations of that. He–

“I'm sorry.” Quatre touched Duo's wrists. Duo jumped and looked at the blond. There were... tears in his eyes. Something tightened its grip in Duo's chest. “I'm sorry. It's not like that, I swear. I... I trust you. It's just...” The blond looked down, then shook his head and looked back up. Those tears were thicker now. “It's just that I really messed up, Duo.” The words came fast, and as they finally spilled from Quatre's lips, the tears fell. “I killed him.”

Quatre fell into Duo's lap, his shoulders shaking, his fingers clutching Duo's pants. The boy's sobs echoed hollowly in the room. Duo froze for a moment, unsure. He still felt the betrayal and pain of his own assumptions. But his hands seemed to know what to do, and they rested on Quatre's shoulders. “Qat.” But though he had no idea what Quatre was talking about, he found the need to know was taking second place to Quatre.

The sounds of Quatre's tears played around the nearly empty room, sobs bursting out like bubbles, sniffles noisy and wet. When Quatre started feeling weak, Duo slid down from the sofa, the poor fabric scratching his back, the position killing his leg. Quatre was too far gone to care. His sobs got quieter, but the tears never stopped. Duo feared they would never run out.

Duo couldn't tell how long it had been, but the night cycle was well under way by the time Quatre leaned weakly against Duo. Duo felt like he was cradling a child. The position was correct – Duo was leaning against the sofa, his bad leg outstretched, his good one bent. In his arms was Quatre, the boy curled in a ball and his head resting against Duo's burned chest. Duo didn't bother telling the blond just how much that hurt.

“I killed him,” Quatre said again, his breath still hitching, his words like a sigh. Duo would have stilled, if he hadn't known Quatre would feel it. “I destroyed a colony and I _killed him_ , Duo. He's dead. What have I done?”

Duo squeezed the boy a bit, though his grip brought small sparks of pain to his fingers and palms. He tried to imagine Quatre doing such a thing and found his mind blanking. “That can't... have been what you intended.”

But Quatre was already shaking his head. “No. No. I made it. I made the thing despite the fact that the doctors abandoned it. I made it and I piloted it and...” Quatre was working himself up again. He took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

“You mean that Zero Gundam,” Duo said, understanding, suddenly, where Quatre was going. “I'd thought I'd destroyed a colony, too, Quatre. That thing... it messes with your head.”

Another sob bubbled out. “Oh, God, I'm sorry. I should never have... no. No, I really did do it, Duo. I killed everyone. They... they killed my father and I killed them. And then Trowa showed up, Trowa and Heero and _I killed him_.”

Duo stilled. Everything in him stopped – his muscles, his lungs. His heart. “Heero,” he breathed. He remembered Heero flying, his Gundam burning the air, breaking into pieces behind him. Duo's arms went limp.

But Quatre shook his head once more. “Trowa.”

The blond's voice was wrapped in agony. And Duo realized that the feelings that had stolen over him in the instant he'd thought Heero was dead were even worse for Quatre. While Duo had felt horror, fear, pain, and fury at Quatre over what he'd thought the blond had done... what was Quatre feeling? “Oh, no.” He hugged Quatre tight.

They stayed like that until the night cycle had completely taken over the sky, turning everything around them dark. They'd never turned on the light. Eventually Quatre moved, standing and walking to the light switch on the wall. Only one small light sat, shining dimly in the corner of the room. Once it was on, Quatre turned to Duo and grimaced. “I'm sorry,” the blond said, making Duo's brow furrow. Quatre just smiled. Duo realized Quatre had never tried to wipe away his tears. “I need to finish taking care of you.”

It took a while, another hour or so. Hilde finally returned, but she only said hello, grabbed some food, and headed back out. She told them Deathscythe was safe, but needed a bit of a reason to keep people away. She was going to leave signs about a problem with the atmospheric pressure plates around the site. Duo and Quatre barely got to thank her before she was gone again, running back to finish the job she'd accepted.

Once Quatre was finally finished, Duo looked like a mummy and the first aid kit needed some serious restocking. Quatre gave Duo one last once-over. “Is there anything else?”

Duo hesitated. “Nothing... exterior. Nothing we can take care of here.” At Quatre's questioning look, Duo sat back. When Quatre had started taking care of Duo's leg, he'd put Duo back up on the sofa. Duo still sat there, and now Quatre joined him. They sat with their backs half on the arms, facing one another. Duo's bad leg stretched out on the floor, the other curled underneath him. Quatre sat Indian-style and leaned forward. “I... I don't know how to explain this.”

“Start at the beginning,” Quatre advised.

Duo looked the blond over. It was like the crying truly had been a catharsis. Quatre looked like he had before: strong, brilliant, in-control. The innocence, however, was gone. Duo ached for the loss. “The beginning. Well, Heero and I are sexually active. With each other.” Quatre's eyes widened. “It was just for fun – umm, recreational, I think it's called. Anyway, it was just... fun.” He found it difficult to say 'fucking' in front of Quatre. “But apparently Heero's doc thinks the relationship is dangerous or something, and he's sent men out to kill me. Only they didn't kill me, they just put something in my brain that messes with my sight. They said seeing Heero would hurt me.”

Quatre's jaw had fallen inch by inch as Duo spoke, until it looked like his jaw had almost disconnected.

“So, yeah. That's about it.”

“About it?” Quatre squeaked. The poor boy was working his jaw, but nothing else seemed ready to come out. “What...”

But Duo smiled. “It's fine.” He flexed his fingers. It hurt like hell. “As soon as I recover, I'm staging my counterattack.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to have Heero, simply because I'm going crazy without having the two together. So yes, once again, I'm messing with the storyline. The original storyline has Duo in the colonies still, with Heero in the Sanc Kingdom battling for the woman who gives in and actually becomes a princess. /shudders/ It'll be about episode 35½ or so. Quatre goes to the desert to get his Sandrock and reunites with his Maguanac army. Wufei's going a smidge crazy because his colony sacrificed itself. Trowa has amnesia and is having a weird relationship with his potential-sister. o_O


	8. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place somewhere in-between episodes 34 and 36.

“Love has its place, as does hate. Peace has its place, as does war. Mercy has its place, as do cruelty and revenge.”

~ Meir Kahane

* * *

Quatre stayed for a while, but he had to return to Earth and get his Gundam before something bad happened. The blond, when seeing Duo's confused face, had only said that he had 'a bad feeling.' Duo was starting to suspect there was something in there that the blond wasn't saying.

If nothing else, Quatre had told him of a group of rebels, now calling themselves the Federation, who stayed on the colony, living in the warehouses once used for the exporting of crafts – no longer lucrative after the war got under way. Quatre led him there, introduced Duo, and left. Duo got along well enough with the Feds, but he had to play the hero the entire time, and to be frank, it was exhausting. It made him think of Heero with a pang. Stupid war. Stupid Heero. Stupid crap.

The Feds helped him out, getting him new bandages, more ammo, and giving him new weapons for the ones he'd lost – again. Ditching weapons may be necessary most of the time, but damn if it wasn't just plain inconvenient to constantly have to ditch them and buy them again. Soldiers had it so damn lucky.

It was after he'd grabbed up all of his possessions that he'd gone to Hilde, trying to gird up the smiles necessary to inform her that he would be leaving – alone. The girl was nice – extremely nice, and for a new fighter, strong. But still. She slowed him down. She got in the way. But the worst offense – and one she couldn't know about – was how tiring it was to be around her. Not to say _she_ was tiring. It was just... every day, from the time he woke up to the time he slept, he was near her. Which meant he had to keep smiling. The very idea of showing her how his recovery was hurting him, or how his belief in what he was fighting for was flagging, or how concerned he was about J's defection, or his constant nagging worry over Heero and Quatre and Wufei, or how painful it was to know that Trowa had been killed by that damn Zero system... well. It was so much to worry about, and worrying about it was out of the question when he was around Hilde. The girl looked at their safehouse as if they couldn't possibly be attacked there, and it was up to him to keep her on alert but unafraid. It was something he'd never had to do before, and he found the effort just as exhausting as being around the Feds. It was only as he walked through the door, escaping the darkness of the colony's night cycle, that he realized it was because she was also looking at him as if he were her hero.

She greeted him with a smile as he came in. On the coffee table sat a cup of coffee, on her lap was a magazine, and nowhere in sight was her weapon. He sighed. Though, to be fair, she still wasn't known as the threat that he was. If she was caught, the most that would happen to her would be a slap on the wrist, maybe a little starvation, as she was taken as a prisoner of war. He had much worse to look forward to. “Hey, Hilde.”

“Hey, Duo,” she said, though she'd already greeted him once before. She put her magazine aside, but she didn't stand. “Don't worry, Duo. My gun's right here.” She patted the sofa cushion at her back. He grinned. It wasn't the best place, but it wasn't bad, considering they had no pillows to hide weapons behind.

“Good job.” He sat down in his usual spot on the sofa, a place where he could see both exits. The living room hadn't gained much in the way of furnishings over their past two weeks there. The mugs had been in one of the cabinets, along with a few plates and forks – no spoons, no knives. Quatre admitted that he'd run out of weapons for a while and had gotten creative. Duo hadn't bothered restocking – he lived on microwaveable food.

The only new addition was the laptop, the one he'd promised to get himself before everything on the other colony had gone to hell. There was an empty dining room, bare, and a kitchen, the appliances the old stainless steel, popular way back in the twenty-first century. Other than cabinetry and a table, there wasn't anything in there, either. Save the microwave. Duo had been very thankful for that. The last bit was a small bathroom – Hilde called it a 'Powder Room,' whatever the hell that meant. It held nothing more than a toilet and a sink. Upstairs sat three bedrooms and another bathroom, this one sporting a bathtub. Hilde and Duo had to share. That sucked. But Duo had taken the most advantageous room, while Hilde had taken the Master. They were on opposite sides of the hall. That helped.

He leaned his head back and just listened for a moment. Though it was a false, colony suburb, it was still quiet. Calm. Duo thought of those people, back when he was on the street, buying food he could only drool at, and he thought of them returning to a house like this. Better furnished, of course, and more populated. Probably noisier, with a television on or children laughing as they avoided their parents as bedtime loomed near. Hilde had told him about bedtime. Bedtime, bath time, nap time, time out. The house, Duo mused, would still smell of dinner, of spiced chicken, maybe, or pasta. The couple – of course heterosexual, and here he placed Hilde with... someone – would be cuddled on the couch, the lights off, the old movie they were watching on the tv turned down low so as to let the children sleep.

The silence outdoors would be the same. Any neighbors would be conforming to the quietude. There were no hookers. No addicts, no dealers. All those were coming out, of course, but they all met in a seedier part of the colony. Not here. Nothing dangerous penetrated here.

Duo could understand how Hilde could think they were both safe. She had probably grown up in a neighborhood like this. She'd slept safely every night, secure in her bed. Apparently, Hilde had been born in the L2 cluster, as well. Duo found himself amazed that they'd grown up so differently – but then, worlds could be divided by less than a block, a separate street, or even a separate circumstance between neighbors. The thought made him look at the windows in the living room, thick curtains hiding Hilde and him from prying eyes, as he picked up his newly acquired laptop. It was certainly true enough now.

He clicked onto his laptop and checked the security measures he'd left. As far as he could tell, no one had touched his computer, his files, or his IP address – which he changed, just in case. That done, he scrolled through his folders. There were only two with items in it. One was the Music folder, newly stuffed to the brim and successfully copied into Deathscythe Hell. The other was labeled simply 'Stuff,' but it held what was really important. He double-clicked, then typed in the password, a long list of letters and numbers. The documents inside were mostly PNG files, pictures stolen from security cameras, videos, and – and here Duo could laugh happily – the paranoid psycho with the mousetrap mailbox. Deathscythe had given him the pictures from the cameras he'd placed, though there was nothing he could use from them, but they'd also given him the idea for this. That colony may have had little contact with the war, but that didn't mean it wasn't prepared. Duo had first scanned the incoming shuttles for arriving passengers, thinking the men had arrived on the colony around the same time he himself had, then, after none had stood out as the men who'd attacked him, he gave up and went on the prowl for cameras that might have caught their faces. Normal places were out; as Duo had been trained, so too had his assassins. Instead he focused on the unreliable, the inconspicuous, the inane, and – especially in the case of Mr. Paranoid – the ludicrous. And he'd gotten lucky.

The pictures were all there, every last one he could find. Some were only part of the person, some fuzzy, but each one showed him someone he recognized. Someone with a computer with no security on it to speak of had been taking pictures of the colony's cityscapes and saving them on his comp. On one, Duo had found, in the corner, trying not to be noticed, the man he'd stunned with the stun gun. Another, a tourist probably thinking he was pointing his digital camera directly at some restaurant, had the thing tilted at a bad angle. It showed the upper half of the man who'd gotten his brains blown out. Others were there, too: a sightseeing camera on the top of a building twisting one-hundred eighty degrees, catching the image of an angry mother and, in the distance, another of his assassins. An amateur spy glasses, once hooked up to the web, had given Duo a small, distorted image of another assassin. But his favorite was Mr. Paranoid. He'd gotten a picture of the leader, Duo's new archrival, standing and talking with a distinctly familiar woman, each looking shiftily toward the street down where the black market lived. The tag on Mr. Paranoid's hidden camera said it was around the time Duo had gone to get his weapons.

The flat-chested bitch had been working with the silver-eyed leader. He'd known it, of course, the moment he'd woken up from that drug-induced sleep, but it was something else altogether to see proof of it. Proof that the woman with blond hair had helped that buzz-cut twit. Still. He pulled up the birth certificates of both, garnered by... borrowing the police headquarters' criminal identification system. Lisa Hanover and Marcus Glockenspiel. They had grown up normally until the war. Neighbors, apparently, and high school sweethearts, according to their school records. Prom king and queen. The world was so different from his own that it almost made him laugh.

But of course the war had taken its toll, and their colony had been destroyed when they'd gone out on their honeymoon. So they'd gone rogue. The list of their supposed crimes against the Alliance was rather large, spanning a couple of pages. Then they disappeared. Duo looked at the year and frowned. It had been over a decade ago. A decade of working for J? No wonder they were good. Duo wondered how long Heero had been with the man, then shook his head. That really didn't matter now, did it?

“Duo?”

He looked up from his reading. Hilde was still laying against the sofa, but the magazine she'd been reading was now crumpled to the floor. She'd pick it up before she went to bed, but only because Duo demanded everything be in its place. “Yeah?”

Hilde opened her mouth to say something, then shook her head. “Those men,” she said then. “The ones who'd attacked you. You said they were old allies.”

It had been the easiest explanation. “That's right.” He had their information now, and as he idly clicked on his own identification program, he found that the pictures of the man and woman had finally gotten a hit. On Earth. He grinned ferally.

“You're leaving, aren't you?”

He looked up again. “Yeah,” he said without thinking, turning his eyes down to the monitor once more. It was true. They'd exited a private shuttle onto Earth, posing as brother and sister, a Marie and Jacob Rose. They were off the coast of the Baltic Sea, skirting along Denmark. Duo frowned. Denmark. He pulled up another map, older, then a brand new one. He'd gotten that bad feeling right, it seemed. Those two were near the Sanc Kingdom. Why? What were they planning?

He shut down the program and closed the files. Only when he looked up again did he see the angry frown on Hilde's lips and the resigned pull on her brow. “It's not forever, Hilde. I'm going to need to find some place safe to stay. I'll need you for that.”

She nodded, her eyes still on the floor, but then she jerked a bit and smiled. “I know! My father owned a small shipyard, a junk sort've place like the one you were in before. We can go there.”

Her smile was beatific. “How many exits?” he asked.

She looked confused, then her eyes lit with what looked a little too much like hero worship. “There are four. Two gates, one broken part of the fence, and one hole in the back caused by the explosions clearing out the subway down below. I went down there once and got lost. Scared my dad shitless.”

Duo didn't know anything about the place, but if there was an exit leading down to an abandoned subway station, it sounded like it might have its uses. “Sounds good. Just send its coordinates to my computer.” He clicked his laptop shut and stood. “I have to go. My little friends might be trying something soon, and I have to get to them in time.”

“How are you going to get there?” she asked.

He turned a cocky smile on her. “What are you talking about? I'm just another tourist here.”

And he tucked his braid under his shirt and left. If he was lucky, he'd be able to leave the colony in an hour.

* * *

“How could I love this, a life so dishonest  
It made me compromise”

~ Shinedown, “Save Me”

* * *

His departure and arrival both went off without a hitch. Something bad was bound to happen.

The Earth was just as beautiful as he remembered. He arrived in time for a natural dawn, and stepped out into a world of pinks and tangerines. The clouds stretched along the horizon. He had to admit to a small second of gaping, of watching the world awaken, of listening to birds chirping and actually seeing a few gulls scavenging around the incinerators. A bug crawled away from his boot. He couldn't even be sure which bug it was. Cockroaches had managed to stow their way onto L2, along with an arachnid known as a daddy long leg and some flies. Nothing much else. This one hopped instead of walked. He watched the little thing, fascinated, before he could remind himself that he had enemies in the area, that he was chasing them down and wouldn't it suck to be caught unaware?

He had managed to bring every last one of his weapons, each hidden in a separate hidden fold in his carry-on. He went to the nearest fast food restaurant and went straight to the bathroom, changing into all of his weapons. When he left there, he went to the nearest electronics store and bought himself a handheld computer. With that, he got himself a map of the area and a map of the nearby countries. He'd chosen to stay outside of Sanc, simply because there was a checkpoint where everyone was searched. And because he didn't want to explain why a Gundam pilot wanted to enter a nonmilitary zone. It had nothing to do with that girl Heero liked. The innocent one with the slight stalker tendencies. The one Heero refused to kill. It had nothing to do with her.

Okay, so maybe a little.

But still! How could he not want to avoid someone like her? Some pretty princess in a pretty world. He'd only met her once, and for a short time, and he'd been defensive as all hell, seeing as he'd just slept with her hero... okay. Still. So he was being weird. Whatever.

The streets were even different than the colonies. Maybe it was just _his_ colony – the broken cobblestone that showed only gray slab underneath it, the blacktops that perpetually shone, never losing their sparkle on the edges where no one ever drove, never hit by true sunlight, only its facsimile and the colony's heat regulators. And the warmth was so _different_ when it was the sun granting it to you. You could feel where it originated, and as the months grew colder, you could tell that it was the sun that was keeping the place warm while the wind swept through with ice in its veins. His braid, still tucked into his shirt, was keeping the wind off and making him warmer. Yay.

His first stop was a hotel, a seedy one-level piece of shit with nothing going for it but a bed and a back exit. Two exits grated on him, but it was the best he was going to get on such short notice. There were no safehouses near Sanc.

That accomplished, it was time to use Mr. Paranoid's picture and his own program, hand-made to search videos and cameras in order to find his little friends. He'd only gotten one of them so far, in a parking lot across from an S&M store that just happened to have video cameras for one's viewing pleasure. The bastards were dodging normal videos and cameras – ATMs, banks, even electronic stores. The only reason he'd found them at all was because they'd needed to get on a shuttle to come here. As it was, the S&M store sat practically on the border of Sanc. It made Duo uneasy. Sanc was supposed to be a pacifistic nation. What were those two doing near it?

In any case, the restaurant was where he needed to start. It took two separate bus rides and a ten minute walk, but he managed to get there just as most people were commuting to work. It had the name he'd seen on the picture – Ihop. Duo wondered if it was someone's name.

A bell jingled when he walked inside, putting him on instant alert and bringing a smiling black woman over to him. She greeted him and offered him a table. He hesitated, then said, “Sure.” He grinned brightly.

It took a while. He ordered a drink, then an appetizer, then a meal, stuffing himself stupid until he had her first name – Kayla – and had her giggling and flirting shamelessly. He leaned over when she came to bring his check and smiled mega-watt in her face. “Kayla,” he said, trying to purr and wondering if he was getting it even half right, “I actually came here because of a recommendation from my friend. I didn't even expect to find you.”

It was the worst start ever, but she just fluttered her eyelashes and blushed. It almost made him feel bad. “Your friend?” She looked like she couldn't care less. If he could guess, she was trying to keep him around a little longer.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “He has a buzz cut? Big chin and silver eyes?” He waved his hand in front of him, pointing at his chin and swiping above his hairline.

“Oh!” Her eyes lit. “He was taken care of by Sandra yesterday. I only remember him because of those eyes of his. He seemed...” She hesitated, and the sparkly look in her eyes dimmed. “Meaner.”

He grinned, chuckled. “Yeah, the man has no social skills. I worry about him.” He gave her a melodramatic sigh and watched as she grinned again. “He mumbles, too, did you know?” At least, Duo hoped he did. “You can be having a perfectly normal conversation with the man, and he'll act like he's in the CIA or something.”

She actually laughed there. “He always stopped talking whenever I came near and glared until I left again. It was...” Duo guessed she was about to say 'scary,' but she didn't. “He did say there was someone he'd called to meet him. He was talking with a woman...”

“Blond? Flat?” He made more motions and had her laughing again. She was practically simpering. Who'd have thought flirting would actually work? “Yeah, I know her. The two are tight.” He linked his first fingers together. “And the person to meet would be me. He's gonna be disappointed, though – I have no clue where we're supposed to meet up.”

She gave him a sad look. “And he doesn't seem the forgiving sort.”

Duo laughed again. Why was this conversation sounding more and more like they were talking about Heero? Still, thinking that way made it easier for Duo to grin about his so-called friend and wave it off. “Yeah, but he'll cool down. Eventually.”

“I did hear him say something about the bell tower,” she said, and then blushed. “But I really wasn't listening in. It's just that my old boyfriend took me there, and I was thinking about him because...” But she blushed and didn't finish.

Duo didn't really care why. “The bell tower?” Duo looked up, then back down. “It has a more boring, official name, right? I'm just here to visit him,” he said, clarifying before she could even ask.

The glimmer in her eyes shifted a bit as she considered the distance between them. “It's the old Church of Our Savior.” Duo gave her a blank look, and she gave him directions. Great. Another bus ride through the city.

He thanked her and paid for dinner, leaving a fairly normal tip. She would remember him enough without him leaving her something more generous. He simply tacked on a credit after seventeen percent. It would be enough to credit the time spent without lending it a deeper meaning. Then he was out the door.

It couldn't believe it had been so simple. G had always told him that his smiles would get him whatever he wanted, but he'd never really believed the old geezer. He owed the rotting bastard another thank-you. That girl – already he'd let her name slide through his memory – had not just verified those two's presence here, she'd also led him straight to their next location. Something really had to go wrong here. This was just too easy.

According to the girl, Marcus and Lisa were meeting someone at the church. Possibly they'd met with the person already. Maybe he could find some clues at the church. At as brisk a pace as possible without seeming suspicious, Duo headed down the street to the bus station he'd left just a couple of hours ago. The day had slipped by already, and the sun was hanging bright in the middle of the sky, practically beating down on those below. Despite the chilly wind that howled through the buildings, Duo found himself comfortably warm. The colonies still had more of a summer cycle. They couldn't reproduce the cold mixing with the hot. Here, it was just... natural. The word almost seemed foreign to Duo.

Sitting in the bus brought every single feeling of danger out into the forefront. The hard press of bodies and warmth all around him made everything tense. He expected a bullet between his shoulder blades with every breath he took. It was even worse because he knew he was heading straight toward his enemies, something he'd never done before with so little planning. There was nothing to be done for it, though. If he didn't chase them quickly, he could lose them all over again.

It took a good long time, but it was after another of countless turns that he saw the church. His jaw dropped. The thing was huge, huge and white and _old_. When he thought church, he thought of the Maxwell Church. He thought of an old, crumbling structure with simple windows and smiles. This place was like a freakin' museum.

Duo had to admit to acting like a total tourist for those few short moments as he stared at the thing. It was old. _Old_ old. Ancient, older than time, older than the very colonies. Yet despite that, it was in perfect condition – probably through constant touch-ups, but still. The bus went right to the thing's entrance, and Duo got out, willing to sacrifice being spotted for getting to the place faster.

It was as he stepped out that he became aware of the smell of water nearby. He leaned around the building and saw a bay of some sort slinking through the town. No wonder the buildings were all less than five or six stories each. Then again, each of them looked like they'd been kept as close to their original looks as possible. Duo ignored the buildings and their high-arched windows and instead focused on the church. It looked to be brick, at least in part, the old building material standing the test of time rather well. It rose only a couple-few stories, but the steeple rose high, high up, higher than the surrounding buildings. Up there had to be where the belltower stood. Was that where they were meeting, or was it simply the colloquial name for the old place?

Duo took a step forward, then paused. Why did the front door of the church look ominous?

He shook his head. No, he knew. He knew, because in his mind he was seeing it. Everything was burning.

It was harder than it should have been to walk up those steps. Others were walking past without a care, but a few – tourists, probably, were standing in front of it, gawking or taking pictures, while others were walking up like him, walking through that open door like it was nothing. Duo found himself hyperventilating and had to focus on his breathing to make himself stop.

The church was cordoned off by a fancy iron gate, one that had to have been replaced constantly to avoid rusting. It led to a few short steps, which carried him in to the nave. And it was huge. He focused on that, and the thick columns with fluted shafts and ridiculously ornate capitals. He remembered Sister Helen telling him about them, about how the beauty of God was shown in some churches, about how she loved the church but sometimes selfishly wished for... for everything that was here. The columns. The huge floor-to-ceiling stained-glass windows that made the light sparkle in different colors, the rounded roof that made the room seem infinite.

And then there was the pulpit. Duo stilled, looking at the grand place where the preacher would give his sermon. People moved around him, grumbling.

It was gorgeous. He hated thinking of churches, hated the money put into a false god, hated the pack of lambs blindly following such tripe, hated the excuses it made available for others to use. Yet even he had to say that it was a beautiful pulpit. It was cordoned off with miniature columns acting as a sort of balustrade, but who cared about that? Duo kept staring at the... _thing_ behind it. Ivory angels trumpeted as they flew across the back wall, sitting safe within their own little dais, blanketed under a huge carving of the sun streaming through clouds above them.

It was gold and blue and white all sitting perfectly together, and he couldn't believe it but it was making him tear up. Or maybe it was the pews and the memories he had of running through them back... back. With his hair whipping loose behind him and a smile on his face as Sister Helen chased him around, admonishing him to take God's house of worship more seriously. He remembered how, for the first time, he'd seen the inside of the building from the outside, seen the sunlight sparkle like ash.

It was only when someone bumped him and cursed that he was aware of where he was again, and of the danger. He looked around woodenly. There was a good amount of people, each of them taking pictures, pointing, staring as he had been – though probably with less horror. There had to be more to the church than the nave – inner corridors, stairs to the belltower. There were too many people in this room for Marcus and Lisa to want to meet with anyone here.

Duo could see, now that he was looking past where he was, two doors leading further in, both hidden behind the furthest columns, past what looked like a personal balcony – possibly for some king or something, this place was probably that old. Duo walked over as if to look closer at the balcony, his gaze catching on every person, every nook and cranny, every shadow. A few guards stood around, two by the entrance, two meandering through the crowd, and one on each door. Duo's world pulled and pushed; he tried to be concerned about whether he would be able to get to the back, but he kept seeing a different uniform on those men, kept seeing a desperate look in their eyes and snarls on their lips. Fear clamped around his chest. He couldn't believe it, but he was afraid of this place. Of _churches_.

It was massively hard to walk toward the pulpit, toward the two doors that would take him further into the church instead of the hell out. The guards were opening doors for those who wanted to see past. One of them was opening the door for an older woman, and the two paused and started a conversation. Duo went to the opposite door, barely managing to dredge up a smile before sliding through the door and into the halls.

White.

It made him freeze, just as the guard closed the door behind him. Another stood on the other side, beside Duo, and was staring. He looked around, blindly taking in the white marble walls before reaching out as if to touch it, then walking on. He turned a corner, found no one and nothing but an ornate door, and collapsed against the wall.

He was shaking. His hands were shaking. Good God, how the hell was he going to meet these people if his goddamn hands were shaking?

He took a deep breath, ducked his head under his knees, and took another. In, out. In, out. He wasn't at the church. There weren't people trying to kill...

Oh, yeah. There _were_ people here who wanted to kill him. Suddenly he couldn't help but think of all those tourists, nameless before but suddenly important. Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, old Mary Walker who went to the church every day to pray for her last son, a soldier in the war. Mark, the janitor. Barry, the teenager who ran from his abusive parents to the church at just the wrong time. Kitty, Nine, Park, the kids who had yet to find homes. Burns, the one who _refused_ to leave without Duo. All of them had been nameless to others, but not to him. Could he really fight those two, knowing he might get others involved? Someone else's Sister Helen or Father Maxwell?

He grabbed his head. He'd killed other people's Sister Helens or Father Maxwells before. Every time he entered a battlefield, he killed someone who was important to someone else. He had to get his damn head together. He'd chosen that the moment he'd signed up for all this. He'd accepted it.

Accepted it, of course, on the assumption that he would be the one to stop it all – to stop the killings, the deaths, the misery and the hopelessness. He hadn't known those he'd fight for would turn their backs on their rescuers. He hadn't known everything would turn to hell. And he certainly hadn't thought he'd have his own allies do weird shit to him.

“Duo?”

The voice was hesitant, deep, quiet. It took Duo a moment to recognize it, simply because it was such an alien tone. He looked up.

His gaze took in the wild, tangled locks of dark brown hair, the slightly tan skin, the small, steel shoulders underneath that ludicrous green tank – matched with jeans today, probably in the vain hope of blending in – but most of all, best of all, he saw Heero's eyes. Those dark, ocean eyes, those sky-night eyes.

And something exploded in the back of his head.

He didn't even hear himself scream. All he knew was that he saw Heero and then TNT went off, lightning scratched along nerves, lava pooled behind his eyelids and along the rim of his skull. He clutched at his head and felt something like an earthquake shake his brain. Then he was aware again, aware of his own gasping breaths and the kiss of the marble against his forehead. His brain seemed to be burning. His eyes were on fire. His fingers were digging into his brain, but the pain was minimal, unimportant. He closed his eyes as soon as a shadow crossed his vision.

He'd been warned. If he saw Heero again, he would feel pain. He'd been warned.

Pain. He'd thought he'd known so much about pain.

“My friend needs help.”

Duo flinched, then snarled at himself. He'd sworn he would flip those assholes the ultimate bird and meet Heero, work with Heero, be Heero's _nakama_ , if that was really what Heero had been saying in that prison cell. It was what he himself wanted. Those bastards were trying to deny him. And for what? Because they thought he was taking Heero's control and shoving it out the window?

Though, based on what had happened in the prison cell...

But whatever! That wasn't the fucking point!

“Sorry!” Duo said, and laughed. He looked up, saw Heero from the corner of his eye, and collapsed all over again. This time, though, he gritted his teeth. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he was able to stop the scream this time. Even so, he found his feet scraping along the floor, trying to get him away from the pain. He was gasping again when it ended, but this time he was sweating, too.

“I have to get him to a hospital,” Heero said. Duo's ears were ringing slightly, so he thought he was probably just imagining the worry in Heero's voice. Duo took a few deep breaths and tried opening his eyes again. The pain was absolute, a straight connection to his brain. There was no message from nerve to synapses to brain to synapses to nerve. It was just straight _boom_ , there it was. Duo reached out and clutched Heero, hearing something else beyond the ringing – hearing death nearby.

“Hee...Heath,” he said, just barely keeping himself from saying Heero's name. The name was hot on his tongue. Hot like his breath. Hot like everything in his body. “Something's wrong.” He tugged weakly on Heero's arm. Heero grabbed him around his arm and pulled him up from the floor. Duo clenched his eyes shut again. He would get through this. He swore it. Just... not in the open.

Heero walked him... somewhere, and Duo resisted when he saw the exit to the nave in front of him. “Enemies,” he said, and Heero hissed before simply picking him up and moving him behind one of the columns. Duo frowned.

“We can't go back in. The situation has been compromised.” Heero leaned him down against the column, and Duo heard the sound of Heero crouching in front of him. “Status.”

Duo opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “I'm okay enough, really. It's just...” And he hesitated again. He knew he had to tell Heero – had to tell all of them, when he saw them. Well, that only left Wufei, now. The thought actually made him sad.

Heero sighed, then picked Duo up again. It was a move that would turn heads. Why was Heero doing it? The tension in the man's arms didn't seem to be purely strain. So part stress? But what was stressing Heero–

Oh, that had been stupid of him. Duo tensed himself as he realized it. Marcus and Lisa worked for J. And just who had J taught?

Heero.

He could hardly believe the frisson of fear that skittered up his spine. He didn't believe Heero would kill him. The man had had his chance to do so several times, and had actually gone out of his way to _save_ Duo. Still, he remembered the old Heero – the Heero who had stolen parts from Deathscythe and left Duo on his own. The one who said, over and over again, that he would eliminate all obstacles. And for a moment, remembering that man, he was afraid.

But then the fear changed. He recognized the real danger, the real reason Heero was hurrying him out of the church. “They're still here, aren't they?”

His voice was a whisper, but it made the tension in Heero even more pronounced. He didn't say anything, simply took Duo through the outdoors before leaving him against something round and cool and metallic. Duo felt behind him. A car. Had Heero been telling the truth when he'd said he had a car? And just where had that acquisition come from?

He didn't open his eyes as Heero's body warmth returned to his side. Heero still didn't speak as he opened one of the car doors and led Duo by the elbow to the opening. It was after Duo slid in that Heero let go, and only after Heero closed the door that Duo opened his eyes and clicked the seatbelt into its buckle. Heero skirted around the front of the car, catching Duo's eye once again. The inferno was immediate, a volcano erupting in the back of his head. He tried to swallow the scream and almost choked; everything went white. He closed his eyes and grabbed his head again. Tears were spurting in his eyes. A garbled moan slipped through his lips as the pain died down once more.

“Duo? Duo, are you all right?” But Heero didn't touch him. Duo heard Heero's voice right beside him and furrowed his brows. When did Heero open his door?

“I can't fucking _fight_ like this,” Duo said, but the anger was clouded by frustration, exhaustion. Betrayal. “Those fucking dumbasses fucking _crippled_ me.”

Duo felt heat by his side, knew Heero was reaching for him. He found himself yearning for the touch. How ludicrous. He felt a new heat stutter to life in his veins, trying to kindle properly in a body already wrapped in flames. Lust. Good Lord, he wanted to fuck Heero.

Heero started the car.

Duo looked out the window, took a deep breath, and opened his eyes again. He couldn't see Heero. It made him want to scream – for a different reason. He'd known it would hurt. He'd thought it would be like ribs breaking, or a spinal tap, or a cut from collarbone to pelvis. He hadn't thought it would be anything different from that. But there were no nerve endings to stifle the pain – something he'd never thought they did. It was simply pain receptors, each plugged into sight, a simple reaction of the body to sight. There was nothing like it, nothing to compare it to. He couldn't feel a loose bone or gushing blood. Nothing but pain.

“What did they do?”

Duo jumped. He hadn't been paying attention to the world around him. He'd just relaxed as soon as Heero had showed up. As if Heero would just... protect him. How utterly absurd. “It's... difficult to explain. What did they tell you?”

He chanced a glimpse, wanting to see what Heero looked like. All he got was an image of Heero staring straight out the windshield, his lips thin, and then the pain ripped through him once again. He stopped the scream this time, but couldn't stop the shudder that shook him. He clutched his head and almost wished it would just rip apart. Maybe then he could just reach in and take out whatever had been put in him. He'd thought to go to the Sweepers, to get Howard to help him. He'd just wanted to get those bastards first, before they disappeared. Stupid him.

He thought Heero just wasn't going to respond to any of it, but finally the man said, “they told me they'd given me a warning.”

The fire changed again, until he was snarling. The fury ripped its way up his muscles. “They fucking _what?_ ”

Thoughtlessly he turned to Heero again, and the fury this time took the edge off the pain, letting him keep his eyes on Heero for a few seconds until his vision blocked out to white again. He turned his head away, but he gritted his teeth and imagined those two telling Heero to lay off or... or something, and the anger made the pain bleed away. It wasn't like the pain was any less, just that it was unimportant compared to protecting Heero from those two lunatics. He was still panting when it was over, but he was in control.

“What happened?” Heero asked. His voice was empty.

Empty. Lifeless. Back to that damn Perfect Soldier thing. Duo wanted to cry, to scream, to kill someone. He wanted to rip the veins out of Marcus' throat. Shove Lisa's tongue down her own throat. They'd scared Heero away from him. “They just did some shit – put something in my head. I...” But he hesitated _again_ , afraid of speaking, afraid of how Heero would react. Would the man just stop the car and walk away? He scowled and glared ahead of him. “They can kiss my fucking ass. I'm not staying away from you.”

Heero was silent for a moment. Duo saw a red light in front of them. Heero dutifully stopped. “Did they tell you to do that?”

The man's voice was quiet. Was he really thinking about jumping out of the car or something? If he was, Duo would chase him down. The idea of losing the progress he'd made hurt like a vice. “Yeah.” He glanced over at Heero, trying to continue his grip on his rage. It didn't quite work, but it seemed better than the first few. Maybe he could somehow desensitize himself to the pain. He blinked away the now-familiar black spots in his vision and looked back out the side window. “It's something on my brain. I can't look at you without it... activating.”

Heero put the pieces together almost before he finished speaking, and even Duo could hear the thin intake of breath. “Then that... reaction was because of me.”

Duo heard the pause in Heero's sentence and almost quirked a brow. It wasn't like Heero to trip over his words. “It was because I saw you, yeah,” Duo said, stipulating on the main point. “It's caused trouble a few times,” he said suddenly, getting pissed off again as he let himself think about it. “If I hit my head or roll too fast, my vision gets messed up. Black spots, fuzzy images. The damn thing's messing with my head. I need to see Howard and see if he can fix me.” Like he was a broken doll.

Heero didn't seem to have anything to say to that, but another quick glance caught tight fists and lowered brows. Duo suffered the next shockwave of pain in silence. He didn't even curl up or wince. He really was getting better at dealing with it. But then, he'd always been good with dealing with pain.

“I'm sorry,” Heero said then, and Duo jumped.

“What?” He actually forgot, like a moron, and stared stupidly at Heero before he was reminded of the obvious. He clenched his eyes shut and held his breath. Think fury, think anger, think of those two lording over Heero like puppet masters. That image certainly made the pain seem muted. “For what? Meeting with them?”

He looked again and jerked back at Heero's tiny little smile. “No.”

Duo's brows furrowed. “Then what?” He thought of something. “Hey, I should be the one apologizing to you, anyway. I left you back at the Lunar base. I'm sorry. The air had been turned off–”

“It's fine,” Heero said, his voice curt. Then nothing. He didn't say anything more.

Duo focused on the world around him, brow furrowing as he saw Heero taking him further from Copenhagen and further from Sanc. The route seemed odd; if Duo correctly remembered the Northern Europe map he'd glanced over, they were almost taking a parallel line below Sanc's gates. He let it go. Maybe it was a predetermined route to some safehouse Duo wasn't aware of. Maybe Heero was considering crossing the boundary. But Duo knew the car was probably catching the eye of a few boundary guards. He was being paranoid; why would the guards talk about a passing car?

Otherwise, the place was much like before, though now Duo could see the more recognizable skyscrapers in the distance. Heero looked like he was heading toward them. Duo shuffled a bit in his seat. “Where are we going?”

Heero took a sharp breath. It was loud after his silence. “Hn.”

Duo wanted to tear his hair out. It was useless; he wasn't getting anything out of the bastard. He passed the rest of the drive trying to desensitize himself to the pain, looking at Heero and then away, at him and then away. He noticed, as time passed, that Heero was glaring more and more heatedly in front of him, then that he wasn't as aware of the pain. Maybe it was working. Maybe he would be able to defeat whatever had been done to him.

And then he passed out.


	9. Once Thought, Once Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place somewhere between episodes 34 and 36.

“But the trouble I have caused  
I wonder  
Where do I belong?  
Is it... here?  
  
Believe in dreams you love so much  
Let the passion of your heart  
Make them real  
And tell all the ones you love  
Everything about the love you feel”

 

~ “Believe In Dreams,” Flyleaf

* * *

The first thing he was aware of was the smell. He could smell Heero, the smell of sweat and cheap shampoo and, hidden underneath the scent of soap, oil. The scent caused him no pain, and he took a few moments just to savor it. Then, feeling a bit like a creeper, he opened his eyes.

Heero was nowhere to be seen, and he instantly panicked. His gaze swept the room, seeing the small window and the wooden door. A simple room. He reached up for the lockpicks in his hair and stilled. His hands had new bandages on them. He'd taken them off for his trip, even though his hands hadn't fully healed from the barbed wire. He blinked. Was this some sort of farewell gift from Heero?

Farewell gift. Heero had no intention of staying near Duo again.

He launched himself at the door, just barely managing to reach it before the black spots returned. He blinked until he saw vague outlines between the dots, then wrenched the door open. The knob turned easily under his palm.

Wherever he was, the hallway was short, squat, and led to only two more doors before turning to a staircase. The staircase, when he moved to it, was short, only four steps, and slid into a landing that turned to the right. It led to one big area, a large wooden floor space broken up on the far end by kitchen counters. Heero stood by one, gently chopping up... something. Duo hadn't been able to see before the explosion blasted his brain to pieces. He grabbed his head and slumped to the floor. He may have potentially moaned a little. And maybe it was a smidge piteous.

“Duo!”

The sound was so fuckin' foreign, Duo ended up looking despite himself. In the midst of agony stood Heero, rushing over and bending at Duo's side, touching his shoulder. Then as Duo clenched his eyes shut and _definitely_ moaned this time, Heero stood and moved away. “I'm sorry,” Heero said, then, “I'm out of eyesight. Don't turn toward me.”

What the hell was this feeling? Something was clawing at his chest, scraping and tearing around his heart. He touched it, clenched his fist. He was scared. Deathly scared... that Heero would leave him.

Good God, this was just too fuckin' cheesy.

He opened his eyes and found himself short of breath. “Damn them,” he said. He gulped in some air. He looked up, but Heero really had moved out of eyesight. Duo thought of where the sound of Heero's voice had originated from. To his right, then. “You know I'm not going to let them win this, don't you?”

Nothing. Heero said nothing, and Duo frowned. Heero wasn't going to just walk away from this, was he? He certainly wasn't the sort to run away, nor was he the type to accept what those people had done. But what if he thought his actions really were getting in the way of the war effort? What if Heero believed that being around Duo was a danger to his goals?

Definitely. Heero would definitely leave.

For some reason, the very idea of that hurt him. He scowled. “Where did they go?”

When he still got no answer, he turned to Heero and to hell with Heero telling him not to. It brought the pain, as always, but he still saw the look on Heero's face first. Had it just been him, or had Heero looked oddly indecisive at that moment? He winced and clenched his fingers against his skull, but he kept his eyes on Heero. Those brows were pulled low over those eyes of his, that bottom lip slightly out, almost as if pouting – or it would be like pouting if it were anyone but Heero Yuy with that look. Yeah, that was indecisiveness, all right, and maybe some rebelliousness thrown in. He'd recognize the look anywhere, since it was a face he himself made often. In that moment, he thought he could see every single reason why he fell in love with Heero Yuy.

“Tell me,” Duo said, then heard the words echoed in Heero's voice. It was only after he continued the conversation that he realized his own thought processes.

Love?

“I'll tell you their location if you tell me exactly what happened,” Heero said, and it was just another weird thing to hear Heero say. Heero's ultimatums usually ended with 'or I'll kill you.'

Duo blinked, having to readjust his brain after that one. “What's to tell? J's guys fucked me over.”

But Heero was having nothing of it, and Duo found himself telling the whole damn story. It was broken up over and over again whenever he tried to look at Heero, which finally earned him a “stop it!” from Heero, who warned Duo he'd be walking blindfolded if he looked at Heero one more time. The idea was kinky, but not that appealing when he didn't even know where he was.

So he sat sullenly at a white patio table that sat within the counter space, just at the corner, and glared at the wall as he finished the story. “I flirted with a waitress at the restaurant and actually got her to like me enough to spill the beans on that church place.” He poked at the wall. It was that popcorn-type wall. This place looked like a glorified studio apartment. How many exits were there? And where would he find said exits? He really wanted to look around, but if he saw Heero again, he wouldn't be able to hide it and he didn't doubt Heero's previous words for a second.

Heero didn't say anything, but since he hadn't said a word since the warning, Duo wasn't surprised. Duo poked the wall again and sighed. Something clinked in front of him, and Duo looked down to see a plate of food before him. Apparently Heero had been cutting up one of the things in the pasta mix before him. Probably the tomatoes, since he hadn't smelled any onions or garlic or anything. Duo picked up the fork and swirled it around for a while before finally picking up a bit and taking a bite. He made a sound of surprised pleasure. “Shit, Heero, this is good!”

He dug in, just barely hearing Heero's “hn.” Still, the little sound seemed to be a pleased one. It was silent then as Duo digested. He found himself stuffed and wondered how long he'd been unconscious. The thought made him frown, and he paused halfway through his meal. “So? Where are they, Heero?”

Heero paused. Maybe he was chewing his own food? “Hn. I killed them.”

Duo dropped his fork.

Killed them? The first reaction was ludicrous; a strange warmth, almost like he'd been kissed on the forehead, and that was so stupid he ignored it for anger. “You stole my kill, Yuy.”

Heero's voice, when he spoke, was that dangerous one from when they'd first met. “They were mine to kill.”

Dammit, that stupid warmth was back. And he was getting sick of looking at the wall. “I can't fucking fight if I'm looking away from you, Yuy. I need to get used to this. And don't think you're off the hook about killing those fuckers! I wanted them.” He glared at Heero until the pain got to be too much. He figured he lasted about a second.

“Stop!” Heero said, and he was snarling. “We'll get that taken care of, so stop messing with it.”

If Duo could, he would gape at Heero like a carp. “Get it taken care of?” Duo echoed. “How? I haven't been able to get in touch with Howard – though I don't know how I feel about relying on that man for bio repairs...”

Duo heard Heero stomping over to him. He couldn't believe it. _Heero_ was _stomping_. “As if I don't know anyone,” Heero said, his breath hissing between his teeth. “I'll contact someone. In the meantime, _stop looking at me._ ”

Duo frowned. “I really want to see you.” He couldn't say more without sounding girly. “It's been a while,” he said instead, then, “not since the Lunar base. I... saw Quatre.”

He'd expected the silence, but he hadn't known it would almost feel oppressive. “You did?”

Duo nodded. “Yeah. He...” Okay, so he'd forgotten to add this part. “Oops. Forgot.” And he told Heero about the S.O.S. device he'd hooked onto his cross and Quatre's subsequent rescue. He left out Quatre's personal details, saying only that he knew about Trowa. “He's heartbroken, so don't be too hard on him, okay?” he said, wishing he could impart an effective warning glare.

Heero was quiet for a time, then said, “I know.” It almost knocked Duo off his seat.

“Eat,” Heero said then, and Duo just gave up entirely. Fine. He would eat. And in return, Heero better have more to say about whatever the hell was going on.

* * *

“When we are in love, we often doubt that which we most believe.”

~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld

* * *

He finally got some damn information. Apparently, he'd only been asleep long enough for the day and night to both slip past. It disoriented Duo; he'd been right on his enemies' tail, only to think he'd lost them, only to learn that they were already dead. He was a few miles out from when he'd fallen unconscious; Heero had bought this studio apartment somehow for some reason, though the man was completely reluctant to explain any of those points to him when he pressed, simply saying he had something to attend to on Earth. Duo shrugged it off. He was worried that Heero would keep fighting to the end, even though there was no one to really fight anymore. Duo had no more enemies – he'd been wanting to save the colonies and the innocents on them, but now he would have to fight them. He was lost. Heero seemed to be, too, but he was probably still fighting. For what? Duo was afraid to ask. If Heero didn't have a reason and simply went to the battlefield, wouldn't that mean he was simply fighting until he died? Or maybe fighting _to_ die? Duo's stomach cramped at the thought.

The apartment was on the bottom floor of the building, next to the fire escape, so they could go up if they had to. There were several windows, each covered at all time by thick curtains, and of course, the front door. Each window provided escape routes, the side offering the added advantage of bushes. Sanc was walking distance away.

“I'll be back as soon as I can,” Heero said. Duo knew he stood by the door, but he knew better than to look. Heero had already ripped up a terry cloth to use as the blindfold. “I'll send a signal before I enter, so don't look.”

Duo sighed.

He heard the front door open, then close. He chanced a look. No one. He was alone. He checked his weapons, newly received from Heero, and pushed himself up from his relaxed position on the leather couch. Alone. Here he went again, freaking out about being alone. Or, more specifically, not seeing Heero while all of this hung over them.

He knew it was stupid and unsafe, but he let himself flop back on the couch and close his eyes again. He couldn't believe what he'd thought before. Love? What the hell? No. What the _fuck?_ Had he lost his fuckin' mind? Just what the hell had he fallen in love with?

He covered his eyes. Maybe... no, it was probably during the Lunar base. That was probably when he'd lost it. He'd looked at Heero and thought _le drool_ , but... He shook his head. No. Maybe he was wrong? It wasn't like he had anything to really compare it to. He'd loved Solo, but more like one would a brother, or maybe a guardian. He'd loved Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, but probably as one would a mother and grandfather. So maybe it wasn't...?

Okay, so he couldn't think that, because that would be a lie. The pain he felt at the possibility of not seeing Heero again... yeah, that was too great to ignore. Too painful. But still! Love! In the middle of a war! He clutched his stomach as it roiled in his gut. Love. Just thinking the word made him want to flinch. If he loved Heero, then what would happen from there? Heero had a heart – one that had been trained to not exist, but one that existed, nonetheless. The man it belonged to was twisted by that damn J bastard. What were the chances that Heero even _could_ love? And if he could, what would his love be like?

Duo took a deep breath. He was looking far too far into this. Heero wouldn't love him, even if he could. They'd both agreed from the get-go that it was just sex. And even that wasn't possible anymore. So what was linking them? Heero's _nakama_ , which Duo may have misinterpreted. Maybe he'd actually said _okama_ , a cross-dresser. Duo glared at the end of his braid as it swung limply off the edge of the sofa.

He looked around again. The place really was beautiful in a bachelor pad kind've way. Open floor plan, hardwood floors, leather sofa and chair – not a problem with fingerprints, since they were known criminals and they weren't on any systems, anyway – and a kitchen with a simple patio set acting as the dining table. Up those stairs were the two bedrooms and bathroom, complete with more windows. He yawned. It was a nice, clean, simple area, and a good find. However Heero had gotten the apartment without raising Romefeller's suspicions, he'd done well. Though really, who would be surprised by that?

He stood, unable to stay alert while lying on the couch, and stalked around the apartment for a bit. There wasn't one thing that could be deemed personal in the space. It looked like it could be anyone's – and no one's. That was normal for a safehouse, but somehow Duo just saw this place as Heero's. It seemed to suit him. Simple, Plain. OCD-ish. And the leather furniture had to have been a personal choice, just as the radically different, completely cheap dining set said everything about the man. He liked comfort and style, but had no need for a family setting. Duo went back to the room he'd woken up in and stared at it. Bed, dresser, closet. The bed had simple white sheets and a brown comforter – Duo didn't think Heero had chosen those from personal aesthetic. They looked cheap. He looked in the bathroom, but the sink only held a thing of liquid soap, the small linen closet only towels. Very carefully, he kept his gaze away from the mirror. Then he turned to the last room. The bedroom. Heero's bedroom. He took a deep breath. It wasn't breaking into anything private. He was just... okay, so he was snooping around. He was a thief. So shoot him.

He chuckled darkly at that thought.

The door didn't have any hairs on it. No poison needles were hidden around the handles. He didn't know why he'd expected them, but he was still surprised. He checked the hinges, too, and found what he was looking for. A thin piece of a paper clip was wedged into the top hinge. If he opened it, the metal would bend, proving the someone had been inside. He pulled it out, intrigued. Why would Heero bother? It was just another safehouse, right?

Nothing jumped out at him when he opened the door. It was the same as his own – bed, dresser, closet. Only here, the bed had deep green sheets, hunter green, covered by a black comforter. _That_ , somehow, seemed more Heero's style. Though why the guy liked the color green was beyond Duo. It was one of his least favorite colors, right up there with brown and the color of blood. He studied the room before he took a step, and thus avoided miniscule pieces of tape that would have stuck to his feet. The dresser, too, had pieces of hair along the edges of the drawers. He shook his head. What the hell was he protecting?

There was nothing in the dresser, and the closet sported only Heero's duffel bag. Duo decided he wouldn't cross that line; let Heero maintain that much privacy. Normally he'd dig right in, but he respected Heero a little too much for that. The thought didn't sit well with him; if he couldn't even break into Heero's duffel, then what else would he do differently around the man? Would he give up as Heero had in the Lunar base?

He wasn't happy that the answer was immediate.

In the end, there was nothing in the room to necessitate all of Heero's precautions, and he simply left with a shrug, figuring it was just another of Heero's many mysteries. Once he'd replaced the paper clip in the top hinge, he walked back through the house and double-checked that no one had snuck in while he'd been otherwise absorbed. The place was, of course, clean. He spent the next couple of hours fiddling with his knives, swishing them around in his hand. It took just enough concentration to keep his mind ready, but not enough to make him lose focus on what happened around him. The thick curtains hid the sun from sight, but he'd had a watch on before, and it was still on his wrist. It was afternoon, according to his watch, when he heard four sharp raps on the front door. He tilted his head, decoding the simple message easily enough. Four dots. H in Morse Code. He got up and opened the door, obediently keeping his eyes from the front.

“Keep your eyes averted. I have an ally,” Heero said, not bothering with any pleasantries. It made Duo smile.

“Nice to see you, too, Heero,” he said, then frowned. “Well, maybe that was the wrong expression. But still. A 'hello' wouldn't hurt.”

“Hn.”

Classic Heero. “Kind've like, 'hi, Duo! I missed you! How are you?' or something.”

“I know how you are.”

Ouch. Score one for him. But hey – and Duo couldn't believe the level of happiness this stupid little point gave him – Heero hadn't refuted the whole 'missed you' thing. “So? Can I see this supposed ally of yours?”

“Well, he seems well enough.”

A woman?

“It's in his head,” Heero said. Duo glared, but remembered at the last second not to look at Heero. Did Heero have any idea the different connotations that could have?

Whoever the woman was, she must have, because she chuckled. Her voice was slightly throaty. He thought he recognized it, but from where?

She entered his vision then, and he was sure he'd never met her. He would've remembered that hairstyle, for one. It looked like two croissants were stuck to the sides of her head. “Hello, Duo,” she said as greeting, and smiled before she grabbed his chin and tilted his head up. She peered into his eyes. “Well, I can't tell for sure just yet, but it doesn't seem to have done anything permanent from this angle.” She tilted his head from side to side. “I'll need to double-check with my equipment, though.”

“Can you perform the surgery?”

Sally sighed. “I'm a doctor, not a surgeon,” Sally said. She looked over to where Heero stood. Duo wished he could do the same. “I'll do what I can, but brain surgery is still a bit tricky, even with our advances in technology. I could do something much worse than mess up his vision.”

“At this rate, he'll die either way.”

Wow. Thanks, Heero, for that warm-fuzzy. Duo glared petulantly past the woman's shoulder. “I say do it,” Duo said. The woman looked at him. “I need to be able to fight. If I roll or dodge, the black spots come back. I'm useless as I am.” He grinned. “But first, could I please know just who the hell you are?”

The woman's mouth fell open, and then she laughed. “Oh, I like this one!” And she clapped him on the shoulder. The hit actually stung a bit. “The name's Sally Po. I was there when you broke Heero Yuy from the Alliance hospital. Though I'll admit I hadn't gotten a good look at you – I'd thought you were a girl.” Duo snarled, and Sally laughed. “It's your fault for having that braid! It's the first thing anyone notices about you. It's very pretty.” And she fluttered her eyelashes.

It was too ludicrous. Duo found himself laughing. “Yeah, well, I would have to be the most flat-chested girl out there.”

Sally just laughed harder. “But your face! Your eyes are pretty, too! Are you sure you're actually a guy?”

“Unless men and women actually _do_ come with the same equipment, yeah, I'm a guy.” Duo smirked. He had no idea why something that usually pissed him off was making him laugh. It had to be this woman. She seemed to be making fun of him, but she seemed more to be making fun of the world around her. He could appreciate that. The woman seemed to appreciate the humor of the situation, considering that if she'd seen them at the hospital, then she'd been working there. Duo wanted to look at Heero and see just how he was taking that little fact, but if Heero had decided to bring her, then he trusted her. “Hey. How did Heero find you, anyway?”

“Oh, he had a mutual friend patch us through,” Sally said, deliberately leaving Duo with no information. This time Duo said to hell with it and glared at Heero, though the bastard looked unperturbed until he saw that Duo was looking at him. He looked angry then, but Duo didn't care. The bastard had told Sally to withhold the info.

The pain was the same as before, and he could only clutch his head and suffer through it. Sally made a shocked noise that emanated from the back of her throat. Then she was touching his head, too, slowly bending it down until she could see his crown. She felt slowly along the top of his head, quickly finding the stitches. “These are well done,” she said, “but they look a bit rushed.”

The pain was gone again, and he opened his eyes. “Yeah, well, they were probably afraid I would wake up again.”

“You were awake during this?” Her voice was flabbergasted, and for a moment, she let his hair fall over the wound. Then she was parting it again. “Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You are _his_ friend, after all.” Duo jerked. “Sorry, did that hurt?”

“Uh, no.” Friend? Where the hell had that one come from? He didn't think it was from Heero; he couldn't see Heero ever using that word. That left her. Maybe she'd just thought they were friends, since Heero was helping him out? Yeah. That had to be it.

Sally snorted. “What is it with soldiers always acting tough? Injuries are dangerous on the battlefield. Covering them up is just stupid.” And she pressed and prodded until finally he just pointed to where it always hurt. She hmm'ed and hah'ed for a while. He suffered through it. He didn't hear anything from Heero; either the man had slipped away or was watching silently. Duo guessed the latter; if Heero really was willing to give up his ideals in order to get Duo some medicine, then the guy wasn't likely to bail out while someone was so close while Duo was so vulnerable.

Duo grimaced. Stupid vulnerability.

But wait. Which the hell was he supposed to believe? That Heero cared about him, or that he didn't? Was he supposed to hope that there was something in the man, or keep himself bottled up and safe?

“I'd prefer an X-ray first,” Sally said finally, pushing and pulling his head back and forth until he felt like his brain was rattling. “Just to see where it is and whether there's something I can do about it.” She looked over Duo's shoulder, where he guessed Heero was standing. “Do you have anything like that?”

Heero scowled. “No.”

She tsked, then shrugged. “Well, that's to be expected. You wanted to stay out of Sanc, too, didn't you?” Heero didn't say anything, but he must have nodded, because Sally then said, “I suppose it makes sense, with the rising tensions between them and Romefeller.”

Duo grimaced. No matter where he went, he couldn't escape Romefeller. He wondered if any battles in Sanc would find the colony civilians flinging themselves in, killing the peacemakers in the name of peace. It made his fingers itch to slide around Deathscythe's controls. But do what? Kill the fool civilians? Who the hell was evil? Who was innocent?

He closed his eyes. Nothing in his life made sense anymore.

“It'll be difficult without an X-ray,” Sally said, “but I can see where the entry point was made, and anything larger than six millimeters could potentially short-circuit or over-charge, both of which could kill.” Duo hissed, but once again, there was no sound from Heero. “They probably kept it smaller than that, but I'll want to cut farther away, to be on the safe side.” Then she turned to Heero and said, “I'll try to get this done quick. You said you want him on his way, right?”

Ah. And there was the answer he'd been looking for. Heero hadn't said _nakama_ ; he'd been hoping for that, so that was what he'd heard. Heero had actually said _okama_. He'd been taught rudimentary Japanese by G, after all, along with Chinese and German and Spanish, though he hadn't really learned any of them. Latin had actually gone over better, since it helped him understand the English language. Japanese had flown over his head for the most part, and to this day he couldn't figure out how the damn sentence structure worked.

 _Okama_. Not _nakama_. A part of him must have remembered the word... he sighed. Sally finished poking and prodding him and walked over to Heero. Duo shot a quick glance toward them. Heero was leaning against the far wall, his arms crossed, his glare pointed at Sally. He looked away and grabbed his head. Why were Heero's arms crossed? It was a defensive posture, and a vulnerable one.

Someone grabbed Duo's arm. He wrenched it free on instinct and grabbed his knife. His wrist was grabbed. The grip was so strong it felt like Duo's bones were being ground into chalk. “Sorry, Heero,” he said, and blinked his eyes open.

Heero slapped a hand over his eyes.

“Hey!” He reached up with his free hand to remove Heero's, but the arm didn't budge as he pulled. He tried to nearest pressure point, but Heero didn't even flinch. He sighed. “It's annoying, not being able to look at you.”

Heero said nothing, and Duo found the silence to be oppressive. They stood there, in the middle of the studio room, with the sounds of the city muted beyond the doors. He heard Sally move, her shoes squeaking just enough to tell him she was wearing combat boots, into the kitchen area. She started opening drawers. That seemed a bit ominous, too.

“We'll get it out,” Heero said, breaking the silence and making Duo jump. He hadn't realized how much he relied on his vision until all this shit had started. Heero's hand, completely obscuring his vision, just made it more pronounced. “Just wait.”

Duo nodded, then frowned. “You said you killed them. At the tower? When they told you?”

Heero was silent for a beat, then, “yes.”

The answer seemed to be hiding a few facts, but Duo let them go. Heero had killed two of his old allies. For what? Duo? Or the betrayal? Maybe because they'd threatened him – stay away from Duo or else. He couldn't imagine someone saying 'or else' to Heero and walking away with the same amount of limbs. “Did they have anything else they needed to do? Would they have been in contact with someone afterward?”

“Yes, most likely.”

Duo frowned. Maybe Heero just wanted Duo gone because he expected a counterattack? Duo shook his head. “Then we _really_ need to get this over with, if I'm going to be fighting them.”

“You aren't.”

Duo bristled. “Hey, just because I'm not some sort've freak like you doesn't mean I can't fight. They're _my_ enemies, not yours.”

Duo couldn't see shit, but he certainly felt it when Heero stiffened. The man's hand slid from over Duo's eyes. He opened them and saw something in Heero's eyes – something that pinched the skin. He looked... hurt. Duo couldn't believe how fast the guilt settled in. Just as quickly as the pain. “I mean – it's not – I just...” He waved his hands, lifted them, dropped them. He tried to explain, but his thoughts were being fried. He tried to shake off the pain, but he wasn't angry, just upset. “I'm grateful you killed them,” he said, his teeth gritted against the damn torture device.

“Sally.”

“Almost. Hold on,” she said, and kept right on digging through drawers.

“Duo, look away.” Heero started walking toward Sally. Duo followed him with his eyes. Yes, it was agony. Yes, it made him want to take a hammer and bash out his own brain. But still. Heero was fucking gorgeous. The man obviously didn't realize it; he seemed oblivious to anything outside fighting and war and... whatever. But damn, those hips moved when he walked, and damn, that butt was firm, and holy shit, those legs were nice and lean. Straight back, wild hair, strong arms... Duo devoured every facet of it as the agony grew worse and worse and worse. His vision got splotched with black, then pretty colors. Finally he closed his eyes. His head felt like it was exploding over and over, with every heartbeat. Fuck. The blood was raging against his head, his eyes, his ears. His balance shifted, and with one hand he reached back until he felt the wall. Once he was sure he was standing straight, he let go of the wall again.

“Duo, goddammit,” Heero said, and it was so not-Heero Duo looked up again. He heard hurried footsteps, then something slapped over his eyes. Heero was stopping him from seeing again. “Stop it,” the man hissed.

“I'm horny,” Duo mouthed, not actually making a sound. He felt Heero's fingers twitch and smirked. Whatever it was that Heero felt for him, the man was certainly still attracted to him. He could work with that. “And bored.”

Heero hissed.

“Okay! Got it!” Sally said, practically crowing. “Now bring him back here, and make sure he doesn't trip. If that thing was put in there as hastily as I think it was, then it's probably a bit faulty. You said you can't see sometimes, right?”

Duo wanted to see her, but it seemed he'd tested Heero's patience to its limit. He was led forward by a finger poking into his back. He just had to trust that he wasn't going to get supremely screwed over. “What exactly did you find?” he asked, and couldn't help holding his arms out to make sure he didn't slam into anything.

“A pizza cutter,” she said, and had him digging in his heels. She laughed. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding! It's just a ball of twine. It'll help keep your hair out of the way. Now sit on the table.”

He still wasn't too sure, especially since he couldn't tell just what she actually had in her hands. He thought of her rolling a pizza cutter along his hairline and felt his gut clench. “Don't cut the hair, lady,” he said, and had her laughing again.

“Trust men to have their priorities straight,” she said. He didn't need to see to know she was rolling her eyes. “Just lie down, will you?”

He hadn't even sat down yet, though Heero was no longer poking him. He waved his arms in front of himself for a bit, feeling like an utter loon, before he smacked the back of one hand against something hard. He winced. “Found it.”

Sally laughed.

Gingerly, he leaned against the hard something. It was the table, all right, and the faux wood was rather thick. He hopped up and lay back, keeping his eyes closed as Heero's hand slipped off of him. “Well, that's all nice and good, but you need to turn around.”

Oh, right. Because the wound was on the back of his head. Stupid him.

He did as instructed, afraid that the table would tilt underneath him at any moment. It stood. He relaxed his head on his arms. “Should I have something in my mouth?”

“Wha – oh! No, stupid. I'm giving you an anesthetic. Like hell I'm making you be conscious for this.”

Duo's pulse spiked. “I don't know you,” he said, and opened his eyes just long enough to glare at the woman.

“I'm on point,” Heero said, his voice to Duo's left. Duo blinked. How flaming stupid. Heero said he was on point, and suddenly the fear he felt at the idea of this woman standing over his unconscious form just melted away. What the hell?

Oh, for the love of... he sighed and gave up. “Just don't let her do anything weird. And don't cut my hair!”

He could swear he could hear both of them roll their eyes.

* * *

“I'm stretching, but you're just out of reach  
I'm ready when you're ready for me”

~ “Yours to Hold,” Skillet

* * *

“Duo, dammit, wake up!”

He felt like he was swimming through molasses. Drugs. He recognized the feeling; G had certainly given him enough. Too bad his immunity was normal. He remembered, foggily, how G would constantly send him under , demanding he get over his lethargy and headaches. It seemed like he'd failed again. The thought felt a little cold, a little off, but he could feel the headache pounding at the back of his skull – weird, usually it was at his temples – and he felt so damn tired he thought he could sleep for years, so he had to have failed to gain the immunity. Again. G was gonna be pissed.

“Duo!”

See? Pissed. Well, he might as well start the damn day. There was no point trying to run from it. He tried to move his arms. Nothing. His heart pounded. What had G done? Why couldn't he move his arm?

Restraints. Oh. He tested again, but this time he could feel them, one at his wrist and another at his bicep. Sometimes G would do that. Tie him up and see if his escape tricks were as good as he bragged them to be. Okay. He had his razor blade, wrapped carefully in the last braid in his hair. He just had to whip his head until it was in range and then get it. Though, if G took it out again, he would have to use his lockpicks, or maybe his teeth.

“Dammit, I'll get him!”

Oh, right. He had to move.

But there were sounds of battle. It made him jerk. Grunts, thuds, the banging of doors and bodies against walls. Snarls. A gunshot. Another, then a thousand all at once. Pistols, an automatic. Who was fighting? Goddamn, his head hurt. Was this a drill? What was he supposed to do? Escape and incapacitate? Or just escape? What if it wasn't a drill at all?

Something warm touched his wrist. Fingers. They clutched at the bond around his right wrist, and then they pulled. Duo opened his eyes and saw... a normal ceiling. Where was he? The tugging continued. Who the hell thought he could just rip–

Heero.

 _Heero_.

It all came back in a flash; the war, Heero, the _thing_ in his head. Sally. Sounds of battle.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he said, and tried again to focus. His eyes were open, and at first he'd thought the bland white was just the ceiling, but when he turned his head, parts of the white remained. White spots. Well. What an improvement from black.

He heard a loud, soul-tearing rip, and when he turned his head to the right, he saw the restraint on his wrist in both of Heero's hands. Torn apart. What was that? Leather? From what? “Move,” Heero ordered, and Duo closed his eyes. God. The headache stopped pounding with just his heartbeat and tore his head completely asunder. He groaned. Apparently, the attempt to rid him of his burden had failed. He felt Heero's hands at his elbow and shivered. He heard more gunshots, another grunt, a woman – Sally – cursing. Another rip. Duo reached for his braid, painfully aware of Heero's touch on his arm. Even with his priest's garb on, he could feel the man's heat. Holy shit.

“There are more important things than your hair,” Heero said, and Duo paused for one short moment to flip the man the bird. He pulled out his razor blade and easily slid it under the leather. They weren't military; more like belts. Even his shit razor blade took care of the restraints on his left arm in seconds. Heero handed him his weapons. “Out the back,” the man said, and Duo understood. Heero was going to fight these men alone. He stood.

“No.”

He looked at Heero, once again finding himself speechless at the man's beauty, even as the white spots got bigger and bigger. With a snarl, he looked away and closed his eyes. “I said go,” Heero said. Sally cursed again. Bullets dug into the plaster of the kitchen. Enemies. Who? Romefeller? J?

“I said no,” Duo said, noting the rhyme and wishing his brain would focus on something more important. He tried to look around, to see the kitchen and the back door better, but he could hardly look at anything without seeing Heero. “What happened?”

Sally, her croissant-hair mussed as hell, turned to him. “I hardly got started before these people showed up,” she said. “We'll deal with it later. Heero and I will stay in touch. We'll find you, but for now you have to go.”

He shook his head. These people? “Are they J's?”

“Gee, let me ask them,” she said, and shot her pistol again. Heero did, too, and was rewarded with a shout. Sally took a moment to glare at Heero. It almost made him grin; he wasn't the only one who got pissed about Heero's prowess. “We can't fight with you here,” she said finally. “Go!”

He hesitated. He understood what she meant. It was smart. It was intelligent. It was logical. Hell, he was arguing in the middle of a fight! “Won't they be back there?”

“No,” Heero said shortly.

Sally elaborated. “They won't get so close to the border as long as they think they have us here.”

In other words, they would stay away from Sanc so long as they believed their target hadn't run inside Sanc. It was why he was safe to leave. It was why Heero had to stay. His fists clenched. “I...” He wanted to apologize for being a burden. He wanted to tell them he could take care of himself, even though it was obvious he couldn't. He wanted to tell Heero to be careful, but he was afraid saying it might break Heero's focus. He wanted to scream.

“I'll see you later, then,” he said finally, the words feeling completely inadequate.

“Hey!” Heero glared back at him, looking away from the hall for the first time since he'd helped Duo out of his shackles. “Don't die.”

The words stunned him. It was like everything blossomed, just as everything exploded. Heero told him not to die. Heero wanted him to live. It was so pathetic, so painful, so... so... His chest tightened. His breath hitched. His heart pounded, pounded in his chest, almost trying to escape. “Yeah,” he said, his mouth like cotton, his eyes wide. He couldn't look away from Heero, even as it made his head burn, break, detonate – he couldn't look away.

Heero. Heero.

He stumbled back. Heero turned back to the hall, to the shouting and the gunfire and the death that was starting to stink up the apartment. The apartment that had looked perfect for Heero. He regretted thinking that now. Without turning around, he fumbled for the door knob, let his hand rest for a second. He barely noticed the guns he held in his other hand, hardly noticed balancing them in his hand. He was leaving Heero in the middle of a gunfight. He wouldn't know if the man survived until Sally or Heero got in touch with him again. If they got in touch with him again. This might be the last time he saw Heero. The last time, and he was in so much pain he wanted to die.

He opened the door. He stepped out. He closed the door.

There was no one to kill. The place was deserted. He felt as hollow as the wind that touched his braid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Qat's back in Sanc and Heero fights and stuff, and Relena... /shudders/ Relena gets kidnapped and gets promoted to Queen. Ugh. Duo, on the other hand, is getting sick and tired of fighting, especially since he's now fighting the machines and the people who he was trying to save, so in order to de-stress, Hilde takes him to some family member's house and says, hey, here's an idea – let's go to the circus! You aren't a wanted man or anything. -_- So yeah. Basically, we're returning to the storyline. Duo's booking it back to space. Joy. Bliss. Other words of fake happiness.


	10. A Touch of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place through episodes 36-38.

“Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection.”  
~ Arthur Schopenhauer

* * *

“All right, so what the hell were you saying about fun?” Duo looked around. There was a huge crowd – at least it was a place where everyone would blend in with everyone else. And despite the danger of being wanted, being crippled, and being arrested by his fear for Heero – though even he admitted that if there was anyone who was unkillable, it would be Heero – he found himself rather desperate to have fun in any way he could get it. Through every moment of the trip back up to the colonies, he found his mind wandering down different, still rather painful paths, each of them leading to the bathroom for some right hand field action. If he blinked – hell, even if he didn't – he found distinctly erotic images flashing through his mind. Why didn't it hurt to see Heero in his head when seeing him face-to-face hurt so fucking bad he could scream?

So here he was, looking at a bunch of tents and seeing what looked like an expensive hooker speaking to some guy in a bright red tux. His brow furrowed. Uh, exactly what kind've fun was this? He was getting a sinking feeling that Hilde was showing off a perverted side that had before gone unnoticed.

“I was wondering if you'd ever been to one of these before,” she said, and her grin was a bit smug, her eyes a bit mischievous. The uh-oh feeling was steadily increasing. He still had his weapons on him – his knives, his guns. He was starting to wonder if he shouldn't be using one of them. She tilted her head. “It's a circus, Duo.”

She said it like it was so obvious. He looked around. A circus? The tents were big and... loud, he guessed. Yellow with red stripes and flags. The hooker might have simply been wearing something gaudy and risque for some sort of... what? Dress code? Who was the guy in the red tux? Wasn't he a pimp? Could pimps and hookers walk in to these things in their night garb? It was daylight, after all – maybe she was being rewarded for a good run or something, and her treat was to come here? But if she was a normal customer, then why was she heading to the back of the main tent?

And it was a main tent. Now that he focused, the crowd's milling around seemed to be centered around the big tent smack dab in the middle. And it seemed that the line, thick and disjointed as it was, led into the big tent. Was the thing fireproof? How many exits were there?

“Hey, come on.” Hilde elbowed him lightly. “We're here to relax, remember?”

Relax? Who could relax when they were about to enter an unknown tent with who knew how few exits with who knew how many people? Well, maybe normal people did it all the time. He looked around again. Normal people, it seemed. Well, other than the pimp and hooker. No one was looking at him save a four-year-old girl, who didn't seem as interested in him as she was his braid. He waggled his fingers at her and smiled at the harassed-looking mother. She smiled back.

“So? What do you think?”

He looked back at Hilde. She was beaming up at him, her big eyes wide and innocent. She had caught the exchange. Great. Now she thought he was a sucker for kids. It didn't matter that he was. “We haven't even moved, Hilde. We aren't inside yet.”

If anything, that damn grin of hers got wider. “So you like it?”

He sighed. She laughed.

In all honesty, it was kind've nice. Dangerous, stupid, but nice. For a moment, he'd felt like he was almost normal. In line to see a circus with a girl who he felt could be his younger sister. And shit, was she like a younger sister. Nice, but annoying. Smart, yet dumb. Innocent, but with potential. He felt both pride and frustration whenever he was around her. Even though she'd said 'let's have fun,' she hadn't broken away from the training he'd been giving her – the training she herself had asked for. And she was learning. She could sneak behind someone during daylight, so long as there were objects to hide behind. Before he'd left, she hadn't been able to do that. It told him she'd been practicing. It told him she'd taken it seriously.

So fine, he would suck it up and do this stupid, dangerous thing, and then he would get back to hiding out and deciding just what the hell he would do.

Love. What the hell was he thinking, letting that word become a part of him in the middle of a fucking war?

It took over an hour for them to get into the tent, and even then it was another fifteen minutes until they found their way to a seat. It was in the middle of a higher row, surrounded on all sides by people. Duo's entire body was tense, tense as hell. He watched everyone around him, even as he found himself gawking at the stage below him. That man had brought his briefcase with him; why? That woman was a bit young to be with that guy; was she a spy? That guy was letting the little boy with him run up and down the bench; what kind of parent did that?

And then there was the stage. A dais, right in the middle, with a microphone. There was something making the curtain move; Duo kept his eye on that. Then the people! Another hooker, this one with an outfit that sparkled in the bright lights. A guy lacking a shirt and possibly on steroids. A – was that a woman? She was huge! Was she – was that a beard? Huh. Ew.

It was so strange – there were so many colors, so many sounds – he could hear something from the back of the tent, like a trumpet, only different. He could hear someone shouting at someone else. A man with thin arms walked in, waved to someone in the crowd, and moved a podium to the other side of the stage. The guy was wearing bright purple. A clown came up behind him and slapped his ass. Duo's eyes widened. Hilde and some other people in the crowd laughed. What? He looked around. People still seemed to be taking their seats. Had the show started already?

Hilde laughed again. He looked back down. The clown was making yapping motions with his hand as the thin-armed man started yelling at him. It was fake anger, but the crowd yucked it up. Was this some sort of comedy act? He watched as the thin-armed man smacked the yapping hand, then as the clown stomped his foot, pulled off one white glove finger by finger, and then smacked the thin-armed man in the cheek. It turned into an all-out brawl, only the clown was squirting water out of a fake flower and tossing balloons into the man's face, running around the stage and cackling. Duo smiled. It was so damn stupid it was funny.

He found himself letting people sit next to him, and he did nothing but check them for weapons. Then he was watching, enraptured, as that red tux man walked out and introduced himself as the ringleader. So the stage was called a ring? Either that or there was a ring involved in circus acts somehow. The guy had a beard and white gloves and squinty eyes – laugh lines. And lines on his brow, too. Interesting. He was probably a fun guy to mess with. He brought out the thin-armed man and another guy, and they started the show off with acrobatics. Duo watched with wide eyes as the two men walked along the thin rope, then swung from swings high up in the tent. It was suicidal. It was incredible. And when they managed to pull off the difficult moves safely, he found himself applauding with the crowd. How fuckin' cool was this? They brought in an elephant, and a woman – the one with the sparkly dress (if it could be called a dress) – did tricks on its back, handstands and twirls and splits. Someone else came in with two tigers, one who swatted at the air and roared, another who walked around. The crowd gasped and cheered, but Duo could read the bored, practiced air and knew the tigers saw the tricks as merely a means to an end. Food was in their immediate future.

A man shifted and coughed to his right, but Duo barely spared him a glance. He found himself leaning forward in his seat. Clowns were coming out on unicycles. He hadn't even known unicycles were real before that instant.

Hilde, to his right, started clapping. “Amazing! Amazing!” She turned to him. “See, isn't this fun?”

He turned his gaze to her. “You said it!” He injected a little more enthusiasm into his voice than he felt, but Hilde didn't catch it. He turned back. Fun? Maybe. But it was more fascinating than fun. Incredible. Unicycles and acrobats and lions, all in one place.

“Now a clown will perform with the king of beasts, the lion,” the ringmaster said, pulling Duo's attention back to the ring. He found himself leaning forward in his seat again. A young clown flipped and rolled into the center of the ring, then bowed. A curtain parted for the lion, which roared on cue. Duo's jaw dropped. The thing was trained... right?

It charged. The clown was still watching the crowd, his arms raised. Hilde screamed for the clown to watch out. Should he go down and help the guy? Give away his position? But he wouldn't make it; he could see that. Should he – _could_ he – stop the lion and perhaps save the idiots like him who'd thought this would be fun?

But just as the lion reached the clown, the clown leaped into the air, cartwheeled, and landed one-handed on the lion's back. Duo felt the tension in him pop like a bubble, leaving the adrenaline with nowhere to go. He felt shaky. Hilde whooped. “Excellent!”

Suddenly, this didn't seem like so much fun anymore.

“I could fall for that clown!” Hilde said, and Duo shot her a disbelieving look. What the hell was with women? She was leaning on her hand, looking dreamy-eyed down at the man in the poofy pants. Duo sighed. Maybe it was a good thing he was homosexual. Women didn't make any damn sense.

“Whatever,” he said, and rubbed the back of his head. He was seriously ready to go now. His heart couldn't take much more of that kind've shit. He could almost feel the adrenaline against the damn machine resting against the back of his brain.

He was about to stand and leave when he got a better look at that clown. He made a surprised noise and leaned forward. That clown with the half-mask had a very familiar haircut. How many people would wear their hair over their eye? And then the man waved and turned his head and the shape of his face and the lips and nose and _everything_ and Duo knew him. “It's him,” he breathed, then grinned fit to split his face. He thought of Quatre, practically sobbing in his arms. Thought about how Quatre had said he'd killed him. “He's...!”

Trowa left, and the man in the red tux came out and said that their finale piece was about to begin. Duo stood. Hilde looked at him. “Duo?”

“I have to go. I'll meet you at your house.” He didn't wait for a response before he excused his way off the bench and out of the tent. Inside, the crowd was cheering. Outside, the sun was shining. It blinded him for a moment. Trowa was alive? He hurried around the tent, hardly remembering to act like he was supposed to be back there. He got a few stares, but most of the area was empty. He could hear people talking inside the tents. One woman was complaining about her make-up. Two guys were laughing uproariously at... something. Duo tried to track down Trowa's voice, but wasn't Trowa one of the quiet ones? What if the guy didn't say anything? Was he supposed to just burst into every single tent?

Well, he would if he had to.

A child spoke, then what had to be an old man, and he passed tent after tent, ready to tear each of them open–

“Was that good enough?”

 _Trowa_.

Duo knew, knew because he'd been hunting for that exact quiet voice, the voice that had said it was taking Heero. It was Trowa. The one who'd nursed Heero back to life when Duo had given up hope. When Duo had believed that, once again, Death had taken the one closest to him. Trowa was the one who just might have broken – or at least staved off – Duo's curse. He would remember that voice forever.

He zoned in on the tent from which the voice originated, hardly realizing that a woman was speaking to Trowa, responding to his question. He flipped open the flap. He was right there, practically looking at the flap – of course he was, he was a Gundam pilot – and it was him. _Him._ The one Quatre loved. The one Quatre had thought he'd killed. Duo grinned. “It _is_ you, Trowa,” he said, and stepped inside. There was an immediate change in the atmosphere, and it took him a moment to register what it was. Hostility. He ignored it. There was a woman right beside the flap, and she was the one sending him those waves. Some random person who worked here. Duo couldn't care less.

He walked up to Trowa, ignoring the woman when she told him to stop. The circus people could fucking wait. “So you were here,” he said, clasping the man's shoulders. Why exactly was Trowa looking at him like he'd grown an extra head? And hadn't he and Heero left the Lunar base together? Duo had thought that Heero, Trowa, and Quatre had met, and maybe separated again. Quatre had said he needed to get his Gundam, after all, while Heero had been near Sanc. Did Quatre not know? Why hadn't Heero told him that Trowa was all right? Or had Heero and Trowa separated at some point, too? “Where are the others?” he asked. The man kept looking at him rather stupidly. Like he was scared. This wasn't the time to be pretending again! “How's Heero?” he asked. “Isn't he with you?” Hadn't he been? Hadn't they left together, escaped together? Had Heero and Trowa separated, after all?

Please, please let Heero be okay after that damn fight!

Trowa turned away from him. There was sweat on his brow. His eyes were wide. There was something wrong. Had... Had Heero...

A small hand shoved against his chest. He was so surprised, he actually found his balance faltering. The woman in the room took the chance to gather Trowa up in her arms. It made Duo's jaw drop. Trowa wasn't fighting back. He wasn't saying he was fine, or pulling away. Hell, he was... huddling. Shivering.

“You must be an old friend from his past,” she said, glaring at him as if she was capable of frightening him away. She wasn't the thing that was scary. Trowa, looking at him like that – like he was a demon – that was far scarier. He'd only seen Trowa a handful of times, but Duo had always thought him to be unflappable. Now... now... what had happened? Duo felt his chest seize. Could it be... something to do with Heero? “But Trowa's not going to be doing any more fighting!”

Was this why Heero hadn't said anything to him? Had this happened before or after Duo had seen Heero? What was going on? “Trowa, what's gotten into you?” he asked. He found his hands in front of him, supplicating. He curled his fingers into fists. Trowa was trembling in that woman's arms. Duo found himself selfishly praying that this had happened before Duo had met Heero – that Trowa wasn't hiding from his past because of something that had happened to Heero.

“Get out!” She was screaming, glaring. Distantly, Duo thought of witnesses. “I said get out!”

Trowa wasn't saying anything. Nothing at all. The man was staring at Duo, gasping, eyes wide. Terrified. Trowa was terrified of him. Of what he represented? What _did_ he represent? Death? War? The Gundams? Quatre? Or did he represent himself, the one who had led Heero to his death?

“Trowa,” he said, barely breathing, afraid of the answer he could see in Trowa's eyes.

What did he represent? All of the above.

* * *

“But they told me  
A man should be faithful  
And walk when not able  
And fight 'till the end  
But I'm only human”

~ Michael Jackson, “Will You Be There For Me”

* * *

Duo sat in Hilde's uncle's house, his head leaning against the wall, his legs turned so as to stand him up at a moment's notice. His gun lay limply in his hand. “Fuck,” he said. He sounded tired. He was. Two days without much sleep would do that to anyone. Anyone would be tired, after hearing about the creation of White Fang, and the start of a brand-new war. Anyone would be exhausted, trying to figure out whether to fight, and who. Anyone would be. Except maybe Heero.

Heero.

He couldn't think of what all Trowa's state could mean. Why the hell had Trowa been so afraid of him? He couldn't remember Heero saying anything about Trowa one way or the other. Had Heero and Trowa been together? Had the safehouse building been one of Trowa's? Duo ground the heel of his palm against his eye. But what the hell would make Trowa react that way? Even when Heero had supposedly died, Trowa had calmly picked up his body and shipped off.

But then again, Heero had killed himself. Supposedly. Because an enemy had threatened the colonies, and because that bastard doctor J guy had ordered him to. Duo squeezed his eyes shut, remembering that. Did Trowa know what had happened? Did Trowa somehow know that Duo was responsible for Heero's... potential... death?

He took a deep breath. He didn't even know if Trowa had been around the Sanc Kingdom. Maybe he and Heero had been separated. Quatre had said he'd been with Heero for a while, right? He took another deep breath. That was right. Quatre had said... what had he said? That Heero had stopped him, but he'd already killed Trowa. Was that it? Had the two split apart? Duo ground his teeth. Why the hell couldn't he have asked all this back then?

He stood. He knew he had to get in touch with Quatre. That was what really mattered right now – Quatre. He thought he'd murdered the man he loved when in fact the guy was right there, in a circus, traveling around with nothing more than terror on his back. Quatre could soothe that, Duo was certain. No matter what Trowa's reason was, Quatre could take care of it.

But how the hell was he supposed to get in touch with Quatre? What the hell miracle was he supposed to produce? He raked a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe how powerless he felt. How...

He blinked. Holy shit, he was stupid. He held up his cross. “Quatre Raberba Winner.”

The door opened then, and Hilde walked in. She saw him standing and cocked her head. “You remembered?”

He hadn't remembered anything until that moment. He'd promised to help her inventory the junkyard's incoming shipment. It would be a boring, mindless job, and it would last a painful amount of hours. Duo leaped on it. “I'll be just a minute.” He secured his gun in its holster and threw on a light coat; it was getting cool on the colony, just enough for light coats to be normal. It helped him hide his weapons. Then he checked his other weapons, secured the area, and followed Hilde off the lot. Thank goodness for monotonous crap.

* * *

It all took forever, of course, though Duo was pleasantly surprised to see light still on in the colony when the last shipment was verified and the crew team left. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as Hilde pulled the papers off the long desk in front of them. The entire thing had been so damn boring he'd thought he would scream. Something to do didn't always mean something to occupy one's mind. His was still spinning. How long would it take Quatre to show up? At least the circus didn't appear to be packing up to leave. Yet. He would check its schedule again later.

The chair he was in was one of those simple ones that hurt his butt after the first hour, the tables Hilde had pushed together reminiscent of the picnic table he'd seen in an advertisement, only this one had a smooth, flat surface on the top, with only a computer and Hilde's unfiled papers littering the surface. His were filed in the cabinet behind him. The room stretched wide in front of them, now void of humans. He heard a small clang as something decided to fall onto its side. He sighed.

Hilde mumbled something about numbers, and Duo listened in before saying, “that's all good so far.” He heard her chair scoot and knew he'd scared her. He laughed and teased her until she forgot about how perceptive he'd been, then went back to worrying his fool head off.

He hadn't seen Trowa with Heero, so he shouldn't have lost his head like that. Most likely, Trowa had no idea what had happened with him, let alone what Heero had done getting him out of harm's way. That left something else. He couldn't help but think of that woman hovering protectively over Trowa. Hell, half of his problem was probably that right there. No one could stand on their feet with someone cuddling them up. But why would he let her? She had to have started it while he was injured. Injured or unconscious or something, because he couldn't imagine Trowa – the old Trowa – letting someone get that close to begin with. It reminded him of Heero, a little. Warning signals that said 'stay back.' But he'd broken through that wall with Heero – though yes, that had mostly been about sex – and it appeared Quatre had done the same with Trowa.

That meant only Quatre could shove that woman off and help Trowa get his balance again. He knew the little blond could do it.

“Duo?”

Adrenaline shot through him, even as he recognized Hilde's voice. He turned to gaze to her. “Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm done filing over here.” He'd finished before the last crew had even left.

“Duo.” Shit. Her face was serious. “Still thinking about that guy?”

He'd been so out of sorts after seeing Trowa that he'd ended up telling her about seeing him, only to find out she'd noticed all on her own. The girl was pretty perceptive, he'd give her that. “It's just depressing to think that could've happened to a fellow Gundam pilot.” Whatever it was that had happened.

He'd said depressing, but what he'd meant was scary.

“And I've been wondering what'll happen to the colonies now,” he continued, not pleased that he was saying it, but not happy with the burden, either. These thoughts had been in his head since before he'd seen Heero. Now they were just festering with the rest of the boils. “It makes me wonder.” Wonder about the others and their safety. Wonder what he'd been fighting for. Wonder what he was going to do now – if there was anything he could do now. And what the hell was he? A soldier? A veteran? A... a victim?

“Why're you getting so down?” she asked. He was tempted to tell her that this was the way he really was, but he didn't think she could handle that. He didn't think he could. But when he looked at her, she looked almost angry, like she was going to force the world to be how she believed it should. Somehow, that look straightened his spine. “You're gonna live the life you believe in. That's what you told me.”

Jesus. She really was perceptive. Was that because of him, or had she brought the change upon herself? How had he missed the transformation? “Yeah,” he said, and smiled for her. “You're right.” Whatever path he chose, it was his own. And right now, the idea of fighting stuck in his craw.

He stood. A new life, one outside of war, one not on the streets. My God. What the hell would that be like? “Well, maybe I should start by finding a decent job,” he said, mostly to himself. What was a decent job? Maybe a 'respectable' job with a good amount of money? What was a good amount of money?

Ah, fuck it. He'd just get himself a damn job.

“Here's a new job,” Hilde said, pulling his attention back to her, and she'd said it so damn quickly he thought she must have been holding onto it for him. She typed something onto the old-ass computer on the simple table and pulled up a long page with a picture of a small asteroid. “They need mobile suit workers at a natural resources satellite.”

Mobile suit worker. Kind've a step down from Gundam pilot, but he could certainly meet the qualifications. Yay for war experience.

“Huh?” she said, reading more. It was only then that he realized he'd crossed his arms defensively. He dropped them. What the hell was he getting defensive about? Starting this whole 'civilian' life? Or letting go when he felt things were still unfinished with the war? “What is it, Hilde?” He leaned down beside her to read the web page over her shoulder.

“Look; this satellite belongs to the Winner family.”

Oh. “The Winner family?” Why the hell was he hoping Quatre would be there? What would the fuckin' chances be?

And why did they need workers there?

“I'd heard that operations had been suspended indefinitely since the owner was killed.”

Killed? Duo blinked, then smiled. He couldn't believe it. He'd thought Quatre had needed to go down to Earth? “Then,” he said, explaining what Hilde probably missed, “that must mean the son in the family's come home.”

* * *

“All I wanted was to hide and  
Try to numb the ache inside”

~ Disturbed, “The Infection”

* * *

It took a bit of skill and a good amount of luck to get on-board a small shuttle to Quatre's station. He huddled in the storage closet again, almost getting caught during a routine check. Trust Quatre to have better security than the usual losers.

The shuttle landed in an almost empty port. Probably maintaining the appearances of being abandoned since the death of Quatre's father. It was painfully simple for him to slip through the tiny groups of people – their desire for secrecy helped his own. The people were stationed only in this one section. He followed the thickening crowds to a large estate building. It was the only building in its area, surrounded by grass, its borders cordoned off by trees. A rich person's home. It had to be the Winner estate on the colony.

This place had some security. Duo took it as a test; if he could get past Quatre's defenses with this stupid bit of metal attached to the back of his brain, then he could definitely clear any Romefeller or White Fang base.

It took an effort. His vision blacked out twice, and both times he had to hug the wall and hope there were sufficient shadows. The place was homey, even though it looked more like an office than a home. There were paintings on the walls, and Duo suspected they were probably originals, or else expensive reproductions. Red carpets lines the floors on the first floor, then fell into more austere areas, leaving only the marble – hopefully that was fake – floors. He followed each of them, his heart beating steady in his chest, the machine in his head giving a faint buzz. Adrenaline, it seemed, didn't react well with the electronics.

The knowledge actually helped him, and when he found his vision graying after a quick roll, he took a deep breath and released it. It was like magic; his heart rate slowed, his breathing steadied, and then his vision cleared.

Good. He could beat this.

After that, it was easier, and he finally found Quatre in a meeting in a room with a closed door. Still, that guy's voice was unmistakable, with its kind, yet no-nonsense tone. It was a weird mix that Duo wouldn't have believed in if he haven't met Qat.

So he retraced his steps and sat in a chair around in the fourth floor. He didn't even have to sneak here; all he had to do was move as if he had a purpose. This room was obviously for entertaining, even though the men standing around looked like they were all hiding guns. Still, the chandeliers over his head were disconcerting. It was like the lobby of a rich hotel. The chair he sat in was a little too comfortable; it sank pleasantly around his weight. It would make standing quickly more difficult. Had that been on purpose? Duo doubted it. Quatre's father had probably just chosen to make his visitors comfortable. He decided the hell with it and crossed his legs, then put his hands behind his head. He could flip over the chair if he had to.

The wall he faced was more of a window; he looked out over the estate, then beyond the trees, into the station's city. Lights were on in this sector, but the rest of it was dark. It was almost eerie. It made Duo think of some colonies he'd seen, gone dark with death. He was glad when he heard Quatre exiting his meeting. His footsteps were mixed with several others. No more than four, Duo noted, just in case. He could probably take care of them. He still had his weapons this time, at least.

One of Quatre's cohorts mumbled something, and Quatre replied, “all right. I'll leave the rest...”

When Quatre trailed off, Duo waved. Trust perceptive little Quatre to pick him out of the crowd so quickly. Instead of the overly theatric flipping, he settled for launching himself from the chair. It jostled his Brain Box, but his vision stayed clear, so he didn't car. He turned and smirked at Quatre's befuddled expression. “Hi, Quatre. Long time.”

The blond's eyes lit up like the dawn. “Duo!” And the boy ran toward him to grab him in a hug. Duo returned it. “I was just about to come get you! You called for me again.”

“I did, but I'm fine.”

“Wait, let's get something to eat.” And Quatre sent his men away as if it was their job to fetch such things. Still, those men, and quickly everyone else, scattered, leaving the room empty. Quatre sat down as if the occurrence were only natural. Duo felt his jaw drop. Quatre had to have some weird pheromone thing where he just got everyone to do as he wanted. The guy would stand out in any crowd with that kind of air. And his jaw practically hit the floor when one of the men who'd been with Quatre brought them a tray of tea and little cookie things that may have been those crumpets he'd read about in old stories.

He looked out the window. Maybe it was a hereditary thing? After all, Quatre's father had owned this huge estate, and it was only one of many. “Your family's really something,” he said. “Nice building.” He could live off that chandelier above his head for months. He turned to Quatre. “This is all yours now, right?”

“No, not yet.”

Duo only belatedly realized how callous his words could have sounded, but Quatre didn't seem to mind. The boy was still smiling at him. “My sisters are managing all the corporation assets. Everyone else thinks I'm still missing.”

Corporation assets? Duo tried to think about having more than one corporation asset, and he thought he brain might have exploded slightly. Then he thought about Quatre's sisters and his brain almost exploded again. Hadn't Quatre said that he had, like, almost thirty sisters?

Duo turned to Quatre, latching onto the last part the boy said, instead. “Because you're a Gundam pilot?” Duo thought of Quatre heading back to Earth, then showing up back here in space. “Quatre. Where were you?”

“Earth.” Informative. “I went with Heero to figure out what we should be doing.”

Went with Heero to where? When? Before or after he'd thrown Heero into danger? He swallowed the questions back. He was here for Quatre this time. “So? Did you come up with anything?”

Quatre picked up his glass of tea – Duo hadn't even noticed that the things had already been filled – and took a sip. “We've gotta fight. That's why I came looking for you guys.” Well, at least that explained why Quatre was back up in space when he'd said he'd needed to get back to Earth. “There are lots of kind people on Earth. Same with the colonies.”

Kind people. Duo didn't know about all that, but he did trust Quatre.

“I want to help build a world where people can live in peace. Which means defending the total pacifism upheld by the Sanc Kingdom.”

Duo hesitated. Quatre's words were kind, just like the boy. Well, Quatre had always been kind. And maybe, with that forceful personality of his, he was used to people changing for him. Hell, even Duo had begun to change. Starting to trust. Learning to rely on someone else with his own life. But still. Still, even though he felt like a total shit, he couldn't stop himself. “Total pacifism. Do you really think such a world is possible?”

“Duo...”

He walked away from the window to lean against the far wall. He knew the window was probably secure, but old L2 habits died hard. “You know, I've been fighting for the colonies all along,” he said. “They should leave the fighting to me. I should be the only one to suffer as much as I did.” He glared at the floor, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. He remembered the colonists planning a rebellion, remembered the introduction of White Fang. “But now the colonies have started a war.” And after they'd given in so readily to Romefeller! “Meaning a lot more people will end up dying.”

Quatre watched him, his mouth open slightly, but at Duo's last words, the boy looked down into his tea.

“Maybe I've lost faith in the future that we dreamed about. Maybe in the end, peace is an impossible dream.”

“I made a grave mistake once.”

Duo looked up. Quatre's voice was tight. His fingers around the cup handle shook.

“I don't expect to be forgiven. But I'll risk everything to make up for it. And I'll do that by fostering my hope for peace. Because once a dream is lost, then everything is lost.”

Duo let out a breath. So. This was the route Quatre had decided on. After having supposedly killed Trowa, Quatre had chosen to not let the man's death go to waste. Suddenly Duo felt very small. And what had he been doing? Considering giving up? The Sanc Kingdom. Suddenly it seemed clear to him, what Heero had been doing next to the Sanc Kingdom. Heero, too, had chosen to defend that country. Heero was reaching toward the same goal as Quatre.

Once a dream is lost, then everything is lost. “You may be right about that,” Duo said. If he gave up on his dream, then what had everything up to that point been for? Solo. Father Maxwell. Sister Helen. His arduous life on the streets, and the hell of G's training. What had his years of life been for?

He'd told Hilde he would live the life he believed in. Why was he giving up on the one life he'd believed in for so long? The faith that there could be peace.

“Although,” he said with a small smile, thinking about the life he'd almost consigned himself to, “a dismal future might be perfect for Shinigami.”

He smiled and hung his head. He'd been right. Quatre had evil, weird pheromones that made people do what the little brat wanted them to do.

“Duo...”

He stretched and pulled on the Jester's mask. Just, he told himself, for a little while longer. Hopefully. “This place is a little too high class for me. I'll see you around.”

He started leaving, waited a beat, then stopped. Maybe it would be better if he didn't tell Quatre about Trowa, but it would be cruel for him to decide Quatre's future like that. “If you're really looking for Gundam pilots, I guess you'll want to see him, too.”

He heard the clank as Quatre sat down his cup, then the soft movement of the cushions as Quatre stood. “Duo. Do you mean...”

Duo turned. Quatre was looking at him with hope in his eyes. Happiness. Trust. Shit. He looked down. He'd been right. No matter what – even if it meant Quatre's priorities changed, it was Quatre's life to choose. Both of them would have things to consider. “I saw him, Quatre, but not as you remember. Something's happened to him.”

“To...” Quatre stepped up behind him, then hesitated. “You saw...?”

He sighed. “You got my signal, right? Where it originated? On that colony is a circus. It's not supposed to leave for another three days. He's there.” Duo hesitated. “Trowa.”

Quatre made an aborted sound. It sounded like a sob. Duo didn't look at him.  
  
“But something's happened, Quatre. Don't expect him to be the same man anymore. I'm sorry.”

Another aborted sound. Then Duo had a blond Gundam pilot hugging his back. “Sorry?” Quatre said. “How could you be sorry? You just...”

Duo stood as quietly as possible, letting Quatre sob into his shoulder blades. It felt like the world was collapsing around him. Nothing made sense anymore. And in this moment, as Quatre clutched at Duo like a child, Duo thought that maybe an end to the world was the best thing that could happen to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a miniature bit where Duo talks to these nobodies in a rebel group and says he won't fight with them. I'm skipping that. Why? Because, quite frankly, it's boring as hell. 'Kay? 'Kay. But there is ONE piece of all-important information, a piece of Duo I find to be one of the best moments to show his true character. He looks out at two kids playing and says, “I wonder what true peace really means.” When Hilde gives him a puzzled look, he freaks, waves his arms, and says, “Just delete that! Was that out of character or what?” That, to me, is Duo in a nutshell. /hugs Duo/ I will always remember that he hides it from Hilde, but later, when he starts saying semi-deep stuff around Heero, he doesn't try to hide it. 1X2 goodness, right there on the screen. ^_^
> 
> Also, because this goes into another episode, I'll tell you that Heero's fighting in Epyon, but Relena gives up and goes to Romefeller. Heero shouts, “where is my enemy?!” which I am using creatively for my own purposes, nyahaha. He fights with Zechs/Milliardo/Prince of the Stars and gets Wing Zero. /shrugs/ And episode 37 is where White Fang first appears, created by old Treize supporters who decided to fight for the colonies. Wufei inadvertently kills Tubarov (actually, it's more like Tubarov kills Tubarov... FTW! [cackles]), and Quatre has joined Noin in an effort to advance the causes of the Sanc Kingdom. For my purposes, only a few days pass, max, between Duo seeing Trowa and meeting Qat again. What? It's not like we actually get a damn timeline for this show.


	11. When All Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place between episode 38 and 39.

“Now if I am to survive  
The infection must die”

~ Disturbed, “The Infection”

* * *

His head pounded.

He was almost used to it by now, and he just leaned against Deathscythe's cool metal frame until the worst of it passed. He'd lost his goal in the onslaught of information he'd been given. When he'd first gotten the Brainbox, as he now dubbed it, he'd focused on getting it out and getting revenge. At the time, revenge had taken priority, since he was about to lose his link to his enemies. And still, he knew that there was a man he needed to take down that he hadn't yet – the doctor with the sideburns who had placed the metal on his occipital lobe. But the only clue he had was the key to a safety deposit box, granted to him by way of inheritance after he knifed one of the first of his assassins.

Still, he could no longer pretend he could live a normal life. He'd tried, for Hilde's sake, to grab hold of that dream. But in the end, he couldn't. Whether he joined Quatre or not, he couldn't let this go on. He clutched his cross, leaned back further against the railing, and glared at the hangar ceiling. He couldn't let this happen. He was worrying about Heero and Quatre and Trowa without thinking about the troubles he himself faced. He was in danger. Every moment of his life, he was in danger, just so long as this horrible device remained in his head. He'd been told to wait for Heero and Sally to contact him before he could get it out, and it was true that he wouldn't trust this kind of work to just anybody.

Fine. He'd let that get in the way of the rest – of finding his enemy, of at least ascertaining their identities. For now, he was missionless. Pathless. He could choose what he did tomorrow. He could try to find a job, try to be normal, but that wasn't really an option. He wasn't for him. How could he possibly be normal now, at this stage? How could he turn his back on the future that was being created right before his eyes? How could he just accept it? That's what he'd done before. Accepted the fact that he was on the streets while people lounged in mansions. Accepted the fact that he struggled to steal rotten vegetables while other people threw away their food, uninterested in leftovers. He'd thought it acceptable. It wasn't. That was why he'd joined G, why he'd endured that hellish training. It wasn't for this.

He didn't intend to roll over and let people step on him. Not ever again.

Maybe... maybe that was why he'd been fighting? But it was too selfish for him to consider. He didn't want that to be his reason. He carefully shoved those thoughts to the side.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a picture of Doctor Sideburns. He sighed and opened Deathscythe's hatch. Searching through the myriads of doctors in the worldwide database would take days, if not weeks, of studied concentration, and even then, there was no guarantee that he would find the man. The safety deposit box, on the other hand, could take months, even though it would yield definite results eventually.

Once he was inside Deathscythe, he felt his nerves calm. He had to keep his emotions stable, his adrenaline plugged, in order to see clearly. He'd learned that much. He read over Deathscythe's specs, though he'd already fixed the thing up. It could use a better back-up energy cycle, and the beam could be upgraded, but it would take parts that were a bit more difficult to get. And the energy fusion would require dealing with Agas, which he wasn't quite ready for.

He logged out of Deathscythe's mainframe and pulled up another link, one he'd saved ever since he'd found it. The Ex-Alliance member, Sally Po. A rebel in a faction supporting the Gundams – all of whom were listed MIA, hilariously. The woman certainly seemed legit. And Duo remembered where he'd heard her voice before. According to the military record he'd pulled up, she'd been in the base he'd rescued Heero from.

He stared at her picture, her frowning face and camo outfit completely different than what he'd met in Heero's apartment. What had made the woman switch sides?

Well, whatever. It didn't change the fact that he had yet to receive a call from either her or Heero. And with Quatre about to go on the warpath against Romefeller and presumably White Fang, as well, Duo needed to be on top of his game.

Which, he thought with a sigh, playing with the end of his braid, meant he'd already made the decision to join the blond. He didn't know if he agreed with the fighting, or with the idea of peace, but he couldn't just let Quatre go off on his own. Maybe Duo couldn't believe in peace after all he'd seen, but he could still believe in Quatre. In the idea of comrades, and the meaning of his name. _Duo_. To do something together.

He sighed. Maybe he'd just been alone in this too long.

“Duo!”

He sighed. And why was it that he thought of being with Hilde as being alone? The girl was getting smart, after all. She was better at stealth. She could sneak around at night without being seen by civilians. She'd been practicing every night for weeks. With a little more training, she might even be able to slip past soldiers.

“Duo!” she called again, and this time he got up.

“Coming, coming!” And he jumped out of Deathscythe's cockpit, landing with a metallic thud on the platform. “What is it?”

Then he caught her gaze. In an instant, his FN was in his hand. He ducked behind the railing. Her eyes had been wide. Her lips were pulled back in a half-snarl.

“I'm about ready to break this dishwasher, Duo.”

Almost, almost he shot her. Then he broke down, sat on the floor, and laughed. “Good God, Hilde, you'd looked like the Romefeller army had camped outside our doorstep.”

“That's an idea. Maybe they could save me from this wretched machine.” She stomped into the hangar, making the metal beams they stood on shake alarmingly. She hardly seemed to notice, simply gripping the railings tighter. “It just flooded the entire kitchen. All of it. There's water and suds everywhere.”

Duo sighed. He'd been fighting the thing for forever. “There wasn't anything wrong with it the last time I ran it. I'll check it out again.”

She sighed. Her shoulders untensed, then slumped. “Thanks, Duo.”

He stood, brushed off his pants, and put away his gun. “Sure, Hilde.” He smiled. This was why he felt alone. Hilde was learning, but she still wasn't there yet. He couldn't lean. He couldn't afford to. She was already leaning on him. He couldn't turn his back to face hers; he had to look in all directions still. She couldn't see all that he could.

It took an hour of banging and pulling and cursing under his breath, but Duo got the dishwasher working again. The thing was old, so old he thought the thing might have been manufactured in A.D. He slammed the wrench on the floor beside him as the dishwasher ran, completely empty, without leaks, spills, or creepy banging noises. He sighed.

What was he doing?

He was no machine repairman. And while he'd been working on this damn thing, he'd had to fight past every malicious chug to hear things from outside. He stood. He would need to check the perimeter, or his shoulders would never stop itching.

Damn it. He put the tools away in the toolbox that he'd ended up leaving under the sink for just such emergencies. He was being stupid. This was not what he needed to concentrate on. This was not what he needed to be doing. He had to be moving. _Doing_. Fighting. He had to find some sort of lead. He could track J, or at least try. Search for discrepancies in police reports and case reports. Something. Anything.

He had to do something, or else the worry would eat at him. If this Sally Po was dead, or if he never heard from her or Heero again – he forced himself to think of the possibility of Heero being dead – then he might be faced with having the Brainbox forever. Either that, or risking his life on a doctor who might sooner turn him in to Romefeller or White Fang. And he didn't know if he could do that.

The grounds were rather simple, dishearteningly so. They were still on Hilde's uncle's junkyard. It was, perhaps, the longest he'd ever stayed anywhere since he'd come to Earth. It was making him antsy – well, that and everything else. A few cars passed their little junkyard haven, where Hilde's junkyard sat, walled in on three sides by other junkyards. Hilde hadn't lied, however. There was a front entrance, a side exit into a neighbor's yard, and an easy getaway up some concrete blocks into the yard behind them. Then there was the sewer entrance, half-buried by scrap metal, a small, hidden entrance leading in. Hilde had prepared that.

The place took a while to clear, since he needed to check beyond the walls, too, but eventually he was satisfied and went back into the junkyard. The place was nothing but a dead lot with a large building in the middle. Scrap metal hid the sewer entrance, but otherwise the place was clean. Most people stored their important parts in the hangar attached to the living quarters. They used their best pieces on Deathscythe, which hid inside the hangar. Duo joked that it was technically the same thing, only they weren't making any money. Hilde didn't seem to find that all that funny.

He entered the house, deliberately going through the front to the hangar, passing the living room/kitchen split and checking the small crevice hiding their rooms and the bathroom. As soon as he entered the hangar, though, he relaxed. Just seeing Deathscythe before him always did that. Here was the power to protect, to choose without fear of reprisal. With Deathscythe, he could move forward in life without hesitation. Not that he'd let himself hesitate before – he just didn't have to fear the consequences quite so much.

Maybe.

In any case, being with Deathscythe felt good, and he touched the cool metal as he checked the area. Clean. Hilde was in the corner of the hangar, checking through the small amount of unused metal, frowning. “We'll only get a few hundred from this piece,” she said, shaking the warped piece of hard drive from a wrecked Leo.

“True,” Duo said, checking the pile himself for bugs or bombs.

“Then why did you write that we'd get over ten thousand for it?” she said, turning that scowl of hers on him. Idly he wondered if she was going to be having a bad few days.

“Because it's a hard drive, Hilde. I already checked, and the thing has a stored memory. Not only do I know its pilot, I know the skills the man once had. His battles are all logged away, and he recorded notes from a few meetings he'd had with his superiors. Most of the information is old, but there were a few things. A small mobile doll hack, for one, that would let you make it see double for point-oh-three seconds – just long enough to dodge death. You don't think that information would be worth anything?”

She was quiet for a while. “Oh,” she said finally. He just snorted and clapped her shoulder as he walked back to Deathscythe, satisfied that they were still safe. For now.

“Just make sure the ones who get that hack aren't our enemies, okay?”

“S-Sure.”

Deathscythe was waiting for him, as usual, silent and patient as an idol. He stared up at Deathscythe for a while, into those dark green eyes, unlit for now. He had to get moving. He couldn't wait forever. He couldn't help anyone as he was, couldn't fight, couldn't protect. If he was going to die with this damn thing in his brain, he wanted to die with the blood of those bastards on his hands. And, he had to admit, if Heero was alive, Duo wasn't going to let the man keep taking his kills.

If Heero was alive.

Dammit. He needed to stop relying on Heero. Right now, he was the one in trouble. He was the one who needed to make a decision.

The law of the streets said that anyone who couldn't pull their weight was to be left behind. It wasn't cruel, it was simply necessary. No one wanted to die. Helping a useless person would get you killed. Duo had become that useless person. He was dragging down those around him. Heero would top the charts on the list of victims. And if he really wanted to help Quatre realize his dream, then he had to make sure he wouldn't drag down the blond, too.

He returned to Deathscythe once more, patting the thing's inside cockpit in apology for his odd behavior. Then he settled down for some investigative work.

It was hours later when he came up for air, his body protesting in several different places. He rolled his shoulders, rubbed his neck, and stretched out his back before scowling down at his screens. He'd searched through medical databases despite the thin chance of finding the man, and had chosen to narrow the findings down to those labeled to have beards or odd haircuts. Loads had popped up with beards, very few with odd haircuts. None of them with those distinctive sideburns. He didn't even bother searching for the safety deposit box key, only searched for colonies with discreet security banks. There were far too many, and only one of them was on this colony. He'd checked it weeks ago.

He sat back and frowned. He hadn't felt any sign of danger from J's men, but that was to be expected. He wasn't a threat anymore. But then, why attack Heero's apartment? Was it simply for revenge? But then, why attack Heero? They had been so psychotic about making sure Heero was in top physical condition and ready for battle. Why attack him?

The answer was so simple, yet it made his head spin. They hadn't been after Heero. They'd been after Duo.

Had they thought Duo to be the one responsible for the deaths of Marcus and Lisa? Had they come to get Duo? But why, when he was with... unless they also knew Sally to be a doctor, and had put the pieces together.

His heart triphammered in his chest. He was still being watched, then? Or had they lost him again when he'd left Heero and Sally behind? They would have thought he'd escaped to Sanc. But now that the place was Romefeller's, it would be all too easy to get inside and confirm that he wasn't there. They would have set up a search, and looking for Hilde would have been the first step. If they weren't here now, they would be soon. Would they leave him be after that attack? Or would they return? If Heero was gone, there was no longer a reason to keep him alive. But they'd chosen to kill Duo anyway, right? Because he'd killed Marcus and Lisa – supposedly.

He banged his head against the cockpit's controls, but didn't bother rubbing away the pain. It was on the front of his head, which meant it cleared his mind instead of messing with the Brainbox. How, he wondered, had he missed something so blatantly obvious?

He had to prepare for an attack, just in case. Then he paused, right as he started to grab a couple of sensors from a packet he'd just recently managed to fill. What about Hilde?

He paused. Should he prepare this place for an attack, or should he leave? There had already been so many close calls. Trent. White Fang. If J's men came, the place would become a warzone. Hilde would fight, he had no doubt, and he was even starting to believe she might be able to hold her own, if the enemies came on foot and not in mobile suits – they hadn't had a lot of time to practice in those, seeing as she didn't have one and he refused to let anyone but himself in Deathscythe's cockpit. Hilde's neighbors might become involved. They would learn about her, and about Duo, and might shun her. She would probably say she was okay with it, but no one was ever really prepared to have those close to them turn away.

No. He should leave. This was his battle, not hers. She should never have been involved. But that had been her decision, and he had respected it.

Until now.

He came out of the cockpit and searched the hangar. Empty. She must have left at some point. He remembered her walking in and out all day, and when he concentrated on the memories, he thought he remembered her heading into the house about an hour ago. He went there first.

He'd been right. She was in the small kitchen nook stirring what smelled like a sumptuous pasta. His mouth watered. She turned when he entered, as he'd taught her, with one hand hidden behind her to grab a weapon. She grinned from ear to ear when she saw him. “Hey, Duo.”

Why did she smile at him like that? But he just smiled back. “Hey,” he said, and stepped further inside. Deathscythe was still on, however, and he didn't want to leave it unattended while in such a vulnerable state. “I came to tell you I'm heading out tomorrow morning.” Hopefully, he thought, that wouldn't be too late.

She nodded. “Off to go fight again?” She stirred the pasta, then hesitated and turned back. “Not 'heading out again'?”

She'd caught on to his word choice. He grimaced. Maybe he'd spent too long with her, after all. “No.”

She was silent. Her hand moved to stir some more, but it seemed more habit than conscious effort. “Oh.” Then she seemed to wake up, and the normal Hilde was there, stomping over to him. “Why? Am I still pulling you down? Duo!”

“It's not like that,” Duo said, and grabbed her shoulders when she got ready to yell at him some more. “It's not, I swear.”

She looked into his eyes, then bit her lip. “Then what?”

He thought about twisting his language again, then decided not to. Whether she caught him in the half-lie or not, he decided she deserved the truth. “If I don't, there's a good chance this place will become a battleground. Your neighbors may get involved. Old Mr. Little. Ms. Halloway and her daughter. Do you want to let it come to that?”

She shook her head. “No. But I can come with you.”

“No.” And he shook his head. “No,” he said again. “This is something no one else should be involved in.”

“Why? Because of that... that _thing_ they put in you?” She was getting upset again. She shrugged out of his hold. “I'm not going to leave you! This is something we can work through.” She searched his gaze again, but he was unflinching. She seemed to see something in him that she hadn't before. She looked away. “Why won't you take me with you?”

“Because I don't want to get you any more involved.”

She breathed deep. “You think I'll get in the way.”

He didn't argue it, but he did speak. “There's more to it than that, Hilde, and you and I both know it.”

She frowned. Touched his arm. Flinched away at the feel of his muscles, bunched and strained, though he looked calm. She nodded. “I'll be here. And I'll still help. I won't run away from this, Duo. At least... at least leave Deathscythe here, and come get it when you must.”

He wanted to argue, but he knew doing so would be an even greater insult. Especially now. And he needed a safe place to store Deathscythe; it was far too dangerous to bring the Gundam with him. “I understand, and thank you. Just...” he hesitated. His control slipped; his fists clenched. “Try not to get yourself killed, okay?”

She smiled. “You, too.”

He left as the dawn's rays hit the colony screens.

* * *

He'd been right.

It hadn't taken long for the deep emptiness of space to be littered with the vestiges of J's team. He caught pictures of them through the space shuttle's radars, tiny little blips. Were those mobile suits? Did they really want to send those out after a little ol' shuttle? Wouldn't White Fang or Romefeller get suspicious?

Great. That meant they had enlisted the help of one or the other. That would indeed be easier. He was almost happy he'd left Deathscythe behind, with this reception. He flipped open the international emergency radio channel as he ripped off the helmet to his spacesuit. When the radio switched to the right frequency, he spoke. “Who is this? I'm just a civilian! I have records stating my path. Please let me through!”

“This is an envoy of White Fang,” he heard after a minute. “State your code and business.”

He sighed, deliberately loud enough to be heard. “It's M537HF. I'm off to Earth to sell my scrap metal.” He even had some in the back, courtesy of Hilde. Now he had to hope that that Quinze guy hadn't felt fit to tell every last member of White Fang who Duo was.

“We will verify that.”

Communications cut off, and soon the men were linking their main ship to his. He fought the urge to kill them all as they entered his small shuttle, simply pressurizing the entrance chamber and walking them through the place. He was careful not to let any of them directly behind him, and as he led them through his storage bay, he kept his weapons near at hand. They seemed satisfied, and all but the leader walked away satisfied. The leader, however, paused before entering the pressure chamber. “You know,” the man said, turning slightly to look at Duo before he left, “you really should join us.”

Duo didn't tense, though he wanted to. He just cocked his head and gave the man a small grin. “Um, what?”

But the man just kept looking at him. “Join us.”

Duo switched from his persona to Shinigami in an instant. “My answer will always remain the same. Get out.”

The man's lips twitched. “Even if we said we had expert doctors on our staff?”

This time he did tense. His breath hushed. Now he studied the man's features – black hair, buzz-cut, narrow eyes and big jaw. Average height, average weight, about mid-thirties. “You were told.”

“I was.”

 _He_ was. Not 'we were,' but _he_ was.

Duo pulled out a knife and stabbed him in the neck.

The men in the pressure lock shouted. Duo pulled out a gun and opened the hatch as each man struggled to pull their own weapons out from beneath their suits. He shot each of them, once in the head, and paused. Now he would be in trouble. He may have taken out the men from that one ship, but three others were still waiting for the okay from their superior. The okay they would now never receive.

Great.

He thought for a moment, then pushed the captain into the pressure lock, entering it himself before sealing it and opening the outdoor hatch, still linked with the other ship. He hadn't depressurized the space, and with a whoosh, he and the corpses were all sent through the metal tube into the other ship. Two men were waiting, and as they turned to greet their comrades, they caught sight of Duo. “What–”

He used the same knife he'd used on the captain on them, quickly taking them out. The rest of the ship was the same – each person would see him, yelp or gasp in surprise, and get knifed. In the neck, in the gut, in the eye, in the heart. Duo took them all down, cleaning out the ship piece by piece, until he'd killed the pilot and co-pilot, neither of which even turned around to verify his identity. He glanced over the ship's systems and sighed with relief. These people hadn't been bluffing with him – they had weapons attached to their ship. He turned it around to face one of the other three ships. Without a word, he fired.

The explosion was contained, but it still rocked both the White Fang ship he'd borrowed and his own little shuttle. Staticky shouts came through the radio, then the speakers. He ignored them and shot again.

The last ship wasn't too eager to die so easily, and it fired on Duo. He let the target hit, let it crash through the main engine. Warnings blipped along the screens, warning of overheating, of eminent combustion. He aimed through the screaming sirens and destroyed the last ship before it could fire again.

Then he headed back through the linked tube to his own ship and launched away. When the final ship blew, he was already so far as to only see it on his radar.

* * *

“Tell me, will you hold me?  
When wrong, will you scold me?  
When lost, will you find me?”

~ Michael Jackson, “Will You Be There?”

* * *

Earth.

It really was a beautiful place, if seen from a distance. Bright, clear, full of blues and greens, the clouds a perfect, crystalline white. The darkness that pervaded its edges – the perfect blackness of space – couldn't seem to penetrate its beauty. Instead, it only seemed to make the Earth glow even more brilliantly. The rest of his trip had been uneventful, and now he could see the end of his short journey.

He couldn't believe he was going back to Earth.

It was stupid of him, he knew. Returning to Sanc – or where Sanc had once been – was treacherous. Not to mention stupid. Romefeller would be crawling all over Sanc's corpse. Still, if he wanted any chance of finding those J flunkies off of Hilde's turf, the best place would be where they last met. That meant going to Sanc, checking out Heero's apartment – old apartment; Heero wouldn't be caught dead there anymore – and then perhaps sailing right into Romefeller's clutches and sitting in Relena's old throne room. Oh, pardon. _Office_.

He passed the time considering what all could go wrong, then played with one of his bowie knives for about an hour. Then he thought about his contingency plans if he failed to meet with his enemies – of which there were none, except maybe go on a killing spree with Romefeller and hope for the best – and then thought about what to do if he got captured. That one, too, was pretty much a blank. He didn't want to think about what J's men might do if they caught him again.

In the end, everything rode on dumb luck. He knew the risk was great, the reward negligent. He just needed to find these people and somehow learn how to get rid of all of them. Eliminate the threat, as Heero would say.

But how?

He knew he had to catch someone alive and make them talk, yet every time he managed the first, he always lost the latter. They would commit suicide, or something would happen and he'd be forced away from those he'd captured. Hilde had needed to kill the last batch, since he hadn't come back from burning the corpses. The time before that, the person had killed himself. The time before _that_ , the person had killed himself. He swore, he had nothing but bad luck.

This time, he needed to keep someone alive long enough to get some answers. He _had_ to, or else he was fucked.

Landing on Earth was simple. He had actual, official documentation explaining his visit, and he left the shuttle and its scrap metals to be offloaded. He didn't really care about what happened, but he would at least make sure Hilde got her money's worth before he disappeared off into the sunset. He went through the motions, found a reliable buyer, bid the man up a good three g's for the information on the wrecked mobile suit system, and headed into Sanc.

The trip into the destroyed country was difficult from the start. Romefeller really had camped just inside the old border. Duo could see men walking along the border, others heading into the country, most probably to hunt for any leftover Sanc supporters. Duo's mind flitted to Heero before he snorted. His _butt_ those men would catch Heero. Unless he really was horribly injured from babysitting Duo.

No. Right now, Duo needed to concentrate on himself.

His plan was vague, and kind've sad. Go to the apartment and wait. Lame. The worst part was that Duo could swear White Fang had only come upon his shuttle because of J's men's intervention. That meant that Romefeller could come and hunt him down through J's men's help.

It was hard, being popular.

“Okay,” he murmured, then again, as he walked past the outer rim of the old border for the second time, “okay.”

He had to just go for it.

The road to Heero's apartment seemed a little too crowded, but Duo understood it when he saw that the apartment building had been cordoned off as a crime zone. Heero's house was practically wrapped in military police tape. People stopped to gawk at the ripped hedges and the pockmarked walls. It was rather easy to join the crowd, to look at the bottom-floor apartment and be able to see small holes in the plaster, letting him see inside to Heero's leather sofa. It was in tatters.

He thinned his lips. Heero had made that place. Duo could tell, instinctively, that the apartment he labeled Heero's really had been his. A sanctuary. A home. Duo felt rage bubble under his skin. Fuck J. Fuck that man and his men, for destroying something Heero had clasped as his own. Duo didn't want to look at what he was doing as stupid or suicidal. He wanted to look at it as getting his life back.

It was a bit harder to get into the apartment building, but not by much. He spoke with someone as they entered the apartment building, returning, possibly, from work, and struck up a conversation with them, mentioning a friend who called at all hours of the day and night. The middle-aged man laughed and joked about it being a _close_ friend, and Duo was in. He waved the elevator off, pretending to be attempting to lose weight, and the man gave Duo a dubious look, looking over Duo's young body, before the man chuckled, shook his head, and mumbled, “ _very_ close friend.” Duo just grinned and watched the man leave.

Then he checked the first floor for cameras, avoided all of them, and slipped into the apartment. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. He ducked down on instinct and pulled out a knife.

“Hello.”

He turned. Off where Heero's apartment stretched to include the bedrooms, someone sat against the wall. Duo was unsurprised to see a gun in their hand. Still he held on to his knife, even as he saw the sitting person stand. It was a man, of course, but with hair almost as long as Duo's and jet black. Duo watched that hair swish as the man stood. “Who are you?”

“It's good to finally meet you,” the man said instead. He walked over to Heero's ruined sofa and touched the back of it. Bullets had torn the cushions to shreds. Blood spatters still wrapped themselves up and down the walls, puddling on the floor. The man was careful to avoid them. It was only when watching the man's graceful movements, in fact, that Duo realized there were such puddles lying around still. The walls were dry, but the puddles still seemed the tiniest bit wet; Duo knew it was only because there was so much, in so small an area, without it being exposed to enough sunlight. It was moist, like water beneath ice in a lake.

Duo didn't move. He needed to be ready to dodge at any moment, and moving might mean being in a vulnerable position in the millisecond when it would lead to death. “Is that so.” He also couldn't call the man one of J's men, just in case he wasn't.

“When I'd heard you left Schbeiker's scrap yard, I headed here. I was hoping I would have the opportunity to meet you.”

The man wasn't giving him much. White Fang had known where he was, too, and Trent had managed to find him – proof that Romefeller could probably find him, as well. “Who are you?” he asked again.

The man smiled, but thinly. “My name is Nind.”

Nind? “What do you want with me?” Still, he didn't move. His legs, trapped in the crouched position, felt hot with the effort of holding him up.

“Nothing.” The man actually sat down in Heero's ruined couch. Duo had no idea why that made him see red. “And yet, a good deal. I'm rather confused, myself.”

The man certainly didn't look confused. “Where are the rest?”

The man was already shaking his head. “No, enough questions, thank you. I have a few for you, after all.” He gestured with his chin. “Please, do stand.”

Duo wanted to do no such thing. He cursed himself for stupidly walking in. He hadn't thought they would ambush him, but it had been stupid to just calm waltzing in, too. He just hadn't had time to waste – fucking Romefeller. He stood.

“There. Now I can see you much better.” Duo hid the grimace. That was, of course, another reason why he hadn't wanted to stand. “Put away the knife, Duo Maxwell. I won't give you the opportunity to use it.”

This time, Duo did grimace. He took his time putting it away, back into his hidden sheath on his arm. It burned to do it; he didn't want to lose even this small illusion of power. He was left feeling completely vulnerable. He wasn't, though; if he had to dodge, he could roll over to the upended endtable and snatch up a broken fragment of the lamp. He could still win. He just needed to be patient. And ready to dodge.

“Have you nothing to say? From all reports, you're quite the blabbermouth.”

“I have nothing I wanna say to you.” Duo glared at the man, daring him to fire. This man didn't look like one of the forgettables at the bottom of the military food chain. No, he looked more like Duo, or Trowa, or Wufei. A special class, all his own.

“No?” The man outright grinned, showing off a set of bright whites. “But I'm curious. How strong are you? How beautiful? I'd seen your picture, but I hadn't believed. I'd read reports of you, and I had been unimpressed.” He tilted his head. “Even now, you have entered into this room with far too little readiness.”

Duo snarled.

The man crossed his legs, the very picture of ease. Duo, on the other hand, stayed in his position, ready to roll to the sides – or toward that bastard, if he got the chance. “Well.” He leaned forward. The man's eyes were bright, Duo realized. A bright, bright green. “Have you and the one called Heero Yuy created more than a physical bond?”

Duo blinked. What the hell kind've way to ask was that? And would it be better to answer this man's questions, or not? No. No, it wouldn't. No matter what, he couldn't fall into whatever trap this man was trying to lay.

The man tsked, then nodded.

Duo sensed the danger and moved before he could understand the urge; a bullet ripped through a hole in the side plaster and slammed a short distance from where Duo had stood. He kept rolling and watched black and white splotch his vision, but was gratified when another bullet bit into the flooring. He couldn't hear any gunshots. Silencers? Or snipers? He couldn't tell without seeing the bullets, and he wouldn't be able to see them with Nind in the room. Duo looked up and growled. The man's gun was on him. Duo's head pounded, pounded, pounded.

The room was open. The walls might as well have been clear, what with all the holes. Enemies from outside would be able to target him, and he wouldn't be able to hunt for them effectively with Nind inside with him. Fuck! He'd hoped to meet up with them, not walk into an ambush. He locked his jaw. It would work. He would use this. He would win!

His vision turned black.

He flinched, grunted. Gave away, for one short instant, his weakness.

Pain flared up his leg, then back down. His leg buckled. A bullet. He hadn't heard the bullet, which meant he'd been hit from someone outside. He didn't grab for the wound, even as he felt his blood run down to join the rest.

He couldn't see.

He took a deep breath. The pain in the back of his head wasn't abating. If anything, it was getting worse. He grimaced as it pounded, harder and harder. He almost thought he could feel it thrumming against the lines of his brain, that damn metal flicking and sparking. Apparently, it was doing no damage at all to his imagination.

“That will become permanent, you know,” Nind said, and Duo jerked. The man had moved. Fuck. The man was silent, and Duo couldn't see him. He'd sounded like he was nearing the kitchen, but he could simply be circling Duo like a shark. “There are issues with the installation of the Neuro-Optic Shock Link. I'm sure, by now, you've noticed a few of them.”

Hell, there were more issues than just this? But Duo gritted his teeth and rode it out. “Fuck you.”

The man actually laughed.

Hell, his leg hurt.

“That sounds more like the Duo Maxwell I've read about.” The man sounded close. Duo ducked down on instinct, then moved again, tumbling back as the feel of death touched his senses. The pain in the back of his head doubled. He stumbled as he stood, the pain in his leg and his head beating against him. It cost him a grazing bullet on his arm. He clutched at it, pulled out his knife, and dodged again. His breath whooshed out as an elbow connected with his gut. He crashed into the upended endtable and fell into the broken lamp. Its pieces cut slithers into his arms and back. He sucked in a breath.

“Is there a bond?” the man asked again, and Duo knew Nind stood above him, that gun of his pointed at a part of Duo that would leave the man alive. Probably the side of his head. Duo snarled. “If you do not answer, then I will assume there is.”

Duo snarled even more. If he denied it too quickly, then Nind would know how Duo felt. If Duo tried to deny Heero's feelings, he would know Duo felt something. If he said yes, the man would know Duo was trying to dodge Nind's question. “It's none of your fuckin' business who I fuck,” he said.

Nind didn't move. Or, at least, Duo couldn't hear him move, no matter how much he strained his ears. He wouldn't know if the man was going to shoot him until he already had the bullet wound. He couldn't fucking believe that after all of the recuperating he'd gone through with his busted ribs and numerous wounds, he was busted up again.

How stupid. Worrying about injuries when he had a gun pointed at him – well, probably pointed at him. He couldn't tell for sure. Because he was _blind_.

“Who you fuck,” Nind said finally, his voice sounding like he was rolling the letters out one by one. “Interesting. And was he a good fuck?”

Duo felt something freezing in his chest and throat. It clawed at him. “What?” he whispered.

“Is he a good fuck?” the man said, as if Duo's hearing might also be impaired.

Clawing, clawing, clawing in his chest, its nails digging with every heartbeat. This man was after Heero? Duo's lips trembled. He wanted to warn the man away from Heero, but the words clogged in his throat. He couldn't say it. He didn't care if it was his life on the line; he would always blurt out anything he thought. But it wasn't him. This wasn't about him. What the hell did this man want with Heero?

He'd said he wasn't interested in Duo. That Duo meant nothing, and yet quite a bit.

“They're all the same after a while,” Duo said. His voice sounded slightly choked. He cleared his throat, tried to pretend he was just embarrassed and not scared. “He was quick, though.”

Nind chuckled. “I see. Perhaps we made a mistake.”

Thank God. Maybe...

“Or,” Nind said, “considering what J told us about your time at the Lunar base, perhaps not.”

Duo worked hard to keep his breathing steady. “Or perhaps you're just stupid,” he said. This was getting worse. At this rate, he wouldn't be able to stop Nind from doing... whatever he wanted.

Nind made a small, fake-interested sound, and went silent. Duo couldn't move; he could feel Nind above him, could feel the gun in the air, aimed at him. His leg burned, his arm hurt. But the back of his head – he could feel it. He wasn't imagining it. He could feel the Brainbox against his head, as if it was wrapped around a nerve. He could feel it like electricity, jolting against his brain. It wasn't as bad as it would be if he saw Heero, but it was trying.

Then Duo felt it. The cold muzzle of the gun, resting right above his left ear. “Then, if he holds interest and you do not,” Nind said, cutting into Duo's thoughts, “then perhaps I asked the wrong question. “Are you a good fuck?”

The clawing ripped through his stomach. Duo gasped for breath. “What?”

Duo heard Nind shift, and suddenly he felt the man's hair on his chest and arms. His blood pumped fast and thick through his veins. “The one called Heero Yuy. He chose you above all else, even after all the training we gave him. All the training _I_ gave him. And yet still he fell to sex.” Duo felt fingers trace up his stomach. His muscles jumped. The creature within him seized his throat. “So did I fail in my training? Or are you better?”

 _Stop_. His mouth opened for him to say it, but he couldn't. It was as if trying to keep silent for Heero had closed off his voice entirely. Those fingers trailed up to his chest and pressed down. More hair bled onto his chest, his neck, his cheek, and then hot breath bathed his ear. “I'm curious.”

 _No_. Duo felt himself freezing up. No, no no! He'd been trained for this, for this very possibility. Yet now, when it was coming to pass, though he'd never had a fucking problem before...

He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head.

_No!_

Duo pushed against the man, using his knee to switch places with Nind. He ducked his head, moved his body around, trying to avoid the man's gun, and with a lamp shard stabbed the first place he could. Nind shouted and fired. The bullet ripped into the ceiling, the report echoing in Duo's ear. He stabbed again. This time when Duo heard the gunshot, he felt it punch through his gut. He sucked in a breath and stabbed the man one more time. He felt Nind go limp underneath him.

He couldn't be sure that Nind was dead, but he couldn't wait to try to find the man's neck. He stumbled to his feet, clutching his side. He felt more of his blood spill to the ground. It made sloppy splashing sounds as it landed. He tried to get away. But where to go? He was blind and injured, and Nind's gunshot would have instigated someone calling the police. He couldn't leave unconventionally, because J's men had the place surrounded. He was trapped.

Still, he ran for the bedrooms. He banged against the wall and rolled off. Another bullet slammed into the plaster. He just kept rolling until he fell into the hallway. The cops would find a new pattern of blood on those walls now.

He crawled into the hall until no more bullets hit the floor around him. He breathed hard, still holding his injured side. He wished, suddenly and rather desperately, that he could see Heero's face. Hell. He wished he could see _anything_. He ran through his options. Should he try to lose his weapons and act like a civilian? As if that would work. But he was blind. There was nothing he could do. The thought brought back that clawing monster. How he hated being afraid.

A ringing sounded from his ass, and he jumped. His phone. He reached for it, grappled with the thing, then searched with his thumb for the send button before hitting it and pulling it to his ear.

What? At this point, he had absolutely nothing to lose.

“Verify.”

He almost collapsed. Why the hell was he so happy to hear Heero's voice? “Heero,” he gasped, barely able to speak. He thought he heard sirens in the distance. He couldn't hear anything from outside the house, but he wouldn't. Not until it was too late.

“Status,” Heero said, his voice clipped, and Duo couldn't believe it but he was relieved. He may not ever see Heero again, but he was okay with the poor substitute.

“I'm dead, Heero.” He sucked in another breath. “I'm dead.”

There was silence over the line, and Duo suddenly felt that clawing thing again. Why was he afraid? Afraid to leave Heero? He leaned his head back and grimaced. He had to try to escape, even if he failed doing so. He struggled once again to stand. He needed to let go of his side wound to do so, and he thought he felt a bucketful of blood splurt free as he did.

“Where are you?”

He almost laughed. “No, no, I mean it, Heero. I'm toast. I'm blind, and I'm injured, and I'm surrounded. I'm dead.”

“ _Where are you?”_

He shook his head. “Nowhere.” He wheezed. He wasn't coughing, though; that was good. He stumbled against the wall to a door. His old bedroom? Or a bathroom? “I'm nowhere, Heero.”

“Dammit, Duo!”

The words sounded so foreign, so abnormal. Duo paused. Heero had just... lost his temper. “I'm sorry, Heero. I tried.”

Those were definitely sirens, and they were definitely getting closer.

“Duo, where are you?”

Duo was scared. And, he realized with a start, so was Heero. “God, they were right. Can you fuckin' believe it?” He laughed, even as he rushed through the room. It was his bedroom, the one he'd stayed in when he was here. That knowledge helped him find the far wall without too much trouble. More gunshots broke the window. He was sprayed with glass, and the small little wounds scraped into his cheek and arm. “What the hell happened, Heero? How did it get to this point? We've hardly seen each other, for God's sake.”

It hurt. He couldn't believe how much it hurt, the thought of dying here. “Duo.” Heero's voice was quiet.

“I'm sorry. Really,” Duo said, not wanting his last words to seem too cruel. “I'm sorry.”

“Duo, tell me where you are!”

Duo pulled out a gun and listened to the bullets flying past him. When a short pause entered, he fired. He couldn't know if he'd hit anyone, but he couldn't wait. He jumped out of the window. Someone shouted. Pain flared up his right shoulder, scratched along his already-injured leg. He ran to nowhere. He was unsurprised when he slammed straight into something. By the texture, Duo would say it was a fence. He bounced off it and kept running, shooting once behind him, hoping he didn't hit a civilian.

He slammed into something else, and a quick touch noted a traffic pole. He'd... gotten away?

Still he ran, trying to stay straight and not jump into the road. He could hear cars, could hear the sirens, could hear people gasping and running away. He breathed hard. In the end, the thing that made him fall was nothing other than the Brainbox. His running seemed to upset something, and with a sizzle, pain seared through him. He fell and slammed his hands against the ground. It did nothing but make him fall on top of his hands. His gun dug into his shoulder.

And when he fell, he felt a gun against his back.

“Don't move,” he heard, and cursed. Nind. “You are to come back with me. Resist again, and I will shoot your spinal cord.”

Duo heard a small, tinny sound from his phone. “So, what, Nind?” he asked, speaking for Heero's benefit. Just in case Nind planned of doing something to Heero after he'd taken care of Duo. “You plan on fucking me before or after you take me to that sideburns doctor? Or are you just going to kill me?”

“All three offers tempt me. Stand up.” Duo hesitated,then stood, hugging the phone and gun both to his chest. “Drop your weapon.” He did, then spoke before Nind could order him to show his hands.

“What are you going to do to Heero, then? Are you going to tell him how you killed me?”

Duo could hear, since the phone was against his collarbone, the hiss on the other end of the line.

“No,” Nind said. Duo heard a few more screams from the crowd he couldn't see. Apparently, Nind's gun had been noticed. “He will think you're alive. Perhaps, if you don't struggle with me, you might even will be.”

Duo grinned. “Oh, I don't think he'll fall for that. Not anymore.”

And he dropped his cell phone. He heard it crack as it hit the pavement.

Nind shouted inarticulately. Duo felt the wind move, and when he tried to dodge, Nind's gun left a glancing blow – right on the back of his head. Lightning crashed just before he went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the events of this chapter, Quatre and Trowa have been reunited, but Catherine the Busybody has gotten betwixt and scared Quatre off. Not to worry, though! Trowa has a slash moment of vaguely remembering Quatre. ^_^ Duo has a small scene where he asks Deathscythe what they should do, and White Fang comes to ask him for recruitment. He declines, telling Hilde that they 'smelled of Oz.' Probably because they are Oz. Anyway, there you go.


	12. A Different Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place through episodes 38 and 39.
> 
> After the first part of this chapter, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa all meet once again, though Trowa's brain is still a little crooked in its seat. Heero's off to kill Relena (again), thinking that'll collapse Romefeller, but he rather predictably lets her live (again – sigh), though of course I'm using this to my own advantage, as well. And Milliardo's all emo and shit because he doesn't have a reason to fight (you need a reason? And here I thought you were just in the habit of picking fights with people just to see who was stronger...). Duo and company meet up with Howard and company. So there you go. Normally, I would write the scene for you, give you Duo's thoughts... but really, I think I'm going to skip that for a bit. Mostly because my sanity is at stake.

“An unjust peace is better than a just war.”

~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

* * *

Duo awoke to the white room.

He wasn't surprised to see it, was actually surprised that he could only feel the lethargic, slow-brain feeling of drugs from far away, telling him it had begun to wear off.

Then he remembered that he'd been blind, and he really was surprised to see the room.

“You're awake.”

Duo turned his head. A quick check proved that his legs and arms were once again bound spread-eagled. In front of him, his sight almost eerily clear after so long struggling against the debilitating Brainbox, was Dr. Sideburns. Duo devoured the sight of the man, just in case he had to go on the search again. Duo wasn't the best sketcher, but he was good with computers. Setting up a graphic picture through the computer would be simple. He would capture the man's thick jaw, wide cheekbones, and bushy brows with a couple of algorithms. “What did you do this time?” Duo asked. His attempt to sound demanding failed as his voice cracked. His throat was so dry he thought it might have fissures.

“We managed to put it in properly now,” the doctor said. The man was smiling down on Duo like he had been a good patient instead of an unconscious one. “It was rubbing into a ridge within your brain. We found it almost severing the cartilage. You're lucky we operated on you when we did.”

Duo snarled. “You mean lucky you fixed the mistake you made by implanting the fucking thing to begin with?”

The man didn't seem even remotely upset by what Duo said. “That's right,” he said. He seemed to be looking at something by Duo's legs, but Duo couldn't lift himself up enough to see. “You had several wounds. I suppose it means you're as strong as you should be, but it's still troublesome.” The man sighed and touched Duo's leg, running one finger up, then down. Duo strained to get away from the man's touch, remembering Nind. “Now, now, calm down. The wound seems better already. You had a long gash here from one of the men's bullets. Well,” the man muttered, “there weren't many places where you _weren't_ hit.”

Duo remembered getting shot in the gut, the shoulder, his leg... the man was right. He'd gotten shot so many times. Dammit. At least he was no longer blind. “Let go of me and I'll thank you for all this properly.”

The doctor quirked a brow. “Very funny.” He stepped away from Duo. “I can see why they underestimate you. Sir Nind probably knows better now, however.” The man came back, and Duo got a look at his eye color. Brown. “You did an excellent job, fighting him in your condition.”

Duo didn't know if he should like the compliment or not. “Fuck you. I wouldn't have had these fucking problems if it weren't for you.”

The man seemed to see something in Duo's eyes – Shinigami, maybe, or the desire to kill. He cleared his throat. “Do you really think you aren't a liability? Do you understand how far he's pushed his training? The man saved you at the expense of that training. No matter what we've done to train him, he still carries the beliefs he'd had with him when he first arrived eight years ago.”

_Good for you, Heero._

“And for you, he broke away from his training. Not for the colonies, not for the war. For _you_. Somehow, in all this mess, that boy has begun fancying himself in love with you.”

Duo felt his lips pull back. “Only fancying himself?”

It was a stupid move. It made it obvious how Duo felt, and went against what Duo had been trying to do with Nind. Still, hearing Heero's emotions belittled like that pissed him off. He tugged experimentally against his bonds. Give him just one minute. He would be able to find the razor blade in his hair and get loose. Just one fucking minute alone.

The doctor went out of Duo's line of sight, back behind him, and a rattle of metal on metal told him the man was pulling around the surgical table. He stiffened. “Calm down, Duo Maxwell. I have nothing against you.”

“I've got plenty against you,” Duo said before he could stop himself.

The man actually chuckled. “I'll keep that in mind.” The man unwrapped a syringe and picked up a medicine vial. The man held it up, read the label, and stuck the needle in.

Duo watched it suck up the liquid. “What the hell do you want with me?” He pulled against his restraints again. Was that another shot to make him sleep? Or would it take away the pain he couldn't feel? No. He tugged again, knowing he wouldn't be free with just that, knowing he couldn't give away the things hidden in his hair. He breathed in a stuttering breath. This could knock him out, leave him vulnerable to Nind. Though, he supposed, if he was going to be raped, he would very much like to be unconscious for it.

“I could say so many movie lines there,” the man said, and his jesting attitude making Duo jerk. “Of course, the true answer's classified.” Duo pulled back his teeth as the man turned to him.

“He thinks I'm dead,” Duo said. He eyed the needle. “There's no point in doing all of this. He already thinks you've killed me.”

The man set down the syringe and swabbed a cotton ball, then rolled it over Duo's arm. He jerked it away, but the doctor simply grabbed it and held it still. Duo felt corded muscles beneath the touch and grimaced. Buff doctor. Of course. “We'll fix that, don't worry.”

Fix it? Duo jerked. “You're using me as a hostage.” His voice was breathy. He could feel his eyes go wide.

The doctor did not respond.

“You bastard!” Duo wrenched against his restraints. The man didn't even stumble away, only watched for a moment before turning back to the syringe. “You fucking assholes! Even now, you use us! What for?! There's nothing to fight anymore! Are you going to demand we take on the entire world? Tell us to destroy everything? When will it be enough for you?! How much are you going to take away from us?!”

The man grabbed Duo's arm again and held it still, even as Duo struggled like mad. The man wasn't speaking at all now, just looking tight-lipped at the needle as it dug into Duo's skin. Duo screamed, a long, rolling note.

The man squeezed the syringe empty.

“You bastard,” Duo said again, as the man cleaned up the table, throwing away the needle and its wrapper and the cotton swab, closing the container of swabs. Duo thought he could feel it already; it was definitely something to make him unconscious. “Do you really think this is going to help you?”

“We are prepared for punishment,” the man said, wheeling the table back behind Duo's head. Duo couldn't see him anymore. It gave him a short burst of adrenaline, and he fed on it. If he could stay awake longer than they expected... but then what? He'd still be unconscious. “But until that day arrives, we will do everything we can to ensure peace is achieved. No matter what we must become.” There was a sound, like something was being pulled out of a drawer back there, then the man returned. He looked into Duo's eyes as he pulled up a small recording device. “Do you have anything to say, Duo Maxwell?”

The thing was on; Duo could see the red light in the corner. He couldn't believe it. He was going to be recorded slipping into the fucking drug, all so that it could be proven that he was really alive. It would have the date in the corner, letting Heero know it was true. He snarled. “Yeah, I've got some words.” He could feel the rising wave of exhaustion, heavy and thick with the coating of the drug. “Heero Yuy, if you do as they say, I will fucking kill you myself. You hear me?” Duo stared right into the camera. “I'm a fucking Gundam pilot, too.”

Then he closed his eyes, unwilling to let them use any other picture. They would have to play those words to prove he was alive. He kept his chest still with effort, keeping his breaths shallow, looking, for all the world, dead.

Send the message to him, Duo said. Maybe Heero would even understand the second meaning in his last sentence. He was a Gundam pilot – that meant he was prepared to die, or to be tortured. But it also meant he had the strength to escape.

* * *

When he awoke next, he was in a different room, dark and empty. It reminded him of every single damn cell he'd ever been in. He looked around, still amazed that he could see clearly. Was this what the damn Brainbox was supposed to do from the start?

He looked around. He could feel a heaviness on his wrists that spoke of metal, and when he twisted to take in the room, he heard a jangle of chains just as his side and shoulder burned. He gasped at the feeling. Apparently it was no longer necessary to anesthetize him. His entire body, once he paid it some attention, seemed to be crying. He huffed a breath and tested the length of the chain. His hands were stretched above him, though he could move them a few inches. Normally, it wouldn't be any problem at all, but now he had a wound in his stomach that seemed uninterested in cooperating with him.

Wait. He touched the surface underneath him and raised an eyebrow. Well, maybe the place wasn't exactly like everywhere else he'd been. A bed. Granted, it was only a mattress and a sheet, but it was a thousand times better than he usually got. The room was windowless, of course, with one simple door before him. Beyond his injuries – it was difficult to feel beyond them – he felt a lethargy in his muscles that bespoke of a lot of drugs. He had to get out before he was drugged again. He had a feeling far too much time had passed.

Sitting up was the first step, and it involved pain that made him feel like he was ripping every wound open. He looked down at himself, but he couldn't see much through his blood-caked clothes. Jesus. He'd run into public like this? No wonder people had kept screaming.

Once up, he had to take a moment to catch his breath. Maybe they hadn't seen the need to take away an unconscious person's pain. Maybe they found it somehow amusing to think that he would be in agony when he woke up. It's not like they actually cared about his welfare. They were only keeping him alive to make Heero do their dirty work. The fact that he was still alive was actually disheartening. It meant Heero was probably doing as these men demanded.

He tried to think Heero was just pretending so he could hunt them down and kill them, but he could no longer believe in such a thing. Heero had been desperate on that phone. Duo shivered in remembrance. Heero had practically begged him. The man had probably been calling Duo back to tell him Sally was ready to operate. Duo almost laughed. Maybe he should have waited? Stayed at Hilde's and waited for Heero to get back to him, as originally planned? But Duo was sure that attack would have happened anyway, and Hilde would have gotten involved. He took a deep breath. It was pointless to look back and think about should have's. He had to focus, but damn, was it hard. Every time he activated his brain, it was like he was working on dial-up.

Escape. He had to focus on escaping.

He reached up into his braid, then stopped at the sound of someone at the door. He grabbed the chains and leaned back onto the bed, assuming the position he'd been in previously before carefully loosing the chains. They clanged a bit as the door opened, and Duo groaned quietly and hitched a breath, feigning waking up to pain.

“Hello.”

Duo's eyes flashed open. He tensed. Nind. The man stood in a dim hallway, his hair a deeper shadow than the darkness in the room. That face, almost angular, almost feminine, seemed rather tight-lipped. “I see you're awakening right on schedule.”

Duo looked the man over as he pretended to look around the room. He held a gun. Handy. He also held the camera. Duo had to fight to react to it. That meant he'd only been awakened to prove to Heero once again that he was alive. Duo's life was incentive. Goddammit, he needed to escape, to somehow contact Heero. “What are you making him do?” Duo asked. The words slipped out. He almost cringed; Nind couldn't know that Duo cared about Heero. The man couldn't grow an attachment to Heero. Duo could tell, with the instincts of a rat, that catching that man's attention was dangerous. Well, after what Nind had done in Heero's apartment, a rat's instincts were pretty much unnecessary.

“You all seem to have the impression that you're free.” Nind walked up, that camera of his pointed right at Duo's face. “That simply because Romefeller has been accepted, the war is over. Romefeller is still an enemy to peace. You aren't fighting for sides, you're fighting to end all fighting! There are no sides!”

Duo stiffened. The man wasn't talking to him. He was talking to Heero, so Heero could hear Nind's message when he was shown the video footage. Duo struggled to sit up again, trying not to show any pain. Still, it took him too long to sit up. Heero would know he was injured. As he sat up, he thought about how his ass felt, and was relieved to find no soreness. Nind hadn't messed with him. Yet. “You can go to hell, Nind.”

Nind walked toward him, and Duo had to strain his neck to stare into the man's eyes. The camera's red light blinked. Did the man just take a fucking picture? “Do you understand, Zero-One? Your battles are not over.”

“You son of a bitch!” Duo lunged forward, tearing the wounds on his stomach and shoulder. Nind didn't move. Duo lifted a leg and kicked the man right in the gut. The injury on his leg flared.

Nind's hand wobbled around the camera, but he kept it from falling. The bastard doubled over for a bit, then stood again. “Destroy Romefeller,” Nind said, his voice only slightly raspy, “Destroy them, and his punishment for that will be the last we do to him.”

Nind clicked a button on the top of the camera, and the red light went off. Nind placed it on the ground, too far for Duo to reach, and came forward, that gun in hand. The man pressed the nozzle against Duo's injured shoulder. Duo gritted his teeth as the bullet slammed through the old wound. Nind tossed away the gun, once again too far for Duo to reach, and pushed Duo back against the wall. Duo had to hold his arms out in front of him as the chain reached its limit.

Nind's face inched closer to his, until Duo was tempted to bite. “What do you want your punishment to be?” the man asked. His breath whooshed across Duo's face, a flash of mint. “What do you think would match the humiliation you gave me?”

“Bullshit,” Duo said. “You could cut that part out without a problem. You just want to lord yourself over us.”

Nind grinned and flicked a stray strand of Duo's hair. “Yes, that is true. But what part of you shall I lord over?” The man actually looked Duo up and down, pausing at his mouth, his chest. His groin. “What parts has the one known as Heero Yuy known?”

Duo frowned. Nind never called Heero 'Heero.' Why was that? “Fuck yourself off, dickface.”

Nind didn't seem even remotely upset. Duo watched as the man stripped off his shirt, tossing it in the same general direction as the gun. Duo saw bandages criss-crossed over Nind's chest. Duo remembered stabbing the man, over and over and over, three times, digging blindly as deeply as he could.

“So, how bad did that hurt, anyway?”

Duo smirked at the face the man made, as if he were trying to stop himself from chewing the glass but unable to stop the shards from digging in. Finally Nind leaned back over Duo. Duo considered attacking the man again, but it would do nothing but get him another bullet wound. And Duo knew he wouldn't get any medical help for these. He couldn't afford to get himself too injured. “I should try your mouth first. It would be nice and quiet.”

Duo grinned. “Try it.” He made sure he was showing a lot of teeth.

Nind touched Duo's chin, trying to force it up, but Duo wrenched it free. The movement pulled at his stomach and his newly-fucked up shoulder. He bit back the grimace. “That is true,” Nind said, his voice low. Nind's hands gripped his thighs, his hands like snake bites. It reminded Duo forcibly of the first time Heero had grabbed at him. Now Duo knew where Heero had learned romance. Insert snort here. Nind squeezed Duo's legs, corded his fingers around the muscles. Duo almost felt himself shrink. “Then where would you prefer?”

Duo took a deep breath. “Just beat the fuck out of me and go away. I wouldn't fuck you with your own dick.”

The man smiled. It didn't reach his eyes. Those fingers reached a little higher, and Duo started feeling a little sick. “You will not fuck me.”

Meaning Duo would be the one getting fucked. Duo thought about being trained in sexual interrogation by this man and felt even sicker. Right now, Duo had to decide whether he could handle being fucked by this man. He'd been trained to handle it, but this man had been a trainer, too, and probably knew all the best ways to try to break Duo. And suddenly he wasn't sure he'd gotten the same sex training Heero had.

Yet that wasn't what made his chest freeze. No. He didn't want to be fucked. He didn't want anyone coming near him save Heero. God. How had this happened to him? He was ruined as a soldier. Ruined as a Gundam pilot. All he could think about was Heero, being with Heero, how dirty he would be after Nind took him. He couldn't believe how afraid he was of losing himself to this man.

Nind's fingers were brushing against his groin now, his thumbs touching against his balls. Still he hesitated. He was well aware that any attempt to fight back would fail. He'd already fought once, stupidly, reacting to how that man was talking to Heero – a dangerous thing to do, once again inferring an emotional tie to Heero. If he fought back against this...

Those thumbs trailed up Duo's flaccid length, rubbed small circles through his bloody pants, and suddenly Duo was desperate to stall the man. “So, what? You want to fuck me because Heero has? You're jealous because he's chosen someone other than you?”

Duo watched those eyes darken and wanted to gulp. He'd been trying to deflate the situation, not make it worse! He hadn't actually thought the man was ticked Heero had found himself a sex partner. Had he... what? Created some sort of ownership between Heero and him? Like Heero was a pet?

But Duo looked into those green eyes and knew that was exactly how this man thought.

Those fingers curled upward, sliding underneath his pants and ripping them, tearing open the buttons. Duo jerked away, and once again he moved by instinct. He kneed Nind. This time, however, his leg was caught. Nind reached around his leg and grabbed at his wound. A whimper slipped through his lips.

Nind clutched Duo's cock.

On a gasp, Duo whirled, thrusting his body against Nind's, trying to make the man stumble. Instead Nind pushed back, shoving Duo into the wall. Everything in Duo burned, flared, his wounds each shouting out in turn. Duo heard a small splat – his blood from his shoulder coating the wall. Duo slid down onto the bed, his hands curled above his head, trapped by the chains. Nind leaned over him, grabbed his hips. The bastard bent down and pressed his lips against Duo's. “I am curious. Why did he choose you? Why does he love you?”

Duo shook his head, twisted his fingers toward his braid, and tried to kick Nind again. Nind took the blow with a smile before grabbing Duo's dick again. Nind lowered his head and licked Duo's neck. Duo felt his stomach clench.

Finally! He grabbed his razor blade and tugged it out of his hair, pulling a small clump from the braid. He uncapped the blade with one finger and moved again, trying to bite Nind and scoot himself up at the same time. Nind backed away from the bite, giving Duo the opportunity to yank himself up with the chains. Nind grabbed Duo's jaw and squeezed. Once more, and Duo's lips were pried apart. He tried to twist his head free, but Nind's fingers were firm.

Nind leaned his body flush against Duo's and kissed him. Duo reached up and slit the man's throat.

Nind reared back and clutched his throat, those green eyes wide. The razor blade wasn't deep enough to completely sever the arteries. Duo used one leg to hook around Nind's body and thrust up to destroy the man's balance, but Nind managed to control his fall enough to land below the bed, out of Duo's range. He stumbled to his feet and ran, ripping his pants and wrapping the strip around his throat.

Before he left, he turned to Duo. The man's eyes were wide, but they were wild, too. Almost crazed. Duo felt a shiver flash down his spine. Then Nind was gone.

Duo placed the razor blade in his mouth, tasting Nind's blood on his tongue. Then he reached up to his hair again and grabbed a lockpick. This time, he noticed how greasy his hair was. He pulled a face and brought the lockpick around to his cuffs. It took some serious wrist and finger twisting to get the thing in the little hole, then a little more to get the cuffs unlocked. By the time he finished, Nind's footsteps were far gone down the corridor. Duo shook off the cuffs and rubbed his wrists, still feeling his heart hammering. His wounds finally made themselves known again, driven to the back of his mind for the panic that had stretched across his vision. He had to take a moment to truly realize he was safe. Nind wouldn't be getting any farther than the kiss. At least, not for now.

Then he took out his razor blade from between his teeth and spat against the floor, then again, before wiping his lips with the back of his blood-stained shirt. Duo grabbed up Nind's jacket, gun, and camera. His own outfit was beyond ruined by blood. His injured shoulder pounded thick with each heartbeat, and his other wounds each thumped in the background. He took a moment to look at the wound on his stomach, lifting up the bottom of his shirt to see. Not awful, he thought, but not great. What scared him the most was that it had healed enough to gain a good amount of scar tissue. He'd been out for at least a week, probably more. His heart sped up again.

It was past time to go.

He looked at the camera with a snarl and wrenched his good arm behind his head, ready to slam it to pieces, then thought better of it and wrapped the jacket around himself, tucking his braid underneath. Then he replaced his razor blade and took Nind's gun and camera and got the hell out of dodge. He took a picture of the hallway, then set the camera to record and wrapped it around his wrist before taking off.

The corridors were white, sterile, until he hit the third right turn. The walls changed to a light orange and windows showed up, as if magically entering existence. Duo made sure he got the camera up to show the area beyond the window before running past them.

He'd gone through all of this in order to get to this point. He wasn't letting it go to waste.

The halls broadened, and the doors got wider. Duo slowed now and let himself hold his shoulder with the hand that held the camera. His stomach was burning so badly he had to check it to make sure it wasn't ripped open. But it probably wouldn't; it had gotten pretty far into its recovery. Definitely longer than a week. The thought scared him.

He used the camera to scan the hall ahead of him, then moved forward, listening for sounds of approach. Moving slower actually hurt his injured leg worse than moving quickly, as it stretched the healing muscles. He couldn't afford to hold his stomach or his shoulder, either, in case he had to react to something. He hoped he wouldn't have to use his gun. If he did, the swarming would start.

There was no one for another few turns, and he passed several more windows. It was when he reached a set of white double doors with glass on top that he heard voices. Two, then a third, each voice muffled. He inched forward, maxed the volume catching on the camera, and practically stuck his ear to the door.

“With the product secure, we should establish a solidified contact with the man.”

“No,” Doctor Sideburns said, and Duo risked lifting the camera until the top of it slid over the top of the door, just long enough for an image of Doctor Sideburns and his cohorts to be caught in the frame. Then he slid it back down again. “No, Dillon, that's a horrible idea. He's still captive.”

“However, the problem has escalated.” The third voice spoke, sounding old and creaky. Duo wanted to look at the picture he'd gotten, but he didn't want to stop the recording. He held his shoulder with his gun hand and bit his teeth. God, he was really hurting.

“The product is invaluable, as is the NOSL.”

NOSL? Duo frowned. That sounded like something he knew. It clicked a little too quickly, as if a part of him had expected it. NOSL. Neuro-Optic Shock Link. That meant the product was... he snarled.

“And the chance of losing the 'product'?” the doctor asked, his voice rising. “The chance of losing Zero-One is one hundred percent if we lose the product. Now that we've moved to this stage, we can't afford such recklessness!”

“Enough.” The old voice was echoed by a loud snap of something on the tiled floor. If Duo was any guess, it sounded something like a cane. But that was so... Godfather. “Enough,” the old voice said again. “We follow his orders, no one else's. We've been working on missives, messages, notes, any stolen contact we could. But we must speak with him regarding this change. Now that the product has poisoned Zero-One completely, we must ask what to do with the both of them. Zero-One's performance may dwindle if we expose him to much more of this methodology. If we lose all progress with him, then he will become nothing more than another impediment.”

Jesus Christ. Duo let go of his shoulder in order to hold his stomach, feeling the weak muscles there trembling with the strain of holding him up. No wonder Heero spoke like he did. No wonder the man was so fucking twisted. No wonder. Jesus Christ, were these people human?

“Then it's decided,” the second voice, not the Doc, said. “We must confer with him.”

“But that doesn't mean we should risk losing the product!” Doctor Sideburns said, his voice almost echoing down the empty hall. “If we do, everything will be lost before we even have a chance to save it!”

“Childish,” the old man said. “It's already lost. It's only a matter of time now.”

Duo closed his eyes. Now, more than ever, it was essential to kill these men, if only to buy Heero a little more time. The three men were silent now, and Duo could hear footsteps both within and without. Ah, _now_ the guard decided to show up. None of the footsteps sounded hurried, though, so he guessed Nind was having a bit of a hard time getting where he needed to go. Such a shame. Maybe the bastard was lying face-down somewhere. One could only hope.

He looked around, up, toward the ceilings – nothing to grab on to, and no air ducts – before slinking away from the footsteps coming from in front of him. Then he stopped. The plan was almost suicidal, but it was better than trying to pick these people off one at a time. He stopped trying to hide and stood straight. He walked right into the room the three men were in.

There were several guards – so they'd all gone inside with these three, then, hm? – standing vigil around the room's perimeter. Duo shot each one as they all reached for their weapons, needing to dodge the bullets of the last two before picking them off. His stomach burned, his shoulder seemed to split. He found the pain meaningless in the face of his enemies.

Now he could see them, all without needing to look at the camera. Doctor Sideburns was facing off with a man with greased hair and a polished suit and another ye-old type, complete with cane and hunchback. The old man even had a hand curled around to his back, just like every single old guy in every single martial arts movie ever created. Duo shot the polished suit guy first. He dropped dead.

The old guy, however, lifted his cane and – Duo was expecting a bullet, maybe, or a sword, or maybe Penguin's poison gas – pointed it at Duo. Nothing happened. “Kill me, boy,” the old man said. “Kill me, and the instant we do not respond to a message, Zero-One will be killed.”

Zero-One, Zero-One! Goddammit, Heero was Heero! “Neither of us are that easy to defeat,” Duo said. Several more people burst into the room, and Duo ducked as bullets whizzed over his head. One bullet nearly caught his bad leg; he felt the wind rush past. His braid slipped out from beneath the jacket and whipped him in the face. Duo rolled until his shoulder almost gave out. He shot the old man dead, then twisted and flipped around the room until he could grab the old fogie's body and use it as a shield. It wasn't good for much; the old man had been small and thin. Still, Duo hid behind it for the second barrage, almost losing his grip on the body as one bullet sank deep into the old man's brain, spewing grey matter all over the room. Duo had been underneath the man's head, though, and all the bullet did was give Duo a peephole. He shot down two men before they realized what he was doing and worked to shred his shield. He blind-fired from the side of the codger's chest, ducked as one of the old man's arms went flying, and listened. Several people had run into the room with Duo, but several wasn't exactly a helpful number. The bullets seemed like they were coming from four sources – no, five. He had five more enemies, not even including the doctor, who seemed to be inching further and further away. The thought of the man escaping pulled Duo once more into action. He rolled, letting the old man's body drop, and fired once more as he pulled up the suited corpse. His shoulder raged so loudly he almost dropped the damn thing.

He'd earned a new, more raucous pain from all of his wounds for the abrupt movement, the pain so great it actually pulled him momentarily from the tunnel vision of battle. Bullets beat like drums into the body he held before him, and he could tell from the shots that two people were circling around him, trying to get a clear shot. He took them both down after a quick calculation, guessing where they would be by the feel of the bullets hitting the body. Three more to go.

Duo saw, as he readjusted the corpse, the doctor scurry behind two of the guards. The man slipped out the door.

Duo roared.

The tunnel vision returned, and he used it to run straight toward his attackers. Each rolled away from him, two now on his left, one on his right. He held the body with one hand, twisting it to the left as he shot down the man on his right. The man got off a shot, but it only glanced off Duo's wrist. Duo only felt a small spurt of pain, and already he was turning to the left, where the men were trying to shoot through the corpse's neck to get a shot in on Duo. Duo simply leaned down a bit lower. Beside him, he heard something smack into the ground. It wasn't a person, nor a danger. He ignored it for the sounds of running footsteps. Back-up. He grimaced. His objective was to kill the doctor, but the bastard had left to call in reinforcements. Duo wouldn't be able to complete his mission. If he stayed, he died. It was exactly what he couldn't let happen – his life was no longer his own.

Duo backed away from his enemies, even as they tried to take him down. He glanced quickly behind him as blood from the corpse spattered along his cheeks. Windows. Small, with thick curtains, but they would do. He backed toward them, avoiding the long table with leather straps on each corner. He was in the surgical room, a small, unimportant part of his mind said.

He shot blindly, aware that he only had about two more shots. His enemies were probably aware of it, too. He felt a short pause in the slamming thump of bullet against flesh. Someone was reloading. It was the best chance he was going to get.

He carried the corpse with him to the window, heard the door to the room burst open again. He shot the window and jumped out, not waiting to shove off the edges of glass that stuck to the wall. He carried the corpse out, too, not knowing for sure whether he was on a bottom floor or not. He wasn't. He twisted in the air and used the dead body as a sort of landing pad, rolling off it once he landed. Bullets pocked the ground around him – grass, mulch, a clean lot. Duo barely saw a small cityscape in the near distance before he was off running. He thought he heard men shouting, but he didn't try to listen. He just ran for all he was worth, feeling the adrenaline slowly dissipate as he ran past street after street without getting shot at.

Pain.

It was so great it made him stagger; he knew he'd managed to open up the healing wounds despite how far along the scar tissue was; he thought he could feel a bit of bleeding from his stomach and leg. He carefully touched his shoulder. The throbbing was hot, almost painfully so, and Duo knew he was in danger of some serious infection. He needed to do something – get in touch with someone.

The hospital Heero had taken him to. They knew him. They would take him, might even smile as they did.

It was after he'd stolen money and slid it into a pay phone that he noticed the camera was gone.

* * *

“Well, I met someone who touched my soul  
And made my world brand new  
There's a part of me, a place inside  
That now belongs to you”

~ The Muppet Christmas Carol, “Finale – When Love is Found / It Feels Like Christmas”

* * *

Quatre was now with Trowa, but not Heero. Duo had gotten swept up into everything before he'd been ready. He hadn't been able to find a way to get in touch with Heero, and with the wounds he'd had, he'd had few chances to run around. In the end, he'd gambled on Quatre being able to find Heero. Quatre had that ginormous business, after all, with all those wealthy contacts, and all that money to spend on trying to find Heero.

But though Quatre had gotten Trowa back somehow (and even still with amnesia – that kid had to be some sort of bio weapon), Heero was still MIA. They'd found Wufei, though, so he just had to wait. Until then, he had to get himself out there. He'd chosen to join Quatre, and he wasn't going to flinch out.

Still.

He looked through the viewing pane on-board Howard's ship and sighed. Out there, somewhere, was Heero, thinking Duo was still captured, probably doing what Nind had ordered before Duo had killed him. Hopefully killed him. Duo's fists clenched. He'd taken so many showers after arriving at Heero's hospital he was surprised his skin hadn't flaked off, but still he felt dirty. He couldn't believe it. He'd been trained to deal with exactly what Nind had done – no, worse. Much worse. Why the hell couldn't he shake it off?

He took a deep breath. His mind was slipping down roads it shouldn't. He had joined a peacemaker team in the middle of a war. He'd joined a group that was just stupid enough to fight everybody, simply because everybody was wrong. This was the point of no return, the decision that would choose what happened for the rest of his life – the rest of everyone's lives. He touched his stomach, right where his wound still sat. He'd found that almost two weeks had passed, and he'd needed to spend another week or so recuperating. During which, he thought with a frown, that Relena girl had become a Queen and was representing Romefeller. His mind slipped over to Heero again.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Duo.”

Duo looked over. It was Trowa. He'd joked that he was one of Trowa's best friends, and it had probably been true – the old Trowa hadn't exactly been sociable – but he really didn't know the man all that well. All he knew was that Trowa had been calm, sure, steady, ready to help but always aloof... and that Quatre loved the man. It was that last bit, oddly enough, that Duo found most important. “Hey, there, Trowa.” He moved over a bit, leaving a part of the area in front of the viewing pane empty. Trowa stood beside him and looked out to the stars.

“You and Quatre were both happy to see me.”

Duo turned, his eyes wide, his brows furrowed. “Huh?”

Trowa turned to him. Those eyes were green, too, but there was such a... depth to them. Duo blinked. Suddenly he thought he might see the beauty Quatre was attracted to. This man was smart, experienced. Hurting. Duo recognized the pain, a twin to his own. Without a thought, Duo untensed his shoulders. “We only know each other through battles, right?” Those eyes shifted, looked away for a short second before looking him straight in the eye again. “How could we form a friendship in such a situation?”

“Quickly,” Duo said, voice activating without his brain, and grimaced. Then he just said 'fuck it' and smiled. He didn't hide from Qat; he shouldn't hide from Trowa. “Look, man, on the battlefield, you don't have time to fuck around. You act, you move, you trust your instincts to keep you alive. You saved... someone important to me. You mean everything to Quatre. You helped Wufei and me when we were trapped. I trust you to have my back, and that means more than just meeting on the street and sharing funny stories.”

Trowa... nodded. “Allies.”

“Friends,” Duo said firmly, and carefully clapped the guy on the shoulder. Trowa wasn't afraid anymore, and he wasn't stone-cold like before. Maybe... maybe this was what Trowa had needed. To be turned into a newborn, to have Quatre as his guiding light. It was like Trowa had gotten the opportunity to be reborn.

“Friends,” Trowa said again, as if struggling with the concept. Duo hurt for him. Both of them had ended up alone, hadn't they? To only have allies, people who would stand by you only if you could fend for yourself. Over the course of the war, Duo had found himself with Quatre, with Heero, both of them saving him when they hadn't needed to. He'd watched Trowa save Heero, spoke with Wufei while trapped on the Lunar base, and had found himself raising his own expectations. He wanted what he had now. Friends. _Nakama_. He _wanted_ them.

“You're still a soldier,” Duo said with a smile. “I saw how you fought off Romefeller's suits. You understand the feeling of danger. Do you feel it with us?”

Trowa looked down. “No,” he said. That strange hairstyle looked natural, Duo noticed, almost jerking back. There was no gel, no spray. It fell over his eye naturally. “I don't.” The man nodded. “Thank you.”

“Yeah. Hey,” he said as Trowa turned away, “Quatre. Right now, Quatre needs your thanks way more than I do.”

Trowa turned to look at Duo, those sandy brows pulled low. “Quatre?”

“You came back for him, didn't you?”

Trowa nodded again before he turned and left. Duo had seen a troubled frown tugging Trowa's mouth, but he knew what he'd said was true. Trowa hadn't returned because of Duo; the man had been terrified of him. It was Quatre who had brought Trowa back to them, Quatre who had called to Trowa.

Really, it made Duo grin. Quatre was the best thing to happen to that man, and that man, perhaps, the piece that Quatre had needed to complete him. They would probably realize it eventually. Possibly like Duo was realizing he needed Heero. Somehow, in all of the madness, he had fallen in love with Heero.

This time when Duo breathed in, his breath shook. “Knock it off,” he told himself. If he wasn't careful, he would be completely useless. And now, more than ever, he couldn't afford to be useless.

He needed to speak with Quatre, but he hesitated. As much as he needed to get in touch with Heero, Quatre needed his moment with Trowa. Knowing the old, businesslike, responsible Trowa, the man would make an effort to speak with Quatre immediately. That meant that Duo's interruption would undoubtedly be untimely. He squashed the urge to go, anyway, and turned back to the picture of space just beyond his hands.

Jesus. He was standing on the edge of death, testing the waters of the Lethe, and he was thinking about Heero. About how much he wanted to be with Heero. About how much he wanted to help Heero be free from those maniacs.

But he'd failed. His fingers itched to work on his graphic ID picture saved in his Deathscythe. He'd missed killing Doctor Sideburns. The man had escaped. And knowing his own luck, Nind could very well have been patched up by said doctor. His fists clenched. Dammit. Goddammit.

He punched the wall before him. Dammit. It had been careless of him to leave the camera behind. He hadn't been thinking. He'd been so focused on the fight, on... he shook his head. So stupid. He'd been so fucking stupid.

He was still being stupid.

He tried to occupy his mind with something, but Deathscythe was being handled by Howard's men, Jake and Mark and Dabray. They were waiting for the shit to hit the fan with White Fang and Romefeller, with Queen Relena and Milliardo Peacecraft. Between the World Nation and the colonies, rounded up by White Fang's use of Wufei and Altron.

Duo breathed in a sharp breath. They were fucked. He was fucked. Their time was so short. Duo was positive they wouldn't make it through.

But if he died... if he died, dammit, he wanted to be able to see Heero, one more time. He touched the back of his head. And even that wasn't possible for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... summary. A lot happens, and yet nothing. Treize takes over Romefeller again now that White Fang's out, and White Fang attacks Fortress Barge (you vaguely recognize the name, I'm sure, but the where and the why and whatnot pretty much blip off the radar of your knowledge, probably, since I'm rewatching and even I can't find a way to care). Duo and company fight to stop both sides, but Milliardo/Zechs/Lightning Count takes out the barge and runs off, possibly cackling maniacally. Relena's off to speak to her brother (ah, another brilliant move, Relena), and Heero meets up with Sally, who has Heavyarms, and who asks him to take it to space with him. So they both go up to space and pick up Wufei, who still demands an emo corner and refuses to join up with anyone, but then they get attacked and Wufei steals Heero's Zero and somehow realizes (through the Zero system, according to the show, but maybe his brain just suddenly decided to activate) that he actually should join up with everyone. Then Zechs says he's going to destroy the Earth (ah, these Peacecrafts, full of good ideas, they are), and Dorothy joins him because she's just as psychotic. Oof. And though I didn't want to write a scene from the show in this chapter, it looks like I'm going to have to go back to it for the next chapter. So... bear with me some more?
> 
> The important parts of this are: 1) Duo says he wants Romefeller and White Fang to know he's back with a bang. It's probably just because he was trying to live a normal life, but hey, why not use it? 2) And when Sally meets Heero again, she says he's kind of different, that he used to be much more abrasive. I'll say nothing as to how my story could link with that.


	13. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place through episodes 38 and 39.

“It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends.”

~ Unknown

* * *

It was the next day that Duo was able to talk to Quatre. He watched Trowa finally leave the boy's room, and despite himself he blushed. Sex was nothing new to him – hello? Experiences with Heero? But still, the idea of Trowa and Quatre together made him blush. Little, innocent Quatre, naked, flushed, blond hair in disarray?

Duo shook his head a little too violently then. He didn't want to know why that made him want to grill Trowa. He also didn't want to know why the image almost seemed cute.

Duo knocked on the door, more as a warning in case the little blond wasn't ready for the outside world. “Qat?”

“Duo!” Duo heard a few thumps, as if Quatre's almost-panicked voice wasn't indication enough. It made him grin despite himself. “Uh, one moment – I'm almost – ah...”

Duo actually laughed. “Take your time getting dressed. Take a shower, if you have to.”

He actually heard Quatre's sound of distress. He leaned against the wall beside the door and listened as Quatre thumped against what sounded like the far wall, then as he fell onto the bed. Duo took pity on the poor guy after a short moment. “Qat. All I need to do is tell you I need to find Heero ASAP. You can take a few damn minutes to get yourself in order.”

But the blond rushed to the door and ripped it open. The poor guy was in such disarray. His hair looked like a little blond mop, his clothes were wrinkled for the first time since Duo had met him, and best of all, he was panting and flushing beet red. “I knew it,” the little guy said, and Duo found himself lost.

“Knew what?”

“Knew there was something going on with that damn thing still,” Quatre said, and pointed at Duo's forehead. Duo didn't bother to tell him it was actually in the back of his skull; that wasn't the point. “I knew you were hiding something about that. What happened?” The boy automatically opened his door wider in invitation, but then he bit his lip and looked behind him. “Um...”

Duo laughed. “Hey, I'm happy for you. Don't be ashamed of it; it was good, right? And it was with someone you love.” The blush on Quatre's face only got deeper, however. Duo sighed. “I'll head out so you can get organized. Just know that I really need to get in touch with Heero. Sooner rather than later. And no, it's not for me. It's for him.”

Heero still didn't know Duo was no longer Nind's captive. Duo needed to make sure Heero wasn't doing anything stupid for his sake. Those bastards of J's may have been wrong about everything else, but they were right when they said that Heero's priorities had changed. Duo's had, too. The only question was, why had Heero's? Duo hadn't done anything but get saved by the guy since...

Shit, he was letting his mind slip off-track again. “What do you mean, 'for him'?” Quatre ignored Duo's entreaty, only ran around inside the room, presumably trying to hide any trace of what had happened that night. “What does he need? Does he have something in him, too?”

Duo blanched at the very thought. “I hope not. No, I... I got caught. They fixed the thing, at least, so I can see all right now.” Quatre looked up at that, though he didn't seem to know whether to be happy or angry about the news. “But they were holding me there to make Heero do something. I don't know what; I was drugged up the whole time. It's why I didn't come back to you immediately.”

Now Quatre seemed to know how to look; with a frown on slightly-parted lips, he would have looked stupid if he hadn't thrown the sheets he'd ripped off his bed to the floor. “They _what?”_

At Quatre's insistence, Duo told the blond everything he could remember about what happened. He even found himself discussing Nind, the man's touch and his odd aversion to it. Quatre stopped him then and said simply, “there's someone you belong to now,” and the little blond's explanation made so much sense it hurt. This was what was going to kill them all – it was what was going to give the universe to Merquise or Khushrenada. Duo sucked in a breath and finished the story, including his escape, his inability to ascertain Nind's death, and his loss of the camera. And yet at the end, Quatre said, in all seriousness, “I'm glad you were able to escape.”

Trust Qat to get to the heart of it all. He didn't even seem to care about all of Duo's mess-ups. He was just glad Duo had gotten loose. Duo nodded. “But Heero doesn't know. I've tried to find him with Deathscythe, but I can't get in touch with him. I don't know if he's even near his Gundam, or which one he has, or anything. I've tried the emergency broadcast system, but nothing. I have to find him before he does something stupid. If it's not already too late.”

Quatre nodded. “I understand. I've already been looking for him, but I'll make it the priority.”

“White Fang's still a priority, as is Romefeller,” Duo said, but Quatre was already in Tactics Mode and wasn't paying Duo the slightest bit of attention. Duo grabbed up the blond's linens as Qat sat on the bed with a fist on his chin.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes as he left.

* * *

Duo was helping Howard's men with Deathscythe's tech when it happened.

The alarms went off throughout the entire base. Duo took off before he even realized the impulse, grabbing his gun from its holster and launching himself up to the bridge. “Who is it?” Duo asked a man in the hall, but the guy just shrugged. Great. A mysterious enemy caught on to them. And his Deathscythe hadn't gotten a full restock in its Vulcans, and...

But by the time he reached the bridge, the alarms were turned off and no one seemed the least bit worried. He looked at Noin, then at the others at their stations, and holstered his weapon. “What's going on?” he asked.

“It's Sally Po,” Noin said. “She's an ally, and she says she has a couple 'strong friends.' We're letting them board.”

Sally? Duo's heart thundered in its ribcage. Sally was here? And were the strong friends the people he hoped them to be? He thanked her and ran back out of the bridge to the docking port.

He met Quatre and Trowa on the way, both hurrying side-by side in the same direction. “Is it true, Qat? Are Heero and Wufei here?”

The blond nodded, practically bouncing in his excitement. “Their Gundams have already been brought on-board. They've been confirmed. Oh, isn't it great? We're all together. And Heero...” But Quatre stopped there, giving Trowa a look.

“It's fine,” Duo said with a sigh. “You can tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Trowa looked between the both of them.

“Heero. He's important to Duo. The way you are to me.” The little blond just said it straight out, only blushing slightly on the last words. Trowa gaped for a moment, then slowly brushed his fingers along Quatre's cheek. “And how important am I to you?”

“You're everything,” the little blond said, and the two shared a soul-searching, smoldering stare. Duo almost gagged.

“Please, you two, I am begging you now to stop where you are. I'm about to be terminally ill.”

“Shove off, Duo,” Quatre said, and leaned up to Trowa for a kiss. Duo huffed.

It ended eventually, thank goodness, and the three continued. Duo didn't know why Quatre didn't tell Trowa about the Brainbox, but he wouldn't argue. They talked of simpler things, of the preferred fighting methods of Heero and Wufei, of the Gundams they both had, and of the fact that they all knew one another. Duo was explaining Trowa's rescue of Heero when they entered the docking bay. Duo saw the Altron next to Trowa's Heavyarms. He looked to Trowa then, to see if the machine sparked a memory, but it didn't.

“Heero! Wufei!”

Quatre laughed and launched himself in the low gravity toward their guests. The two turned from their inspections of their Gundams. Neither smiled. Killjoys. Duo had one short look before the pain ripped through him, worse than he remembered, a sharp, unending lightning strike. He closed his eyes and held his breath. “So,” he managed, trying to act as normally as possible under the circumstances, “you made it without getting shot to pieces.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide the shaking.

“Mind if we stay for a while?” Wufei asked. Duo turned his gaze to the man, but Heero was still in his peripheral vision. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes again. He thought he felt Trowa's gaze on his.

“No, stay as long as you like. I'm just glad to have you visit.” Quatre, always the king of hospitality.

“Hello. Nice to see you,” Trowa said, nodding slightly toward both of them. Duo flicked his eyes open, trying to take in Heero's face. It looked almost empty, but Duo thought the man's eyes were a bit wide as they took in Trowa. Then they turned straight to Duo. Duo had to clench his eyes shut and grab the banister.

“What's wrong with him?” Wufei asked.

“Duo.” Heero's voice was a bit... breathy. “Don't look at me. Po's here. We can get it fixed.”

“Yeah,” Duo said. The pain died down again. “Hopefully.”

“What happened?” Wufei asked.

Duo just shook his head.

“It's my fault,” Heero said. “I was weak.”

“I will punch you, Heero Yuy,” Duo said.

Heero just snorted.

It took a while, but eventually they all broke up. Quatre went to get Po, and he took Wufei and Trowa with him. Wufei wanted to walk through the ship, though he said that both he and Heero had already memorized the layout from hacked blueprints. Heero turned to Duo. “I didn't know you'd escaped,” he said quietly.

“I tried to get in touch with you,” Duo said. “I even got Quatre hunting for you. But you disappeared. What... happened? What did they have you do?”

Duo leaned out over the rail and turned his gaze to Deathscythe. Only then did he open his eyes. “Who did they order you to kill?”

“Anyone who was continuing the war,” Heero said, his voice carefully monotone. “The leaders who led the warring factions. Those like Relena Peacecraft.”

Duo sucked in a breath. “I heard she'd been ousted by Khushrenada. You didn't...?”

“No.”

He let out a breath. “Thank goodness.”

“I almost did,” he said, his voice so soft it was hard to hear. “But I couldn't.”

Duo reached over and touched Heero's shoulder. Heero rolled his shoulder, dislodging Duo's touch. “I'm glad,” Duo said. “It would have killed you to kill her.”

He heard Heero move. “I hadn't known you'd escaped. I'd left her alive, believing it would lead to your death.”

Duo hurt for him. “I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough to stop it.”

There wasn't much more to be said. Both knew that there hadn't been anything they'd been able to do, and saying so would only be a painfully empty platitude. They _should_ have been able to stop it from ever happening. Still, when you're trained by someone, that someone has the upper hand. The fact that they'd been betrayed by those they were supposed to be able to trust meant something, too. Then, of course, the burden of knowing that their duty _had_ to come before their desires.

That one, perhaps, hurt the most. Heero had made his decision that moment when he'd looked at Relena Peacecraft and chosen her life above Duo's. In the eyes of the world, he'd chosen correctly. In the eyes of Heero, and perhaps, in a way, Duo, he'd chosen wrong. The pain of choosing the world before themselves – the impossible choice they'd all agreed to before they'd entered this mission.

Time froze as they stood beside one another, the Sweepers giving them a respectable berth. When Duo heard footsteps heading for them, he turned to see Po and Quatre walking toward them. Duo straightened from the rail and smiled. “You ready to finish what you started, woman?”

Sally Po smirked. “You ready to stop whining?”

Duo laughed despite himself. “We can always transfer it to _your_ brain.”

“Please. I'd like to see you try.”

“You sure? I might accidentally kill you.”

The woman threw her head back and laughed. “True. We should keep you away from any and all medical equipment.” She looked away from Duo, over to where Heero stood. “Thanks again for getting me out of there.”

“I got you in,” Heero said. Duo bit his lip. The poor dude sounded sullen.

“I still need to thank both of you,” Duo said, though he carefully didn't look at Heero. “Both of you got me out of that mess. Sorry I couldn't stay out of it.”

“You got in trouble again. It seems to be a habit of yours.” Sally stopped in front of him and looked him up and down.

“Hobby, not habit.”

“Dumb hobby.”

“Are we ready to go or not? I can't tell you how badly I want this thing out of my head.”

She smiled. “I think I can manage to do that.”

Thank goodness. “Great.” Duo moved to follow her as she turned to leave, then hesitated. He couldn't hear Heero moving. Did he want to ask Heero to come? Ask why he wasn't? Let it go? Well, he knew he didn't want to let it go. He sucked in a breath. “Will you have my back?” he asked. It was all he could ask without once again putting them both in the position of choosing one another or the world.

There was a horrible silence, one thick enough to douse the sounds of tech repair and maintenance. One thick enough to drown in. “Yes,” Heero finally answered, his voice still soft. And the two of them followed Sally's retreating back across the platform and through the halls to the med bay.

The rest was pure business. Duo was given an anesthetic and ordered to lie down on the table. Sally grabbed items from around the med bay; Heero stayed just inside, by the door, probably holding a pistol. Duo didn't know why, but the idea of going through this seemed a lot easier with Heero around. It wasn't just because he trusted Heero to have his back, because Quatre and Trowa and even Wufei could be trusted to do the same. No. He felt comfort in Heero's presence. Like everything was right with him around.

Duo breathed in deep. He was so in love. He was so screwed.

“Okay. Do you still have trouble seeing?”

“No,” he said, and just tried to relax as she came up beside him. She twirled a finger, ordering him to turn onto his stomach. He grimaced and did as instructed.

“The anesthetic should be kicking in soon. When you wake up, the problem should be solved.”

Famous last words, Duo thought. But when he tried to say it, he felt a thickness in his muscles. Stupid anesthetic. He just closed his eyes and let himself drift. He couldn't believe it would be this easy. After all this trouble.

* * *

Duo opened his eyes and knew he'd been wrong about the 'easy' part. He could hear sounds. Metal on metal, a clank, then a bang. Voices. His brain felt like it was banging around inside his head. He felt absolutely nothing from his body. He frowned. This probably was a very bad thing.

“What do you mean, it's locked?”

“I mean if I took it out now, I could do permanent damage to him.”

“So, what? It's over? There's no chance?”

“No. I short-circuited it. Took out the field-effect transistors. There shouldn't be any more shocking, or if there is, it should be minor. But any more would be... dangerous.”

Duo let the words slowly sink in through his addled mind. So. The thing was permanent. Well, at least he'd been right when he'd thought it couldn't possibly be anything simple. Silver lining, right there. There might still be shocks to his brain whenever he looked at Heero. Would that cause damage over time? He couldn't imagine it wouldn't. Scarring to the brain tissue and all that.

“Isn't there anything?” Heero asked, and Duo heard a lot more emotion in that than Heero had probably intended.

There was a rustle of clothing, then Sally's voice, soft. “Not right now, no. Maybe later, at a proper hospital, we might be able to take the thing out without any damage. But I would need a team of expert brain surgeons and all their fancy little toys. We just don't have those here.”

Duo looked over at Sally. She was looking down at Heero, her brows pulled low over her eyes. She was pulling off her latex gloves. There was blood all over them. Duo winced. Seeing other people's blood didn't upset him, but seeing his own made him feel a burst of adrenaline. It pushed back the painkillers enough that he thought the reason his brain was rattling was because there was a rocket on the back of it.

He looked at Heero.

There was a spark, but it was more like the thing was trying to activate and couldn't. Duo grinned to split his face. “Heero.”

Heero whirled to Duo. He took in Duo's eyes, steady on him, and hurried to the side of the bed. “You can look at me.”

Duo felt the thing try to activate again and smiled so wide he was surprised his muscles didn't lock. “I can.” And he was beautiful. With that frown still on that he must have been using on Sally and that hair even worse than usual, as if he had run his fingers through it, or as if he hadn't left Duo's side for hours. And those eyes. Duo was so damn happy to see those eyes again.

They stared at each other until Sally cleared her throat. “Do you feel any pain, Duo?” she asked, coming up to his other side and checking his forehead. “Your temperature seems slightly elevated.” And she went to grab her doctor paraphernalia.

“This is good. You'll be able to fight at optimum efficiency.”

Duo's smile became brittle. That was right. They may have been able to see one another, but they'd created a line. One they couldn't cross. He took a deep breath. It hitched in his chest. “Yeah.”

Heero nodded and turned away. “You're awake now. I need to assess the men aboard.”

Duo watched Heero walk off and scowled.

“Well.” Sally stared at Heero's retreating back with her hands on her hips. “Isn't that nice?”

Duo took another deep breath, but it didn't seem to give him the oxygen he needed. “Yeah. Isn't it?”

* * *

The time passed without much incident after that. Of course Quatre rushed over when he heard Duo was officially shock-free, and Trowa was tagging along on the little blond's heels. Duo spoke with the both of them long enough to see Trowa's new center of gravity was the tiny little Qat. And Quatre always turned to Trowa, always asked him questions to include him, always gave the man every ounce of attention. Duo was glad for them. They hadn't needed to choose between the war and one another. Both simply melded seamlessly together.

After about an hour, Duo just couldn't take it anymore.

He escaped to the docking bay and found Heero there. Oddly, he didn't desire to run away. He thought he would. He thought seeing Heero would make him want to go somewhere where he didn't have the constant reminder of no longer being closer with him. But really, they hadn't ever gotten the chance to begin with. He might love Heero, but he'd never gotten the chance to really feel it, let alone show it. Maybe this was all they had. But it wasn't a bad thing to own.

Duo strolled down the crosswalk, letting one hand slide along the guardrail. Heero was a fine figure as he read a small note on a clipboard. Probably something about maintenance. Duo's gaze slid up, until he saw the Gundam Heero was standing in front of. He recognized it immediately, of course, and frowned up at it. The Wing Zero. It brought back the memories of Trent, and all the others Duo had met and killed in the same instant. He blinked the images away. “Hey, Heero. You brought that troublesome suit with you. You'd have to be insane to pilot a thing like that.”

Heero turned from the suit to lean against the rail as Duo stopped and looked up at the Gundam. They stood beside one another, and suddenly Duo felt like he'd found the eye of the hurricane, standing next to Heero. Like things would be okay, at least in this one moment, so long as he stood by Heero's side. He almost laughed himself over the railing. How stupid was he going to get?

“I never asked you to pilot it,” Heero said.

Ah. Love. How wondrous it was.

Duo rounded on the guy. “But you piloted it, though!” He felt a little spark from the dying Brainbox, but it was easily ignorable. “If you can...” He trailed off there. He was about to say, 'then so can I,' but he really, really didn't want to get into the damn thing. Not ever again.

“I can handle that suit.”

Duo couldn't believe his ears. He glared at Heero.

“I've piloted the Epyon, and it has the same system on it.”

“Epyon?” he echoed, his eyes widening despite himself. “You mean the one Zechs was in? Why were you piloting that?”

Heero's eyes narrowed. Ah. Heero hadn't known Duo had fought Zechs. Duo closed his eyes and turned away. All of it felt almost odd. Acting like they'd been back in the beginning, only now Duo understood Heero much better. Worlds must have been colliding. “I almost forgot what you're like,” he said. “You're just about as loony as they come.”

Heero seemed to understand, though of course Duo couldn't be sure without looking into those eyes. Which was why he didn't look. He just walked away. Heero didn't say a word.

* * *

  
“It's physical  
Only logical  
You must try to ignore  
That it means more than that

What's love got to do with it?”

 

~ Tina Turner, “What's Love Got To Do With It”

* * *

Duo lay on his bed, stared up at the ceiling, and sighed. He had chosen his way to die the moment he'd stepped aboard this ship. He would die to stop White Fang and Zechs Merquise. Until then, he would fight them with everything in him. But he didn't feel any contentment in it. Before, he knew he'd persevered with grit and determination, and yeah, a bit of rage. Before, that had been enough. Hate for those who had forced children into the streets, hope for the future.

But no. He had to be altered by his own damn emotions, and suddenly it _wasn't_ enough. Now he wanted a future for himself. Himself and Heero. Falling in love in the middle of a war was just so, so stupid.

He couldn't help but think of Heero, even now, when everything was going to hell. Apparently, nothing mattered but him. Duo's priorities were all over the place. They all centered on Heero, and he needed that to change. They wouldn't live through this, he could almost guarantee it. They were strong, and smart, and together they were as close to an army as five guys could get. But still, they were only five guys. In other words, they were toast.

The door to his room slid open. He snapped up, his FN already pulled from underneath his pillow. As soon as he saw the silhouette within the doorframe, however, he put it back down. “Heero?”

The man stepped through. Hesitated. Duo sat up further. “I need to de-stress,” he said.

Duo smiled. “Sure.” And he lay back down and arced his back to pull off his shirt.

“No.” Duo hesitated. No? He just said he needed to de-stress. That involved Duo being naked and stripped of his weapons. As usual. “No,” Heero said again, and he stepped closer, until he was at the foot of the bed. “Let me.”

Duo let go of his shirt in shock. The damn Brainbox fizzed to life as Heero sat on the edge of the bed. Duo couldn't think of a time when it would have been easier to ignore it. Those tapered fingers were almost unsteady as Heero leaned forward and touched Duo's knee. Duo was almost afraid to breathe. Heero looked like he might bolt at any moment. Those gorgeous cobalt eyes were dark, those lips parted slightly. Duo trembled when Heero leaned over him. He was caught in Heero's stare, trapped within the circle of Heero's arms beside his head. Heero's hands trailed down to his waist, curled under the edges of his shirt. His breath caught.

“I never took the time with this,” Heero said, his voice just over a whisper, and he pulled Duo's shirt off. Duo had to arc his back to help, had to raise his hands. The fabric blocked his vision. Heero stopped pulling it off and trailed those fingers instead over his exposed chest. Duo shuddered. “I should have.”

Duo bit back the whimper as Heero's fingers flitted across his nipples, but he couldn't help the way his back bowed. Heero didn't push it back down, simply reached up and tugged off the shirt. As soon as it was free, Duo saw Heero's face. Those eyes were searching for something. They seemed darker than usual. And was Heero having a hard time breathing?

Those fingers came back, pausing once more on Duo's chest, circling the tight buds until a little hiccup of a moan escaped. Duo clenched his hands into the sheets, trying desperately not to scare Heero off by reaching for him, and just writhed. He practically screamed when Heero's lips found his nipple. He thought his spine might break from the sudden bend. “Heero,” he gasped, and groaned. Those fingers swept along the edge of his pants and tugged.

“Shh,” Heero said, and the sound was so different from Heero's usual orders that Duo found himself stunned into silence. Heero left Duo's knives in their holsters on his arms, left the knives in Duo's boots, and let Duo's gun remain close, simply moving it from underneath the pillow where they could accidentally trigger it and leaving it on the nightstand. Then he finished what he'd started, pulling down Duo's pants and briefs until nothing remained to cover him. Heero ran his hands down Duo's thighs, down to his knees, until finally he could pull off Duo's boots one at a time, carefully leaving Duo's ankle holsters.

Trust. Duo didn't know how, but he'd gained Heero's trust. Heero no longer thought Duo might knife him in the back. Just the thought alone had him hard as a rock.

Once everything was off, Heero climbed his way back up to Duo's member, hesitating over it, just letting his breaths slide along the length. Duo almost died. “Heero. I... ah...” Heero's fingers were feathers on his chest, on his face, until Heero hoisted himself up and sealed Duo's mouth with his own. Duo jumped again, his body on fire. Heero never kissed on the lips. Heero never kissed, period. Duo thought of Nind, of how Heero had been trained, and groaned into Heero's mouth. Heero was breaking free.

Heero's tongue rolled in his mouth, as if trying to memorize the contours. Duo took a chance and moved his own, testing the waters, and jumped again as Heero groaned. Those hands slid around the small of his waist and pulled him into Heero's still-clothed body. Heero twisted until they were practically suctioned together, until he could reach that tiny bit further into Duo's mouth. One of those strong arms wrapped around Duo's head, scrunching into the base of his braid, pulling Duo's head around. Suddenly Heero seemed restless. Every muscle seemed to be jumping, leaping from one place to another. One hand curled around the bottom of his green shirt and yanked it off, another dropped Duo back to the bed and ran along the line of his sternum. Heero almost ripped his spandex shorts as he tugged them off. Duo soaked in the sight. He'd never seen Heero fully naked, not once, and the sight was glorious.

Heero paused, and Duo froze, realizing he'd said the word out loud. He searched Heero's face, afraid he'd made it stop and scared Heero off. The man seemed... embarrassed. “Sorry,” Duo whispered, “but it's true.”

Heero slowly unhooked his holster from his waist, an encumbrance Duo hadn't even noticed in his haze of lust, and dropped it on the nightstand beside Duo's gun. Then he touched Duo's cheek, just the very tips of his fingers. “I'm following my emotions,” Heero said, “despite what I have to do.” He seemed almost to be speaking to himself.

“We can be serious tomorrow,” Duo said. “Just for now... for this one moment...” and he took another chance, raising one of his hands from the bed to touch Heero's cheek. Just the very tips of his fingers. “I want to be with you.”

Heero's eyes darkened almost to black. That beautiful body rushed forward and snagged him up in another kiss. Heero's hands charted the course of Duo's body, rushing from his chest to his waist to his back to his butt, kneading the expanse. Duo's moans were captured by Heero's mouth, and Duo let himself make noise, just this once. Heero would keep them from getting caught. Duo gave him that trust, and like that he let control of his body go. He let his hands rise, let them curl in Heero's hair, let them trail along Heero's shoulders, feeling the tight muscle coiled underneath. Duo, emboldened by the lack of violence against his movements, let his hands slither along the edges of Heero's waist. Heero froze for a moment, and Duo stilled, afraid he'd overstepped his bounds. And then Heero moaned.

Fuck. A sensitive spot?

Duo let his hands rub up and down, and finally he could feel Heero shivering. He grinned.

Heero nipped his inner thigh. When he yelped, Heero actually hissed out a laugh. Duo froze again. Heero leaned up. “What?”

There was no way Duo was going to tell Heero that hearing him laugh was actually one of the strangest things he'd ever witnessed. So he just smiled and reached up. “Nothing. Just remembered that I don't have any supplies. Do you...?”

Heero nodded, solemn again, and reached for his spandex shorts. Duo watched in fascination. He hadn't thought anything could be hidden within it, but there was a large fold on the inner part of the right thigh, and inside was a stick of lube. Duo grinned. “Handy.”

He thought he might have seen Heero grin. For a millisecond.

But instead of going straight for the final act, Heero put the lube on the nightstand beside their weapons – making an interesting contrast, by the way – and returned to Duo's waist. In one gulp, he'd swallowed Duo whole. Duo screeched just the tiniest bit at the feel. Hot. Wet. He'd only felt it once, while under G's interrogation training. It hadn't prepared him for this. He hadn't thought it could feel so... He reached for Heero, then stopped and clutched the bed sheets as Heero began to move. He felt like he was dying. Burning. He huffed for breath and keened as Heero slid his tongue along Duo's shaft. “Fuck,” he said. He twisted his head from side to side. How could it feel this good? “Ah...”

Heero pushed Duo's hips apart and rubbed his sac, just a touch at first, then harder. Duo shook from it. He thought he would explode. “Heero, I'm...” He bit his lip, not sure if Heero would be able to stand his release, but Heero took it out of his hands. He slid Duo out from inside his mouth and sat up, finally reaching for the lube. Duo took the time to catch his breath.

Duo could feel Heero's eyes on him, and when he managed to look, he saw Heero watching him as he readied himself. Those eyes seared into him. He felt his breath catch, felt the fire beat with the pounding of his heart. Knew he was lost. “Heero, I need you to hurry up.”

That ghost of a grin flitted across that serious face for a nanosecond, and then Heero poured more lube onto his fingers and rubbed his hands together. He looked devious, with his hair askew and his eyes as dark as midnight. Duo could feel the love inside him, almost filled to bursting. Then one of those fingers played along the inside of Duo's hole and his brain short-circuited. He even felt it pop, just a little. Heero focused his attention on letting that finger push in just a centimeter, then out, then back in, until Duo was writhing and ready to beg. Then he finally slid in, the lotion cold from the wait, and Duo lifted his hips to help him enter. “Please,” he said, and felt that finger jerk inside of him. He keened at the feel.

Heero took it slow, slower than Duo could have imagined. He wriggled that one finger around until Duo was in flames, bucking up and down, trying to get more, until he almost burst. Only then did Heero place his free hand on Duo's waist, and with gentleness he kept Duo still while he simply kept that one finger in to its hilt. Then he slid the second in, stretching Duo only slightly after all the previous effort, and then he started again, scissoring and tormenting until he touched that magic spot that made Duo almost scream. Heero had to silence him with another kiss.

“I need you now,” Duo said, his body hot. He stared into Heero's eyes, watched as Heero nodded and slid his fingers free. His blood pounded, pounded as Heero positioned himself on Duo, lifting his legs to rest on Heero's shoulders. Heero rubbed against Duo's hole, teasing him, and Duo banged his head against the mattress. “Please.”

“I can't let you go,” Heero said. “I know it's a mistake, but I can't let you go.”

“I don't want to go anywhere,” Duo said, his brain not intercepting his words at all, and Heero groaned as he slid inside. Duo lifted his hips, helping Heero forward, uncaring of the short flash of pain that ripped through him. Finally, finally Heero was in him. He could feel the harsh pounding of Heero's blood through his dick, could feel everything, almost primally. The sweat on their bodies. The heavy breathing that choked the air. The heat. The power. The blinding rush that demanded release.

Then they started moving.

He couldn't say who started it, or even if just one or the other did. Perhaps they truly began in unison. It didn't matter. They were moving, one hot motion that tore them apart and thrust them back together. They had to kiss as they came together again and again, just because Duo lost control of his damn mouth. They rode like that, both of them trapped together, wrapped around one another, until the fire turned white and they both came. Duo shuddered until he thought his bones had turned dry, and then he collapsed within Heero's hold. Heero released Duo's mouth and gasped. Duo couldn't believe the pleasure could be so intense. He felt boneless. Empty. Fulfilled.

Heero bumped Duo's forehead with his own. “I have to go now.”

Duo rubbed his head from side to side. Their sweat was slowly growing cold. “I know. I'll be here.”

Heero breathed in as if he was about to speak, but stayed silent. He stood then, rolled off the bed and pulled on his shorts. Then he grabbed his shirt. Duo closed his eyes for a moment, then reached for his own clothes. It was as Heero was leaving – and as he'd only put on his pants – that he spoke. “Take care. You know? If possible.”

Heero nodded, though he didn't turn. “Mission accepted.”

Duo rolled his eyes as Heero left.


	14. A Brave New World (The War Is Won)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place from episode 47 on through to the end.
> 
> Summary: Hilde steals information on the Libra, meets Relena, and leaves with the info, almost getting killed in the escape and only living because Duo goes out to save her. (I wonder how Heero felt about that.) Heero, after Duo tells him Relena is on-board the Libra, goes to save her. (Wonder how Duo felt about that.) The Libra fired on Earth, destroying a large portion of the land. When the Libra is aimed at Earth again, the Gundams fight off the mobile dolls so that Peacemillion, led by Sally and Howard, can crash into the Libra, destroying its cannon. (You can tell this was written in Japan, home of the kamikazes.) Yet, miraculously, by the powers of the almighty plot device, no one with a name dies in the crash. (Plenty of Soldier A's die, though.) The other four Gundam pilots enter the Libra and split off to do as much damage to the enemy as possible. Quatre opens a door to find Dorothy, and they engage in battle. Wufei engages Treize. (Lol, 'engages Treize.' Word humor.) Noin joins Zechs, because love conquers intelligence. Duo, on the other hand...

“And when we die  
We will die  
With our arms unbound  
And this is why  
This is why we fight  
Come hell”

~ The Decemberists, “This Is Why We Fight”

* * *

Duo choked on a scream as Deathscythe bucked from the rifle assault. He flicked on the hydro-coolants, trying to maintain the damn cloaking device so he could successfully board the Libra. Thanks to Hilde, he knew the Libra's systems enough to try to get inside. Fucking Heero, not reporting in. Fucking love, which made him have to look for the bastard, even though the man had placed that damn pink princess above everything else. He wished vindictively that he could be a bigger bastard, just so that he could keep such a secret from Heero. But he'd remembered how Heero had reacted whenever that girl had come up. He remembered, because he hated it. Fucking jealousy.

It was through swift maneuvering and a good bit of luck that he managed to get aboard the Libra. Still, even as he jumped out amid gunfire, his thoughts were on his goal. They hadn't heard hide nor hair of Heero, not since the fool had run off to his princess – oh, excuse him, _Queen_ – and they were planning on destroying the Libra, so finding the two had become an imperative.

Really. He shot down the two guards unlucky enough to spot his approach. He shouldn't be such an ass. Maybe she was a perfectly nice princ – _Queen_. Ex-Queen. Whatever. She'd seemed kind when he'd seen her at the school, and he certainly couldn't reproach someone who advocated peace.

Still. Still, for some reason, he just couldn't shake his hatred of her. Jealousy sucked.

Hilde's schematics turned out to be even better than he could have hoped, pointing him toward the less accessed routes and through checkpoints that otherwise would have caused him to pause. Instead he walked through halls and hopped into ducts whenever he needed, thus easily managing to reach his first stop: the prison cells. The place was blatantly used for the purpose; cold steel-gray walls, punctuated every few steps with a seamlessly aligned door, each sporting tiny slats for windows, each of which was barred. He walked down the row, quickly finding one that was locked. He pressed closer to the door, trying to hear something. He thought he could hear the minute creaking of a cot, but he couldn't be sure. Then he heard something move.

He grinned. “All right,” he said, and then he raised his voice. “Step away from the door if you don't want to get hurt!” He pulled a little detonation device from his handy-dandy knapsack and stuck it onto the lock for the door. One little press of the button and he was prancing away along the wall.

If only it could always be this easy! To think, he'd believed he would have to scour the entire damn Libra to find even a trace of Heero. And now he could return the favor from his disastrous times earlier, when he'd seemed to be the only one who constantly needed to be rescued. He pulled back a bit more as the detonation blew, but of course he didn't take any damage. He hurried back to the door, just in case someone heard the explosion. After all, if Heero had been captured, the man had to be on death's door.

But at least they wouldn't have bothered capturing a dead man. That was good news.

The door was heavy as shit as he tugged on it, and for a moment he feared he wouldn't be able to get in and rescue Heero. How humiliating. And Heero, with his ability to bend steel and shoot lasers from his eyes...

Then the door gave. He practically cried in relief. “Heero,” he said, keeping his voice a little lower now, “is that you?” He pulled the damn door a little more and peered inside.

He gasped and let the door slam closed.

Fuck. Fuck. Double fuck. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head. “Fuck!” he said, his voice a hiss. “That definitely wasn't what I was expecting to find!” A half-dead Heero maybe, or a Heero intent on killing him to get to Relena. Or maybe some other lowly sucker who managed to get on the wrong side of that dick, Milliardo. Or maybe even Relena herself, though he couldn't imagine finding her before Heero did.

He gasped and put his forehead to the cold steel walls. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare. He felt his lips pull back in a snarl, felt adrenaline pumping through his veins. This was his chance, actually. He grinned. Those damned doctors may be in there, but at least he had the opportunity to finish something. He touched the back of his head and the snarl turned into a growl.

That man was inside, sitting on the cot as if everything was perfectly fine. Duo looked down at his gun and turned back. He had no problem with vengeance. He'd wanted it from others for a very long time. He was at least going to get it from this man.

He pushed the door open again, this time using his fury to give him strength. He could see inside only through the light from the hall. Why would they never turn on lights in these cells? Seriously! The men inside were still turned toward him. He could read the looks on all of their faces. G, who tilted his head in acknowledgment of Duo's entry. O, who had crossed his arms and looked upset about something. S and H, who simply stood, awaiting whatever it was he planned to do with indifference.

And J. Duo stared hard at the man who had made his past months a living hell. The man was frowning up at Duo from where he sat on the bed, those creepy tanning glasses glinting in the hall light. The man reached up with that creepy claw of his. Duo leveled his gun on the man's head. “Give me one good reason,” Duo said. “And it had better be a doozy.”

G's big brows furrowed. “Duo. What are you–”

“This bastard has fucked me over,” Duo said, apparently livid enough to curse at G. “He implanted a microchip into my skull that tortures me whenever I see Wing Zero's pilot. He's sent men after me. He's held me hostage! This man is not an ally.”

G actually pulled away from J and turned on him. “Is this true?”

J's tanning glasses were still pointing vaguely in Duo's direction. “I never ordered any hostage taking.”

“Well, so long as you never okayed that, then the rest of it was perfectly fine,” Duo said, pulling his lip back.

“You have a very unhealthy relationship with my pilot.” J held up his good hand then and pointed one finger right at Duo's chest. “You've ruined him.”

Duo couldn't speak for the rage building in his throat. His hand was stone around the butt of his gun, his finger frozen on the trigger. He wanted to pull the trigger, more than he'd ever wanted to do anything in his life. _His_ pilot? _Ruined_ him? A strangled scream broke past his lips.

“Wait, Duo.”

He looked at G, his finger still cold against the trigger. The man had his hands up. “As important as this is, we have something bigger to deal with right now.” G turned to J. “You will leave them alone during this at least, won't you?”

“Troublesome,” O muttered, his small eyes glaring at J.

J sat back as if seriously considering G's question. “For now,” he said finally. “If this weren't such a crucial time, I would demand this boy for programming, and of course I'll have to re-train 01 again.”

“I'll kill you first,” Duo said.

J hardly bothered acknowledging Duo's words with a look. G, on the other hand, nodded. “The only one who will be training Duo is me,” the old man said, and Duo gave the man a wide-eyed look. That mushroom-headed freak was glaring at J. “You won't be touching him. And if everything goes well – not that it ever seems to – there will be no need for your so-called re-training.” He turned to Duo. “Now. Tell us what's been happening, Duo.”

The urge to kill was still so strong Duo could feel it singing in his nerves. He couldn't believe he wasn't killing the man who'd made both his and Heero's lives a living hell. He couldn't believe he was trapped with these men when what he wanted to do was find Heero and get them the hell off this ship before Howard and Sally got bored and took a second go at the damn thing.

He wanted. He wanted. But he and Heero had both known that their wants didn't factor into any of this, and now he had to pay once more for this damn war to end. What would the price be this time? What would he lose this time?

Lowering his gun back to his side almost physically hurt. He felt the adrenaline pound through him, almost as if punishing him for his lack of action. He felt almost weak from it. His shoulders slumped. “Milliardo Peacecraft used the Libra on Earth. Blew a hole in it. The Peacemillion deliberately crashed into this ship to stop the thing from firing again, but we have to stop them from getting to the Peacemillion. We've been fighting them, and we've managed to board, obviously.” He kept silent on Heero's trip to see Relena and eyed J warily. If the man truly meant to hurt Heero, Duo would shoot him. Whatever these guys were planning, or would be planning, didn't mean anything if the man was going to hurt Heero. Leaving Heero behind when on the battlefield. That made sense, in a twisted, painful sort of way. Leaving this man alive when he threatened Duo's comrade, let alone Duo's lover – that was sheer stupidity. No matter what this man said or did, Duo was going to kill him before the day was over.

He hated, hated more than anything, that J was the one to speak, as if Duo had been addressing him. “So Zechs wanted to send a tremendous blow to the Earth.” Wanted to? He already did. Now he was just trying to finish it off. But before he could speak, the man continued. “And by using such a significant impact, he wanted to awaken the fear of wars and an earnest desire for hope in the hearts of the people. That's the reason we ended up helping build the Libra.”

Duo couldn't give a shit about Milliardo's bullshit hopes. He was going to kill everyone. There wasn't much hope in that. Maybe, Duo thought, unable to hide the sneer, they'd made a mistake. Shock.

Duo looked at G then. The man was looking down at the floor of his cell. Duo couldn't tell if he was shamed or angry or upset.

“And we even redeveloped the Vayeate and Mercurius,” G said, and Duo frowned. It was shame. G looked up at Duo. Shame, maybe, for more than their hand in the creation of the Libra and those annoying suits. G's gaze slid over to J. Shame because G would not sanction J's death.

Duo sat. His gun was still steady in his hand, but he felt trapped, as if he were the one imprisoned. He _hated_ this war. “So,” he said, and found himself struggling to keep his voice neutral. “I have you to thank for my troubles.” He found his thoughts flitting off to Heero, wondering where he was, if he was safe. He hoped Heero was nowhere near the prison cells. He didn't want Heero here, with J so close. He hoped they hadn't met.

Then he tried to get his mind to focus.

“We did a little something to Libra's main cannon,” J said, and Duo felt a snarl on his lips before he could tamp it down. “We built an error into it so it can't be fired consecutively.”

The thing could have been able to fire consecutively? Duo felt a shiver go up his spine. What exactly were these bastards capable of?

Duo caught himself glaring at the five of them and stopped, closing his eyes and smiling. It wasn't just J that he had to kill, was it? Would there ever be peace if these men existed, creating such destructive objects? If they were captured again and told another bogus story about peace, would they cooperate as fully as they had here? “No kidding,” he said. He couldn't let any of them go, could he? He would have to murder them. Even G. His heart pounded at the thought. It was sure he could do it. That wasn't the problem. He was just slightly horrified at the fact that he could do it. He was a monster. Shinigami. A beast of death.

He stood and pointed his gun at G. “And you think that atones for your sins?!”

All five of those damn scientists stared up at him from where they sat. J's tanning glasses glinted in the light from the hall, and Duo was tempted to turn his gun on him again. But the look on G's face, on O's and S's and H's, they showed absolutely no remorse. None. “No, of course not,” one said.

Then H nodded. “Right. It's not payback time yet.”

They all chuckled. Duo felt like he was staring down a bunch of demons. Creatures of torment, while he simply killed. The tension in him stretched so taut it snapped. His shoulders slumped. “I knew it,” he said, and let his gun slide to his side. “Wish I hadn't found these guys.”

He looked back over to J. The man's stare was strong. Duo doubted J would let himself be killed. Maybe J even felt bad for what he'd done. But it didn't mean he would stop doing it. Would the bastard still demand Heero be something else after the war ended? Would J then be content to let Heero be who he wanted? Duo couldn't take that chance.

Besides. If the feeling he was getting from the man was right, J probably wanted him dead. No matter what.

Duo's lips thinned. To end the war, he would let them live. But the moment it was over... Duo's finger pushed slightly against the trigger of his gun.

If Heero could let himself follow his emotions, then Duo could do everything in his power to protect those precious to him. And neither would let doing so get in the way of stopping the war.

* * *

It was harder to get through the Libra with five fogies, but Duo managed it, leaving only a few corpses behind him. Only one, however, had had a gun. The rest had been mechanics or other workmen. Duo cleared the way, his back itching as he let J and the others hide behind him. Still, he managed to get back to the elevator that led to the docking bay without getting shock or stabbed or otherwise lynched by the scientists. Might have an ulcer forming, though.

He turned to the five scientists, gods of pestilence if ever they walked like men, and backed away when he saw how close they were to him. They stood like a flock of birds in flight, with one in the front and the rest fanned out behind him. Duo snarled. J was in the front. “So what have you got up your sleeves?” he asked, trying to act as if he hadn't just gotten defensive against five old men.

“First of all,” J said, and Duo tensed, “we want you to take us to Peacemillion.”

“To Peacemillion?!” All five just stared at him as he bumped against the wall of the elevator. Duo could hardly believe what he was hearing. There was a battle going on out there in space. Getting back to the Peacemillion from the docking bay would be fucking stupid. Who willingly ran through a battlefield? Well, who without a death wish?

Duo forcibly pushed thoughts of Heero away.

“Zechs will have his way unless we do something to stop him,” G said.

Duo looked at G, but the man had turned his gaze away. He gritted his teeth. So G knew. Just from that argument with J, G knew Duo was in love. And still the old bastard was asking him to do this. Duo's heart raced. Then it had to be done. He clenched his eyes shut tight. Goddammit.

G caught his eyes then. “We want to change Libra's course, but to do so, we must board Peacemillion.”

The old man wasn't asking for forgiveness. Those eyes, almost hidden by the man's mushroom hair and Pinocchio nose, was reminding Duo of what he'd sworn to do before beginning Operation Meteor. Duo glared right back at him and lifted his chin. He already knew what he had to do, and the more the old geezer demanded it of him, the less willing he'd be to do it. The bastard narrowed his eyes and let the matter drop.

Then he felt the words G said trickle into his brain, and he felt a new horror burgeon in his chest. “When you say 'Zechs will,' you don't mean...!” They needed to change Libra's course? Zechs would have his way? Good God, was the man really going to drop the Libra on Earth?

“That's right,” J said. “He's targeting the Earth to the very end.”

Fuck. Duo slammed his fist against the wall of the elevator. Mentally he asked Heero for forgiveness.

He looked back to the scientists, firming both his spine and his resolve. J looked at him, those lips pressed together, before he looked down. “We'll be able to atone for our sins the moment we can put a stop to his evil plans.”

Duo almost snorted. His ass the old man meant it. Still, he nodded, playing along. If nothing else, he needed these guys in order to stop Zechs from destroying the Earth. “All right then,” he said as the elevator came to a stop. “Follow me!”

The elevator doors opened on chaos. It seemed a few enterprising White Fang operatives had noticed the big, hulking black mecha in their docking bay and were attempting to procure it. Duo signaled the old men to stand back – a useless movement, as they'd already hidden behind him as if he were a shield – and shot the men standing around Deathscythe before any of them knew he was an enemy. The rest turned on him, most of them running, the rest pulling out their own weapons. Duo shot two more before they opened fire on him. He slammed the elevator door closed and crouched low. The room was wide open, leaving all of them wide open. A few enemies took positions behind Deathscythe's legs. Duo snarled. How dare they act buddy-buddy with his Deathscythe!

He ended up dancing his way to the men who hid, zig-zagging across the floor, pushing up and shoving down in the low gravity until he could swing on one of Deathscythe's arms and drop behind his legs, shooting the few men hidden there. Deathscythe's legs were sprayed with blood and brains when he was done. “Sorry, buddy,” Duo said, landing lightly onto the floor, “I don't have time to clean you up.” He hurried back to the elevator and banged on the door. “It's safe now!” he called, and waited impatiently for the old men to open the door so they could rush back to Deathscythe. “Come on,” he said when the door was only slightly open. “We don't have much time before more show up. And I'll bet the next batch will have suits.”

For once, the old men didn't give him a hard time, simply hopping over to Deathscythe as Duo launched himself up to the cockpit. It didn't take any time at all for him to type in his passcode and slide in. He closed the cockpit before any of the fuckers got the bright idea to ride inside with him. Wouldn't do much for their plan if he ended up seriously maiming or killing one of them.

Once Deathscythe was officially powered up, Duo bent down and laid one hand on the ground. The scientists rushed aboard, and he curled his fingers so each could grab on to one. Couldn't say he wasn't thoughtful. His next move was to plan out where to go. It would be stupid to rush out of the bay and head straight into space. He wanted the quickest, surest route to the Peacemillion, one that hopefully didn't include dying. That meant running through the twists and turns of the Libra. Duo thanked Hilde with everything he had. Without her, he'd be running blind.

“Okay,” he said finally, finding four different routes out and quickly pinging Peacemillion to see which route would take him closest to the ship. The third. He frowned. Three wasn't a very lucky number for him. He hoped that wouldn't bite him in the ass. “Everyone hold on tight,” he said, though secretly he wished that at least one of them would fly off and splatter into the wall. He allowed himself one short moment to think about Heero and what he might be doing to the man very soon. If he died, how would Heero feel? What would the man do? For whatever reason, Heero had decided to care about him.

He had to live. Dying wasn't a fucking option anymore.

He kicked Deathscythe's thrusters into gear and charged forward. The docking bay was fairly small for a bay, probably only supposed to hold a couple of mecha. He twisted Deathscythe into a corkscrew to get through the thin opening to a new, larger hall, and shot down it. It didn't take long for him to meet more enemies, and he'd been right about the suits. Three Leos met him in the hall. Three. Duo chuckled despite himself. He'd known three wasn't his damn lucky number. He didn't slow, just shot the three as he flew over them, amazed that they'd come at him with so little skill. Only one had managed a glancing blow on 'Scythe.

He finally had to slow down as the enemies became more congested, and Duo heard fighting up ahead. He landed on the floor of the hall and listened. Yeah, that was definitely fighting. And if the plethora of shots was a clue, it was Trowa up ahead. He grinned and rushed forward again. Two Leos were hidings on either side of a T-section. How fortunate – it was exactly where he needed to go. Duo landed behind the two and slashed them before they could even turn to him. Ah, how he loved slinking around.

He walked up to Trowa, vaguely noting that Trowa had hidden behind a section of wall, as well. So he'd ended a shootout, huh? Go him. “Hey, Trowa,” he said, knowing Trowa had the broadcast open on his Gundam, too. Trowa peeked out from behind the wall. “Sorry, but I've gotta run. I'm afraid you're on your own here.” He grinned as he spoke, but he felt his stomach roiling. Leaving Trowa meant leaving him against the whole force of the Libra. He felt a little sick at the thought. Maybe Trowa would be lucky like he'd been, and he would meet minimal resistance.

“I can manage fine,” Trowa said.

Well. Excuse _him_.

Duo nodded and turned up the thrusters again. “Gotcha.” He took off again. There was only this hall, then one more, and he would be in an escape bay that would open up to the path to the Peacemillion. He looked back on his screens, though he was already too far to see Trowa as he left. “Don't get yourself killed,” he whispered.

“You either, Duo.”

The words were faint, but Duo jerked in his seat nonetheless. He felt warmth curl in his chest. So. So, he'd managed to worm his way into Trowa's small circle of trusted friends. He grinned for real then. Well.

The warm glow lasted until they reached said escape bay. Then Duo's jaw dropped.

It was worse than he'd imagined, and he'd thought he had a fairly active imagination. Little bubbles of explosions lit the vacuum like little fireworks. Shots were going wild all over the place, singing through space, more often than not continuing on into infinity. Any of those stray shots could end up hitting him. Every man out there was working on instinct, shooting at any suit that didn't match his allies' colors. Every last one of them would turn on him. His heart thundered in his chest.

A knock on his cockpit scared the holy bejeezus out of him. He barely kept himself from shooting out into that void. His heart beating its way to his throat, he checked to make sure his helmet was latched correctly before opening the hatch.

The five scientists were huddled on either side of his cockpit, each staring at him as the hatch opened. He let one hand fall from Deathscythe's controls and lay on his gun. “Ready?” J asked. Duo glared at him, but his gaze strayed back up. Suits flashed past the open bay. Once again, he had to keep himself from shooting.

Was he ready? He didn't let himself think of Heero or Trowa or Quatre or Wufei. “There's no turning back,” he said, not knowing if he was telling the scientists or himself.

They all leaned in, making him lean back and curl his finger around the trigger of his FN. Once again, it was J who spoke. Duo was starting to see that J was the leader, that all of these men followed him. That didn't bode well for either Heero nor him. “As long as one of us makes it to the Peacemillion, then we can carry out our mission.” Duo narrowed his eyes. “So don't worry if someone gets thrown off.”

Duo looked at the resupply ships scattered throughout the battlefield. Enemies would be focused around those areas, both to resupply and to destroy the supplies. He would have to avoid those places. And he would have to make sure that he lived long enough to ensure these men's deaths. “No worries there,” he said, finally responding to J's words. “I've got enough to think about.”

He closed his cockpit and let his wings fall to cover the scientists, letting them stay where they were instead of taking up one of his hands. He would need them both for this. He hoped the old fogies could remember how to hold on. He pressed for the glass visor to slide away from his face, needing to be able to see clearly.

Then he punched on his battle music and launched himself forward, shouting a battle cry as he went.

It was like entering hell. Leos and Tauruses danced around, firing in the vague direction of one another. Duo just barely avoided a collision as one Taurus shoved two Leos toward him; the three suits tumbled head over heels a few times before exploding. Several shots careened toward him, shooting past to die in Earth's atmosphere. Another bunch flew around before him, pushing into his path. He flew past another doomed Leo, just barely missing get caught in the suction of the explosion. His heart pulsed quick in his throat. “No one in their right mind would fly through this!” he snapped. His hands hurt, he held the controls so tightly.

More Leos jumped in front of him, trying to block him off. He didn't bother listening past his battle music to hear what all they were saying to him; he just swung his scythe through two of them and kicked a third until he had enough space to fly through. He took Deathscythe down the edge of the Libra, hugging the edge in the vain hope that less enemies would be flying around it. “Now I really regret that I found them.” He leaned forward in his seat when he spied a bunch of Leos taking refuge on a part of the Libra. “Hey, watch out! The god of death and the gods of pestilence are coming!”

They each turned to him, and he tensed, prepared to lose a couple scientists to make it past, but each blew before he could engage them. He jerked back. “What is this?” His screens showed nothing for a moment, and he couldn't tell in the mess who might have helped him out. He hoped, for a short, stupid moment, that it might have been Heero, before he saw a concentrated group of mecha coming toward him. He pulled up a magnification and felt his jaw drop all over again. Those brown suits were the Maguanac corps. Quatre's men? What the hell were they doing in space?

“Just leave these guys to us!”

Duo recognized the voice that came through his radios, but he still couldn't quite believe that Rashid and the others had shown up in space. Still, he grinned. He would take it. “Thanks! I'll do just that!” He rushed past the men, giving them a salute they couldn't see. The skies were much clearer then, as he heard the Maguanacs engage the enemies around him. He looked at his sensors, watching the suits fade behind him. His battle music screamed of death and fire. “We weren't nearly strong enough to have any luck unifyng outer space, but Earth is becoming unified. Is that girl behind it?” He hated how, in the worst of moments, he was still thinking about things he shouldn't. He hadn't let himself worry about Heero's running off to save Relena, but now it blipped back into his mind, how quickly Heero had gone off to rescue her. Still, he thought he understood why. Whether Heero liked her or not, the girl had a force about her. People listened to her when she spoke of peace. They never listened to him, nor to the other pilots. Maybe it was because she was like Gandhi, never letting herself fall to violence. She hadn't grown up the way he had, so maybe that was a factor as to why she'd been able to do it, but he couldn't blame just that. She'd been placed into positions where she could have reacted violently. She hadn't.

But maybe it wasn't as bright as all that. Maybe the reason why Earth was united was because it had been attacked by Zechs. Maybe everyone was forming together, not because of what that girl had done, but because of what Zechs and Treize had done. Maybe the horrors those two had brought – were bringing even now – had forced people to take another look at war. Maybe Relena was just the person they turned to as an answer for these monstrosities. Maybe people wanted it to end, and listened to the words of someone who said it _could_ end.

Maybe he was thinking far too hard on such things when he needed to focus on such tiny details as _staying_ the hell _alive_.

It didn't take too long before he met another group of suits. These were obviously mobile dolls, though they weren't the usual Tauruses. He had to stop Deathscythe for the first time since he'd left the Libra, unable to ride through the large group of enemies. He snarled and kicked Deathscythe into a roll as a stray beam shot flew past him. Someone's suit blew behind him, another to his upper left. The mobile dolls scattered as he flew to attack one, each whirling around to catch him in a sphere of suits, each charging in for an attack. “Fuck! Hold on!” he pulled Deathscythe into a wild dance, twisting him up and down, swinging his weapon until it looked more like a chakram than a two-pronged scythe. He got the one he aimed for, managed to get a second simply on luck, and swung out of the constrictive sphere and just took off, punching one that jumped in front of him. He could see Peacemillion on his sensors now, hanging like a dart from the side of the Libra. The trek from Peacemillion hadn't seemed so fucking long the first time he'd done it, before this place became a warzone.

The mobile dolls followed him from behind, and he found himself dodging both their attacks and the myriad of random shots turning the vacuum into a shooting star screensaver. He twisted in the air, not even remembering this time to warn his passengers, and swung up and out, catching one of the dolls as it neared. He shot back and chopped off a leg before twirling around to avoid another stray shot. He hardly heard Disturbed screaming about the Holocaust before he had to burst through a ring of Leos that shot past him. He heard G mutter something – “Duo, mouth” – and he belatedly realized that he must be singing the lyrics. “Fuck off, grandpa!” he yelled, and cut down another suit. He might have imagined it, but he thought he heard G sigh.

More dolls came to back up the first group, and on a curse, Duo shot past them again. He could see the Peacemillion with his own eyes now, just a speck against the debris scattered throughout by the battle. He kicked a downed Leo toward his tag-a-longs and threw his thrusters so far he felt the gears grind. “Come on, buddy,” he said, letting his thumb rub the console, and finally the gears turned smooth and he found the Peacemillion looming closer and closer. “Hope I still have you guys,” he said then. He heard the engines of other suits behind him and dove before a half-dozen shots blew above him. They headed for the Peacemillion, and Duo winced. Sally was going to have his hide.

Deathscythe whined a bit as he swung his suit around and cut. This time the dolls had learned, and every one of them dove away. He shot with his Vulcans and managed to get an arm. He used it to bat away another doll before he continued on. He was surprised to hear something explode behind him.

Then he bucked as he failed to avoid another stray shot, and he rolled with it until he could get Deathscythe straightened again. A small slew of suits fought to his left. He eyed them, ready to be screwed over again, as he neared the Peacemillion. “Finally!” he crowed and slid beside one of the Peacemillion's docking bays. He clicked his visor back on over his face as he neared, flashing on his reverse thrusters until he was practically moving backward. The bay was locked down, but Duo just blasted the thing open with his buster shield. He opened his cloak slightly and let the scientists slide out from underneath the wings. “All right, we made it,” he said, and they each let go and floated off. He had to tamp down the urge to switch on his Vulcans.

“Thanks for your help, Duo,” G said.

He ignored the man's words. “Now it's up to you. I'll do my thing with the guys outside.” He turned to look at his side screens. The damn dolls were coming up fast.

“Hey, don't get too rowdy around here,” J said, and Duo couldn't believe how _old_ the man sounded. Rowdy? Really? “We need to concentrate!”

What the fuck, man? Duo turned from them as Deathscythe beeped him a warning. The dolls were in range. He felt his lips curl back as the dolls fired at him. He couldn't move; he needed to protect the scientists as they entered. He closed his winged cloak over his cockpit again, just barely snapping them down before a shot hit him square in the chest. “Tell that to the enemy!” he shouted, even as he felt Shinigami's smile pulling at his lips.

And he charged out, ripping through the budding line of defense before the dolls could corner him against the Peacemillion. There were more than even the original reinforcements, and he found himself almost hitting a wall of suits as he tried to fly past. Thankfully, the dolls, being stupid machines, all turned to him, ignoring the Peacemillion and whatever he'd been obviously trying to reach. With a few switches he got Deathscythe to keep up a count of enemies. His lips thinned as Deathscythe counted eighteen suits. “Great.”

Dancing was out of the question now; he just kept Deathscythe moving as beam rifle after beam rifle fired on him. Each shot came closer and closer, until finally two pounded against Deathscythe's back. Duo grunted as he used the hits to get him into range with a doll. He sliced it from top to bottom and burst away from it, narrowly avoiding two more shots. An upside-down spin got him two more kills, a kick to one more got him a chance to thrust his scythe into a fourth. He took another blow, this time to his side, before he used his Vulcans on an approaching doll and sliced one as it tried to flank him.

He stopped paying attention to movements and simply focused on the battle rush, letting Deathscythe and his own instincts guide him. His music switched to Killswitch Engaged and Duo let loose with a scream as he slashed and hacked his way through four more mobile dolls. He set his priority to covering the open bay on the Peacemillion and let everything else slide past him. He engaged every enemy that got too close, until finally even the dolls realized he was trying to protect something. He felt sweat on his brow and neck as he hovered in front of the bay, struggling as more and more enemies attacked him.

Deathscythe bucked again and again as the dolls got hit after hit on him, and as he slashed, more and more learned his moves and avoided his scythe. Three dolls converged on him, and in a fit of desperation, he pushed straight toward them. One hit him, thrusting him forward in his cockpit. Then they stopped as one, frozen in place, and Duo stopped his movement. He scanned his screens and furrowed his brows. “They stopped moving.” Duo scanned the area, but he couldn't find anything that would have made the dolls go offline.

A blip told him someone had opened a vid link with him. He looked at the small screen and grinned hugely. “Trowa!”

“I've completed my mission,” Trowa said, and Duo took the words to mean Trowa had somehow taken the dolls offline. He could have kissed the man. “I'll come join you.”

That was it. The man was solid gold. Duo wished he could hug him. As it was, he felt his grin threatening to break free of his face. “Roger that!” As if having the dolls offline wasn't extraordinary enough, now Trowa was coming to help him out. He just might get through all of this alive, after all. He laughed almost hysterically. Maybe that future with Heero wasn't impossible!

He stopped cold as a thought. That future he saw... “Where's Quatre?” Panic seized him. He couldn't imagine Trowa leaving without the little blond – unless it was already–

“I'm right here,” Quatre said, his voice choked. Injured? Duo's heart raced. Little Quatre was hurt? His blood boiled. Who? How? “I'm okay,” he said.

Okay? Not severely injured, then. Duo forced his heart to calm. “Okay, then! When we're done here, let's break out the expensive champagne.” Duo grinned at the thought. A celebration. He'd never actually been to one before. Well, not one that didn't include him killing someone.

“That sounds great,” Quatre said, and Duo's heart burst with hope. More enemies blipped on his radar, six suits that were battling one another, inching ever closer toward him. He prepared Deathscythe for a quick thrust. “As long as it's non-alcoholic.”

“Non-alcoholic?” Duo said, incredulous. “What are you, pregnant?” He smirked. “Trowa, how irresponsible of you!”

He heard Trowa's choked laughter and watched Quatre's face on the screen turn beet red. He laughed.

“ _Duo!”_

* * *

“We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.”

~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

* * *

The explosion was so big it pushed him forward. Deathscythe tumbled a good number of meters before he was finally able to get it balanced again. He turned to the Peacemillion, his eyes wide. The thing had blown.

He sent out an emergency broadcast. “Po? Howard? Please tell me you guys weren't there, please!” The machine was like a burning rocket, a red line of fire that blazed just in front of his Gundam. He saw the Libra move then as the rocket launch of pressure pushed the Peacemillion forward. The Libra was breaking away from the Earth. It wouldn't fall onto the planet anymore.

Those damn scientists had actually done it.

He grinned. Even better, they seemed to have died in the process. He flew after the thing, ready to confirm who lived and who died, just as an audio link beeped on. “Duo Maxwell, right? We're safe; we're on-board the World Nation's ship.”

“Sally!”

“We're going to be staying here with lady Une.”

“We?” He hurried to the rocketing Peacemillion, even though it was quickly pushing faster than he could keep up. “Then Howard's with you, too?”

“Yes, and Relena Peacecraft.”

Duo jumped in his seat, his hands fumbling on the controls. Relena? Then... Heero was...

“No, Heero left again,” Sally said, and Duo felt panic slim over his skin. Had he really spoken without realizing it? What the hell was wrong with him? Why did hearing about Heero make him go into fits in the middle of battle? “He's most likely battling Merquise. Duo, there's a problem. A part of the Libra has broken off from the rest. It's still on its way to Earth.”

Fuck. He searched it out, but he couldn't see anything beyond the hulking mass of the Libra in front of him. He flew above a stray beam rifle shot, then punched out a Leo that stupidly thought to engage him, finally able to find a spare moment to pull up another scan on the area. Deathscythe finally found what he could not; past the left part of the ship, beyond both the big block of Libra and the triangular expanse of the Peacemillion, there was a large wing – one of the four pyramid-shaped wings the Libra had – quickly drifting toward the Earth. It was only about a half-hour to an hour away from being sucked into the Earth's atmosphere. He cursed. “Those fuckers never could do anything right,” he muttered. He sent scathing thoughts toward the now-dead scientists and started to head around the Peacemillion.

“Duo!”

He turned. “Quatre!” He saw them heading toward him then, moving past the Leos without injury. Maybe the World Nation had called a ceasefire or something. Eminent threats of death could do that to people. “Trowa, hey, man!” he said as he saw Heavyarms hovering close to Sandrock's side. Maybe, he thought with a frown, Quatre was worse off than he's been made to believe. Or maybe Trowa was just a worrywart?

“We have to try to break up that piece of the Libra,” Quatre said. Duo waited until they were almost on him before he hit his thrusters and joined them. They all headed straight for the falling pile of metal.

“I know.” He stopped himself from asking where the hell Heero was, or even Wufei. He stopped himself from asking what had happened to Quatre, or how serious his injuries were. He hated war. Always, always he had to keep himself from caring about others. “Dammit, we're not fast enough!” He couldn't push Deathscythe any further, lest he risk not reaching the thing at all.

“We'll have to ruin as much of it as possible,” Quatre said, “to reduce damages to the Earth.”

Altron passed them then, its energy still full enough to push the thrusters. Duo frowned. “Wufei!” Trowa called, but they didn't receive an answer. Duo felt his heart freeze as he focused on Wufei's Gundam. It held Wing Zero's twin buster rifle.

They arrived at the thing after far too long. Together, they blasted their way into different sections of the Libra's wing. Quatre shouted out orders to them, telling Duo to take the right while he took the left. Trowa, since he had the most projectile weapons, took the middle. Duo slashed through wall after wall, sometimes breaking off pieces no larger than Deathscythe's leg. He got a warning about low energy after only a few minutes; he ignored it. If nothing else, Quatre or Trowa could drag his ass out. “No matter what, we'll smash this thing to pieces before it hits Earth.” He swung again.

He heard the others talking, but they only spoke again on fighting to preserve Earth. He listened for orders or warnings or cries for help. Everything else, he blanked out. He let Caliban scream into his cockpit and cut into the metal again and again and again. He heard the Maguanac corps arrive and take their places by Quatre's side, and he felt something in the back of his neck and shoulders relax. Quatre would be protected now, weakened as he was in his injured state.

“Heero's going to destroy the power system,” Quatre said. The words tore straight through Duo's battle rush. His breath gusted out of his lungs. Heero was here? Where?

He gulped in a breath. “What's Heero's comm. link stationed at?”

“Point 776-315,” Quatre said, and Duo took some precious moments to set one of his links to the same setting. He had no idea why, but he wanted communications with Heero open. He needed it.

“Okay. Thanks, Qat.” He was able to focus again. If Heero destroyed the power system, then the thing would stop moving toward Earth, and they'd have plenty of time to send a team to pick it up before it hit the atmosphere. They just needed it done fast. He kept his mouth shut, though, and turned off his music. Heero needed to be able to concentrate. That meant not hearing his voice. Not unless he had to. Because Duo would lose his own focus if he heard Heero's voice. He would demand to know Heero's status, demand he accompany the man. Maybe even demand Heero live.

He couldn't think like this. He punched the controls so hard he almost cut too deep and got his scythe stuck. He couldn't let this happen, dammit! They'd sworn they would put the war, peace, everyone else, above each other. That night had only been that night. It wasn't permanent. It couldn't continue into the day.

He barely stopped himself from shouting as he attacked the damn Libra one more time. No sound, no sound, no sound. He could hear Heero talking and he swung the radio dial before he started listening. Heero was talking to Zechs, who had to be on another line. Duo hadn't heard Zechs' voice.

He clenched his eyes shut and breathed deep. He had to stay calm. Heero was stupid strong. Zechs would lose. Heero would get to the power source, defeat Zechs, and they would have that future he was starting to see.

Though it was useless, he cut into the metal again. He wished the power control wasn't somewhere in the middle of this damn place, wished he could reach it. The struggle shouldn't be Heero's alone to shoulder. If he reached where Zechs was...

Fuck. Fuck! He was in no shape to act all heroic here!

* * *

“I will not die (I will not die)  
I will survive!”

~ Three Days Grace, “Time of Dying”

* * *

The destruction of the power system threw him against one of the crumbling walls of the Libra's wing. His neck whipped back as metal screeched on every side of him. The safety harness clutched his chest as he fell forward, stopping him from slamming into the console. He coughed.

Deathscythe pulled up a scan. He heard the beeping before he could get his eyes to focus on the screen before him. Shit. One piece of the Libra was still large enough to poke a gulf-sized hole in the Earth, and it was still falling toward Earth. Less than a minute remained before it was pulled into Earth's gravity. With shaking hands, he pushed Deathscythe off the wall and forced it forward. This couldn't happen. Just a little bit more and they would have saved the entire fucking planet. Now who knew how many would die?

“Wait!” Duo heard Wufei's voice, felt another part of himself un-tense. He heard Heero's voice, faint and indistinct, and knew he wasn't talking to any of them. “Take this; you forgot it!” Wufei's voice again, obviously not talking to Duo, since Duo couldn't see him. Maybe talking to Heero?

He kept silent as he swung at the metal before him, crushed into jammed pieces from the explosion. He only chipped away a few small chunks of debris. His neck hurt. Great. Whiplash.

“Mission accepted.”

Duo heard the words much louder than they actually were, as if Heero had shouted them. What the hell kind of mission had Heero accepted? He felt a sinking feeling in his chest. Again he slashed, almost furious with the wall before him. Of course it was useless. Of course all he managed to do was cut off a piece no larger than Deathscythe's head, and when he kicked it away, it bounced through the broken halls of the falling piece of Libra.

The Maguanacs were talking to Quatre. Telling him to retreat. Deathscythe sent up warnings on the atmosphere's proximity. Duo's lips thinned. Quatre was refusing to leave. Duo turned from the wall before him and headed toward the other side of the hunk of metal. There was no way Duo was letting Quatre die. Maybe it was wrong to worry about a friend's life while on the battlefield, but he was done. They'd done everything they could. He wasn't going to stand back and watch those close to him die. He wouldn't fail anyone ever again.

He wouldn't fail Heero, either.

“I've given Heero his buster rifle,” Wufei said, his voice suddenly clear over the comm. link. Duo jerked back in his seat. Heero had his buster rifle? Then he was in a position to destroy the falling Libra piece? Almost he whooped, but something felt wrong. He looked over his sensors as he continued trying to get to Quatre. His path led him to a hole in the hall, leading out into space. Which way would be fastest? And why did he feel like leaving was a bad idea?

The Maguanacs were talking to Quatre again. This time, Duo decided to listen in. “Did you hear that?” It was Rashid.

“Sure did,” Quatre said. It seemed quarter didn't feel the doubts Duo did; the blond sounded relieved. “We'd better get out of here so we don't get in Heero's way.”

Quatre was leaving, then. “Okay!” Duo said, letting Quatre know he was leaving, too. Letting Heero know.

“Roger that,” Trowa said. “Retreating now.”

Duo got out just as Deathscythe's warnings flashed that the Libra piece had officially entered the Earth's atmosphere. He turned back as soon as Deathscythe gave him the okay. The dread sticking in his gut was getting worse. His heart felt like lead.

It was in the Earth's atmosphere. But Heero... Heero was still going after it, wasn't he?

At first he lost all sense, and he tried to find Wing Zero with his eyes, before finally his brain engaged and he searched with his sensors. He almost screamed when he saw Wing Zero's location.

Underneath the wreckage.

He slapped his hands over his mouth to keep from making a sound. The Wing Zero was racing ahead of the Libra, shoving through the atmosphere. Duo watched Heero turn the Gundam around, and he couldn't help but pull up a visual. The Zero's paint was flaking off. Pieces of metal were chipping and melting off. His eyes watered. Heero was trying to raise the buster rifle, but it was heavy and the pressure was probably...

He heard soft choking sounds and realized they were coming from him. He pulled his hand from his face again, this time reaching for the audio controls. Another whimper escaped before he turned off his audio. “Heero. God. Heero. No.” He grabbed his hair clenched his eyes shut... and noticed he'd turned off the audio for Quatre and Trowa. “Fuck,” he said, his voice a little too high, and he shut off the audio for Heero this time. But he couldn't turn off the receiving audio. If Heero had something to say, anything to say, Duo needed to hear it.

The seconds passed, that buster rifle shivering in Zero's grip so badly Duo feared it might fly from his hands. Duo prayed for Heero's victory, prayed even though he didn't believe there was someone to pray to, and he begged Shinigami to let Heero go, to let Duo have him, just once, to please not take anyone else away from him, even as Sandrock bumped into him and Quatre's soothing words whispered into his ears–

Heero's comm. link crackled to life. His breath was labored. “I...”

Duo held his breath, trying not to scream, to rant, to yell for Heero, and strained his ears to hear words he wasn't ready for.

“I will survive!”

The lightning flash of energy from the buster rifle blinded Duo, as his magnified screens showed it in all its glory. The hit was perfect, of course, powerful enough to punch straight through the middle of the falling debris. Duo closed his eyes as the debris exploded, his screens lit like they were an inch from the sun. He thought he saw the picture of Zero before he closed his eyes, thought he saw the machine being shoved further into the atmosphere by the explosion's energy pulse. He screamed.

Before he even opened his eyes, he was pulling up scans of the area, searching the Earth, the explosion, still bright with the suction of contained ignitions, everything, hardly hearing the words spewing from his mouth, the promises and the pleas. His face was soaked with tears, tears that kept threatening his ability to see. He strained against his harness, as if leaning closer could magnify the images even further. “Please,” he said, his voice almost soundless to his own ears. “Please, please, please...” He clicked on his audio link with Quatre and the others, ready to ask them if they saw anything, hoping he wouldn't hear that they did and it was...

But a small movement caught his eyesight, and as he squinted, he saw another flash of red and white within the bright mass of the exploding debris.

“He made it!” he shrieked.

Zero flew toward them, having been transformed into bird mode, most likely necessary for Heero to receive the thrust necessary to escape the descent to Earth. Duo wiped the tears from his face and thanked Shinigami from the bottom of his heart. Heero was alive.

He hardly realized he was crying again until he heard himself hiccup. He furiously wiped the tears away again and took several deep breaths. Only when he was certain he wouldn't sound like he'd been crying did he open up his link with Heero again. “You've done it, Heero!”

“Of course,” Wufei said.

“He's quite the guy,” Trowa said.

Duo turned his audio off again when he felt a hysterical laugh bubble up in his chest. He completely missed what Quatre said, only hearing the joy in the blond's voice. He heard Heero say, as if released from a heavy burden, “mission complete.” He laughed until he was crying again, and stayed out in his 'Scythe far longer than anyone else, until Deathscythe's energy was almost gone, before he even thought about heading to the World Nation ship.

When he landed, he met with Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. Heero had already left.


	15. When One Story Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in-between the end of the series and Endless Waltz.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.”

~ Unknown

* * *

Duo stretched, listening as his back and arms popped. He was back on Earth again. He hardly thought about it anymore, the red tape that had shown up for every flight now that there was no longer a war happening. He stood from the captain's seat of the poor little delivery ship Hilde had bought and hopped his way down the hall to the exit hatch. He let himself sniff the air as he left the machine, gave himself the comfort of the breeze and sun, before he stepped off. He'd sworn to enjoy peace, and he was. And of course, though he always told himself he wouldn't, he called up a scan on his tablet that told him of every ship docked in the area. He recognized most of the names by now, but still he searched their passenger lists and the names of their crews. No name seemed familiar, none like the fake name Heero might have been using.

He didn't know why he bothered, really. He closed the tablet down. Heero might as well have died that day. Duo hadn't seen the man since he'd flown Wing Zero over to the World Nation's ship. Apparently, he'd been told, Heero had checked on Relena, refueled, and shipped out. Even now Duo felt the ache in his chest from the memory, from the knowledge. From the betrayal. Why? Even now, he couldn't stop himself from asking that question. _Why?_

He hissed in a sharp breath. Worse, no one had seen or heard from him in over half a year. Relena had called and informed Quatre that she'd met Heero on her birthday, and Quatre immediately told Duo. April eighth. It was now September twentieth. For all Duo knew, Heero really was dead.

He looked up from his tablet when he heard footsteps approaching. Hilde waved at him. He locked the ship and moved toward her. “Hilde? What in hell are you doing here?” Still, he grinned as she came near. She hugged him, even though he was still a little uncomfortable with those girly shows of affection, and swept an arm before them as she led him forward.

“What do you think, stupid? If you're stupid enough to accept an invitation from the Foreign Minister just so she can advance her career, then I'm loyal enough to follow you into hell. I decided to meet up with you. I'm in the Graal Landing Dock, though.”

Duo grinned. “Hey, I'll let you know that having a Gundam pilot beside her makes her look pretty damn good. Not to mention how handsome I am.”

She snorted. “And I'm sure your arrogance will help you fit right in.”

“Hey!” She laughed as he raised his fist, effectively calling his bluff. He sighed and looked around. The landing dock was busy, as usual, with personnel workers running back and forth, delivering orders from ship to control tower and back. More were loading fuel to ships and running maintenance. Duo walked through the crowd, waving to a few people, smiling to others, and generally pretending to not hate the constant attention. “When is this going to end?” he asked Hilde, as another stranger shouted out to him.

“Never, if you keep helping out Her Highness like this.” She smirked at the face he made. “I know why you're doing it,” she said, her voice dropping. “You want to help her, sure, but I know what this is really about.”

She was silent, though, and didn't mention it. He was thankful. He didn't need anyone to tell him how stupid he was being, doing all this just in case there was more news about Heero. “Yeah, well, if nothing else, I want to be able to punch the guy.”

She snorted again and held on to his arm as they maneuvered their way through a thick crowd of men carrying what looked like half a wing. Duo remembered reading about a busted ship that had failed its salvage mission when he'd checked the dock's occupants. He watched the man heft the heavy thing out to the incinerator and rolled his eyes. It would have been easier to laser the thing into pieces and ship all of those on a trolley. “You aren't going to punch him.”

“Watch me,” he said, his eyes narrowing. Punching was first on the agenda, actually. Followed by lots and lots of yelling. And then more punching.

She just hummed. She moved to catch a bus, but he shook his head and headed down the road. She rolled her eyes and followed. “No one's going to kill you on the bus, Duo.”

He just grinned for her and kept walking.

He knew he was probably safe these days. Hell, he was considered a hero. One of the men who stopped the Libra's fall. Though, really, the only help he was was to act as a ferry for the scientists. Still, he'd take it over the constant beatings he'd gotten before the war ended, both before he entered the war and during it. He would take what he could get.

“Duo,” Hilde said after a bit, “the hotel is still over twenty blocks away!” He looked down to see that she'd 'borrowed' his tablet and was now staring at the map it showed as if it led to Hades' personal chambers.

“Afraid of a little walking?”

She glared at him. “Duo Maxwell. You don't really intend to force a young lady like me to walk this whole way?”

He laughed, then stopped. “Oh, you're serious.” She punched him. “Ow! Geez, lady, it's not like I'm forcing you to come with me or anything.”

“Yes, you are!” He blinked. “I'm not ditching you!”

He took a deep breath. It had been a promise, one made on-board the World Nation's ship after the Libra had been destroyed. Hilde had hobbled her way to the Deathscythe, where he'd holed himself away after hearing Heero had left, and she'd promised to stay by his side until Heero returned. He didn't want to admit that the main reason he'd gone to her for a job was because he still needed that link to someone. Didn't want to watch Wufei gather up his colony's few survivors or Trowa returning to the circus or Quatre going home to his family. He'd needed to be with someone after watching his future crumble, and Hilde had been as good a choice as any.

She didn't really deserve that, of course. She'd given him a job as a junk delivery boy, but she'd also given him a full-time friend. He couldn't be more grateful. He just had a difficult time sometimes, knowing that things could easily be so much better.

He smiled down at her then, knowing he'd been silent too long. “Thanks, Hilde.”

She frowned at the somberness of his voice, but she nodded. Their trek got loud and obnoxious again over time, as they both pointed at things and joked mercilessly. Ugly cars, dumb place names, suicidal birds dive-bombing cars. Duo pointed to a clothes shop displaying large fifteen percent off signs as if the amount was significant. Hilde pointed to a small alleyway named Alley Cat Alley. They joked until they reached the hotel, and when they arrived, Hilde made an exaggerated sound of relief.

“Oh, come on,” he said. “It wasn't hard.”

She gave him a look. “Duo Maxwell. Are you telling me...”

An itch between his shoulder blades had him dropping low to the ground. He looked around. The danger he felt was familiar. He felt his heart race as he searched. He knew that slimy, oily feeling.

“Duo?”

He shuddered and turned to Hilde. “We can't go in,” he said. He looked at the hotel like one might a poisonous snake. He was still hunched down, and only the fact that he was receiving a dangerous level of attention made him stand up again. “No. There's danger up there.”

Up there? Or down where they were right now? Was Hilde in danger? He turned to her, but she was looking around with a vague wrinkle between her brows. She didn't feel anything. He could still feel the danger, as if he'd walked into the no man's land between foxholes. And the aura was almost palpable. Almost tangible. If he let himself, he could remember the fingers that had traced across his chest and stomach and curled around his dick. He could remember the taste of mint in his mouth, the harsh lips against his own, the possessive tongue. He felt his breathing quicken. He hadn't heard hide no hair of the man since that day, but Duo knew without doubt that the feeling he was getting was coming from Nind.

He couldn't believe it. Not that Nind had shown up, because he thought maybe a part of him had always expected it. But the first emotion he felt wasn't anger or fury or even determination. It was fear.

“Hilde, get out of here.” He didn't know if Nind was interested in women, but he wasn't about to take any chances. “Go straight to Relena's party. You'll probably be safest there.” Anyone would be safe with that number of security guards. Hopefully.

“What are you going to do?”

Duo looked around. The street was completely normal. A few people walked along the sidewalks, many of them looking into a couple shop windows or talking on their phones. Cars slowed as the light turned red. Duo saw the palace up ahead and grimaced. He was in Sanc. Of course that meant he was close to Heero's old apartment – a place the man hadn't yet returned to – and that meant he was close to where he'd first met Nind. But he'd come through here plenty of times in the past year. He'd gotten over it.

“If this is who I think it is,” Duo said, knowing it couldn't be anyone else, “then I don't want them anywhere near Relena. Protect her for me?”

Hilde nodded. “Of course. I'll let Quatre and Trowa know, too, if they're there.”

Duo grinned. Hilde really had become a reliable woman. “Great. Thanks.”

She nodded. “Be careful, Duo.”

Be careful. Of course he'd be careful. It was strange how quickly he fell into Shinigami again, though. He felt the old grin pulling on his lips. “Careful, shmareful.”

She rolled her eyes and ran off.

It was odd that he didn't realize he didn't have a gun until after she'd left.

There was nothing he could do but move forward. Now that he knew there was danger, he approached the hotel slowly, his gaze running over the jamb, the hinges, the windows and their latches, the tiny flaking of the paint on the walls. A trap or bomb or needle could be hiding anywhere. Still, after a freakishly long search, accompanied by two people simply waltzing into the hotel, both looking at him oddly, he finally entered.

The hotel lobby was huge, and Duo was instantly on alert. The feeling of danger had faded, but he felt even edgier than before. A long line of counterspace sat on the right, with workers moving back and forth from behind the half-wall as they took care of their duties. The left opened up into a wide expanse for the customers. A large portion was an entertainment area, where two large couches sat in front of a wide tv, turned to the Weather Channel, while the farthest corner held snacks and delicacies for the hotel's customers to enjoy whenever they wished. Duo looked at the couple sitting on stools in front of that corner's bar, but neither had long hair, neither had black hair, and neither looked hunched or stiff. Three teenage girls giggled as they came closer to him, one of them waving at him as they passed and exited the hotel. Duo barely held back a snarl as they cam close enough for him to smell their perfume.

His heart pounded in his chest as he searched. Two men sat at different tables between the dining area and the entertainment area, each plugged into laptops and both seemingly engrossed in their own business. Duo looked at them, then the workers behind the counter, then the busboy as he hurriedly walked through the lobby and back to the wide hall beyond, pausing beside the left wall for a moment before doors opened and he stepped onto what Duo presumed was the elevator. He wished he hadn't let some of his old war habits slip. It would have been helpful to memorize the hotel and the surrounding area. He just... hadn't thought he would ever need to again.

“Sire? Can I help you?”

Duo jerked. He was calling more attention to himself. That was very bad. He smiled at the woman behind the counter, her bleached hair up in a simple twist. “No, thanks. Well, actually,” he said, and walked up to her, his shoulders stiffening as he slid between two people arguing in low voices in front of the counter. Baggage sat neglected beside them. “I could use your help.” The woman cocked her head slightly, that polite smile still etched on her face. “I'm looking for my partner. He has long hair, like me, with bright green eyes?” He pointed to his own as if that would help and flashed his most charming smile. Her smile seemed to warm a bit. “Do you know him?”

She shook her head. “I don't think so.”

“He's Asian?” he added. “We haven't seen each other since...” He let his voice fall a bit, let his smile drop a little. “Since the war,” he finished, and looked up at her. Good. Pity. “I don't really know if he still looks the exact same, but he always stood straight, and he was in good health.” Then Duo's eyes brightened. “Maybe he had scars on his chest and throat?”

The lady inhaled sharply on that. “Oh! Oh, I think I do know who you're talking about!”

Duo fought to widen his grin and hide the way her words made everything in him turn both hot and cold. “You do?”

“A long slice, like his throat his been cut,” she said, running her thumb against her own neck, “and I think I saw something beneath his shirt, too. Like a stab wound. He said he got them in a prison.” She gave him such sympathy then, but Duo's blood was boiling. In a prison, indeed. “He came in, asked me to give this to his friend.” She ducked underneath the counter and rummaged through something before popping back up. Her smile was beatific as she handed him the envelope. Duo almost snatched it from her and ripped the thing open right in front of her. Still, her smile was wide.

He reached inside. All there was was a picture, and he flipped it over so he could see it. His breath stilled in his chest. It was himself, chained to a cot in a dark room, his eyes blazing as he yelled at the cameraman. He felt the ghost fingers on his skin again.

“He said you would recognize the man,” the woman continued, seemingly oblivious to his plight. “You are Heero Yuy, aren't you?”

Duo staggered back, his gaze shooting up to her face. She finally seemed to realize something was wrong. Her grin fell. “Sir?”

“I...” He shook his head. Heero? “I have to go. Thank you. This...” He couldn't breathe. “It's news about a friend,” he said finally, turning quickly away. “I didn't know they were dead. I have to go.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry.”

But he wasn't listening. He couldn't listen. He walked quickly away, even as his body told him to run, to escape. Heero? Heero and Nind? What was going on that he didn't know about? He watched as his feet somehow managed to carry him out of the hotel and back onto the street. The sun was glaringly bright, the cars garishly loud, the crowd stifling. He stumbled against the wall and touched his temple. What was happening?

He felt the spike of danger in his gut again and crouched low once more, even though he got stares from everyone on the block. Though this time, he distinctly heard someone say, “hey! Isn't that one of the Gundam pilots?”

He stood quickly then, not willing to get caught in that kind of crowd again, and walked quickly to the edge of the hotel and leaned against the side of the building.

Heero Yuy. The name was like a sucker punch. After all this time, he hadn't ever expected to hear someone speak of him like that ever again. As if he was nearby. And Nind! What the fuck was Nind doing contacting Heero?

Duo had no idea why it only just then filtered through, but when it did, it stilled Duo's breath all over again.

Nind had expected Heero to be the one to pick up that envelope. That meant Heero wasn't just near – he was supposed to be at the hotel.

It was a short war that raged within himself; while a part of him wanted to follow after Nind, or go to Relena to protect her, the largest, most unreasonable part wanted to find Heero. But how? He hadn't seen Heero in that lobby. If he had, he had no doubt that he would have instantly recognized the man. Did that mean Heero hadn't shown up yet? Was Heero on his way to the hotel?

Quickly Duo peeked his head out, afraid that he was have missed Heero's arrival. He felt an unreasoning fear that in his haste to escape, he'd missed his chance to reunite with the man. Whatever else, he didn't want to lose this thin thread of possibility.

It filtered in through his stunned mind as he raced back into the hotel lobby. If Nind knew Heero was going to be here, then there was some sort of hunt going on. Heero and Nind were a part of it. Was Heero hunting Nind, or was Nind hunting Heero? The very idea of it being the latter made Duo's breath come in short gasps. He searched the lobby again, but he didn't see anything. There was no unruly lock of brown hair, no lean but stiff line of shoulders. If Heero really was coming, he wasn't here yet.

Unless he'd seen Duo rush in and had hidden himself. Then he wouldn't enter until Duo had left.

Duo ran a hand through his hair. This was not what he should be worried about. He had to get himself together. Nind was here. Duo didn't know why Nind and Heero had arrived here, of all places, but how could it be a coincidence that Relena was having a big celebration the same day Nind and Heero showed up again?

Duo looked down at the picture again, hugging it slightly to him so no one traveling near him could see it. His hair had been oily and raggedy, tufts popping out from his braid all over the place. His clothes were obviously stained, the blood darkening his priest's garb. His face was scrunched, his brows low, his teeth bared as he snapped out at Nind. He tilted the picture, but he didn't see any sort of overlay, didn't see anything added to the picture. There was nothing on the back, either. If there was supposed to be a message in this, Duo didn't know it. Maybe Heero was being told to go to this location? Go to this place where Duo had been locked up? But Duo doubted Heero had ever known where that place was. So what?

Duo put the picture back in the envelope and stepped aside as a man walked past him to the counter. Duo felt that itch along his nerves and looked around again. A few people sat on the couch in font of the television, making idle chitchat, while those two at the bar remained where they'd been the first time he'd entered. Why was he feeling the danger again?

He turned to the door as the itch got worse. And as he did, someone entered.

The man was tall and lean and dressed in a fancy suit. His hair was chopped rakishly short, with long bangs that slid easily into his jade green eyes.

Duo backed away.

That slow smile crept onto Nind's face. “It's very good to see you again, Duo.”

Duo felt cold. Why couldn't he move? Why was he trapped in place? He took two deep breaths and stiffened his shoulders. His fists clenched. “Where've you been, Nind? On vacation?”

That grin just widened. Duo remembered that smile very, very well. “I was hoping you would say something like that.” Nind looked down then, his gaze alighting on the envelope in Duo's hand. “Now, now. You're still in the habit of taking things that don't belong to you, are you?”

Duo tucked the envelope into one of his suit's pockets. Nind stepped forward, and Duo couldn't help but take a step back. It made that grin turn serpentine. “Do you want to try running? I am prepared for your tricks now, and I would like to think that I could defeat an unarmed opponent.”

He _was_ unarmed. Duo had to try to use that to his advantage. People always assumed an unarmed enemy was a weak enemy. Nind had made that mistake once before, and Duo had managed to stab the fucker three times, even while blind. He could take this man. He could.

He rolled his shoulders. “Is there a point to this?” he asked, holding up the envelope, raising his voice a bit to warn the nearby civilians. “Other than to piss Heero off.”

Nind chuckled. “Yes, that's exactly it!” He shrugged and spread his arms a bit, raising his own voice. “I want him to be afraid and angry. I want to win this little war of ours.” At Duo's furrowed brows, the chuckle turned into a laugh. “A war you, apparently, were not trusted enough to be involved in.”

Duo didn't want to falter, but he did. He found doubts suddenly popping up – was Heero in a war? Did the others know? But no, he couldn't believe that. He trusted Quatre and Trowa. Even Wufei, though the man was mostly AWOL. He wouldn't believe they would turn on him like that.

But Heero?

Duo didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that Heero would do that. But he couldn't help but remember the last conversation he'd had with Heero, the one in front of the Wing Zero. The one in which Duo had said someone would have to be crazy to pilot that damn suit. The one where Heero had responded that _he_ could handle it.

Duo wouldn't put it past Heero to think that Duo couldn't handle it.

After all, he'd been the one most often captured. He'd been the one bouncing from one injury to the next during the entire damn war. He had the scars all over his body to prove it. The bullet wounds in his gut, the stab wounds along his shoulders, the deep, jagged gash on his calf from when he'd once jumped the fence. He'd caught images of himself in his bathroom mirror before he'd painted over it with black spray paint. He was probably the most battle-scarred of them all.

“It seems you agree.”

Duo jerked at Nind's words. “Fuck off, Nind.” The man loved playing mind games. Duo remembered that, too. “It doesn't matter what other people think.”

Nind looked around, waving to a few people behind Duo. Duo didn't turn. “I haven't forgotten,” he said, turning those green eyes back to Duo. “How you've been granted the attention of the one named Heero Yuy.”

Duo snarled. “So?” There wasn't anything to use as a weapon anywhere near him. He'd been standing just to the side of the door. The only things there were curtains hanging on the windows and a wall scone lamp. Trying to yank it off would give Nind ample time to take Duo out.

“I'm still curious,” the man said with a shrug. “Even more so now, perhaps.” Nind stepped toward Duo, and Duo took a hasty step back. Nind grinned. “The boy won't let us live, now that we've threatened you so. Of course, he didn't say that was the reason. From all we gathered, it had been a last request of J's. And it seemed like a thing J would do.”

Duo hoped Nind talked for hours. Maybe by then, he would have some sort of plan. “But?” He didn't move his gaze from Nind's, but he thought he saw a floor lamp out of his peripheral vision.

“But then I found out that the boy hadn't even been near J when he'd died. You had. Which meant the boy hadn't received any last instructions. Then I thought, what other reason would he have to hunt us? And of course, I thought of you.”

Duo moved to grab the floor lamp when he saw two guards coming up to them. He opened his mouth to warn them, but they were already pulling out their guns. “You! Sir! Come with–”

Nind pulled out his own weapon and shot the two guards. Duo dove for the floor lamp as people started screaming and running, a few ducking to the ground. Duo kicked over a table and saw the couple from the couch hiding behind it.

“Come out now, Duo Maxwell, or I'll shoot until I hit something.” Another gunshot blasted through the air, and a woman screamed in pain. “Oops. Already did.”

Fuck! Duo clutched his lamp tight. There was no way he'd be able to defeat Nind with a lamp. Maybe if he could catch the man off-guard, or perhaps if he were closer. But Nind wouldn't let him get close, and it was a little late to sneak up on the man.

Duo stood, his body tense. It figured that coming back here would mean this sort've shit happened again. This place was cursed. “Okay, I'm here.”

Nind looked down at the lamp in his hands and smiled. “Dispose of that, would you?”

Duo's chest burned. Still, he complied.

“That always was a weakness of you boys,” he said, moving just one step closer. Duo saw several forms huddling down, saw the tip of a bleach-blond bun of hair hidden behind the counter. “Though, I suppose it was why you were chosen. That ridiculous kindness of yours. The boy had it, too, you know.”

Duo jerked at that. Yes, he knew of the kindness hidden behind that outer shell of indifference. How else could he have fallen in love with him? Still, he didn't expect to hear of it from this man.

“Always so kind. Poor J was so overworked, trying to get rid of it.”

Duo snarled again.

“Yes. Even mourning a stupid little puppy...” The man seemed to be remembering something, but before Duo could take advantage of his lapse, he came back, that gun of his pointed straight at Duo's chest. “I have no desire to kill you, and I doubt you wish to die. I simply want to win this battle. Do try to cooperate.”

Cooperate? But Duo didn't want to die. Living would be a good option. If he didn't get raped. “You can't expect to win. No matter what happens now, you're fucked. Cops'll come after you, and there's no way your face hasn't been seen by that camera.” Duo nodded his head toward it, hidden at the far end of the lobby leading into the hall. “And the others will come hunting for you now, not just Heero. You're toast.”

He couldn't forget that Hilde had gone for help. Quatre and Trowa might be on their way. If Duo could only buy some time...

“Oh?” Nind cocked his head to the side. “Then I suppose I'll just have to plan for all that.” He grinned and altered his aim slightly, just enough that the bullet would slice just past his heart and touch the edge of his lung. “What if I just keep a hostage? A fatally wounded hostage who just might die if I don't get everything I want?”

Duo felt his breath stutter. Nind was no doctor. Not that Duo was aware of, anyway. That meant he wasn't alone. “That sideburns bastard is with you, isn't he?”

“Toss the envelope,” Nind said, and Duo stiffened even further. “Do it.”

Duo slowly pulled it out of his pocket and prepared to put it on the floor.

“No. Toss it. We wouldn't want me to miss, would we?”

Duo looked at that smile and felt a primal fear ride in him. Powerless. He thought of his life on the streets as a kid, thought of all the people who had given him grins like that. He'd avoided the worst of them, the ones who wouldn't wait until he grew up. But he remembered the look. A look of possession and want mixed together. Hunger.

Duo tossed the envelope to the side. “Heero will kill you,” he said, “if I don't get you first.”

The man laughed. “You won't be doing much of anything for quite a few months, actually.”

Duo didn't bother to respond. He simply acted. He ducked low and swirled to the side, dancing along the tiled floor of the lobby to get to Nind's side. Nind's first gunshot went nowhere, but several people screamed and shouted as it plugged itself into a wall. Duo swept low, kicking out a foot to trip up Nind, but the man was already jumping high. Duo launched himself up as Nind landed, hopping backand twirling to the side again before Nind could aim. He grabbed Nind's wrist as the man turned his hand out. They both grabbed at the gun with their free hands, but Nind pulled the trigger as Duo reached and he had to pull his hand back or lose his fingers. Nind grabbed the gun with his free hand and snatched the wrist of Duo's still-clutching hand. He pulled the gun up to Duo's chest, and all Duo could do was jerk away as the bullet splayed through his chest, just below his left breast.

He sucked for breath as he stumbled back, clutching the wound. He felt pain blossom across his chest and stomach, making each breath torture. His grip on Nind loosened until Nind simply had to pull his arm back and Duo's fingers lost their hold on Nind.

“Go to sleep, Duo Maxwell. I will keep you alive, rest assured.”

Duo glared at the man, but trying to speak brought new pain to his chest. He winced and fell to his knees. Holding his head up became to difficult, and he let it fall.

“That's it. Rest.”

He ran his fingers along the floor, searching for something, anything, but all his fingers found was a casing. He curled his fingers around it, barely feeling its smooth, cool surface. It wasn't a weapon. He couldn't use it against Nind. If only he hadn't stopped putting his tricks into his hair. If only he hadn't listened to Hilde and stopped.

He felt every muscle crumple, found himself sliding to the side. He hardly felt the impact on the hard floor, but he heard a wet splatter. Oh. His blood. He thought it might have been spilling across his fingers and stomach. It had never been like this before. He'd never let himself get hurt so badly. He'd always avoided this. Why was this happening during peace?

He heard the clopping of footsteps, felt the small vibration against his temple. Why could he feel that, but not his arms or legs? “I'm sure we'll have plenty of fun, you and I.”

Fun? No. He didn't want to have fun with this man. But though his eyes were still open, he couldn't see anything anymore. It was all a blur of colors and shapes, all melding into one abstract image. He felt hands on him and tried to move away. The man simply chuckled and picked him up.

Fuck. He thought he saw a small white square on the ground. The envelope. He thought vaguely of the picture inside it. He knew then that he was being taken back to that place. That was the message to Heero. Back to the beginning. Back to the hell they'd been put in before.

His lips trembled. “Fuck,” he breathed, and promptly fell unconscious.

* * *

“This is the lesson that history teaches: repetition.”

~ Gertrude Stein

* * *

This sucked.

Duo lay in the white doctor's room, the place seemingly having seen better days, most likely never fixed after Duo's last visit to the room, his arms and legs once again bound, though he would never be able to stand. He wasn't given any anesthetic from the pain shooting constantly from his lower chest. The wound was bandaged, and Duo could only assume that the sideburns doctor was responsible. He was definitely cursed.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes on the cracks in the ceiling. He had no idea how long he'd been under the anesthetic. Probably only a few hours. No more than a day. It still felt raw, and he could feel the stitches. It felt as if his skin was ripping. Each breath felt like he was sucking the bullet deeper into his body. He hoped it really was gone. The idea of them patching him up while it was still inside was... gross.

“He's awake.”

Duo recognized that voice, too. Dr. Sideburns. His voice was low, submissive. Duo tried to lean up to see the man, but just the attempt had him falling back with a hiss. Almost a year without such pain had made him unaccustomed to it.

He heard something mechanical, something that sounded like wheels. A wheelchair? Who the fuck did he know that could be in a wheelchair?

“02.”

He sucked in a sharp breath – then groaned as he once again pulled on the muscles. It was like the return of the deathspawn. Why was he being tortured so?

“Didn't you fucking die, J?” he asked, but his breath was slight and choked as he fought against the agony speaking caused. Nind might as well have hit Duo exactly where he'd wanted. The injury Duo had sustained was near his lungs, along his middle where his every move necessitated the muscle it had punched through. He was fucked.

“No. O, H, G. They died. But not me.” Duo noticed the man hadn't listed S among the dead. “I was blasted out of range. Only my left side burned.”

Burned? Duo was glad he couldn't see; burn scars always reminded him of the Maxwell Church. “Let me go.”

It was an obvious attempt at saving time, but J didn't seem to care. Then Heero probably had no idea where he was. He paused at that. Why the fuck was he relying on Heero?

“The pictures?” J gasped, and Duo knew he was no longer being spoken to.

“Taken care of. Nind left the message. The next will be sent within the hour.”

“Good.” The man's voice was little more than a wheeze. Maybe something horrible had happened to the man's larynx. Duo wouldn't mind finishing the job. “Move him.”

Duo didn't hear anything more, just the spinning rubber against the floor, a door opening. Then silence pressed around him. He knew Doctor Sideburns was still in the room with him. He knew the man would be moving him around, most likely still on the gurney. With his wound, every tiny, infinitesimal bump would feel like a lance shooting through his side. He kept his breath steady only because doing otherwise would have hurt him, too.

He heard footsteps then, slow as they advanced on him. The steps were clunky, one smooth, the other like a tree stump. His eyes widened. Something must have happened to the man's leg. Had he gotten injured? Or had Heero gotten to him?

“Duo Maxwell.”

He looked up at the man as he neared Duo's slab. He had a rough cut, still healing, carved onto his right cheek. It was still red. Fresh. But the rest of him was the same; the brown hair and eyes, the bushy eyebrows, the masculine jaw. “Gee, love your make-up. That a new product?”

He grinned, but the man didn't rise to the bait. He just looked Duo up and down, a frown pulling deep onto his lips. Duo noticed lines forming there, lines he didn't think had been there before. In one year the man seemed to have aged ten. “I have to move you, and I haven't been allowed to give you any pain medication. It's going to hurt.”

Duo frowned even harder at that. The man was still frowning. “What? No more fun to be had here for you? Three times makes it boring?”

That frown deepened. “The war's over.” The man went around the slab and pulled out the medical tray. Duo braced himself for the worst, but when the man finally brought the tray around, he saw that it had been cleaned off. The man looked at Duo then. “It's not big enough to carry all of you. Your legs will dangle.”

Great. Duo scowled. The slab couldn't be moved. He guessed that made sense, since he could easily struggle on the thing if he were uninjured. That would have made surgery difficult. But if he had to endure the weight of his own legs pulling at his wound, he would be in even greater agony than he'd already anticipated.

“Get it over with,” he said.

Sideburns did, at that; the trip over to the table was beaten only by the trip down the halls, which had apparently seen a fair bit of destruction, themselves. Pain jammed up and down his body as he was pushed along, his legs pulled up to at least lessen the pain of the trip so he wasn't dragging them like bolas. Still, the position of having his legs pulled up to his stomach stretched his wound, pulled on it, wrenched it around every time his legs wobbled the slightest bit. By the time he arrived in his old cell, he was thrilled with the idea of lying down on that damned cot. He looked over and saw the mattress was gone, leaving only the metal slab. Great. That would be uncomfortable to lay on, and when he tried to get comfortable, he would stretch and pull on his wound.

Sideburns tried to make his move from the table to the cot as painless as possible, lowering Duo's legs onto one arm and picking up his back with the other, but it was useless. Duo howled as the pain ripped through him, just as it had when he'd been moved to the table. He could feel each individual stitch dig into their holes. The metal on his back actually made him bow slightly as his body struggled to adjust to it, only pulling on his wound again. He clutched his side and fought to stay still. He might have bitten his lip to keep quiet. Just a bit.

“Sorry,” Sideburns said, even as Duo continued trying to catch his breath without pulling his stitches out of their roots. Duo clenched his eyes shut and arced his neck, since he couldn't arc his back or even his legs without exacerbating the pain. Sideburns gently grabbed Duo's wrists and tugged them up. The pull made all of Duo's efforts moot as the wound was stretched all over again. Duo shouted again. He heard the click before he felt the cold metal around his wrists. Sideburns let go of him then, letting his arms clank dully against the metal cot. “Sorry,” Sideburns said again.

“Get away from me,” Duo hissed, barely able to shoot the man a glare. He was no longer surprised when Sideburns actually did what he was told.

Duo was left alone in the cell room, his arms trapped above him. The sense of déja vu was disorienting, meshing the pain he was in with the panic he'd felt before. He leaned his head back and hissed slow, even breaths in through his teeth. The problem was just what Sideburns had said earlier. The war was over. So why was he being hunted? He understood Nind going after him; the man was an absolute psycho. But J and Sideburns? What the hell did they want with him? Was Heero threatening them, or was it only the other way around? What the hell had he been thrust into?

He chuckled, wholly regretting it a second later. At least he wasn't sucking up to a bunch of rich idiots right now. To think, he could have spent a boringly peaceful evening pandering to a bunch of dolts, all for the usual 'I haven't heard anything' from the ex-Queen. She would have her patriots by her side, Duo and Quatre and Trowa all smiling perfectly – well, Duo and Quatre smiling perfectly, Trowa nodding all business-like and bored – while she gave some boring-ass speech about peace and tolerance and, you know, peace. He sighed and closed his eyes. He could have had a delicious dinner totally ruined by a bunch of pandering dolts asking ridiculous questions about how it had felt to save the world, and Duo would have had to bite his tongue to keep from saying something like, “it felt like I was killing a bunch of strangers for a stupid cause.”

He could have had that. He could have left with Hilde at his side, both of them making stupid jokes and mocking the people they'd just had dinner with, all done a bit too loudly to drown out the words in his head saying that he'd never find Heero, that once again Heero had been a no-show, and where could the man be? And he could have missed Nind and Heero entirely, missed the message Nind had left and the close encounter he'd almost had with Heero.

In the end, he smiled up at the ceiling and thanked his lucky stars that he'd gotten shot in the chest.

* * *

“So don't run, don't hide  
It will be all right  
You'll see, trust me  
I'll be there watching over you”

~ Phil Collins, “Look Through My Eyes”

* * *

He didn't know how long he'd been left in the room, but his side was aflame at all times now, a hot, burning itch. He felt hot, too, and heavy. Even if he wasn't wounded, he thought his infection might have gotten to the point where he wouldn't have the strength to stand. His every lame attempt to get himself free had failed. There were no loose pieces of metal, no bolts, no nuts, no nails, no nothing. He couldn't maneuver properly, not injured and chained. So he was left to sit in his own gathering filth, letting time pass without definitive note, slowly getting hotter and hotter and becoming more and more unable to breathe. He slid his head to the side and sucked in a bunch of deep breaths.

He didn't know when he'd become such a damn optimist, but every minute that passed found him more and more grateful that Nind had never entered the room. He didn't know if it was because of J's proximity or if Nind had different plans, but he was eternally thankful nonetheless. There was no way he'd be able to fight the man off this time.

The pain in his side was so terrible he thought it might have peaked. He tested his weakened muscles, pulling slightly on the chains and tugging himself up, but other than a quick flash of movement in the pain, it didn't get any worse. He found himself going limp in a moment, his entire body drained from the simple movement, but he let it go. If he could handle the movement, then he might be able to sit up. It would be more than he'd accomplished in a very, very long time.

It was as he prepared to move again that the door opened. He clenched his eyes shut as the light poured in, turning the back of his eyelids red. He heard that wheelchair again, along with steady footsteps. He squinted his eyes open, though they hadn't adjusted yet. Everything was bright, bright yellow, with a couple shadows blurred within. He snarled.

Neither man stepped inside. Duo saw a blinding flash of white, then another, before the door closed again.

He waited for a very, very long time, feeling the pain in his side pound with his every heartbeat, the rising swells of heat making his pant, until he was sure they were definitely gone. Then he groaned and thunked his head against the metal cot. Pictures. They really were playing that old game. Hadn't J said he hadn't okayed their last actions against him? What a fuckin' joke. The sounds of the wheelchair proved J was perfectly okay with every aspect of the old plan. And the perfect footsteps meant it had been Nind. Duo doubted he would see Sideburns again. He wasn't going to get medical attention. The heat in his side was testament enough to that.

He pulled on his chains again and felt his arms tremble under the strain. He gasped, over and over, before he held his breath and tugged again. He groaned. The pain crested again, and though his brain felt like it was drowning in mush, he found himself able to turn onto his side before he had to stop again and heave in breaths.

Each step took forever. At one point, he fell into an exhausted sleep. He woke up to the fire in his side and a hacking cough that doubled him over, almost losing all of his progress as he struggled against the throbbing pain in his side and his sudden loss of balance. He might have maybe thrown up in there. A couple times. Though he didn't have any food to throw up. The only drink was something that had been in the room before Sideburns had rolled off with the surgeon's table, and it was stale and warm and didn't do much to fight the heat of the fever. He hadn't touched it in a long time. He didn't want to waste it. After thoroughly puking, however, he sipped at the bowl, then gulped the water down until he had to fight against puking again. He gasped afterward, having been unable to do something as difficult as drink and breathe in tandem. He almost fell unconscious again then, barely able to keep his eyes open after having finally answered one of his body's needs.

Sitting up felt like topping Mt. Olympus, and Duo hunched over his wound as best he could and huffed for a few minutes. His vision danced before him, grays blurring into a big blob. Blinking didn't clear his vision. His cheeks and forehead felt like they were on fire. Only when he leaned his head back against the wall and slipped slightly down did he notice that he was sweating. Well, shit. There went all the water he'd just drunk. An attempt to wipe his brow was quickly aborted by the clanking chains, and when he tried to wipe it against the wall, it did nothing but smear. He sighed and gave up.

Just looking down at the chains made him want to cry. He hadn't been able to tell, what with having been injured and quickly feverish, but he could see now that the chains were wrapped around his wrists a couple of times, twisted in on itself, with absolutely no lock in sight. He would need a chainsaw. They'd learned from his last stay here. They were no longer underestimating him. He couldn't possibly get the chains off. His searching for nails and bolts had been for nothing. His struggle to sit up had been for nothing.

Goddammit. He groaned as he leaned his head back against the wall and slumped down. He didn't want to think that he was handing his life over to a man who'd walked out on him almost nine months ago. It would be almost impossible for Heero to find him, anyway. What did the man have to go on? That Duo was near Sanc both times he'd been captured? That Duo was in a dark room someplace?

But he could feel hope swimming strong in the current of his mind, and since it was all he had, he let it continue on. Who knew? Maybe Heero could pull another miracle out of his ass.

* * *

“We have to do something. He'll die if this continues.”

“No. I never had any intention of letting him live.”

Duo hardly heard the words. The entire world seemed to have blurred. This sucked. He'd managed to get through the entirety of the final battle without any major damn wounds, and here he was, injured again.

He wanted to focus. He wanted to so badly, he thought for a moment that he could. He blinked and once again saw everything in the room with clarity. The walls and their darker corners, the chains that wrapped thickly around his wrists, the outline of the door, the edge of the cot. He touched the edge and found it sharper than he'd thought it would be. He had the ridiculous idea of sawing at the chains, and as soon as he started, he knew he was hallucinating again. The chains wouldn't actually fall prey to that. And he'd touched the edge of the cot countless times. It wouldn't even cut his skin.

Not real. Not real. If he forgot what was real, he really would be lost. More than losing his senses or even his life, he was afraid of losing his mind. So long as he didn't have any seizures, he thought he might be good. Brain damage from fevers only came after the fever induced seizures, right? So he was safe. Unless he'd already gone into a seizure and hadn't been conscious to know about it.

Heero. He couldn't believe how he'd fallen so low, but he really, really needed Heero.

And that was when J's words finally sunk into his head. He'd never had any intention of letting Duo live. So Duo would just be left to die in this dark cell, never to see Quatre or Hilde ever again. Never to be able to hunt Heero down and punch him right in that stone wall face of his. A tiny, tiny little part of him didn't want to die. The rest of him couldn't find the energy to care.

If he died, maybe the pain would stop.

He heard something. It seemed like it was from far away, but maybe it wasn't. Clomping sounds came closer. The sounds stirred something in him, something that made him want to try to get up. He opened his eyes, barely managing the feat with the gunk that covered them, and stared at nothing. Everything was black.

“Duo Maxwell. Can you hear me? It's me. Sanders. The doctor. I'm getting you out of here.”

The words didn't make any sense in Duo's brain, but still he recognized when the world turned around him that he'd been lifted. He heard the usual clanking, then felt tingling along his wrists, as if a piece of himself had been cut away. The chains made a horrible banging noise before he realized he'd been freed from them. He hardly managed to lift his hands up before Sideburns... Sanders... sat him up and lifted him off the cot. The man grunted and stumbled under Duo's dead weight, but Duo was turned in the air and laid on something else metal. This metal was cold, small, and vaguely familiar. Something in him thought of a small table with syringes no longer on it. He let the knowledge slip away. It was unimportant.

“Hold on. I've already contacted Yuy. He should be here soon. We're going to be moving quickly. I need you to be quiet. Can you do that for me?”

Duo almost groaned out a yes, but he thought it better to just be quiet. It seemed to be answer enough, because the man started moving pretty quickly after that.

Duo fazed out just slightly after that. He heard Sideburns whispering, but he couldn't for the life of him understand such sounds as, “we need to get through this door, dammit” and “thank God, almost there.” He did hear several, more louder noises, and he vaguely noticed a change in the air around him. It filtered slowly, the sounds and the feel, but finally the words filtered in, and after that, their meanings. Sounds. Gunfire. That was bad. Feel of air changing. Wind. Outdoors. That was good.

Trying to open his eyes was like trying to throw buses. He hardly managed to get that feat accomplished. The sudden colors and openness of the world around him made him tilt, and with a crash, he and the table fell to the earth. He slammed against the grass and dirt and just sat there. He couldn't really tell where he might have hurt himself. The pain didn't seem to break any new barriers to get to his brain. He heard something whiz past him, felt tiny pieces of dirt smack his cheek,and knew he'd almost been shot.

Still, he couldn't manage to stand.

The gunfire suddenly stopped, and Duo took the chance to cuddle the cool earth. It was soft, and molded slightly to his face. He hadn't slept on anything as soft as this for a very, very long time.

“Duo! Duo.”

Duo could hardly recognize the words as his own name. When he did, he lifted his head and tried again to open his eyes. All he managed to do was exhaust himself further.

“My God. He's like a furnace.”

“They wouldn't let me treat him. He has a bullet wound just under his fifth rib. It just barely missed his heart and lung.”

“And it's gone untreated?!”

Hands were on him again then, kind, gentle hands. They were cool on his skin. “His breathing is labored. His heart is palpitating severely. Good God, Duo, what did they do to you?”

“I barely managed to get the bullet out and the wound stitched before I was stopped. I was never able to get to him again until now.”

“Bullshit,” the other said, and the name Heero swam through his mind. He sighed and smiled. Heero was finally here.

Those hands clasped his head and neck, slowly pulling him up. His head rested on something, something cool that quickly became hot. He groaned. “I don't see any other major injuries.”

“There aren't any. We need to leave.”

“No,” Heero said. “J will have left already.” Duo heard the fury in Heero's voice. His body tried to respond, tried to tense and stand. Those hands turned firmer, keeping him down. “Shh. Shh, love, it's all right. Where will he have run to?”

Duo heard clumping footsteps. “I don't know.”

Duo felt tension in the hands holding him and found himself opening his eyes and attempting to move his muscles. “The only reason I am letting you live right now is because you have brought Duo back to me. For all that you've done, you deserve more than just a scar and that prosthetic leg you have now. Do I make myself clear?”

Duo heard nothing, but suddenly Heero was picking him up. “The place should be cleared. J will have taken everything of value, including people. Where's your operating room?”

“There's no point. J will have destroyed everything. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd set up bombs here.”

Duo felt Heero still, then turn. “Even with Duo inside...” Those hands curled around Duo, making him overheat. He gasped in a breath and dropped his head off the arm holding him, until finally he could feel open air on his face. The air felt cold against his skin, almost freezing. Still, it was easier to breathe now. “Fine. We'll go to the hospital. I suppose we'll check out your...”

Duo's brain fuzzed as he finally saw a blurry face above him, surrounded by crazy hair and dotted with two small oceans. Something in the back of his brain popped. The pain was so sudden and strange that he yelped.

“Duo?!”

Those oceans turned to him, making that something pop again. This time his body jerked, and he was surprised to learn that he could feel more pain, like a sewage drain breaking open. His side hurt.

“Hurry. We must get to the hospital,” Sideburns said, and Duo was surprised with the clarity that was suddenly in his mind. He could picture things better now. Outside the facility he'd been locked up in, Sideburns and Heero were talking. He was in Heero's arms. Like a bride.

He was so thankful he rested his head against Heero's chest and suffered through the heat, knowing now it was proof that he was finally safe.

Heero's arms pulled him even more tightly to him, and though Duo had to huff in short little gasping breaths, he nestled closer. So. Safety felt like this.


	16. When It Rains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in-between the end of the series and the beginning of Endless Waltz.

“In the midst of the most painful faces  
Angels show up in the strangest of places”

~ Skillet, “Looking For Angels”

* * *

The feeling of waking up to injuries was such an old, well-worn feel that he found himself checking for the weight of his knives and guns before he even cataloged his injuries. That knowledge had him launching up from the bed he lay in. He gasped as he tried to sit and felt pain shooting like lightning from his left side. He fell straight back onto the table, his muscles quivering in a way they hadn't since he was a child. Malnutrition. Dehydration. Weakness. He hadn't felt it since he'd been with G, getting food at regular intervals, training around the clock. What the hell had happened to his body?

He heard a beeping and wanted to curse. A heart monitor. Now his enemies would know he was awake, and since he wasn't any supernatural phenomenon like Heero, he wouldn't be able to control it. He tried to lift his arms, to prepare for an encounter, and found his muscles failed him. He gasped for breath, suddenly finding his body starved for oxygen. His heart was hammering against his ribs, almost as if it was struggling to gain the strength needed to beat. He felt a groan crawl up his throat and had to fight it back.

A door opened, and he turned to it, ready to fight. Sideburns was there, hurrying as fast as he could to Duo's side, his uneven walk more like a hop than a stride. “Duo. Calm down. You're–”

“What the fuck do you want?” he rasped, and touched his side, where the pain seemed to be originating. He remembered getting shot there. He glared. “What the fuck did you do?” He struggled again to sit up as Sideburns got near him. The man seemed almost angry about something. Grim? “Stay away from me, you son of a...” His voice died as another form entered the room. He recognized that gorgeous body in an instant. His gaze was glued to Heero as the man leaned against the jamb and crossed his arms. “Heero?”

“Lie back down,” Heero said. Duo gave Heero a wide-eyed look. Didn't the man know this guy was responsible for the Brainbox? Didn't he know the sideburned bastard had effectively sawed into Duo's brain as he was strapped like a madman to a slab of metal? His heart thumped even heavier then, as if a weight had been placed on it.

“Let me check you. Your movements have loosened your IV,” Sideburns began, but Duo scooted away from the man's touch.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” Duo said, his teeth gritted more from the effort of keeping himself up on his elbows than to show any sort of menace. The effect would have been lost, anyway, as soon as someone noticed the sweat starting to bead up on his brow and neck.

“Duo.”

Duo's gaze snapped right back to Heero, like a compass pointing north. He felt his breath shortening again, felt his body quake, ready to fail on him again. Heero started coming forward, too, and Duo found himself tensing despite himself. Heero stopped. Those eyes faltered for a moment, those lips pulled down, and those shoulders slumped slightly. Why did Duo feel such a sudden, overwhelming need to apologize? He dropped his gaze, too, but then Sideburns moved and Duo glared at the man all over again. “What the hell is going on, Heero?”

The name fell out of his mouth and dropped like chimes to the floor. It was as if the world had just been coated with butter, and everything seemed sweeter than before. He looked up into those cobalt eyes and felt his heart skip a beat. Even the damn monitor noticed it. Heero was here. In front of him. He was starting to remember. Nind. The wound. The capture. The room. The fever. Had Heero helped him escape? But then, why was he in what clearly looked like a bedroom? The walls were a light, light green, white crown molding tracing the tops, making way for a high ceiling. There was a bureau, a rather old one made of dark wood. It matched the door Heero and Sideburns had come through. If it was a hospital, it was like none he'd ever seen. And he'd become an expert during the war.

“Mister Sanders here helped me find you.” Heero nodded toward Sideburns, and Duo turned to the guy with a blank look on his face. Sanders? The name sounded vaguely familiar, but he could swear he'd never heard it before. “We took you to the hospital, but I didn't want you in public for too long. I had you released and brought to my home.”

His home? Duo looked around again, this time seeing the greens and browns with a new eye. It did vaguely remind Duo of the apartment Heero had taken out during the war. He looked down at the comforter, tracing the gold leafing in the forest-green backdrop. “This is where you've been, then.”

Heero didn't respond to that. “Let Sanders look at you. You've been through a lot.”

Duo gave Heero the fish eye as Sanders came close. He felt pain up and down his body, but he couldn't manage to untense. “Do you know who this guy is?”

He thought he saw both Sanders and Heero flinch slightly, but neither of them answered his question. “How do you feel?” Sanders asked, straightening Duo's IV just enough to make him grimace. He was surprised by how quickly Heero's gun was in his hand. A part of him relaxed. So Heero was still on his side. He could still trust Heero. Right?

He noticed Heero and Sanders were both waiting for him to answer the doctor's question, so Duo glared at the fucker and said, “How do I feel? Kind've like I got shot in the gut and locked in a room with no medical aid until I almost died from an infection. Super. I feel fuckin' super.”

“It was actually several infections,” the man said, and Duo was amazed he had the audacity to joke. “And dehydration. And malnutrition. And you had a little thrombophlebitis, too.”

He finally gave up and sat back. “How long's it been?”

“It's October thirtieth,” Heero said, and Duo jerked. Last he'd checked, it had been near the end of September.

“How long since you got me?” he asked, his mind struggling at the concept of having lost over a month of his life.

“I found you on the twelfth,” Heero said, and Duo saw a quick tightening of his jaw. Duo tried to imagine it. He thought someone might have taken pictures of him. Even if they hadn't, Heero had to have found the crime scene, and thus Duo's blood. There were certainly plenty of eye witnesses. Duo would have been gone for over three weeks before Heero finally found him. Three weeks of searching desperately for someone in enemy hands. Duo had been taught to believe a captive to be dead at the end of the first fort-eight hours. What had Heero gone through?

Duo reached his hand out to Heero before he knew what he was doing. His entire arm shook under the weight of his bones, but Heero surged forward and grabbed it before it could fall.

“Get out,” Heero said, and Sanders did. And before his eyes, Heero fell to his knees and placed Duo's hand on his forehead.

“I hadn't known if you'd died,” Heero said, his voice choked, “until they sent me another message. You were so...” His voice broke, and Duo found himself shaken anew by the sight before him. “It was obvious that there was something wrong. Your eyes weren't focused. It was as if you'd been drugged. I didn't know where you were. We never spoke about it. How I _wished_ we had.”

“I'm sorry,” Duo whispered, and watched Heero break down a little more.

“I should have told you,” Heero said. “I should have, but I couldn't. I couldn't burden you with it. Not when we'd finally won.”

Duo was lost then, but he reached out another trembling hand and touched Heero's forearm. Heero finally looked up. The man wasn't crying, but his eyes were suddenly very red. The sight almost scared him. “You're finally here.” He smiled for Heero, even though just moving those muscles made him feel like Sisyphus at the top of the hill. “I wanted to punch you when I saw you again, you know. I'd sworn to Hilde that I would.” He chuckled, even though Heero looked like Duo had just punched him, after all. “It sucks that she was right. I couldn't right now even if I could.” He frowned. “If that makes sense.”

Heero made a choking sound, and Duo wondered if it had been an attempt at a laugh. “It doesn't. Not a bit.” And Heero swept Duo into a hug. It was careful, and precise, and gentle, and Duo could feel the effort in Heero to hold back, to keep Duo safe, and Duo sighed into the embrace. “I missed you. God, every day, I missed you.”

Duo finally understood that Heero had been talking about leaving back at the end of the war and replayed Heero's words in his head. “Should have told me what, Heero? What happened?”

But Heero shook his head. “J. That fucking bastard. He lived.” He buried his face into Duo's neck. “He said he would inform me the next time he had a mission for me, and I... I lost it. I left, before you'd even gotten the chance to return. Before I could...” He took several deep breaths. “There were so many things I wanted to say to you. So many things I'd wanted to do. But not while J was alive. Not while he could threaten you.”

Duo only remembered Nind saying Heero was after him, but hadn't Nind always been one of J's lackeys? “Nind,” Duo said.

Heero flinched like he'd been shot, but he nodded. “Yes. The man still lives.”

Good God. Duo struggled to breathe. “All this time, you were doing this on your own?”

Heero pulled back, nodding. “Yes.”

“Jackass.” Duo didn't have the energy to yell, but he snarled as best he could nonetheless. “And leaving me hung out to dry, was that really a part of your plan?” He tried to punch Heero, but his body finally gave out. Heero held him up for a moment, keeping Duo steady, before gently lowering him back to the bed. Duo's entire body shook. He felt ready to fall back asleep already.

“It was. I'd planned to have killed them within a couple of weeks.”

“Well, the best laid plans,” Duo said. He gave Heero a long stare. He felt something pop in the back of his head and cried out, arching his back and clutching at his skull.

The fucking Brainbox!

Heero grabbed him before he could fall off the bed. “That thing is still working?” Heero asked, his voice quiet enough that Duo knew he was talking more to himself than to Duo. “Hold on. I'll get Sanders.”

And it was like they hadn't been in the middle of an important conversation. Heero stood, his features slowly growing empty again, and he left the room, just like that. Duo watched the door, almost ready for demons to come slithering in from the cracks in the frame. He didn't think he waited for longer than a minute, but it was long enough for him to start falling asleep. His eyes slid closed all on their own, and when he heard the door open, he only had the energy to verify that Heero had returned with Sanders beside him and he just let it go. Heero would protect him from anything Sanders might try. Duo couldn't believe anything else. Not when Heero had almost started sobbing at his feet.

“Duo.” Duo grunted and lifted one tired eyelid. Heero leaned down so he wouldn't have to lift his head. “It may not be the best time, but we're going to operate on you to get that thing out of your head. Sanders says he knows how to do it.”

Duo flinched. “Does he, now?” He did lift his head then, and opened his other eye to give the man a glare.

“I'll be here the whole time,” Heero said. He touched Duo's shoulder. “Why haven't you gotten rid of it?”

“Tried.” Duo slid both eyes shut again and yawned. “Couldn't.”

Heero scowled and turned on Sanders. “Then how, exactly, do you intend to remove the device?”

Duo didn't bother opening his eyes to see just how effective Heero's glare inevitably was. He simply lay still and let the sounds of the man stumbling against the wall lift his lips into a grin. “There's a release mechanism on the bottom of the bug, hidden against the lobe. You need to know exactly where it is to release it.”

Duo hummed. “So that's how you fixed it before.”

“Yes. But it's glitching now, probably overheated during your time in the cell.” Duo liked how the man had danced around the words 'incarceration' and 'debilitating fever.' “We have to get it out before it does permanent damage.”

There they were with that damn 'permanent damage' crap again. Wonderful. “Fine. I'm sleeping now.”

He thought he might have heard Heero chuckle. “All right. Go ahead and rest. I'll be here when you wake up.”

And since that had been his next demand, Duo simply nodded and let himself fall into blackness.

* * *

People were arguing when he woke up. He decided he would prefer to wake up to absolute silence. Maybe just once.

Not in the mood to listen in on whoever was screeching by his ear, he simply lifted up his hand and waved it vaguely around. “Shut up.”

“Duo.” And just like that, all conversation ceased. Duo felt eyes on him. Then he heard the voice speaking again, fast and jumbled. “Are you all right? Where are you? What happened? Hilde's here with me; she refused to leave. Are you stable? I heard you finally got that thing out of your head. How? Heero said–”

“Jesus Christ, Quatre, slow down.” Duo tried to get up on his own, but he couldn't. As he opened his eyes and looked around, hands came and grabbed his neck and shoulders, slowly easing him up before pushing him back. Once his back hit the headboard, the hands retreated. Duo focused on Heero and smiled. “Thanks,” he said, and turned one more confused look around the room before he finally spied the vid screen on the bureau. It was turned in Duo's direction.

“Duo. I heard you were hurt. What happened?”

Duo sighed. Just what exactly had Heero told Quatre? Everything? Or just enough? “It's nothing, Qat. How's Hilde? Did she get out of there safe?”

Duo couldn't see Qat from where he sat on the other side of the room, but he could hear the frown clear as day. “She did. She said someone named Nind was after you. Why didn't you ever tell me about him?”

Hell. Duo had only told Hilde because she'd caught him having a couple of rough nights. She still didn't know about how terrified Duo had been of the man. “He's not important, Qat.”

“He's dangerous.” Duo snarled at Heero, but the man ignored him, as usual. “He's perverted, cruel, and tenacious. He also knows interrogation techniques. He's only failed to make someone talk once.” Heero's hands twitched. Duo saw it, but only because he sat right next to Heero. “He's tall, with black hair. Asian descent.”

“Understood,” Quatre said, and Duo sighed. Loudly. “Duo. Get well soon, all right? As soon as I can ditch these meetings, Trowa and I will meet you there. All right?”

Duo hardly got the chance to agree to the idea before Heero ended the call. He was surprised to find himself tired after only that short conversation, and he gave Heero another tired but grateful smile. “So I guess that means the surgery was a success?”

Heero closed the vid screen down and grabbed something from the top drawer of the bureau. He brought it to Duo. It was a small Tupperware container with a tiny chip inside. The thing was only a few millimeters in diameter. The idea that such a thing could have created so many problems almost made his head explode. “You're on pain medication right now, so the new wound shouldn't be bothering you. Are there any lingering effects?”

Duo looked at Heero's face like he'd never seen it before. The chubbiness of his cheeks was starting to dim down a bit, which only seemed to enhance those bright blue eyes of his. His hair was still a ridiculous mess, something Duo had wondered if Heero had managed to tame over the past few months. The man's nose seemed the tiniest bit redder than he was used to, and Duo wondered if Heero had been somewhere warm and had gotten himself burnt. Then he smiled as wide as he could. “No effects,” he said, and saw a smile tremble on those bow lips. Heero cleared his throat and nodded before placing the chip back into the drawer.

“And... your other injuries?”

Duo didn't want to think about them, actually. He sighed. “I don't feel much – you must be dosing me with some serious morphine.”

“We are.”

Heero still gave him a look that said he expected an actual answer, and with one last sigh, he admitted defeat. “It was only the gunshot wound, mostly. Whatever shape that's in. I wouldn't know; I'm jacked up on morphine. As for the fever...” He tested his limbs, noted the ridiculous level of trembling, and bit back the urge to scream. “From what I can tell, it and the rest of the torture left me with a serious lack of muscle and probably a weakened immune system. If we were still in a war, I would say I'm down.” He thought it over. “Actually, I guess we are still technically in a war.”

“That's what J said; that Operation Meteor isn't finished. But that's not all that I'm asking about.” Heero came back tot he bed and stared down at Duo. Those eyes seemed to flicker. Heero looked down at the bed, breaking eye contact. “Nind.”

Duo shivered at the name.

“I know what that man is capable of. I...” Duo quickly understood where Heero was going and blushed to his roots. Good Lord, were they really going to have this conversation? “I don't know if he would have... but he seemed to enjoy it...”

Heero's shoulders were hunching more and more, and Duo couldn't stand the idea of Heero having to go through such memories. “It didn't happen,” Duo said. He looked down at the comforter and traced the gold lines of the leaves again. He heard, felt, Heero look back up at him. “He wanted to. I never told you this, but he kind've took an interest in me.”

Heero jerked into a standing position. Duo almost fumbled his ass off the bed. “I need to leave.”

Leave? Duo struggled to sit up. “You can't be serious. You're heading out when that psycho doctor is in charge of my recovery?”

Duo hadn't realized it was a dirty trick until the words were out of his mouth. Heero didn't even step one foot forward. It was as if Duo had tied a noose around his neck, or put a knife to his throat. Duo hurried to keep talking before Heero could make some sort of arrangements that would sooner facilitate Duo's safety. “He thinks he owns you, you know, like his dick is some sort of leash or something. And he was creepy off the charts, so I kind've... maybe turned his attention away from you, and now he kind've, maybe, sort've has it in for me.”

“Tell me everything.”

Duo didn't want to talk to Heero's back, but Heero's desire to learn meant he wasn't stomping his way out the door, so Duo would just have to deal. So he fought against the weakness pulling at his eyelids and limbs and told Heero about how he and Nind had met, right in the living room of Heero's old apartment, and how Nind had... touched him. Even though it had been over a year ago, Duo's breath hitched at the memory. Even now, he could remember those fingers on his skin, touching his chest and his dick, those lips ghosting around his ear... he shuddered. “His attention turned to me then. He wanted to know why you'd chosen me. He wondered if I was special. Sex-wise.”

Duo watched as each word made Heero stand more and more still, until he seemed more statue than human. “I got away,” Duo said. “He tried, back then, but I got away.”

“The scar on his throat.”

Duo didn't want to know how close Heero had gotten to Nind, if he'd seen something like that. “Yeah. When I woke up from the drugs they gave me, they'd only planned to take pictures. Nind kind've took it a little further – but I got free in time!” he said in a rush, seeing the muscles ripple under that tight shirt. He found his mouth slightly dry. Jesus. His entire body was lying limp on the bed, but somewhere in himself he found the blood necessary to to entertain certain parts of his anatomy. He wondered idly how Heero would respond to such an invitation. Probably with a snort and a well-worded rebuke. “I got away, and I hadn't seen him until the twentieth.”

The silence stretched itself rather taut for a while before Heero finally spoke. “And this time?”

Duo cleared his throat. It probably wouldn't be best to tell Heero Nind had expressed a continued interest. What exactly could Heero do, anyway? Keep hunting Nind down? 'Cause that had worked so well the last time. Oh, no. Heero wasn't going anywhere. Not unless he wanted a braided teenager strapped to his ankle. “Nothing,” he said.

“You're lying.”

“I'm not.”

“You are!” Duo jumped slightly at the sound. Heero had just yelled at him? “You're lying. What did he do?”

“Nothing. I mean it!” Duo threw his hands up, then winced as his entire body seemed to catch on fire. His arms collapsed back at his sides. Heero was quiet then, turning back and helping Duo get situated on the bed once more. “I mean it, Heero. He didn't do anything. I don't know if it's because J was there, but he didn't do anything.”

Heero searched Duo's eyes for a moment. Duo had no idea what Heero was looking for, but he firmed his resolve and kept his gaze on Heero's until the man sat down on the bed beside him. “I tried to protect you, but I couldn't.” Heero swept the bangs away from Duo's face, and only then did Duo realize he'd been sweating. “Even now, I can't. Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up.”

Duo nodded, accepting Heero's words. For now, Heero was going to stay. How long that would last, Duo had no idea.

Still, falling asleep was hard, and when he did, he remembered all the people who hadn't stopped, who he hadn't been able to run from in time. And as he felt all of those hands on him again, he clung to the memory of blue eyes and soft lips and a tenderness that brought lava to Duo's groin.

* * *

He awoke hard as a rock.

He managed to pull the pillow out from underneath his head and planted it firmly over his face. Then he screamed.

“I don't think that's the safest thing to do in your condition.”

It was like the man had been summoned by Duo's heartfelt desire for him _not_ to come. Duo lowered the pillow and glared at Sanders. If Sanders was his personal wetnurse, then the man would check Duo over for complications. That meant checking his entire body.

Sanders came over to the bed, and Duo went on hyper-alert. He threw his hands out, scooted back, and hissed like a cornered cat. “Back up, buddy.”

Sanders raised his hands, showing off what looked like a bag of mush. Duo narrowed his eyes at it. “I do believe it's time to check you IV and wounds.” At Duo's confused look, Sanders pointed at his own head. “Surgery, remember?” Duo grunted. “I would also like to see just how well you can handle actual digestion. You have yet to eat something since you got shot. It's actually quite amazing that you're in as good a condition as you are.”

Duo grunted again. It had been a long time since he'd eaten, hadn't it? According to Heero, Duo had gone without food for twenty-two days before receiving an IV. No wonder he felt so damn weak. “I need to get stronger,” Duo said. He wasn't sure why he said it; it was pretty much self-evident.

“Yes, well, one step at a time.” Duo grudgingly let the man come closer, though he snapped and snarled whenever the man's body touched his in any way. Once his IV had been replaced and his sheets changed – thankfully, by then he'd gotten himself primarily under control – the mush was placed before him. Sanders called it 'homemade applesauce.' Duo called it 'disgusting shit.' Sanders called that 'semantics.' Duo called it 'blunt.'

Heero called into the room then, breaking up their banter with a “shut up” that informed Duo that Heero was still watching to make sure Duo was all right. It made Duo grin.

The days and weeks all passed like that, Sanders taking care of Duo until finally he could manage to stand all on his own, even if taking one step made his entire body feel weak. Duo lost track of time until Heero announced a month's passing. Duo managed to get a layout of the place after almost four weeks of slow recuperation; he was starting to get muscles again, slowly, and if he leaned heavily against walls, he could make it about a third of the way through the house – so long as he avoided the stairs – without his feet collapsing underneath him. Huzzah and yay.

Just outside Heero's office sat a chair. Duo slid down onto it and rested his head against the wall. It had been after only two days of his stumbling around that Heero had placed chairs all around the house. Duo would collapse into them rather regularly now, stumbling from his spare room on the bottom floor to Heero's office to the kitchen to the living room, unable to go upstairs yet. The place was open, just like the apartment had been, and Duo knew now that such was what Heero preferred. Duo liked crunched in places with many exits. Open areas were hard to hide in. But for Heero, an open layout gave him the opportunity to know where everything was immediately.

Duo rolled his head until his face was staring at the closed door. He could hear the soft, muted clacking of keys as Heero typed. It was the most soothing sound in the world.

Duo only realized he'd fallen asleep when Heero opened the office door. He opened his eyes and grinned for Heero as the man stopped beside his chair and stared at him. “Hey.”

He didn't know when he'd started to learn all of the nuances of Heero's face, but now he could see every slight tilt and twist of lips and brow. Those brows were puckered every so slightly, those lips just barely frowning. “Duo. How far did you push yourself this time?”

No need to tell him he'd attempted once more to walk the entire length of the bottom floor. Also no need to tell him he'd felt a muscle spasm and freeze partway through, but had continued walking. It now ached like a motherfucker, but damned if he hadn't managed over half the length. That was way better than he'd ever done. Pathetically enough. “I'm fine, Yuy. Stop worrying.”

Those eyebrows lifted a bit, that frown deepened, and Duo knew Heero was thinking of several derogatory comments on Duo's propensity for giving him reasons to worry. Duo stuck out his tongue.

Scrunched up as his face was, the kiss made Duo jump. Heero leaned in closer as Duo opened his eyes wide. Those brilliant white teeth of Heero's were gently holding his tongue still, and Heero touched it with his own. Their lips meshed for a moment more before Heero pulled away. Duo stared doe-eyed as that damnable smirk slid onto that perfect face. Then he glared. “Smartass.”

“You left yourself open for an assault. Are you sure you're a Gundam pilot?”

That smirk widened until Heero looked more like a cat than a human. Duo almost stuck his tongue out again, but he reconsidered rather quickly. That fucking smirk slid another notch wider. “Maybe I was asking for it,” he said.

“Maybe you're full of shit.”

The sentence almost startled Duo, but he hid it with a quick grin. Heero would curse sometimes now. Heero would speak more, sometimes several full sentences in a row. And whenever Heero looked at Duo, there was something there that made Duo feel like he was the most important person in the universe.

“Go fuck a hot dog,” Duo said cheerfully, and fought to get his ass up out of the chair.

One of Heero's arms wrapped around his elbow and lifted him into a standing position. Heero's left eye was quirking up slightly, probably at Duo's retort. Duo almost drowned in those ocean eyes. “Are you able to stand?”

Duo tested his abused calf muscle and nodded. “Yeah, I'm good.” Heero let go and started walking to the kitchen. Duo had to lean against the wall, taking the long way around. Heero took three long strides, stopped, then shortened his steps until Duo was able to keep up. Heero also walked near the wall instead of strolling down the middle of the room. Duo smiled. “So what's on the menu for today?”

“For you or for me?”

Duo grimaced. “Come on,” he said, disturbed that his voice almost seemed whiny, “it's been long enough. I want some real food, dammit!”

“No.”

If Duo'd had something to throw at him, he'd have thrown it. “If you give me one of those fucking baby food jars again, I'm painting your wall with it.”

“With the jar? I'd like to see that.” Heero's smirk seemed permanently stuck on his face. He moved to the counter as Duo sat quickly in a chair.

Duo stuck his tongue out while Heero was turned away from him, then said, “I'm sure the glass shards would be the perfect décor.”

Heero snorted, then chuckled. The sound floored Duo. “It would certainly be a conversation piece.” And the idea of Heero having guests over made Duo's brain atrophy. Heero pulled out one of those baby food bottles, just as Duo had predicted, but he dumped it out on a plate before handing it to Duo.

Har har.

Duo stared at the green mess like it would rise and sludge its way off the plate to freedom, possibly devouring braided humans along the way. Heero handed him a spoon and returned to the stove, preparing to torture Duo with the smells of human food. Duo poked the mush on his plate, half ready to beat the offending monster to death. “So,” he said, distracting himself, “are you ever going to tell me what J and his goonies were holding me for?”

The question actually made Heero stop in the middle of fetching something from the fridge. “I told you,” he said. “J said Operation Meteor wasn't finished.”

“Well, thank you for that plethora of information,” Duo said, and glared up at Heero. The man wisely kept his back to Duo. “What more did he say on the subject, Heero?”

Heero grabbed something from one of the cupboards and grabbed the door before it could bang shut. “He said to watch Relena, along with a certain colony. He believes something is going to happen, and wants me to be ready when it does.”

Duo finally took a bite – slurp – of his food. The worst part was the the food didn't taste awful – it just pissed him off to have to eat it. “So why bother grabbing me? Just to get you off his back?”

“No,” Heero said. “Well, yes. To keep me from attacking him. He wanted me to focus on the greater threat.” Heero turned to Duo then, those eyes oddly unreadable. Duo studied that face, but Heero's lips and brows were still. “Holding you made me stop my assault on him, and he was able to force my attention to what he wanted.”

Duo scowled. Duo hated being Heero's weak link. He was weaker than Heero, and this just exacerbated the issue. He needed to get stronger. What the hell had he been doing this past year? “And the colony?”

Heero rolled his shoulders and turned again to the countertop. He pulled out a knife and started cutting something up. “I can't see too much right now. The colony is fairly new, and it's hiding itself, refusing to join the United World and Space Nation.” Heero stopped again and cleared his throat. “J was right. We can expect trouble from that colony, and sometime soon.”

Normally, Heero would be on the first shuttle out to the colony. So why wasn't he now?

The answer was so painfully obvious it made his stomach twist. For him. Heero was staying here for him. He almost threw up his baby food meal. “Heero, if you have to go, you have to go,” he said. He looked up, but Heero was tossing the chopped whatevers into a pan like he hadn't said a work. He tried again. “If there's something happening, you'll want to be the first there. I know you well enough for that.”

“If you know me well enough, you should know I'm not leaving.”

Duo remembered the conversation he'd had with Heero almost a month ago, one where Heero had been ready to jump out of the house and hunt Nind down. No doubt, he thought, it was because Nind had threatened Duo. That was what motivated Heero now. It was such a switch, such a change from the 'mission is everything' Heero, that it left Duo reeling. Duo had become Heero's first priority. He felt clamps around both his gut and his heart, and he didn't know which one to listen to. Should he be happy he'd become so important to the person most important to him, or should he be horrified that Heero was letting go of everything else precious to him?

“I'm stronger now,” he said, but his voice was slipping into a whisper. “I can handle myself well enough now. Sanders can't hurt me.”

Heero walked to the fridge, opened its door, and bent to grab something. “Don't insult me, Duo.”

Duo opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. Then, rethinking that strategy, closed it once more. “Huh?”

“He watched Heero's shoulders shake as he laughed. Heero turned that smile on Duo, and his brain melted. Heero was smiling. His teeth were very white. “I can do what I have to, Duo, but I'm following my own path now. The war is over. No matter what, I will make my own decisions. And I'm not leaving you again. It had been a mistake the first time.”

Duo opened and closed his mouth again until he realized he looked like a dying fish. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, but he had a feeling it wouldn't be coming out of his mouth, anyway. That smile on Heero's face turned tender, but then it turned a little wry, and he realized Heero was thinking something rude about him. He glared. Heero just shook his head and turned back to the stove.

“But what about... Relena?” he asked, knowing better than to ask Heero if he'd given up on peace. He hadn't, and Duo knew it. If worse came to worst, Heero would run off for Relena. The girl embodied peace. She was naïve, sheltered, pink, and innocent. And she was the perfect peacemaker. For all of those reasons. Well, all except the pink part. Or maybe that _did_ help?

“I'll watch over her,” Heero said, and though Duo felt the tiniest bit let down, the rest of him was relieved. Heero wouldn't be Heero if he didn't watch over the innocent and protect the world from itself. “But for now,” Heero added, “I'm watching over you.”

Duo snapped his mouth shut before he could do that fish imitation again, warmth blossoming over his chest and down to every last inch of his skin, until finally it settled in his face and reddened his cheeks. He looked back down at his food. “Thanks,” he said, mumbling. He could almost hear the smile creep over Heero's face again. He studiously bent down to eat.

* * *

“I won't let you say good-bye  
I'll be your reason why”

~ Skillet, “The Last Night”

* * *

Duo cheered loudly as he reached the top step of the stairs without having to take a break. He looked down at Heero, hovering down a few steps below him. “Take that!” he crowed, pumping a fist into the air. It didn't even hurt to move his muscles so quickly anymore. He sat down on the steps, though, because he was slightly tired, even after another three weeks of recovery. It was almost Christmas, though Heero's house was still lacking any decorations. Heero wasn't the decorative sort, obviously, but Duo had bugged the man until he'd bought a tiny little fake tree and stuck it on the coffee table downstairs. He leaned forward, making Heero freak out and come up another two steps, until Heero was towering over him as he sat. He craned his neck back and grinned. “See? I'm better, dad. All...”

His words were washed away by Heero's kiss, and he smiled wider and Heero's tongue licked at his lips, asking entrance. Duo granted it to him and tugged on Heero's waist until he knelt between Duo's legs. Heero cupped Duo's head, tilting it slightly so he could delve in a little deeper, that tongue stroking over Duo's own, until they were battling to see who could twist further inside.

Sanders clearing his throat totally ruined the moment.

Duo shot the man a glare as Heero backed away and stood straight. “What the hell, dude?”

Sanders stood at the bottom of the landing. “You've recovered enough to not need me here anymore,” the man said. “I'm ready to go to jail now, if you would.” The man's gaze slid to Heero then.

Duo blinked at the very idea of it. “What?” He looked at Heero, then back to Sanders. He remembered the man saying he was willing to do anything in order to win the war, and he'd thought the man had almost seemed repentant, but this seemed a little too easy. “Wait a minute, we're actually going to follow the law now?” He gestured to the man's leg. “I thought Heero did that to you.”

“I did,” Heero said, before Sanders could speak. Heero didn't look away from Sanders. “And he got the scar from the shrapnel of a grenade I'd thrown.” Heero descended the stairs. “I'll take him in to the police. Duo, you rest in one of the rooms. I know you just tired yourself out.”

Rest. Not sleep. At least Heero knew that would be impossible as long as Duo was alone in the house. He flipped Heero the bird behind his back and watched the two walk to the foyer. He didn't really want to defend Sanders, considering what the man had done to him during the war. Still, he couldn't ignore the fact that Sanders had essentially saved his life. So he called, “go easy on him!” to Heero before he heard them close the door to the house. The slight hesitation before the door slammed closed behind him told him Heero had heard.

The stairs were only so interesting. The walls were still green, though a much softer intensity than the bedroom he'd taken over. There was nothing in the way of decorations along said walls, and the banisters were painted that same dark oak color as he'd seen in the rooms. He touched the railing, then used it to hoist himself up. He wasn't all better, and Heero, whenever he left his office, was getting tenser and tenser. The colony wasn't cooperating. Heero knew Relena would go herself to meet with the colony's officials. And apparently Heero had about as much faith in how that would turn out as Duo.

Duo was almost well enough to be left alone full-time now. Heero could go check out what was happening in the colony. He'd be able to take care of it. And meanwhile, what would Duo do? Sit back on his haunches? No, Heero probably knew what Duo would do: he would go, too. He would head out to the colony the moment something happened, the second Relena was in danger or the colony openly attacked or threatened the unified government. And because of that, Heero still hesitated.

Duo couldn't afford to exhaust himself now. He couldn't afford to lose his progress, nor could he afford to be weak while he was stuck alone in the house. Still, once he'd leaned against the wall for long enough, he took careful steps around the perimeter of the upper floor, checking each room. The master bedroom was the closest to the landing, and Duo took a quick look inside. The place was painted a deep, muted brown, the bed covered in pillows – Duo was surprised by the luxury there – and the comforter and sheets all green. The comforter had a design that made it look like a forest of trees had been painted long-ways on the thing, the browns matching the trunks perfectly. The oak was here, as well, in the armoire on the far wall, in the desk beside the door, where several pictures lined the back. Duo looked at them, his eyes widening as he saw a picture of Relena, then one of the guys, and several of him. The picture of the guys was old, one taken at the end of the war, one only of Duo and Quatre and Trowa and Wufei. But the rest were from the last year, during peace. He recognized one from a dinner party he'd gone to, the first time he'd ever worn a tux. He was smiling, but he could recognize how uncomfortable he'd been in the attire and in the limelight. After that picture, he'd hightailed it the fuck outta there. Another was from a party with Relena, another from a time he'd been practicing a sport called tennis with Trowa, who had needed to learn it for Quatre's diplomatic crap for some reason. His eyes skimmed over each, recognizing the time, knowing each one had been in the paper or in a magazine, and he looked away, finally unable to stare at them anymore.

So Heero had kept in touch with him, in his own way. He'd followed Duo in the news, probably trying to keep a hold on the thread of Duo's existence. Duo almost was angry about it. Where did Heero get off, following Duo while Duo had no idea where he'd been? But it helped to know Heero had wanted to know where he'd been. That helped salve the wound. Heero had been off on his own, being a martyr, but he'd still wanted to be with Duo. He could use that information if he had to, if Heero decided to go AWOL again.

Duo stumbled away from the desk, his legs starting to hurt a little. Heero's room opened up to the right of the door, with another door wide open on the other end of the same wall, and another, also wide open, beside the armoire. The one by the armoire showed hints of clothing, and though Duo was curious as hell, he went the easy route to the bathroom first.

As soon as he could see inside, Duo understood why Heero would choose this house. Maybe the size was a winner, and maybe the open floor plan had a small, teeny bit to do with it, but this bathroom. Duo looked at the jacuzzi bathtub, the wide, double-sink countertop, the shower stall wide enough for a little seating area, the toilet sitting beside a small wooden wall shelf where a few books actually sat.

Awesome fuckin' bathroom, Heero. And what a stingy bastard, holding out on Duo. Duo grinned at the idea of wading into that jacuzzi, but his mind was painting in Heero beneath him as he lowered himself down... he closed his eyes and breathed deep through his teeth. Hell, he needed to calm down before he started having physical complications.

The next rooms were obviously guest rooms, two of them, but Heero had taken care with both. One was a neutral blue, with paintings on the walls of shores and cliffs and breaking waters. The other was beige and light pink, just under carnation, and Duo knew without doubt that Heero had made this room in the hopes that eventually he'd be able to invite Relena over. The smile the thought gave him was small and sad. Heero was trapped by the war still, by J and Nind and even Duo, unable to move forward. And Duo had no idea what he could do to help. He was still recovering, he had no job around the area, and things were heating up with that damn colony. And with J hunting Duo down, Duo had no doubt that Heero would never allow Duo to find a nine to five. That left working from home. He had no laptop, but he could easily buy one.

But even as he started planning for a new job, he thought of everything else. Hilde, of course, who would need to hire someone if he left. He thought of leaving Heero and rethought that. _When_ he left. Then there was the tension straining against Relena's foundation, something that would kill any chance of the girl being able to visit. And staying in this house could bring this one into danger, just like the previous apartment. Duo was afraid of staying if J attacked again.

Then, of course, was the most obvious problem. Duo believed Heero cared about him. He believed Heero may very well love him. He knew how he felt. But that didn't mean that he could take up permanent residence here. It didn't mean he was welcome in Heero's life permanently. Love meant nothing in the real world. They'd already turned away from their emotions for the sake of the war. Both of them had taken ridiculous risks in order to win, in order to save the Earth. Duo could have died taking those damn doctors to the Peacemillion. Heero could have died a thousand times over destroying that last piece of Libra – let alone battling Zechs to the death! They'd both put love on the sideburners to do what had to be done. Would they have to do it again? Would Duo have to leave Heero?

But that thought got bludgeoned to death before it could go any farther. No. No matter what happened, Duo refused to let something get in the way to the point where he lost sight of Heero. The man would just have to deal.

Besides, the world wasn't relying on them anymore. They wouldn't have to make such a choice every again. Of course, that would mean Heero would have to stop taking care of everyone, would have to stop fighting for every cause under the sun, and would have to stop thinking about his life as expendable. Duo couldn't imagine any of that happening. Even for Duo's sake, Heero had fought alone against J and his little horde, leaving Duo in the dust. He'd fought to protect Duo, fought for justice, and left his own happiness and desires at the starting line. It was so fucking Heero it made Duo want to spit.

He jumped at the sound of the doorbell, then cursed resoundly under his breath. He'd been so busy falling into his thoughts that he hadn't paid attention to his surroundings. So much for not letting down his guard.

He snorted as he moved his feet, his legs almost frozen from continuously exercising the weak muscles within. He hadn't rested, either. Heero was going to chew his ass off.

Just the walk back to the stairs made him realize he'd been on his feet for too long, and he had to try to stealthily hop down the stairs on his ass. If someone busted through the door, he'd be screwed. The railing wouldn't hide him, and he didn't have a weapon, and any attempt to attack would be fucked. But if it wasn't an enemy, Heero would have his head for injuring himself by rushing down the stairs, bending and taking all of his weight on his knees and inevitably tearing the muscles therein. And believe it or not, he was more afraid of Heero's wrath than any potential enemy. Probably another symptom of peace. Or maybe a symptom of love. Both got in the way of common sense a lot.

He stilled once he reached the landing and listened. No one seemed to be crawling around either inside or outside of the house. He couldn't hear any ticking, any knocking, any jarring, any humming, but then again, the walls in the house would probably hide away any of that. Duo hid behind the railing for a while, but nothing exploded, no one crashed through the window. If there was someone waiting on the other side of that door, they were being awfully patient. They also weren't announcing themselves.

That fact finally got him standing up, though the railing creaked when he had to use it to help him stand and he felt a blunt pain in his muscles that said he'd overused them. His side burned a bit as he bunched the muscles there, but he was able to stand without too much circumstance. As soon as he could, he grabbed a lamp and wrapped the cord around it, ready to beat the potential assassin to death.

Then he swung open the door, hurting his shoulder in the process, and stared stupidly out at nothing. He leaned out to look to the sides and saw a box on the front stoop.

Oh. A package.

He felt kind've stupid for a second, until he remembered his worry about such a thing as ticking or thumping or humming. He waited for the thing to explode, then, when nothing happened, he hid behind the door and poked the box with the lamp to see if it would trigger if moved. It didn't. He still didn't hear anything, didn't see the box vibrating in any way. Finally, feeling exceedingly ridiculous about the whole damn thing, he pulled the stupid box inside.

As soon as he took a closer look at it, he relaxed. On the top of the box were the words 'Fragile Package,' written in Quatre's fancy cursive script. He slid down to the floor and sighed. Now he really felt stupid. Then again, if Quatre was using an old war tactic, then didn't that mean Qat was being a little stupid, too? Somehow, that made him feel better.

He opened it carefully, though he didn't know why. Inside was a bunch of bubble wrap with a little note on the top. Duo took the note out first. The back was blank, so he flipped it over. He read it and grinned. 'Duo. I can't get out of these meetings! I'm sorry; I won't be able to see you this week, either. But I got you something. And no, it's not a bomb.'

Duo rolled his eyes. So Qat had known exactly how freaked out Duo would be, and _that_ was why the little blond imp had put the safety code on the top of the box. So much for everyone being as paranoid as him.

He put the note to the side and found himself digging into the bubble wrap, popping a couple bubbles just for the fuck of it before putting it, too, to the side.

Duo didn't know what he'd been expecting, but a rectangular box hadn't quite been it. He opened it and furrowed his brows. A newspaper clipping, detailing the attack at the hotel. A picture of a bloodstain, copies of eyewitness reports. More from a fire that had broken out right on the edge of the old Sanc Kingdom, one that had destroyed a building thought to be abandoned but oddly well-stocked with food and ammunition. Duo didn't have to guess why that was in there. Another note was in the bottom, saying only, 'I thought you would prefer to hunt with all possible weapons.'

Duo chuckled and put that note aside, too. Quatre really was the very best. He listened, then tilted his head, before he decided sitting on the couch would be safe enough. Then he dug into the notes he'd received.

* * *

Heero returned a long while later, when darkness had returned. He frowned at the sight of Duo on the couch, and he ordered Duo to go to his bedroom. When Duo gave him a blank, slightly glazed look, Heero just sighed and carried him. Duo let him.

Those arms carried him through the doorway and into the bedroom, gently laid him on the bed and pulled the covers over him. Duo grinned up at Heero and closed his eyes as Heero gave him a look somewhere between humored and annoyed. Then Duo listened to the soft, ever soft padding of Heero's feet on the ground, probably deliberately loud enough to be heard in case Duo felt the need to double-check to see if he was alone. Then he heard Heero enter his office and rolled his eyes beneath his closed eyelids. Of course Heero' couldn't stand to be away from his precious baby for longer than a few hours.

Duo had hardly settled into his bed, just barely hearing a clacking sound from Heero's office, before he heard a sudden silence. He tilted his head, but he still couldn't hear anything. He grunted and sat up. There was no unusual sound, nor any unusual silence save for the sudden absence of keys on the keyboard. He grabbed the clothes he'd just kicked off and tugged them on before walking to Heero's office. The door swung open silently to a dark room, and Duo saw Heero staring blankly at his monitor. “Heero?”

Heero stood and turned in one fluid movement, those deep eyes glittering in the light from the hall. “Relena's been kidnapped.”

* * *

“Soldier's Joy, oh what's the point in pleasure  
When it's only meant to kill the pain  
Lay down my arms and take the coffin's measure  
Or take up arms and send me out to fight again”

~ Michelle Shocked, “Soldier's Joy”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. Endless Waltz happens in-between this chapter and the next. The big, important parts are the 'what a man does for love' line (NOT quoted verbatim) that Duo says when Heero says he's going to go rescue Relena. In this, I'm taking it as a smartass comment, made to cover the small amount of insecurity Duo feels over it – over knowing that Relena will always come first, if only because she represents peace. The second is the punch in the gut. With Duo still recovering from his time with Nind and J, Duo's too weak to handle the run needed to escape. Heero knocks Duo out to keep him safe. /shrugs/ So there you go.


	17. A Never Ending Tune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this story takes place after Endless Waltz.

“Bit by bit  
Torn apart  
We never win  
But the battle wages on  
For toy soldiers”

~Martika, “Toy Soldiers”

* * *

He barely managed to catch up to Heero as he started his emo walk away from the press, the guys, the stares, the celebration of being alive after another war had almost inflamed the solar system once more. “Hey,” he said, and Heero turned to him. Duo saw that smile on his face, no longer hidden behind that stupid wall, and he sucked in a breath.

“Hey,” Heero said, his voice quiet, as if testing the slang on his tongue. “Did you speak with Schbeiker?”

“Yeah,” he said, not bothering to tell Heero to use Hilde's first name. He'd get it eventually. “She'll be fine, I'm sure.”

That smile slipped, and it was like he just couldn't hold it anymore. It fell right back to the usual look. Still, Duo could see that the lines of stress had been washed away. It made him beam as he caught up those last few steps with Heero. “Are you sure,” the man said, “that you made the correct choice?”

Correct choice? Then he understood what Heero was talking about and growled at him. “Of course! I made this decision a long time ago. You just beat me to it back then.”

Heero blinked a few times before dropping his gaze to the sidewalk. Duo leaned down until he could see Heero's face. “I have yet to apologize for that,” he said, but Duo just laughed and clapped the guy on the back. A little harder than he needed to, but the bastard had punched him in the gut. Turnaround.

“Not another word. Make it up to me, but don't apologize.” Heero looked at him then, and sent Heero a grin. “And feel free to be creative with the whole 'make it up to me' part.”

Heero tried that smile again. Duo's heart burst.

They just talked then, as they made their ways to the airport, just a few blocks from the spaceport. They were staying on Earth, after all, though it seemed everyone else was returning to space. Duo felt a pang at the thought of the separation, emphasized by the business-like good-bye to Hilde as they struggled against tears.

He was walking into an unknown future, but he'd done that before with less promising aspects. Really, this wasn't too bad.

“What are you thinking about?”

Duo shook himself from his reverie. It made him aware of the loud rumbles of the engines of both the shuttles and the airplanes, made him stop and see the long lines of smoke trailing from the ends of the shuttles and planes, almost seeming to clog the sky. He watched a shuttle quickly disappear into the clouds and finally remembered he'd been asked a question. “Just thinking about the future. I have no idea where it's going, but I'm still happy.” He looked over at Heero, only to see the man's full attention on him. It was strange; usually Heero was looking at his computer, and those eyes suddenly on him took his breath away.

Then Heero nodded, and Duo was broken free of the spell. “I know what you mean. It feels... like a great weight has been lifted.” Then he sobered. “But it's not over. Not yet.”

The very thought of it made Duo furious. “They won't attack again, will they? J made his point. We fought against that little bitch and her puppeteer. There's nothing more we need to do.” Of course, that didn't really matter, now did it? Duo still remembered that the doctors had been the ones to build Libra and its cannon. They still needed to be wiped out. And hadn't J failed to list S among the dead? But he held his tongue on all that, not ready to tell Heero he was ready to kill the man's mentor.

Heero shook his head. “J may not bother with us. But Nind?” Duo watched Heero control a shudder. “Nind will come.”

Nind. Duo didn't even want to think about him. If he managed to break away from J, what would he do? Go after Duo, undoubtedly. Would he do anything to Heero? Or would he simply concentrate on Duo? No, eventually he would be forced to confront Heero. Because Heero would have no intention of letting Nind anywhere near Duo.

“We'll take care of it,” Duo said, and Heero nodded. But he didn't smile again.

* * *

It was of no surprise to Duo when Heero decided to join the burgeoning Preventors agency. He'd actually pushed Heero into it, kind've. The man had been all about watching over Duo, but there were such things as mortgage and electricity to pay for. Besides, as Duo always pointed out, they were both Gundam pilots. And Duo could handle it.

You know. Maybe.

He didn't say that last part.

It was almost a month after the real Operation Meteor had finally been stopped that Duo found himself in the house alone with nothing to do. He had rested himself almost sick (again) and was finally able to walk around and fight and all that jazz without feeling like he'd just been sucked into a vacuum. But what did that leave him with? No job, no birth certificate, and no formal education. Except for that one year in the orphanage – and Duo hardly thought that counted. He could find a job online, but so far, all he'd managed to find was someone who wanted a website upgraded. Hardly a lucrative job.

Still, it was a good start, and since he wasn't thrilled at the idea of working for the Preventors and continuing to fight, he was going to take the long road to a meaningful career. And that meant taking shit jobs for a gothic jewelry store that wanted to update its site.

He sat back in his chair and looked around. He hadn't done much to the room Hero had initially lent him, the one Heero still lent to him without ever asking for anything. Duo still hesitated, not knowing if he should bring up his living arrangements or not. Was here a time limit on how long it took him to get his shit in gear? Was there only so much Heero could take of carrying Duo on his economical back before the man finally just gave up and kicked him out?

When he started thinking like that, he started thinking he should probably just bite the bullet and join Preventors.

He groaned and looked up at the white ceiling high above him. Of course, whenever he bbrought up working for Preventors, Heero told him to shut up. Which meant working for someone he didn't want to was worse to Heero than not having a job at all. Weirdo.

He stood, suddenly annoyed with his inaction. There was an antsiness that wouldn't leave his body, a feeling that came from two months of no contact from any enemy that yet lived. They hadn't found S or J, and Nind hadn't made any sort of appearance. It was only a matter of time. Duo knew it was only a matter of time. So as he looked around Heero's house and spotted a corner with a cobweb flying in a breeze he couldn't feel, he found himself pent up and alone. Normally, that would mean a walk to cool his head, or talking to one of his friends. But he wasn't stupid enough to walk around alone when he was hunted, no matter the Sanc suburb he found himself within. (And quite frankly, who was surprised to learn that Preventors was to be founded in the heart of Sanc? It was like the place hypnotically called to anyone ex-military.) And talking to his friends was out – Trowa was with Quatre on some boring boringness that involved politics in some fashion, Wufei was at work with Heero, and Hilde was in the middle of a run and couldn't be contacted for another ten hours, which was useless because he would be asleep then.

That left nothing but waiting by his laptop to see if anyone bit at his offers to freelance, or – and here he shuddered at the very idea – watching television.

It wasn't like watching television was an absolutely horrid concept. Really. He just hated it.

He put it off by doing the chores, dusting and sweeping and even polishing before he desperately checked his e-mail. Nothing. Dammit. He sulked his way to the tv and turned it on.

It was on the news – of course it was, what the hell else would Heero watch? – and apparently there was some big hullabaloo, as usual. Duo ignored it and went for the vacuum.

He wasn't thrilled with where his life was heading. He was acting as housemaid while Heero helped reconstruct the world. If it weren't for the fact that the Preventors promised to be the universe-wide equivalent to the FBI, he might have considered joining. But the idea of picking up a gun over and over again for the rest of his life – it didn't sit well with him. Even during the war, he'd wanted to give it all up, throw away the towel and be done with it all. While Heero, he'd learned, had just kept doggedly fighting. That was Heero, a warrior to the end.

But not Duo. Duo couldn't stand even the thought of doing so. He'd fought to end fighting, not to fight against those who would continue it. He'd always assumed he would die in battle. Of course, when the time came that he could have actually done so, he couldn't imagine leaving the world – and Heero – behind. Now, he just wanted someone else to deal with the petty squabbling. He'd earned his rest.

It didn't take long for the vacuuming to finish, since I was only the upstairs bedrooms that needed it. As soon as he turned off the vacuum cleaner and started wrapping up the cord, his phone rang.

The song “I Need A Hero” began playing, and he chuckled as he answered the portable device. “Hey, Heero.” He dragged the vacuum cleaner back downstairs.

“Duo.”

Duo stopped what he was doing and straightened. “Wufei? Why the hell are you calling from Heero's phone?”

Wufei hesitated on the other end of the line. “Have you seen the news?”

Duo turned to the tv screen. A reporter was standing in front of police tape, his brows down in fake distress. “The scene is being swarmed by onlookers. No one can believe that this happened here on the edge of what used to be the Sanc Kingdom, a place still heralded as the home of pacifists. The body has been removed now and is en route to the morgue...”

Duo sat down on the last step. The phone was limp in his hand.

Body?

“The police are investigating the scene, but so far there has been no news of any evidence and no leads. It seems that the person responsible for this act was careful to cover his – or her – tracks. Back to you, Linda.”

“Thanks, Bill. In other news...”

In other news? What other news could there be? Duo gripped the phone tight now and stood, though his legs shook. He grabbed his keys from the sofa table by the door. “Where are you? I'm coming to see you.”

“No, don't,” Wufei said, his voice terse. “The scene is in chaos. We can hardly hold people back. The last thing we need is a well-known Gundam pilot showing up.”

“ _You're_ a Gundam pilot.”

“ _I_ have kept my face out of the media.” Duo cursed. “Then what about Heero? When do I get to...” His voice faltered, and when he forced it to work, it stuttered, “see him?”

“Late. It will be late, Maxwell. I don't think either of us will have time off for a while.”

The words made Duo blink. “Time off?”

“Yes, Maxwell, you know, like shore leave? Dinnertime, bedtime, weekends off?” The man might have sounded more sarcastic if his words weren't immediately followed by, “for the love of God, Michaels, at least pretend to be trying to hold them back!”

Time off?

“Who was the newscast talking about?”

There was a short amount of silence, punctuated by Wufei telling a couple other people off and someone demanding answers to stupid questions. Then, “how much did you hear?”

“Just that someone was dead and you have Heero's cell phone.” Duo paced in front of the door. His keys dug into his palm.

“No, no, Yuy's all right.” Duo almost sobbed with relief. “It was J. J's body was found strung up in Yuy's old apartment building.”

That stopped Duo's pacing.

“What?” He stomped over to the television set and turned it off, no longer willing to listen to the weather while his world fell apart. “What do you mean, he was in Heero's old apartment? Was it a struggle?” Duo thought of Heero being arrested for murder and ground his teeth.

“No. It was... a display. He'd been nailed spread-eagled on the wall. He'd been naked.”

Duo couldn't breathe. How could that not be a symbol? One directed solely to Duo. Telling Duo that he was coming, that Duo would be put on display for him in the same manner. He felt sick. Why was he so afraid? He'd beaten the man twice. Nind wasn't as strong as him.

Well, when he was unarmed, the man was plenty stronger. He touched his side, where the wound was still healing, though mostly scar tissue now. But the man had had hostages. Duo hadn't been able to fight back properly.

And if the man took hostages again?

“Maxwell?” Wufei cursed. “Yuy was right. I shouldn't have called you.”

Heero. Duo took a deep gust of breath. “No. Thank you for telling me. It's better to be informed.”

“Yuy said you didn't watch the news. It figures you would right when he didn't want you to.” Duo could hear the man's smirk all the way through the phone. “Are you capable enough on your own right now?”

How did the man always make his words sound like an insult? “I'm fine. Nind was sending us a message, that's all. He's still in the planning stages when it comes to getting to us; he's hoping we slip up.”

“Yuy says the man is after you. This is where the two of you met?” The man's voice echoed a little bit more, and the noise of the spectators had gone down. Wufei must have gone inside the building.

“If you're talking about Heero's old apartment, then yeah, it is.” The memories came back, but this time they meshed with all the other hands and all the other faces. He gritted his teeth when Solo entered his mind. Even the semi-okay times were being ruined. “Is Heero okay?”

Duo heard Wufei sigh. Loudly. “Take a guess, Maxwell.”

Yeah. Heero was probably spitting venom at the moment. “Thanks for calling. I'll stay inside and let you guys know if anything happens.”

“We appreciate it,” Wufei said, and Duo knew it was already habit for him to respond that way on the job. He grinned. Maybe Preventors really was just what Wufei needed. The words were certainly more polite than his usual 'the weak have no right to fight' crap. They both said their good-byes and hung up.

It left Duo with nothing to do but worry. He'd already cleaned up the house, dammit, and another futile look at his computer showed him nothing but an empty e-mail. He did some push up, then a couple sit-ups, unable to do more with his still-healing wound. He finally understood how people could eat from boredom. He thunked his head against the wooden floor and just lay there, unwilling to move. He should have bought that gaming system. Then he could be de-stressing with a bunch of dead zombies littering the tv floor.

Finally he decided to say 'fuck it' and got up. He could at least make his own site and show off what he could do, then direct all potential clients there. If nothing else, it would kill some time.

* * *

It certainly killed some time.

He called Heero at seven o'clock. He'd been amazed that Heero had picked up, but the man's response – “Duo? Are you okay? Is he there?” – showed him exactly why Heero had been so quick to answer the phone. “No, no,” Duo said, “I just wanted to tell you to call me before you got back. I'll make sure to fix dinner for you, so don't eat cheap, greasy shit, got it?”

Duo could almost hear Heero fighting back the panic. “Yes. Understood.” Then the man breached his own Mr. Mission facade. “Wufei told me he called you and explained the situation.”

It was late already, and the sun was setting. Duo could only see a line of the sunset through the closed curtains. If Nind did show up, Duo wasn't giving him an easy layout of the house. Make the man look it up. “Yeah, he did. Why didn't you?” Heero seemed to excuse himself from something; Duo heard him speak in a low tone to someone and start to leave. “Shit, Heero, I didn't mean to interrupt your work. I just–”

“I wanted to conform the body,” Heero said. “And when things got out of hand, I didn't want you to know and worry needlessly. From what I know of Nind, he wouldn't jump at you immediately after setting up such a blatant signal. You didn't need to be told until tonight.”

Tonight. When Heero would have been back, and able to stay with Duo through whatever might happen afterward. What? Did Heero fear Duo would have a mental breakdown? Duo was insulted. Of course, the insult was lessened by the knowledge that Heero had wanted to be there for him. Ugh. Emotions.

“I'm glad I was told,” Duo said. “When Wufei called on your phone and asked me if I'd seen the news... I thought you were the one dead. So don't scare me like that.”

A little hypocritical, after Duo said he'd call if anything happened and then called under a false alarm. Still, Heero seemed to understand. “I see. I'm sorry.”

Just hearing the man apologize was still amazing. Duo grinned. “And I won't be calling you again unless it's an emergency, so you don't need to freak out anymore, either.”

That actually got him a chuckle. “You're free to call me anytime.”

Duo smiled. Heero really was a good man. “Well, for today, I won't call you again unless something actually does happen. But you'd better call me when you're coming home.”

Heero was silent for a time. “Home,” he said, as if musing, and Duo heard someone calling for Heero from far away. “I have to go,” Heero said then. “I will call.”

“You'd better,” Duo said. They hung up, and Duo stared around the house. He felt impotent, just messing around in the house, fiddling with a computer while Heero and Wufei searched for answers and followed leads. Nind was out there, somewhere, and he was sitting in the house.

Logically, he knew doing anything else would be stupid. Still, as he tucked his phone into his back pocket and went to the kitchen for a snack, he found himself freaking out about it. Maybe he _should_ join Preventors. He'd be able to help instead of sitting on the sidelines, and he'd be able to access their sources, halving Heero's work. He would just have to face a lifetime of shooting and fighting.

His heart raced at the thought.

Okay. So he wasn't ready to go into permanent battle. He could always just fight for another year or so, then quit. But even as he thought it, he dismissed it. He opened the fridge and stared dumbly at the contents. He couldn't do something like that. If he went to Preventers, it would be for life.

Besides, thinking just one year still gave him the freaks.

He dithered, finally simply grabbing a banana – Heero insisted on putting everything from bananas to peanut butter in the fridge – and chomping on that.

The house was dark now, and Duo wondered if he should turn the lights on or not. He decided not to; he wouldn't be surprised if Nind was out in the darkness somewhere, waiting. Instead he went back to his room and checked his e-mail again. He was surprised to find three responses, all from his brand-new site. He clicked on one; it was just a thank you for buying the domain name. The second was an actual, certified interested buyer. They wanted him to display their artwork. He sent a reply and smiled. Holy shit, he might just be getting himself out there. And web design was pretty damn fun. He opened the third, only to have his smile freeze in place.

'My Dear Duo,' he read, and felt his heart hammer.

_'My Dear Duo,_

_How are you? I hope you're settling into your new life happily. You even seem to be finding yourself a normal occupation. How quaint._

_I'm sure by now you've seen my gift to you. Beautiful, isn't it? Or has the one known as Heero Yuy kept you from seeing the message I left you? I'm sure you could understand that the man had to die, anyway. He kept me from you while you were here. I'm so very glad you're alive; I worried so. If you'd died before I'd been able to taste you, I'd have been devastated._

_But now we have the time to get to know one another, don't we?'_

Duo read it once, twice. Then he pulled his phone from his back pocket and called Heero.

Heero answered on the second ring. “Duo.”

“Hey, Heero.” Duo stood and moved away from the laptop like it might send Nind's hand across the ether and into the room. “I got an e-mail from him. Not sure how; I use an alias for my work.”

Duo heard a chair scraping. “I'll be right there.”

“That's okay; I'm sending you my password; you can check and see for yourself what he sent me. You don't have to come here.” Duo did as he said, though touching the keyboard made him feel bit weird – which only made him feel weirder. “There. Are you near a computer?” he asked then, though he should have known better than to bother.

“I have mine.”

Of course he did.

Duo waited for a bit, then heard Heero hiss. He didn't bother speaking, just waited. Heero called for Wufei. Duo listened, straining his ears, but all he could hear was a small static as Heero covered the mouthpiece and Heero's muffled voice. Then Heero was back. “Thanks for telling us, Duo. I'll send a police car to–”

Duo couldn't help it; he snorted. “I'll grab my gun if you want me to, Heero, but there's no way in hell I'm being babysat. Who survived a suicide dive through the final battle? Who kicked _ass_ divebombing through that shit? I do believe that was me.”

Heero struggled; Duo could hear it from his end, a tension so thick it cut through the phone line. “I want him dead,” Heero said suddenly, and Duo laughed. “I do.”

“I know; it's great. Just don't let any of your coworkers hear you say that.” Duo grinned. Just like that, he wasn't scared anymore. It was absurd. Heero wasn't anywhere near him is he did indeed need help – though of course he could damn well take care of himself – yet somehow everything just seemed better with Heero's voice echoing in the air. He was so smitten it was sickening. “I'm gonna go.”

“Wait.” Duo paused in the act of ending the call. “He mentioned seeing you trying to get a job. Did you leave the house?”

The question was slightly accusing, but it sounded more like a cop demanding answers. Duo rolled his eyes. The next Heero Yuy mask was going to be the police officer mask. He could already just see it. “No, Dad, I did not. I made a site where potential clients could see what I can do for their sites. I rerouted everything, hid my I.P., used an alias and backstepped anything that could lead to me, but the guy found it, anyway.”

“He has our skills,” Heero said. “He was J's first choice before me.”

Duo jerked. That was new. “I'll be careful, Heero.” He could no longer say he didn't think Nind was going to come. The man had sent two messages in one day. That meant he was close to fulfilling... whatever the hell it was he wanted to fulfill. And that meant he was coming after Duo soon.

“We're doing everything we can over here,” Heero said, “but they're demanding I provide _proof_ that it's Nind. Even this. It's unsigned from an anonymous e-mail service. I can't trace the thing.”

Red tape. Duo just didn't understand it. “It's fine,” Duo said. “At least we can prove that whoever did it was after me, and that we know someone who's been after me. It's – what do they call it? – circumstantial, right? But it's better than nothing. Too bad Nind is probably like you and me, with no birth certificate or blood sample or anything.”

“It'll make it almost impossible,” Heero said. “Until he attacks, we aren't allowed to do anything legally.”

Duo heard Wufei talking to Heero, and Heero covered the mouthpiece again. Duo heard Heero's words loud and clear this time, however. “And how the fuck would you respond, Chang?!”

Duo cleared his throat and looked at the ceiling. Pretty white color. Very pretty.

The argument seemed to die as soon as it started, though, and Heero spoke to Duo again. “Call me every half-hour, Duo. Hear me?”

“No, suddenly I'm deaf, and I only speak German. Ich spreche kein Englisch.” Duo shrugged as if he truly didn't understand what Heero had said.

Heero huffed. “Rufen Sie mich jede halbe Stunde," he said, repeating his order.

“Killjoy,” Duo said, huffing right back. Duo heard Heero chuckle lowly.

“I mean it, Duo. After all this, I'm not losing you.”

The sudden seriousness – not to mention the fact that Heero just said such a thing in public, presumably with Wufei right next to him, totally floored Duo. Duo couldn't even find a proper response before Heero hung up. He stood stupidly for a moment, just staring at his phone, before he cleared his throat and put it back in his back pocket.

* * *

“Sex is emotion in motion.”

~ Mae West

* * *

Heero didn't get back to the house until after eleven, and Duo had a feeling he only returned because he didn't want to leave Duo alone in the house alone during the night. They ate dinner quietly, with only a few quickly-lost threads of conversation woven into the silence. Duo poked at his food, turning it to mush before finally nibbling at it. Really, he was thinking about what Nind wanted to do to him, but he'd never – not once – asked Heero what had been done to him. He was tip-toeing around it, afraid to ask Heero and upset him. And if he were honest with himself – which he tried to be, even if he lied to everyone else – he would have to say he was afraid to know.

“Duo.”

He jerked his head up and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah?”

Heero's eyes were hard. “What are you thinking about?”

Duo kept his smile in place, but he hesitated. Even if he was afraid, he still worried about Heero. The man had only recently started having sex like a normal human being. He couldn't imagine bringing Nind up would help with that assimilation. And he very much liked the new sex. “Are you okay?” he asked instead.

Heero's brows drew low, and Duo watched as Heero worked Duo's question through. Of course it didn't take long for Heero to line up everything; no one could follow twisted paths like Heero. “The memory of Nind is still sharp, but I won't let it get in my way.”

So he _wasn't_ okay.

“I believe you,” Duo said. “But that bastard hurt you.” Duos fists clenched. “It pisses me off so much I want to wring the fucker's neck, but right now, I'm with you, and I want to help you.” Duo paused. “I don't think that made a lot of sense just now.”

But Heero was smiling. “It did,” he said, and Duo smiled back. It was always such a relief to see that smile on Heero's face. Duo didn't ever want to get used to it, to take it for granted. Watching Heero now, he was like a completely different person. He could joke. He could smile. He could even walk down a street without glaring at every person he passed. Heero was trying to get used to the new world, just like Duo.

Heero stood. “Eat your food,” he said, and Duo stuck out his tongue. Heero smirked. “Is there somewhere you want to put that?”

Duo's jaw dropped.

Heero just chuckled and took his empty plate to the sink.

Holy shit, Heero just made a dirty joke. Duo's brain was shutting down. He heard the water in the sink splash. Heard the soft scraping of the fork as Heero cleaned off something, heard Heero open and close the dishwasher. He ate mechanically. He didn't think he knew the world anymore.

Heero walked over to him, and he looked up just in time to catch a peck on the cheek. “Duo. I want to reaffirm something.”

Duo blinked. Reaffirm something? “Huh?” he asked, all intelligent and such, and Heero looked down at him as if considering an option.

“Finish your plate,” Heero said, and walked upstairs.

Duo couldn't eat his mush fast enough.

Heero was sitting on the bed in the master suite, looking at the pictures he had lined up along the back of the desk. Duo carefully avoided looking at them as he came in. “Heero?”

Heero just shook his head and kept staring at them. Duo, completely lost, just sat on the bed beside him and studied the trees on the comforter.

“Do you know how much I care for you?”

Duo's heart flipped. He looked over at Heero, but the man still stared at the pictures. Duo nodded. “Yeah. About as much as I do for you.”

Heero grunted, his lips trembling for a bit as if he was about to say something but then stopped himself. Duo looked back at the comforter, giving Heero as much time as he needed. “I've never felt liket his before,” Heero said, and Duo looked up a bit, not knowing if Heero was looking at him yet. He wasn't. “I've never felt terror at the thought of someone else being hurt. Fear, a bit, and trepidation, but never this kind of...” Heero made a frustrated noise. “And I can't fight it.”

Couldn't fight what? The fear, the enemy, or the emotions?

“I need to reaffirm something,” Heero said, and he finally looked at Duo. Looked hard. “I need to have sex with you.”

Duo's brain short-circuited.

“Please,” Heero said, but Duo just lifted an eyebrow and laughed. “What?” Heero's voice dipped a bit lower.

Duo quickly apologized. “Sorry, sorry. It's just – Heero.” And Duo kissed the man on the lips. It was supposed to be a return peck, but Heero bit at Duo's lip and plunged inside when Duo jumped slightly. It turned rather deep then. When they finally parted, Duo hardly remembered what he'd been saying. “Uh, yeah. Heero, you never have to plead for it. If there's ever a time I'm not in the mood – though good luck finding that time – I'll just offer you a rain check.”

Heero smiled and dipped Duo down for another kiss.

Duo had no idea what the hell Heero was trying to reaffirm, but he let Heero strip him, watched Heero strip, and moaned as Heero snaked his body over Duo's. Heero's body was smooth and hard, as usual, and Duo waited a moment to judge the look in Heero's eyes before he reached up and trailed his fingers along the sides of Heero's waist. Heero hissed again, and that gaze turned to fire. Duo grinned. “Reaffirm all you want, buddy.”

And Heero did. He pulled at Duo's hair, tilting his head back, tangling the braid to hell as he mashed their lips together. Heero dove right in, plunging his tongue deep into Duo's mouth, and Duo could only battle like hell until he, too, could taste Heero. They both ground against each other, both used their hands to touch. Duo sifted his fingers through Heero's hair, always amazed that the crazy mess was so silky, before he trailed them down Heero's shoulder blades to his hips, Heero shivered again, and Duo grinned. Ooh. So Heero liked hands trailing down and around, huh? He tried it again, and Heero bit his lower lip. Hard.

“Ow, dammit!” Duo said, but Heero was already licking the sore spot.

“ _I'm_ reaffirming,” he said, but he smiled, and his voice was soft. He dipped his head and tasted Duo's nipples, making him jerk, then slid down to Duo's stomach, where he played with the belly button, pistoning his tongue in and out. Duo writhed.

“Jesus, Heero, let's _go_.”

He tugged on Heero's shoulders, but the man didn't budge. “Not yet,” he breathed, making the muscles in Duo's gut jump, before Heero touched Duo's dick.

Just that one light touch was enough to make Duo arc his head off the bed. “Shit!” he said, and dropped back down as Heero trailed one finger up the underside and back down. He shivered. What the hell was Heero reaffirming? Duo's sensitivity?

Heero played only a small bit longer, just long enough for Duo to gasp, “ _please_ ,” and finally Heero reared up and opened a drawer on the nightstand. Duo reached out and trailed his hand down Heero's side again. He watched the man jump and grinned. “Turnaraound's fair play,” he said, and watched those cobalt eyes glitter at him.

Heero squirted some of the lube on Duo's stomach.

“Hey!” Duo said, rearing back, but Heero carefully held Duo's hips down.

“Stay still,” he ordered, and Duo pouted as Heero swirled a finger in the mess. It felt weird, but suddenly that finger was playing on his belly button again, and Duo found himself squirming. Heero chuckled. “I'm sorry? Something about turnarounds?”

Well, fuck.

Heero waited until Duo was groaning with every breath before he finally traced Duo's hole and slid his finger inside. The lube was nice and warm after sitting on Duo's body for so long, and Heero simply scraped more off and placed his finger back inside. Duo relaxed into it and found the pain disappearing. He thrashed his head from side to side and reached for Heero, finally grabbing his shoulders again and holding on tight.

“Heero,” Duo said, warning Heero as his back shivered into an arc. He felt the pleasure building in him and trembled. Heero stopped moving his finger and waited for Duo's breath to become steadier than the panting gasps they'd become.

“Not yet,” Heero said, and Duo tried to calm down enough to get Heero inside him. It took a few minutes, but finally he nodded to Heero and the man started again, twisting that finger inside him, now careful to avoid Duo's prostate. The second finger finally slid in, but Heero could only scissor the space for a couple of minutes before Duo was arcing off the bed again.

“Now, Heero, it has to be now!”

Heero pulled his fingers free, making Duo whimper despite himself, and finally Heero placed his dick on Duo's rim. “I have to go slowly, Duo,” Heero said, but Duo didn't give a rat's ass. He lifted his legs, placing them on Heero's shoulders, and fisted his hands in the sheets. Heero's entrance was painful, just enough to keep his body from releasing, and Heero entered one achingly small millimeter at a time.

“Heero. God.” Duo grunted and jerked his hips forward, making Heero gasp. It hurt, but not enough to take away the pleasure. Heero held Duo in place, not letting Duo take the last inch he knew he'd failed to grab, and waited for Duo to start moaning again. Then Heero slid all the way home, and Duo leaned his head back and groaned in triumph. Heero pressed his forehead to Duo's.

“Almost,” Heero said. “I'm almost positive...”

Duo didn't know or care what Heero was talking about. He bucked in Heero's hold. “Hurry the fuck up, Yuy,” he growled, and Heero chuckled. The breath washed over Duo's face.

“Understood,” Heero said, and he started to move. At first it was just one slow jerk, pushing to see if there was anything else that could be slid inside, and then Heero pulled out, just an inch, and slammed back in. Duo keened. Again, then again, Heero pulling out a bit further each time before slapping back together, as if trying to pull apart magnets. Duo felt the white fire rush along his veins and shouted. The rhythm picked up then.

It didn't take long, just a short number and tight punched back and forth, Heero thrusting in over and over, and Duo reared his head back and came. Heero did, too, releasing on a grunt and bumping his forehead back onto Duo's. Their pants mingled together in the heady air. “I knew it,” Heero said, even as his body shuddered one last time. Duo slumped down, exhausted. “I knew it,” he said again. And h e leaned down and kissed Duo, long and hard. Duo almost found himself with enough energy to perk up a bit. Heero chuckled, probably feeling Duo's interest against his stomach.

“Knew what?” Duo finally asked. He stared up at Heero, at the hair even more tangled than usual, at the eyes, dark and glittering.

“It has nothing to do with this.” Duo furrowed his brows, but Heero just shook his head and kissed Duo again. “The sex has nothing to do with how I feel.”

Duo huffed, though he felt warmth curling all over his chest and around his heart. “I dunno; I think it's a great bonus.”

Heero laughed, kissed him on his lips, then his nose, and sighed. “That's just it, though. It's a bonus.” And Heero swept a few curled of hair from Duo's cheek. Duo hadn't even known he'd begun to sweat; only after Heero pulled the hairs forcefully away from his cheek did he feel the slick feel of the sweat along his body. “Everything I feel for you is for you, the person. I knew Nind had to be wrong.” And Heero kissed him again.

Duo almost froze at the words, but he forced himself to respond. He wanted to be angry with Heero. Angry for believing Nind, angry for using the sex they shared as a means to prove Nind wrong. But he couldn't. If he'd been raped by Nind, even in the name of training, he probably would have turned out just as badly. Maybe this would help Heero heal.

“It's the same for me,” he sighed when Heero finally let his lips go. “I want you. And if you sucked at sex, I would teach you. Step by step.” He gave Heero a fuck-me-please smile, and Heero grinned.

“I _did_ suck,” Heero said, surprising Duo. “But it seems as if I'm learning.”

“Oh, yeah,” Duo said.

“Still.” Duo lifted a brow as that weird light came back into Heero's eyes, the same light Duo had seen after Heero had made that dirty joke. “It couldn't hurt to practice some more.”

Duo reached up for Heero. “I can't imagine it would.”

* * *

“Move in,” Heero said.

Duo looked up from where he'd rested his head in the crook of Heero's shoulder, furrowing his brows. “I have,” he said.

Heero shook his head, those fingers of his still playing up and down Duo's back. “No. In here. In my room, with me. Permanently. Out of the guest room.” Heero's hand stilled for a moment, turning into something akin to a rock. Outside, it was so dark, Duo would be amazed if dawn didn't break in another few hours. “I don't like you being in there. It makes this seem temporary.”

Duo felt the weight he'd been carrying drop off of him, just like that. “Then I can stay? Permanently?”

Heero's brows shot up, but then he scowled. “Of course.”

Duo grinned and leaned up just enough to peck Heero on the underside of his jaw. “Then I would be thrilled to officially move in with you.”

“Then may I ask you something?” Heero asked, toying with Duo's hair. The man really seemed to have a fascination for it.

“Go for it, Heero, my man.”

Duo said it flippantly, but Heero hesitated, and Duo wondered if even the joke of ownership was too much. Then Heero hugged his hips and pulled Duo up slightly, until he could kiss the top of Duo's head. “Tell me why you don't ever look at yourself.”

Duo froze. “What?”

“I've noticed. You hate having your picture taken, and I've seen you avoid looking at the photos I have of you. Your old apartment, when we cleaned it out, had black spray paint on the mirrors. Why?”

Duo held himself still. “I just don't like what I see,” he said, the words practically choking him. He hoped Heero didn't hear it, but the twitch of Heero's fingers said he just might have.

“Why?” Heero asked. “I like it. Very much.” Heero moved his fingers along Duo's back, almost as if he were forcing himself to act normally. “You're beautiful.”

“I hate it _because_ it's beautiful,” Duo said, surprised at how his body curled, how his back hunched and his lips pulled back. Heero's hand stilled again. “Do you have any idea how many people wanted me because of this damn body?”

Heero's body was stone still now.

Duo took a deep breath. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“No. You're right; I, too, found you beautiful.”

Duo's hands curled into fists. “That's fine,” he said, and felt weird for a moment. Heero had thought him beautiful? From the start? So it hadn't just been stress relief for him? Maybe Heero had wanted sex with Duo, and not just whoever was near. He hadn't heard of Heero propositioning the other guys for sex, but for some reason, he'd never thought anything of it. Did Heero think him... good-looking? “I... I'm talking about other people. Even when I was a kid, people wanted me. Adults would go to kids and offer them a few credits for a job. If the kids said no, the adults weren't against taking it by force.”

Heero made a strange noise, somewhere between fury and shock.

“A couple got me, too,” Duo said, his voice a whisper as he stared unseeingly at the wall. “I'd always been fast, but sometimes there was more than one, you know? And I ran from one and found myself in the arms of another.”

Heero hissed. Duo didn't look up.

“They always complimented me. Always called me beautiful. Beautiful hair, beautiful skin, beautiful body. I hated it.”

Duo found his body still curled up, almost mimicking how he'd been after those men had finished. “Even a woman, once,” he said, and remembered the slick feel of her entrance on his dick, her hands on his balls and around his base, keeping him up. He shuddered. “This damn body even got Solo's attention.”

Duo knew Heero recognized the reference to his own name, though Duo also knew Heero wouldn't know who the boy was. “Even he found my body special.”

Neither of them said anything, though suddenly Duo thought it had been cruel to say all of that. Heero had brought it up, but the man hadn't known what he was digging into. Duo looked down. Maybe Heero had been ready to tell Duo the scars didn't make him less beautiful? But he dearly loved his scars. They were ugly, and imperfect, and he had earned them. Of course, Heero might not feel the same way. Heero might think them unattractive, and by that link, Duo himself.

Dammit, he was worrying about his stupid looks. How obnoxious was that?

“I'm sorry,” Heero said after a very long, very pregnant pause. “I don't know what to say to help you. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm not good at this.” Duo shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but Heero continued. “Just know that I saw your body, but I also saw your personality. It confused me, angered me, but it intrigued me.”

Heero had been intrigued by Duo? Duo snuggled in a little deeper. “Thanks, Heero.”

Those callused fingers trailed along Duo's back, up and down. “Did I... help at all?”

Duo nodded. “Yeah.” Just knowing that his body had called to Heero made him feel a little better. Actually, he wasn't quite how sure how he felt. “It's a little different now that I know I'm here to stay.” He tried to find a safe way to say what he was thinking. “Now that this body has gotten me something worth getting. And it's nice to know you don't think that's all there is to me.”

“I wouldn't have come to care for simply a body.”

Somehow, it was the perfect thing to say. Duo grunted. “That works, then.” And with that, Duo snuggled in for a nice sleep, Heero's arms curling possessively around his waist.

The next morning, after Heero went to work, Duo grabbed his few possessions and took them up to Heero's room, placing everything save his laptop away in the drawers, not quite surprised that Heero had kept a few empty for Duo all this time. He was starting to see that Heero had always thought of Duo's life in his house as permanent.

Then he returned to Heero's room and stared at the pictures of himself on Heero's desk for a long, long time.


	18. Nind

“Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.”

~ Aristotle

* * *

It happened the day Heero and Wufei were officially made partners – as if that result was a surprise to anyone.

Quatre had managed to get a day off, something that was cause for celebration all by itself, and of course Trowa came along. They all met in Heero's house, though Heero looked like he was a smidge uncomfortable with it. Duo had just patted the man on the shoulder. “Do you trust them?” he'd asked, and when Heero had nodded, Duo had smiled and played host for the both of them.

It was while everyone was congregated in the living room, Wufei and Trowa telling Qat and Heero about something they'd done back in the war, that Duo went to the kitchen to grab some snacks and saw it.

The only reason he saw the damn hunting knife was because he opened the fridge, and the thing had been hiding on the top. It slipped and fell as he opened the door. He jumped back, barely dodging the blade as it plummeted toward him. He yelped as it thunked into the tiled floor.

“Duo?” Heero followed him into the kitchen, hairtriggered as always ever since the threats from Nind had starting coming a week ago. Duo's heart hammered as he stared at the knife. Keeping the two of them uptight, jerking at noises in the night. Exhausting them. Duo gritted his teeth. Heero entered the room, Quatre and Wufei right behind him. Heero gathered Duo into his arms and pulled him back as Wufei swept the room.

“It's nothing,” Duo said, surprised when his voice came out on a gasp. “Just a greeting.”

He looked up and behind, straining his neck to see Heero. Those cobalt eyes were glaring down at the knife on the floor. “He's been here.”

Inside. The only chance Nind'd had to get inside without them to greet him was when they went to greet Quatre and Trowa at the spaceport. That meant that in the hour or so that they were gone, Nind had come inside and left that little gift for them. Was there more? Had Nind taken anything, left anything, done anything? Duo felt his heart start pumping fast again. Nind had done this simply to remind them that he was watching, that he was close. But though Wufei and Heero were using every source available to them, and even though Duo had started secretly searching himself, there was nothing about Nind whatsoever. It was as if the man just didn't exist.

Only the knife in the floor said otherwise.

“This has to stop,” Quatre said, and Duo jerked at the steel in the little blond's voice. Quatre's eyes rose from the knife to Heero's face. “Nind. I've searched for him, but it's as if no one like him ever existed.”

Heero's arms still kept Duo encased within his hold. “Nind. He has no actual name; it's said that when he came to J, all J's equipment said was 'no identification number detected.' That's where the name originates. He exists on no documents, paper or otherwise. The man has never existed. It's an anomaly.”

Never existed? No pictures, even? Duo frowned. “Heero,” he said, absently patting at the arms around him, “I'm okay.”

The man hesitated for a moment more, but he finally released Duo and stepped back. If anything, the man's frown was even more pronounced. “He's toying with us. He wants us to exhaust ourselves waiting for his attack.”

Quatre flipped open his phone.

Duo was aware of the closed windows and pulled blinds, the locked doors, the small traps and alarms set up around the house. They weren't living like civilians. Hell, they were hardly living like humans. They kept their house dark at night so no one could see any silhouettes. They stayed in the same room as each other, never letting the other go off on their own. When Duo was left alone in the house, he called in every hour, on the hour. The one time he'd been in the bathroom during his usual call time, Heero had flipped.

It wasn't normal. It wasn't healthy. It had to stop.

“Bernie?” Quatre said, speaking into his phone. “Yes, of course it's me. Who else would bother you like this? Look, just cancel all of my meetings for the next few weeks.” Duo turned to face Quatre. “I don't care; just do it. Say I'm ill or something.” And Quatre snapped his phone closed before the person on the other end could set in on him. “What's happening right now can potentially be considered worse than that spread-eagled cat that came three days ago.”

Duo grimaced at the reminder of the cat in the shoebox with a gag over its muzzle. “It's just fun to him, isn't it?” Wufei and Trowa had already swept the room for bugs and were now going through the refrigerator, plucking out every last drink and dumping it down the sink, running the tap water to boiling in order to keep any poisons off the sink. Then they dumped all the food. Duo watched with a sinking feeling in his chest. “This madness – he's probably laughing right now.”

“Good,” Quatre said, and Duo jumped at the word. “If he's laughing, then he's not taking us seriously. Heero, you said the man doesn't exist, but J most likely had records. Where and when?”

J's records? Duo felt a flicker of hope, but Heero was already shaking his head.

“No. I checked, just in case, but no. It's like I said – nothing of Nind remains on any file. Even J couldn't get around it. It was as if a program existed on all servers, like a virus; it always wiped traces of Nind clean.”

So they would never find him? Then what the hell had all of Duo's searching been for?

“We've looked for sudden hotel bookings, plane flights, shuttle flights,” Wufei said, washing his hands thoroughly now that the refrigerator was empty. “So far, if he's out there, he's keeping an extremely low profile.”

Quatre bent his head and touched his chin in thought. “Then, Heero. You know him best. Give me his profile.”

Duo saw the grimace that flashed on Heero's face, even if it seemed no one else did. “He's usually quiet, standoffish. When he's not... when it isn't sexual, he follows J's orders almost blindly – followed,” Heero fixed himself. “But when it's sexual, he changes completely. He becomes obsessive, almost needy. He'll... haunt you.” Duo thought everyone might have seen Heero's shudder. He moved until his shoulder bumped Heero's, and suddenly he was in Heero's grip again, cloistered in steel arms. He just patted Heero's bicep and let him do as he needed. “He'll visit you, oftentimes at odd times. He got possessive, started about ownership and experiences...”

Duo frowned as Heero's voice trailed off. Experiences? Was that the word used to describe the 'rape training sessions' or something?

Quatre didn't look up once during Heero's explanation, but he seemed to be nodding, almost as if listening to music. Duo caught a slight smile on Trowa's lips and cocked his head.

“He won't be staying at a hotel,” Quatre said finally. That smile on Trowa's face grew for a moment before he ducked his head and hid it from sight. “He won't be further than a block away, if that. I wouldn't be surprised if he's living in one of your neighboring houses.”

The very thought of that made Duo shiver. “What makes you say that?”

“It's just as Heero said,” Quatre said, looking from Duo, sheltered in Heero's arms, to Heero, whose look Duo couldn't see to ascertain. “He's obsessed. Possessive. He won't be able to leave you. Now that he's free of J, he's probably settling in to his new... home. Do you have any neighbors who may not be missed for a while?”

Duo shrugged. “We're still new here, or at least I am.” He tried to turn to see Heero's face, but he couldn't see anything. Heero's arms, however,m turned to marble.

“That cat,” Heero said.

“The cat?” Duo echoed.

“Miss Kiki,” Heero said. “The old woman across the street, remember? She can't shovel the snow off her own driveway, she'd so old. You went and did it for her.”

Duo made a sound of acknowledgment, then froze. “She was retired, wasn't she? Dead husband, no kids nearby.”

“She kept cats as family.” Heero's words were now nothing more than a hiss. “Goddammit.”

“We made the assumption that it was a stray,” Duo said. It had been stupid of them. They knew better than to make assumptions. Why hadn't they suspected such a thing?

“We still can't be sure,” Wufei said. “It seems likely that he'd have gone for her, but there may be someone else.”

“In any case, we'll have to wait until Monday,” Quatre said, obviously displeased with this. “We can't let him know that we may have figured him out.”

Duo scowled. Of course Quatre was right, but it meant continuing on in this house as if everything was normal. As if they didn't have a psycho watching them from just a few houses down. It meant spending the weekend knowing that as they slept, Nind could be crawling from a neighbor's house to their own, planting another knife or another cat or simply making his move, a move they'd been waiting for for over a week.

Duo felt his heart hammering at the very thought. And from the touch on his chest, Duo knew Heero could feel his reaction. Duo touched Heero's arms, but when he told himself to move away, his fingers clenched tight on Heero's forearms. He felt sick.

The party feeling was completely gone, of course, but they stayed together for a bit longer; Wufei and Heero scoured the whole house for bugs while Quatre sat in the chair. Trowa stood right beside him, even though Quatre tried to shoo him off a few times. Duo slumped onto the couch and stared glumly at the opposite wall.

“Duo?”

Duo looked up to find Quatre and Trowa watching him. He gave them both a grin. “Hey. Fun times all around, huh?”

But Quatre wouldn't be swayed. “How are you?”

Duo shrugged. “Oh, you know me, Qat – I always bounce back.”

That little blond only frowned more. “I do know you, Duo – when you bounce, you end up getting a new scar.”

Duo winced. He slumped a little lower in his seat. “Okay, so I'm not thrilled with this situation. Who would be?” He peeked up, but Quatre was still giving him that frowning, contemplative look. He sighed. “I'm burdening him, Quatre.” He found himself wanting to curl up and frowned at the impulse. How childish.

As if slumping wasn't childish.

“Duo.” That little blond frowning was about to make Duo go crazy. “You aren't the burden. Nind is. Don't you think Heero's happy to have you by his side?”

Duo nodded. “I know that, and logically, in my head, I agree. But seeing how Nind's obsession with me is raising up old wounds... I want to kill the man, but I also feel like I'm bringing that pain on him. It isn't rational.” Duo looked at the blinds, closed against the evening light. “Heero needs a stable life now.”

Movement upstairs said someone was coming down, and Duo clammed up. It was Wufei, carrying two full handfuls of bugs. Duo's jaw dropped. “One was behind the toilet. The rest were in the master bedroom.”

Duo shivered. Good God. “Heero?”

“He'll be coming in a minute; these were obvious. He's searching deeper.” With that, Wufei made his way to the kitchen. Duo stood to help the man throw the things away, but Trowa beat him to it, giving Duo a significant look as he left. Duo pouted.

“Duo. I need to talk to you about Monday.”

Duo looked over to the blond, still sitting in the chair. The little blond had steepled his fingers. “Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to break your pattern on Monday.”

Duo nodded. “I know. Just in case he attacks.”

“Right,” Quatre said, but Duo was already chuckling. Quatre cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

“I do get the feeling that he'll attack,” Duo said, “but I've felt like that for months, even before the war ended, let along before all of this.” Duo moved a hand to gesture the house, the gifts, the guardedness of everyone in the damn building. “And even after Monday's over, we'll need to check around on Tuesday, then plan an attack on Wednesday. We wouldn't be able to do anything until Thursday at the earliest. What am I supposed to do, stay out of the house until Thursday? And you don't think Nind would get suspicious by that?”

Quatre didn't look happy with what Duo said, but he wasn't refuting Duo's words, either. For once, Duo had trumped Quatre. Mark the calendar. “I just don't like you being here alone, Duo. You're the one he's after. Nothing's keeping him from you. I don't even know why he's waiting; maybe he wants something, or he's still getting settled, or something's left undone. But it's only a matter of time, and he'll have the entire weekend to prepare.”

“He had last weekend, too,” Duo said, but the more they spoke about it, the more uneasy he became. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, I'll leave the house on Monday. There's some errands I need to do, anyway. It seems we need food.”

Heero came down then, another handful of bugs, his face etched out of granite. Duo moved to Heero's side instinctively. Heero looked down at him with Perfect Soldier eyes. “One in the shower head, another on the sink pipes, the rest scattered across our room. He wants...” But Heero couldn't say it. Duo understood, anyway. Heero went on into the kitchen, his moves so fluid he looked almost like he was walking on water.

So. They would be sleeping in shifts that night.

“Duo, what about Tuesday and Wednesday?”

Duo shook his head. “All I can do is keep calling Heero every hour. And whatever Nind is hoping for, we have to make sure not to give it to him.”

* * *

“What we prepare for is what we shall get.”

~ William Graham Sumner

* * *

The weekend was slow, slow and painful and dreary, as both he and Heero stayed int eh same room as one another, not even daring to turn on the television for fear they would miss the sound of Nind's approach. They went out for food each night, not trusting Nind to not mess with the food any delivery boy might bring them. They couldn't go out shopping; Duo needed his excuse to leave, after all. So they huddled together, neither saying much of anything, both nervous about bugs, to the point where they searched together twice on Saturday and again on Sunday.

They were about to snap.

Monday morning found them both awake, though they had taken short naps, each time watched over by the other. Duo was cocooned in Heero's arms, a place he was finding familiar after the past few days. Heero seemed reluctant to get up and get to work, even though it was past time he did so. Duo finally complained about needing to use the john just to get the guy moving. Seriously. If it weren't for the relatively easy traceability, he would have just hacked into the system and found out everything about his neighbors already.

Honestly, he was amazed Heero hadn't done the same.

Heero dropped him off at the grocery store and told him to be careful on the bus back (he didn't have his own car yet), as if Duo hadn't thought to be careful. But Duo just reassured him and waggled his phone under Heero's nose when Heero reminded him to call every hour.

And Duo had thought he was paranoid.

It all went very uneventfully, if you discounted the spill on aisle eight that made it a bit difficult to get Heero's V8. He called in only once, then sent a text saying only 'bus.' The ride was also boring, save needing to text Heero the number of the bus, number of passengers, where he was on the bus, what the driver looked like, and the estimated time until arrival. Once back at the house, he called for the second time, since it was practically time to, anyway, and spoke with Heero for a while, mostly while he put the food away. Guess Heero would have come back if he heard the thunk of a knife over the line.

He spent the rest of the day responding to the site owner he'd helped and rolled his eyes when the person asked for him to make things fancier, all for another hundred bucks. Good grief, people were suckers. He had a couple people asking him how he did what he did – which he wouldn't say for fear of losing business – and another who said they didn't have much but wanted his help.

After all that, he still had a few hours left before Heero returned. He fiddled around the house, using the phone calls to count down the time. He wanted to be out there, helping to prepare for the fight. The entire thing hinged around him, yet all he was doing was playing around on the damn computer and playing housekeeper. He raked a hand through his hair and searched the house for any more gifts. The thorough search killed another hour, and he called in the Heero. Only one more hour, thank goodness.

The search turned up nothing. Why? He'd left the house; Nind should have been all over the opportunity. Something shivered up his spine. Nind was planning something, and if he didn't spare the time to play with Duo, then it meant it was almost finished.

He was so damn happy when Heero was back, he practically skipped to the man's side. Of course Heero had to check the house for himself while Duo finished the dinner, but he didn't find anything, either. “I don't like it,” Duo said, putting the food on a plate. Heero was sitting, pulling off the tie he'd put on that morning and scowling at it. Duo could guess those things wouldn't be worn much longer.

“I don't, either,” Heero said, but didn't elaborate. Duo couldn't, either. Anything they said would already be known by the other. All they could do was worry about it, and that wouldn't help. “Any news?” Duo asked.

“I picked this neighborhood because there was little crime and little community,” Heero said. “A place where I could acclimate. Most people tend to keep to themselves. There's only two families on this street, and only one person who keeps in touch with their brothers and sisters every week. The rest are like Miss Kiki, and the cat is circumstantial.”

“Can't exactly go around knocking on doors, can we?” Duo said, glaring down at his plate.

“No.”

Duo wasn't the finest cook ever, but he was able to follow directions, and he'd made a casserole from green beans and onion rings and such. Heero liked vegetables, the weirdo, but Duo could live without. Still, he dug in. The casserole was supposed to taste good, and the thing was supposed to be healthy. Duo had no idea how it was supposed to fulfill both expectations – so he made a surprised sound when he bit into it.

Heero was standing before Duo could swallow, and he sputtered and stood, too, until he realized Heero was looking at him. He grinned sheepishly and sat. “I wasn't expecting it to taste good,” he said.

Heero blinked, and Duo watched those muscles fall lax. Heero finally snorted. “You're the one who cooked it.”

“Yeah, but it has green beans in it,” he said, hunching his shoulders defensively. “It's all-” he waved his hand uselessly “-green-y bean-y.”

It got the proffered laugh. Duo grinned and dug in again, happier now that he found Heero able to laugh still. The rest of the dinner was lighter, though slightly forced, as Heero talked about the idiots trying to join Preventers, so many that Une now had a permanent headache trying to organize them all. Duo talked about the spill, making it as outlandishly annoying as possible, and Heero countered with Une quickly becoming the unofficial leader of the entire Preventer organization, while Po was taking a serious backseat and Noin simply handled the governmental forms. Duo countered with a simple, “better you than me,” that got him a light kick under the table and a rather nice kiss in apology when he pretended to be in pain.

That night, though they desperately kissed, they found themselves unable to go farther. Duo snuggled into Heero's arms and swore vengeance for his unhappy member.

Tuesday was even more annoying, as Heero reminded Duo three times to call, until finally Duo shook his phone and said he would break it if Heero brought it up one more time. He got another kiss for his efforts, but that just left him in a foul mood, since it wasn't going to go anywhere until Nind was gone.

Heero promised to have the number reduced by the end of the day, hopefully to only three or so instead of the fourteen that sat there now. Duo just rushed him out, only to grab his sleeve on his way out. “Hey,” he said, and when Heero turned, he kissed the man, right there on the stoop. “I'll be okay.”

Heero didn't smile, just cupped Duo's cheek. “We will be,” he said, and then he was off.

Duo closed the door, not waiting to see Heero off, just in case. Then he sat in front of his computer and got to work.

He had less than an hour's worth of work, since the person with little money was waffling, but he was surprised to see his first official payment had already been transferred, and he decided to go ahead and finish the picky client's order. Nothing like money to get one motivated.

One phone call later, he was moving again, checking the house over even though he knew he wouldn't find anything. That took up only a half hour, since he knew he was only wasting his time. Then he cleaned. Nothing like being bored senseless to get you cleaning. After that, he just said to hell with it and turned on the television. He watched one short game show before he had to call in again. He leaned back and thought he felt brain matter leaking out his ears.

The phone rang then, and Duo hopped up to answer it. “Duo. It's Quatre.”

“Qat!” Duo almost cried, he was so happy. “Please tell me you have something for me to do.”

Those little lips turned up in a smile. “Even better. I'm coming to visit. I've been at Preventers; I can give you an update.”

“Oh, thank you, Qat, you have no idea how bored I've been.” He decided not to tell Quatre how he broke procedure and turned on the television even though it would mask any sounds coming from near the house. “How long are you staying? Is Trowa coming, too?”

This time the blond actually chuckled. “Yes, Trowa's coming, too, and we can stay for a few hours, if you'd like.”

A few hours. Suddenly the rest of the day didn't seem so long. “Great! When'll you be here?”

“As soon as possible. Maybe about a half an hour?”

Duo almost jumped for joy. “Awesome. Hey, if you're at Preventers, can you tell Heero something for me?”

Quatre cocked his head. “Cn you not tell him?”

“It'd be funnier coming from you.” Duo took Quatre's raised eyebrow to be ascent and said, “tell him he's a douche, but I find that oddly attractive about him.”

Quatre blushed. “What?”

“Come on,” Duo said, using his best whiny voice, knowing Quatre thought it too funny to ignore. “He's been giving me a hard time – oh, there's a pun there – and I am going out of my mind because of it. It's payback. Payback, Qat! You know I need that!”

The blond sighed, and Duo grinned. Victory. “Fine. But you owe me.”

“When don't I?” Duo gave Quatre a jaunty little wave before finally saying, “see you soon,” and signing off. He looked around the house. Thank goodness the boredom was coming to an end.

Duo didn't have anything to do during the half hour wait, but he went to the stove anyway. Might as well clean it out, right? They'd used it a few times since moving in, and they didn't want it all nasty or anything, right? He stared at it. Maybe he should just watch more tv.

The phone rang again, and Duo hopped over to it again. “Hey!” he said, then stopped. The vid screen was hissing snow. No picture.

“Hello.”

Duo's lips pulled back, and he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He'd left his gun on the couch while he'd been watching television. He itched to go get it, but if he went running off, then Nind might know why, and he might try to make a move. Where was the man? In the house he stole, or somewhere closer? He speed-dialed Heero. “Nind. What do you want now?”

“I just wanted you in the kitchen.”

“Fu–”

Duo turned to the back door in time to see a small, round something crash through the kitchen window. It exploded before he could look away, a loud, bright bang that turned the world white and made it ring. He turned, glad he'd walked through this house when he'd been recovering, and traced his steps to the hallway as quickly as possible. He heard the back door slam open and raced to the living room.

He made it to the living room without anything puncturing him, and with a hurried grope, he found the couch. The world was turning a fuzzy yellow, little gray blobs floating in a mist. Duo snatched at the back of the couch and scuttled over it, using it for coer as he trailed his hand along the seats.

He heard a sound, deep, the noises almost familiar. Someone was talking to him. He remembered the phone in his hand and held it up to his ear.

“Duo? Duo, answer me!”

Heero. He breathed the man's name, not daring to do more, and finally felt the metal of the gun against his fingers.

“Game's over, then.”

The words filtered through the buzzing in his ears, and he jerked as something pricked his arm. He turned, gun in hand, and saw three different Ninds hiding behind two different couches. He shot them all, not taking the time to figure out which was real. He heard a loud grunt and focused in on that. Nind ducked under the couch. Duo hesitated, stupidly. Not wanted to destroy Heero's couch. The world wavered, and he touched his arm. A tiny little syringe, no bigger than five quarters stuck to one another, sat deep in his deltoid. He grimaced and pulled it out, testing the world as it twisted and splotched black.

“Duo,” he heard, and he fumbled with his phone again. He put it in his pocket and watched for movement on the other side of the couch. Nind could play the waiting game now. Duo would slowly fall unconscious, and Nind could just pick him up. But if he took long enough, waited long enough, then Heero would get to him. Duo had no doubt that Heero was already in a car, speeding back to the house. If Duo could just force Nind to wait, he would have cavalry, and maybe all this horseshit would end.

He slunk around the couch, though he had no doubt Nind heard him. Why wasn't Nind shooting through the couch? The easy answer made him shiver. The idea that Nind wanted him fully conscious made him sick. The world no longer rang or glared, but it was splotched and twirling. He felt his muscles fall slightly lax and snarled. How long did he have? Preventers Headquarters – if it could be called that already – was almost fifteen minutes away when one obeyed all traffic laws. Heero might get to the house in less than ten, but that amount of time seemed like so very far away. He needed to at least buy himself some time.

He mentally apologized to Heero and shot one of the front windows, leaping out. He saw Nind stand, surprised, before he landed roughly on the grass. He rolled to regain his balance and found the world dipping sharply to the left. He stumbled.

“What's going on?” Duo jerked back and dodged as he saw Nind raise his hand, still ducked down behind the couch. One of Duo's neighbors, a mousy-looking man with a slight hunchback, was glaring at Duo. “I heard gunshots!” the man shouted, his hands on his hips as if Duo wasn't fighting for his life.

“Get back inside,” Duo said, and jerked again when he heard how raspy his voice was. “Now!” And he turned his gun on the man. He scuttled away pretty quickly then.

“Duo,” Nind called, still not leaving his precious spot behind the couch, obviously having figured out that Duo had no intention of shooting that thing through. “Will you run?”

Duo hesitated. Running was his usual motto, especially in a situation like this. He didn't even know how much time he had before everything went dark. His muscles pulled like they had weights on them, and his eyes were pretty adamant about closing. But if he ran off, if he lost sight of Nind, then they would have to go back to hunting. Back to worrying. Only this time they had broken windows and torn curtains and neighbors who thought Duo was a psycho. He wanted it to end. He wanted it so fiercely he could hardly dream of anything else.

And by God, he was going to get laid by Heero that week if it killed him!

He raced to the side of the house and flattened his back against it. The rough siding slid against his back, digging into his shoulder blades, and his braid felt unnaturally thick on his head – the second was just the damn drugs, but it was unsettling, nonetheless. He hunkered low and slid under the destroyed the window. Would Heero be able to find a replacement couch? Hell, could they even afford it? Couches were expensive, probably. If he shot the damn thing, how could Heero replace it? They would have a bullet-filled couch to sit on for a few months, at least.

But Nind was in there. Nind had drugged him. Duo could shoot through the couch, through one foot at a time, until Nind gave up and came out, and they could have a proper fight. No hostages to slow Duo down, a nice weapon in his hand, the Brainbox gone – of course, he was drugged, couldn't forget that, and that meant the battle wouldn't be a fair one. And Duo had always fought better with the element of surprise on _his_ side, not his enemies'.

He breathed deep. His thoughts were getting scattered. He needed to focus.

Nind wasn't saying anything, and Duo couldn't hear anything from within. Nind couldn't afford to wait now that Duo was outside. So was the man retreating? Or simply running around the house? He took a quick peek, but nothing zipped toward him. Boldly, he stuck his head up and stared for a while, but nothing happened. Quickly he went to the door, only to find the thing locked. He cursed and slipped through the window again, taking care not to tear his skin on the broken shards. Nothing happened. No bullets, no shouts, no tranquilizers, no shuffles, no nothing. Duo hurried to the couch nonetheless, but he couldn't hear a thing. Was Nind waiting for him? And if he was, was he behind the couch or somewhere else? Duo wanted to curse. He shouldn't have taken his eyes off the man. He shouldn't have spared the stupid damn couch.

It was just... Heero loved that couch. It was a part of Heero's home, a home outside of the war. And it was Duo's, too. A home. _His_ home.

Sentimentality. For a short, horrifying moment, he understood J's extreme measures.

He leaped over the couch, unsurprised to find no one behind it. Still, he hurried back outside, almost screaming when he had to take the extra second to unlock the door. Then he was outside again, having to stop right there in the open to catch his breath and stop the sky from slipping on its side. Still nothing. What the hell had been the point if the man wasn't going to attack him?

He heard a sound from the street behind him, and he turned, his gun up. Another of his neighbors shrieked and jumped back. He sighed and put his weapon down. “Go back inside,” Duo said. “There's a murderer on the loose in the neighborhood.” The woman gasped and turned back toward what Duo presumed to be her house. Great. Maybe she was one of the two with a family. “We'll find him,” he said, and she nodded before turning back to the house.

“Thanks, officer.”

He didn't bother correcting her. “If you have kids, keep them inside for the next few days, just in case. We'll let you know if anything new occurs.”

She didn't respond. He didn't even know if she heard him; she was already across the street.

Others were coming out, and finally Duo heard the sound of a car approaching recklessly fast. He stayed safely on the curb.

Heero's car screeched to a halt, not even bothering to park, and Heero burst from the driver's side, leaving the thing running. Wufei, his hair slightly askew for the first time Duo had ever seen, hurried from the passenger side. Both raced up to the house, Wufei hurrying to the door as Heero took his place in front of Duo. “What's the situation?”

Duo waved vaguely to the house, feeling his muscles like Atlas might. “He was in there, behind the couch. I left through the front window. I didn't want to shoot the couch, so I hid, and now you're here.”

Wufei gave Duo an odd look. “You didn't want to shoot the couch, so you hid?”

Duo shrugged. “I like the couch.”

Heero blinked. “Are you drugged?”

Duo stuck out his tongue, finally feeling almost safe. “You're mean.”

“Duo, stay with me.” Heero kept Duo by his side as he and Wufei did a sweep of the house, then the yard. Others arrived then, one person driving Heero's car very, very carefully. Une even stepped out of one car, and Duo's jaw dropped as she ordered the people around, pointing and shouting in a brown suit and skirt. Heero kept an arm around him, the other clutching his gun. Duo remembered his own gun then, and the phone that still rested open in his pocket. He pulled the phone out and closed it shut.

“Duo...”

“Heero,” Duo said on a sigh, cutting off whatever Heero was about to say, “I am awake only by... actually, I have no idea what's keeping me awake. The noise? The lights? The idea of Une seeing me swoon? So if you want me awake long enough for Po to okay me, don't make me think.”

Heero snorted. “All right.” Heero clutched him a little tighter, then said, “you scared me.”

Duo tried to smile for Heero, but turning his head to look at the man made his head spin. He settled on leaning his head on Heero's shoulder. “I scared myself. I'd left my gun on the couch, and all I could think was G's stupid voice, saying only one mistake was needed.”

Heero didn't say anything for a while then, just held Duo as Une sent a few more people scurrying before coming to them. “Yuy.” She sent a look at Duo, those eyes unreadable. Duo glared at her, still not completely over that whole 'incarceration on the moon' thing. Her lips thinned, then she lifted her chin, as if acknowledging his look. “Maxwell.”

“He's gone,” Heero said. “He'll have gone back to the house he was in, and we don't have warrants to search.”

“I believe the same,” she said, then turned to Duo again. “From what Yuy has told me of this man, you did well to last against him.” Duo barely contained his snort of derision. “Sally should be here shortly; we just need to clear the end of the far cul-de-sac before we okay her arrival. If necessary, we'll get you to a hospital.” Duo made a face at that.

“Thank you,” Heero said, most likely trying to cut off anything Duo might say. Duo tried to remember that the woman was now potentially going to be Heero's boss. And if the way everyone responded to her orders was a clue, that potentiality was very, very likely.

She stayed a while longer, asking Duo about what happened, and Duo tried very hard to not sound stupid answering. Heero coaxed him through it at times, when Duo faltered and couldn't remember what he'd been saying. When his voice started slurring too much, Une finally nodded and left. “She thinks I'm stupid,” Duo said, glaring at her retreating back.

“No,” Heero said, but Duo could hear a smile in Heero's voice that said the man was probably laughing at Duo on the inside. Duo scowled. “Just hold on a bit longer. I want you conscious when you get checked out, for once.”

“I will punch you.”

Heero actually chuckled then. Heero squeezed him again, and Duo finally got it. Heero was high on relief. He was so happy he still had Duo that he was willing to laugh in public. Duo smiled. Whatever the reason, it was good. Progress.

He snuggled his face in Heero's shoulder and felt his legs buckle underneath him.

“Duo!” Heero caught him, of course, but his eyes closed and he couldn't work up the give-a-damn to open them again. He hummed and curled into Heero's body, only remembering his gun again when the safety poked him in the side. Scared that he could have shot himself or Heero, he forced his hand to move, switching the safety on.

Someone ran up to them, and a small burst of adrenaline got him finally opening his eyes again. It was only Wufei, kneeling down to see eye to eye with them. “Is he – Maxwell, are you all right?”

Duo grinned. “Fine. Sleepy.”

Wufei didn't seem impressed with Duo's show of energy, and he turned back to Heero. “I understand not being comfortable with him losing consciousness, but any ill effects would have most likely shown themselves by now. There's no increase in libido, no loss of lucidity, no bloodshot eyes or clammy skin. He should be well.”

Duo vaguely felt Wufei's hand on his wrist and mumbled something even he couldn't understand. “He didn't shoot me,” Duo said finally. “He didn't want me hurt this time.”

The news made Wufei hesitate, though Heero had heard it once before, when he'd spoken to Une. “Then there will almost be no harm in letting Maxwell sleep,” Wufei said, as if pulling himself out of deeper thoughts. Wufei stood then. “I will speak to Po about finding an antidote, or perhaps even a preventative.”

“May I sleep, then?” Duo asked.

Heero nodded, and Duo looked into those cobalt eyes. “Yes, Duo. You can sleep.”

Duo used Heero's arm as a pillow. “Awesome.”

This time, Heero didn't laugh. He just pulled Duo closer.

* * *

Duo didn't know how much later it was, but he woke up in a car with Sally Po leaning over him. He yelped and scooted back, but the world did its little turn-y thing and he had to stop before he landed on his face.

“Oh, calm down, sissy,” she said, and she grabbed his wrist and measured his heartbeat while he spluttered. He looked around, but he couldn't see Heero or Wufei anywhere. Sally caught him looking. “Heero's with Une. They're assessing the damages to his house, I believe. I'll bet Une hadn't expected the damage benefit to be used so soon.” Duo gave her a blank look. “If something happens to your home due to an attack or burglary, you are given monetary compensation for your losses.”

Duo's jaw dropped. “What. The. Fuck.” The goddamn couch _could_ have been replaced! Oh, he and Heero were going to be having a talking to. Oh, yes.

Sally chuckled. It was odd to see her in scrubs, and he took his time looking at her and the dopey flowers. She cocked an eyebrow when she caught him looking, but he just shrugged. “At least you know I'm not looking you up,” he said, and she laughed and shook her head.

“You, Duo Maxwell, are a breath of fresh air.”

He grinned as she grabbed a stethoscope and ordered him to take off his shirt. He fumbled and fell doing so, until finally she took pity on him and helped. He thought he might be getting a headache. “So,” he said. “What did that bastard put in me?”

She shook her head. “Just a sedative. You'll be fine if you sleep it off.” She gave him a critical look. “Actually, you seem to be fighting it rather well.”

He opened his mouth to tell her he'd already been doped up in training for the war, but he thought maybe that was something he didn't want to brag about, so he closed his mouth again. “So there's nothing bad in it.”

“Nope,” she said, and shook her head for emphasis. She breathed on the stethoscope and put it to his chest. “Hm. You will be a bit slower for a while,” she said. “If you're going to stay awake like a fool, don't be surprised to feel sluggish and tired.”

Like a fool? “Hey, I just don't want to fuck up my sleeping schedule.” He saw someone run past one of the vehicle's windows and finally decided to look at the damn place, with its unpainted inner walls and wide flooring. An ambulance? But it was lacking equipment. A Preventer ambulance? Did Preventers have their own doctors? He thought to ask, then stopped when his phone rang. He jumped. He'd forgotten about the damn thing _again_. Maybe he was a little _too_ civilian. He decided to blame the drugs and flipped the thing open.

“These people are like fish in a barrel, Duo Maxwell.”

He gritted his teeth and waved his free hand, finally signing 'danger' to her. Dammit, he'd been afraid it would be Nind. Maybe he needed to change his number.

Dammit, he needed to _focus!_ “What the hell do you want, Nind? Trying to remind me you won't give up? Because we won't, either.”

“I should have known you would rely on your friends,” Nind said, ignoring Duo's question. “I'm disappointed, but unsurprised. That's why I'm going to shoot every last person here. Defenders of justice. Willing to give their lives.” There was an odd panting sound on the other side, and Duo shivered. The man was moaning. In ecstasy. “And your dear lover, the one known as Heero Yuy. He looks foolish with a tie.”

“It's hot,” he said automatically, his lips moving all on their own, but he froze. Nind was telling him he could see Heero. Why couldn't Heero see him? He turned wild eyes to Sally, who had gotten up and grabbed her own phone. He signed 'sniper' to her and watched her own eyes widen. “What do you want, Nind?”

He'd known he would get the answer he did. “You.”

His heart hammered. They didn't know where Nind was. Hell, he could be sitting pretty on the roof of their own house. He took a deep breath. “You can't believe I would just walk willingly over to you.”

“No? I saw you speaking with the Asian with the tight ponytail. Another of your comrades, correct? Zero-Five. Do you want me to shoot him first? But I would much rather shoot the one known as Heero Yuy.”

Duo closed his eyes. Then he opened them. “Can you give me evidence first?” He signaled 'hostage' and stood. Her brows furrowed, but he watched those eyes as that mind worked it out. He knew the very moment she figured it out; she gave him a look that told him she thought he was certifiable.

Nind sighed. “Dear Duo, always acting strong. Fine. Your lover's left sleeve is wrinkled, his tie is blue, his hair is horribly tangled. Anything else?”

That was Heero, almost exactly as Duo had left him. Duo gritted his teeth. “No. Where?”

Nind seemed to understand what Duo was asking, or perhaps he'd just been waiting to give Duo the information. “Leave the ambulance. Let me see you.” Duo grabbed his shirt and threw it on, unwilling to go out without it. Then he stepped outside, Sally making stupid outlandish motions with her hands, and waited. “Good. Turn left. See that house with the blue shutters? Walk over to it. If anyone questions you, say you were told to the reassure the neighbors.”

Duo did as told, and though he was stopped three different times, no one caught the way he said, 'I was ordered to.' Stupid ex-military. So he got to the house with the blue shutters without anyone stopping him or telling him he needed to return to the ambulance. Duo wondered what Sally was doing. Was Une already receiving the message, or had she contacted Heero directly? Duo stared at the house and grimaced as he put the phone back up to his ear. “Now what?”

“Walk around it. If anyone asks, say you got lightheaded. And do keep the phone up to your lips, dear. I want to hear what you're saying.”

“Like I'm that stupid,” Duo said, but he wanted to scream. No one bothered him at all this time, as he turned to the side of the house and walked the short length of it. There was a small flowerbed, and Duo managed to label the things 'pink' and 'white' before he reached the end and saw the road leading to the main road. “Do I go straight down?”

“No.” And Nind sent him on a winding track that made Duo wonder just how the hell Nind was keeping an eye on him – until he realized that Nind probably stayed in one spot, keeping his eye on Heero or Wufei. Maybe the man simply had cameras set up around whichever house he'd hidden himself in? Duo tried to find the one common denominator, but he was distracted by his own dizziness. His legs were getting more and more unresponsive. He gritted his teeth as his vision swayed. He should have stayed the hell unconscious.

Finally he was at the end of the cul-de-sac on the opposite end of the community, and Duo frowned. Why the hell was he here? “Enter the building, Duo. I left the door unlocked for you.”

Duo's heart sank. This was the house Nind had taken? It was a simple white structure, two stories, Indian-red door, curtains of light green shrouding the inner rooms from nosy neighbors. Duo walked up the short steps, almost falling to the side into the grass. He snatched the doorjamb and caught his breath. Shit. The doorknob was cold under his hand. Duo didn't know why, but it sent a chill through his arm.

The door opened into a foyer, carpeted instead of the wooden floors their own place had, and the walls, whatever original color they'd been, were now a dark red-black. Duo breathed through his mouth on instinct as soon as the smell hit his nose. The foyer had only a half-wall on the left side, and as Duo turned to it, his eyes caught on the two people hanging like portraits on the wall facing the foyer. A man and an elderly woman, it looked like, though their bodies were fairly well decomposed by that point. Duo's head swum. He really was feeling lightheaded. Stupid drugs. He shook his head to clear it. “What now?” he said, making no mention of the bodies. He wouldn't give the dick the satisfaction.

“Just wait,” Nind said. The words made Duo realize why he'd been given the circuitous route. He remembered Une saying they'd needed to search the cul-de-sac before calling in the ambulance. Certainly there'd been Preventer agents around the area still, but Duo had run into none of them. Nind had known Duo had warned people. Or at least he'd made the assumption. Duo had been taken around the agents. They would probably think he was somewhere else. Out of the community, at least. Duo held his head as it pounded. God, the smell was messing with the shit still in his system. Was he waiting for Nind to get to him, or for the Preventers to start a search outside the nearest few blocks? Or was it, he thought, suddenly finding the information in his mind, to keep him inhaling the carcasses, the blood, the rot, until he was no longer able to stay conscious?

He remembered the phone only when his arm fell to his side. He heard it clatter on the floor. Dammit. Nind had heard that. No doubt that was at least one of the reasons the man had made Duo hold it to his ear the whole time. He fell against the half-wall despite his efforts to keep his feet and plopped onto the floor. He grabbed the phone and looked at it. Was Nind still on it? He struggled to see, but he couldn't be sure. Was Nind on his way yet?

He covered his mouth with an arm heavier than Europe and ended the call, taking the chance. Then he speed-dialed Heero. “Duo?!”

“We need better phone conversations,” Duo said suddenly, remembering all the times he'd been in a similar position. “I'm in a house in the cul-de-sac. Be careful; I don't know if he's still–”

“You idiot!” He thought he heard Heero's footsteps pounding against the pavement, but maybe that was just his own heartbeat. “Which house? What's your situation?”

Duo was still stuck on Heero actually calling him an idiot in that tone of voice. “Indian-red door. Sniper rifle – I don't know if he's still...” He heard footsteps behind him. “He's not with you. He's here.”

“Duo.” Nind tsked, Duo heard it like thunderclaps in his ears. It supported his just-his-own-heartbeat theory. “I'm disappointed. Relying on others to the very end.” Duo glared up at the man and tried to stand. Nind just held him down with one booted foot. The man's hair was short, those bangs falling all over his face, but Duo saw that smirk uninhibited.

Gods, it was getting hard to think.

“Nind! Don't you touch him!” Duo looked over to his phone. Oh, yeah. He'd been holding that.

It took nothing at all for Nind to bend down and pluck the thing up from Duo's hand. Duo struggled to take it back, but Nind just stood straight and pressed his boot down a little harder. Duo grunted. He stared at the man's ankle. Easily breakable. Normally. If he could just find the strength...

“Hello, little one,” Nind said, and Duo jerked. The man's voice was like a purr. “Do you miss my touch?”

Fury. Ah. Beautiful. “Don't touch him, Nind!”

Duo wrenched his arms forward and grabbed Nind's ankle. With all his strength, he yanked and twisted in one smooth motion. Nind yelped and dropped the phone. Success.

Duo managed to smirk before Nind backhanded him. Everything got splotchy again then, and finally the world twisted onto its head and thunked him into the carpeting.


	19. Another Scar

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

~ Oscar Wilde

* * *

Duo woke to darkness.

It was an unnatural darkness, and it didn't take long for him to realize to he was blindfolded. He jerked, only to find his arms strapped to his back, his back strapped to some surface beneath him, and his legs splayed. He felt like he was bent over a table, his legs tied to one post each. Jesus. And judging by just how painfully the table was digging into his pelvis – and dick – he was naked.

He tried to work the blindfold off by scraping the side of his head on what felt to be a fake-stone surface, and his hair fell over his face. He froze. His hair had been taken down.

That, more than anything, made his heart pound.

“ _I like your hair down, Dodger. I like how it frames your face while you suck me. Keep it down.”_

“You're awake, then.” Duo tilted his head. Nind. The man was in the room, wherever the room was. He heard something creak – a chair? – and then the man's footsteps. They echoed. A large room, or just empty? The footsteps were loud, abrasive. Stone? A stone floor? Duo took a long, silent whiff, but all he could smell was stale air. Then he paused. Nind was walking strangely, one foot, then a longer, louder footstep. He grinned fit to split his face. The bastard's leg was broken. Fucking served him right.

“I suppose that grin is for the injury you gave me.” The man stepped behind Duo and stopped. Duo's grin slipped away pretty fast as he guessed what was coming next. “As much as I want to taste this,” he said, and one hand slid suddenly up Duo's ass, making him jump, “a punishment is in order.”

A punishment? Duo stiffened. But maybe that was a good thing? So long as Nind wasn't sticking body parts into him–

He gasped as something thwacked onto his ass. His back arched on its own, trying to escape the sudden pain that flooded him. Was he being whipped?

“Well, your ass certainly reddens quickly. It's already turning a bit pink.” And that hand came back, massaging the place the weapon had just attacked. Duo clenched his teeth. The whip-thing came back down again, this time on his opposite cheek, and his body jerked forward, his hands tied behind his back, unable to stop his movement. The table dug deeper into his pelvis and dick, making him grunt. Then again, and again, until the pain was permanent, throbbing with every heartbeat, and the table dug in so deep he thought it might cut his dick off completely. And still it continued, until he was shouting with every hit, until he'd pulled at the ropes binding him so badly he could feel his blood trickling from his wrists and ankles. And even then it didn't end. He buried his head on the table and shouted, screamed, and finally felt tears falling from his cheeks.

And finally it stopped.

The silence was blessed, and Duo took the chance to get his breath back. Dammit. He hadn't cried from pain in... since childhood, and now his blindfold was soaked. Even now, he felt the pain in his ass, so strong and heavy he thought it would be a miracle if it wasn't bleeding. He heard Nind move, heard something fall to the floor, felt Nind's fingers on his ass. He buried his head on the table. God help him, it felt good to have something so relatively cool on his ass. He bit his lip to keep from crying out when Nind clenched the torn skin tightly.

He needed to waste more time, until Heero arrived, or at least until he could think of some way to escape. Dare he take another punishment? But how could he earn it?

“I can see why he wants you,” Nind said, his voice low, almost in awe. “I understand it. The way you fight, the futile stubbornness. And look at you. Your body...” Duo snarled. Of course, his damned cursed body. “How soft it must be inside.” Duo jerked as Nind spread his burning cheeks and plunged one finger inside him. His body fought against the sudden, dry intrusion. “Mm. And tight.”

“Your tiny cock couldn't satisfy a rat,” Duo said, then wanted to shoot himself. Fuck, that was not what he'd wanted to say at all.

Nind pulled his finger out and smacked Duo's ass. Despite himself, he cried out. Damn, his dick felt like it was being sawed at with a rusty wire. “That's the noise I want you to make. No other.”

Duo snarled. “I'll say whatever the fuck I want, you shit!” He struggled in his bonds, even as Nind moved around him. He wished he could see what was going on, where he was. If he could, he might have found something to use against Nind. As it was, he didn't even know how big the room was, or what the hell he'd been hit with. He heard Nind stop somewhere to his right, heard a door open. Oh, hell. Another whip? A gag? He tried again to lower the blindfold, but his damn tears had made it stick to his skin like glue. He felt panic surge through him as Nind walked back to him. “Get the fuck away from me, or I swear I'll chew your dick off.” Let the dick try to get him to suck him off.

“That's what I thought you might say,” Nind said, slowly moving around to where Duo's face was. A gag, then. Duo craned his neck back and waited until Nind was in front of him. Then he spit on the man, hopefully in the face.

Nind actually laughed. “There it is again.” The man touched Duo's face, two fingers on each side of his mouth, and he twisted his head to bite. Nind pulled his hands back in time, and Duo hardly had time to think before he was slapped hard on the cheek. Then those hands returned, wrenching his head up by his hair and pushing against the sides of his jaw until his mouth opened. Metal tinked against the table, then he felt its cool presence on his cheek as the hand in his hair slid down to his neck and squeezed. Duo gasped, and just like that, the metal was in his mouth. He tried to spit it back out, but that hand on his neck squeezed and he was left to fight for breath.

It took some maneuvering, but Nind managed to get the gag wrapped around his head, carefully tied underneath his hair. And it wasn't a gag. Instead it kept his mouth open, wide open. Wide enough for a dick. He found himself struggling for air for a completely different reason. “There. You look much better.” Duo didn't bother trying to talk; it would only come out as gibberish now. Nind's hand on his neck slid up to his hair again, clenched it and pulled his head back. “Much better,” the man murmured, and Duo suddenly found lips on his. The kiss was sloppy, but somehow Duo felt more violated by that than by anything else yet. Kisses were inherently consensual. This, with Nind grabbing Duo's tongue with his own, with Duo unable to do more than futilely try to pull away, felt like a different kind of rape. Duo clenched his hands to fists against his back.

This time when Nind pulled away, he fondled Duo's hair, twisting a lock around his finger and rubbing it against the cheek he'd slapped. “which should I choose? I want to wait, to savor, but I can't anymore.” Duo tried to swallow his own spit and almost choked. “Should I take that mouth of yours?” The hand in his hair pulled harder, and Duo struggled to breathe. “But I want the full deal. I want it all.”

Duo pulled once more against his bonds, though the ropes dug deeply into his bleeding wrists and ankles. He felt tears in his eyes. Jesus, he wasn't going to cry over this, was he? He'd been trained for this, hadn't he?

Nind cooed and played with Duo's cheek, rubbing it with a finger before pinching it. Duo tried to swallow his wince, but with his mouth open, the sound escaped. “I want to feel that tongue of yours against me. I want to feel that throat gag around me. But then, you'll make such beautiful sounds if I take you with your ass swollen as it is.”

The man deliberated a bit more, still holding Duo's head up, still idly trailing that finger up and down. “Ass first,” he said. “I want to see your eyes when I fuck your mouth, but I don't want that blindfold coming off just yet.”

Ass first. Jesus. Duo's chin smacked into the table when Nind suddenly let go of his head, almost making him bite his tongue. Then Nind was moving around the table, his uneven footsteps echoing like dropped bombs in the silent room. Duo strained against his bonds, struggled to remove his blindfold. Spit dribbled from his mouth as Nind came up behind him and grabbed his ass. Duo clenched his eyes shut and moaned. “Hee-o,” he said, his voice a mere whisper as Nind slapped his ass. The pain rocketed up and down his spine, through every muscle in his body. He shook his head. He hadn't been trained for this at all. Sex was supposed to mean nothing. That was what he'd been trained for. To accept meaningless sex. But this was all about power, control, manipulation. This meant more than a man fucking him.

He didn't want this!

Nind let go of him, and the sound of cloth reached Duo's ears. This time when Nind touched him, the man grabbed his cheeks and spread them. Duo pulled against his restraints, pulled with everything he had, and screamed when he felt the long warmth on his ass. “Yes,” Nind hissed. “Just like that.” And the man adjusted his dick against Duo's hole. Duo squirmed like mad, knocking Nind's dick away, and Nind shoved him hard into the table. Duo grunted. Spit dragged down his chin and dripped. That dick was back. Duo tried to close his throat, but he just kept keening. He arched his back.

Nind petted him and thrust one hard inch inside his dry hole. Duo screamed.

“Duo!”

Something crashed, broke, and Nind's presence was suddenly gone. There was noise, noise everywhere, and then a pressure on his legs. He struggled again, and when he found his legs moving, he wrapped one around the table leg and wrenched it until it tilted. There was more shouting then, but Duo was fighting against the strap holding him to the table and couldn't be bothered caring about the voices.

“Duo! Duo, calm down! It's me. I'm here.”

Duo froze. The voice was Heero's. Why the fuck did his thoughts turn from escape to horror? He clenched his eyes shut beneath the blindfold and curled his body as best he could. Something warm covered him – a blanket, he realized – and someone cut the leather strap around his waist. Then he was pulled into strong arms.

“I'm here. I'm here. Shh, love.”

And Duo felt everything in him trembling. His ass hurt as he sat on it, but still he buried his head into Heero's chest and shook, fighting sobs. Why couldn't he control himself? He'd been in positions like this before. Maybe a little different, but not that much.

“Take him away, dammit,” Duo heard Wufei say, and suddenly Nind was laughing. Duo shuddered. He knew Heero felt it.

“How did it feel, little Duo, to have a piece of me in you?” Duo wanted to cover his ears, but his arms were still trapped behind his back. Heero was taking care of that, though, cutting at the bindings with what felt like a combat knife and ripping off the blindfold. Duo saw Heero's chest, the heavy material covering a Kevlar vest. Duo's heart thudded hard in his chest. From the corner of his eye, he could see a gray, metallic floor. “How did I taste, Duo Maxwell?”

Duo surged to his feet, deftly snatching the gun beside Heero. There were shouts now, and Duo found himself surrounded by people he thought he only somewhat recognized, all of them dressed like Heero, staring at him like he was foaming at the mouth. Heero's arms wrapped around him. Duo snarled, finding Nind as he was dragged slowly to the door – a metal door, obviously busted open – and he pointed the gun straight at the man's heart. Then, thinking better of it, aimed for the head. Wouldn't do for the man to survive.

Nind started laughing as Heero grabbed the barrel of the gun and pulled it up. “Duo,” he said, whispering into Duo's ear, and Duo shook his head, pulling away from Heero's face, feeling trapped in Heero's arms suddenly.

“No,” he said, and was horrified to find his voice raspy from screaming. His hands shook. Nind was almost out the door now. Duo surged forward, trying to break free of Heero's arms, but they held fast. “Let me go!”

“No – Duo, no!” Heero held Duo as he screamed and thrashed, feeling choked by the restraining arms. Nind cackled through the halls. “Don't, Duo. There are laws now. You'll go to jail. I'll lose you.”

But he was already lost.

He heard Nind laughing, heard the sound echo in the room, and found himself screaming, clenching his eyes shut before he could see the table turned on its side and the flogger lying wraith-like on the floor. Finally his last bit of energy failed him and he collapsed to his knees, fighting against tears and feeling his shoulders shake. Heero's hold was comforting again, simply curling Duo up into his embrace. People moved around him, picking things up and moving things around. Someone grabbed the flogger. Duo shivered.

“Let's get you out of here,” Heero said, and Duo felt those hands pulling the gun from his loose grip. Duo whimpered at the loss of the weapon. “It's okay. I'll protect you.”

The words sounded bitter, and Duo tilted his head at it. Then Heero's warmth moved from behind him and he freaked. “Heero–”

“I'm here,” Heero said, and suddenly the warmth was back, crowding him in Heero's scent. Duo clutched the Kevlar vest and used it to pull himself closer to Heero. He buried his face in Heero's chest. He couldn't look up into those eyes.

Heero didn't try to make him, just curled his arms under Duo and lifted him, blanket and all, and took him out of the room. Duo didn't want to look, but finally he did, knowing he had to see; over Heero's shoulder, the room was bigger than he'd thought, at least twice as much, with cabinet after cabinet on the right wall, the table on the floor, but obviously positioned to sit in the middle of the room. On the far wall, where a window might usually be, was a punch of chains and metal straps that looked like they were supposed to hold a person. Duo realized that if he hadn't been on the table, he'd have been placed there, on the wall. He was almost thankful for the table.

The gag and straps lay discarded on the floor, the buckles and gag glistening under the scrutiny of the dozen or so fluorescent lights on the ceiling, showing the space like a surgery ward.

Nind had been able to see every inch of him.

He turned away as Heero moved further away, turning a corner, then another, and Duo noticed that the room had been placed in a construction building. It was brilliant. Pay off low income workers and hear everyone nearing the place.

So how hadn't he heard anyone?

There was even more chaos outside the room, with people running back and forth. He saw Wufei and burrowed his face deeper into Heero's chest. He didn't want to be seen by anyone. He'd never been so humiliated in his life.

“Maxwell?”

Duo felt Heero shake his head, and just like that, Wufei backed down. Duo could feel some sort of silent communication thing going on above his head and he just dug his head further, until he thought he could feel Heero's heartbeat beneath the stupid vest, and finally Heero was moving them again. He only peeked over Heero's shoulder once, just long enough to see Wufei crushing a phone in his grip and snarling at someone stupid enough to come near him.

He didn't even think about what he must look like until he found himself outside, touching a night wind cool enough to freeze and hearing the flash of cameras. He gritted his teeth and fisted his hands around Heero's vest. “It's okay,” Heero said. “Just keep your face hidden.”

Duo did as told and found his hair was being pulled by the wind. He froze. “My hair,” he said, and felt panic stir deep in his gut. His hair was loose. He shook Heero, just enough to make the man stop walking and look down at him. “My hair,” he said. “It's loose.” He wanted to say something a bit better than the obvious, but he couldn't. How could he say how he suddenly felt far more naked than he had when Preventers had first arrived? Was it possible to explain how he felt everyone was suddenly looking at him, looking at his body, sizing his curves and lines and measuring them? Measuring _him_ , and finding him appealing?

He felt sick. He thought he might throw up.

“I know, love. Just wait a little longer.” And Heero hugged him tight, until he almost couldn't breathe, and wrestled through what Duo assumed to be a growing number of people. He heard several people asking about the commotion, heard others shouting a bit more expertly, and heard others asking if Heero had any orders. Duo wanted to die.

It was that thought, actually, that made him realize just what it was he was doing. Cowering in Heero's arms when his enemy was still nearby, when onlookers were gasping and pointing, sitting cradled as he was carted around with no clothing, no hairtie, no weapons...

He sat up straight. Yes, his ass hurt, and he could swear the man – he couldn't quite bear to think the name yet – had managed to somehow draw blood with the flogger despite its safer make. His mouth and cheek hurt from abuse, and his ankles and wrists told him he'd ripped flesh badly in his attempts to escape. None of this was something that he could use to say 'man down.' It would slow him down in combat, but not stop him. He was still able to be useful to the team.

“No, Duo. Stand down.” Heero's words cut through his mental playlist, and he stilled. Stand down? But he hadn't even been able to fight!

“Stand down,” Heero said again. “The fight is over.” When Duo still remained frozen, Heero whispered, “please.”

He wilted, and finally he heard the sound of someone moving on a truck, then footsteps dropping to the blacktop. “Heero.”

Sally Po. Duo ducked his head, then straightened his shoulders and peeked out from behind his hair. The woman was looking him over, her eyes hard and soft at the same time, her lips almost in a snarl. “Bring him to the table.” Duo watched her sweep around and jump back into the ambulance. Heero followed, his fingers digging into Duo's arm and shoulder as he hoisted both of them up. “Lay him down,” she said, but Heero was already doing so.

The place was a little cold, the table like ice, and as Heero let go of him, the pain is his ass increased exponentially. He winced as his weight settled on his back and butt. Heero grabbed his hand. “Duo.”

Duo gave him a grin, finally looking deep into those cobalt eyes. Heero just frowned, and those eyes looked... wide.

“Duo. Tell me what happened.”

Duo stiffened, but Sally wasn't even looking at him yet. She was grabbing a syringe and checking the label on a small bottle. Duo grimaced. “Nothing. I don't need that.” She cocked a look over her shoulder then. “Your breathing is rapid, Duo. I'm betting your heart rate is, too.”

It was?

Duo took a moment to assess himself again. He'd thought he was well. But now that she'd brought it up, he could feel his heart thudding against his rib cage like it was trying to pound through the bone. He winced again, and only then noticed how hard it was to get a breath. And as if from far away, he finally realized that he was shaking, that his fingers were crushing Heero's where they entwined. He sucked in a breath and held it. He was hyperventilating. Him. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to force his body to calm. Why did it feel like his shaking was only getting worse?

“Don't, Duo.” Sally walked back over to him, and his eyes snapped open at the darkness and the echoing sound of footsteps across the metal floor of the ambulance. He shivered so hard his butt moved. It caused the pain there to burgeon anew.

Sally held the needle in her hand, and he snarled. “No.” She opened her mouth to argue, but he just showed her his teeth and stiffened his shoulders. The sudden punch of adrenaline almost made him punch her. Only Heero's hand in his stopped him. “No. Keep that the fuck away from me.”

His words made her stop completely, almost frozen in place. Or maybe it was because she was feeling the killing intent that was rolling off Duo in waves. “It's all right, Duo,” Heero said, his voice low as if talking to a wild animal. As if talking to a soldier on the edge, a soldier in the throes of shell shock. “You can stand down. He's–”

“He's alive,” Duo spat. “He's out there and none of us are watching him and he'll get loose and _he raped me._ ”

Heero's breath rushed out of him. The hand in Duo's loosened.

“Turn onto your stomach, Duo,” Sally said, all traces of kindness gone. “Now.”

Duo snarled. Onto his stomach? Expose his back? “You can kiss my–”

“She needs to see if you have any STD's, Duo,” Heero said, his voice almost faint. Breathy. Duo turned to Heero and saw tight lips and thinned eyes. “Do it, Duo. I'll watch over you.”

“He would have needed to ejaculate for me to have gotten an STD, right? He was only in me for a moment. I don't need to get on my stomach.”

Heero's eyes widened a bit. Sally seemed to take it all in stride. “You'll have to do it, anyway,” she said. “I need to see your injuries. The best way for me to find the important injuries – and to give you a psychological examination, as well – is for me to know what happened.”

The words seemed acceptable enough. Yet Duo looked over to Heero.

“I need to know, too,” Heero murmured, and looking into those eyes, Duo finally caved.

He told them what he could in as clipped a version as possible, but when Sally motioned for him to lie down on his stomach, he adamantly refused. He doubted he'd ever be able to take such a position again. Finally she had him stand, while leaning on Heero, and checked him over that way. His ass received a lot of ointment and a gauze pad where his skin really had been ripped off. His wrists and ankles were treated and wrapped in gauze. His throat got a bit of ointment, as well, but there was nothing that could be done for his cheek or his anus and mouth.

Nothing could be done for Heero, either.

Duo looked at Heero through the entire process, never once breaking his gaze from the man – which made the application of the ointment onto his neck quite the act for Sally – as he told his story. Whenever he faltered, Heero clenched his hand, giving him strength to continue. Yet Heero's gaze got more and more hooded, his frown deeper and deeper, his eyes – Duo could only call it 'wider,' but he knew that wasn't the right term. It looked like he was shoving a spike deeper and deeper into Heero's gut, and Heero was bewildered as to how Duo could have done it. It made Duo want to turn away, but he couldn't. He needed Heero to see him, as he was now.

When he finished, Heero was unmoving as he held Duo up, the both of them staring at each other as if to look away meant to die.

“Thank you, Duo. I have a few questions for you, now. And Agent Yuy,” Sally said, and the sudden formality warned them both what she was about to say. “They seem to still be working outside. I'm sure they'll need you out there.”

Heero's lips thinned. “I'm needed here.”

Duo couldn't argue it, no matter how badly he needed Heero to know he would be okay. He didn't know if he would or not, but he needed Heero to believe it would happen. “Don't lose your job, Heero,” he said, his voice cracking several times, worked out from the screams and then the long explanation. He heard Sally move away from him and grab something. He kept looking into Heero's eyes until she stuck a water bottle in front of his face. He snatched it before he could even consider his actions and downed the contents so fast he almost choked.

“Agent Yuy,” Sally said, then, when her words only made him more stoic, “Heero.” She didn't touch him, knowing both were on a hair trigger. “You're needed out there. You're the one who knows about this man. More than anyone, you know how he thinks. Make sure he stays where Une puts him. Make sure he can't come back.”

Duo stopped drinking, his blood freezing in his veins.

Heero caught Duo's pause and nodded shortly. “Understood.” He moved to leave, but Duo clenched Heero's hand tighter, suddenly afraid. When Heero turned to him, those eyes searching Duo's, Duo quickly tried to cover his mistake by smiling. “Take care, okay? Just...” He hesitated, felt his heart start jumping all over again. His breath came in gasps. “Take care. I need you to...” If Nind did escape – if everything started all over again – Duo needed Heero safe. He couldn't take Heero being in the position he was in right now. He couldn't watch Heero break.

Heero squeezed his hand right back, boring that gaze into Duo's eyes, straight through to his chest. “I will. Don't worry about me and rest.”

Duo almost pulled Heero back again as he left. He didn't know how he kept his sanity, watching Heero walk away, feeling those fingers slip through his. He felt his lungs heave and realized he was gasping again.

“Duo,” Sally said, but Duo shook his head.

“No drugs,” he snarled. “No drugs. Not ever.” Not ever again. He needed to be prepared. Empty.

“All right,” she said. “I just need a blood sample, then. Okay? I need to see if there's any more of the drug you spoke about in your blood.”

Duo leaned against the wall of the ambulance as Sally worked, unable to sit and unwilling to lie down again. He felt a heaviness in his limbs, in his eyelids, that spoke of exhaustion. He fought it.

“They have a metal truck as thick as bank trucks,” Sally said as she came back and set him up for the blood test. “There's no glass in the back, of course, and the windshield and side windows are all bulletproof,” she said, gently sliding the needle into a vein. “They will have put Nind inside. He'll be chained to one of the walls, his feet and hands. No weapons will be allowed in if someone enters, but no less than three agents will be present outside, ready to fire.”

The words did nothing for Duo. Just the knowledge that Nind was nearby made adrenaline beat a thick punch through his veins. “And Heero? Wufei?” he asked, just barely remembering how Wufei had been there, watching as he'd been pulled out. Duo reached back and touched his hair, still loose. “Do you have a hairtie?”

Sally seemed surprised by the question, but she nodded. “I always keep a few, just in case one of mine snaps. Just wait until I'm done with this... there.” She pulled the needle out and placed the syringe on a counter on the other side of the truck. Duo watched her walk over to a small cabinet underneath the counter and pull out a hairtie. It was lime green. Duo raised an eyebrow. “Shut up. It was on sale.”

He snorted and took it, quickly moving his hands to his hair and pulling it into three parts. “And Heero and Wufei?”

“They'll both be with Nind,” Sally said, and politely ignored the violent flinch Duo made when he heard the name. “Une will undoubtedly speak with the man, and I doubt others won't want to speak with him, as well.”

Others. Meaning Heero and Wufei.

“Don't let him,” Duo said, suddenly worried that Heero would lose his job – and life – by killing Nind. “Don't let Heero near him. Heero will kill him.”

He remembered, fuzzily, having tried to kill the man himself. And he wanted Nind – he flinched at even thinking the name – dead. He wanted the man to be wiped off the earth. If he wasn't, he would return – it was inevitable. The man would escape, even if it took him ten, twenty years, and Duo knew the man would come back for him.

Still, he didn't want Heero to be the one to carry the penalty for taking care of the man.

A gunshot echoed across the street, and adrenaline slammed through Duo. He was moving before he could think, hugging the edge of the truck and reaching for a weapon he didn't have. He instead found himself naked and wanted to curse.

“Here,” Sally said, and threw a pair of scrubs at him. Duo had enough time to be thankful that they were pants before Sally had pushed him back and taken his place on the wall, a gun in her hands. He leaned heavily against the table and struggled to put on the pants, even as his ass screamed at the movement.

“Stand down,” someone outside called. “Stand down! Code 13 issued. Code 13 issued on the culprit. I repeat, stand down...”

Sally relaxed and cocked the safety back on the gun. She went back and placed the gun in the same drawer she'd pulled the hairtie from. “What happened?” Duo asked. She studied the cabinet for a while, her shoulders tense. “Code thirteen,” Sally said finally. “In remembrance of Treize Khushrenada, an order only available to the leader of the Preventers as a last resort. It allows the leader of the Preventers to terminate an enemy of the peace.”

“I thought there was no official leader of the Preventers yet,” Duo said, even as his mind slowly tried to understand what that meant. Nind. Nind had been killed.

Sally's lips thinned. “There is now.”

* * *

Une had been the one to kill Nind.

According to Heero, she'd sat inside the truck for about a minute, speaking quietly with Nind. The man had been smirking at her, leaning toward her as he responded to something she'd said, and she'd simply stood up, taken her gun back from Wufei, and shot him.

Duo demanded he see the body.

He walked out of the ambulance without waiting for permission, just skirted around Heero as Sally told Heero, “he's well enough to leave, Heero, though I would prefer him taken to a hospital for overnight treatment...” He didn't bother listening; he had no intention of going to the hospital for his injuries, thank you, and he had more important things on his mind.

It was actually rather simple to find where Nind's body was; cameras were flashing like mad from a few cars down, and people were shouting. A lot of people were shouting. The knowledge of the paparazzi made Duo falter for a moment; he was still in hospital scrubs, and the reporters would easily recognize him as a victim. They would swarm on him like flies on shit.

But he had to see Nind's body. He half expected the man to be faking his own death.

Heero came up beside him then, a silent presence as they both headed toward the crowd. Duo finally heard some of the questions – why have the Preventers come to handle what looked to be a police matter? What had happened in the building? Who was the suspect, and how had the Preventers caught him? – Duo kept his head up and stared straight ahead, even as the reporters all slowly noticed his presence. He gritted his teeth.

He could feel Heero's glare radiating out from him, and the killing intent almost swayed the reporters for a moment. Then they all pushed against the guards, hammering questions into the air. “What's your name?” “What happened to you?” “Were you injured?” “Who attacked you?” “How do you feel about the Preventer intervention?”

Duo ignored it all, and Heero's glare only got stronger.

Une, Duo found, was cloistered between Wufei and two other Preventers, both of whom looked vaguely familiar to Duo. She looked over as Heero and Duo approached, but only gave them a short nod in greeting before turning back to Wufei. “Do you have a problem with me assuming command?”

Wufei's eyes sparked, and Duo was ready for Wufei to go on a tirade. Instead, he simply said, “your decision today has eliminated my doubts. Your lack of integrity in gaining the position, however, is what concerns me.”

Une sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I told you what he said.”

Wufei's frown made it clear that he did indeed remember. The fact that neither repeated the words told Duo it was about him. “Still, informing us would have been a good idea.”

Duo raised his hand. Wufei cocked an eyebrow at him, then stared at the bandages around Duo's wrist. Those dark eyes traveled down from there to his waist, where his braid hung haphazardly over his shoulder, then to his other wrist, before falling down Duo's legs to stare at the white bandages covering his ankles. Those lips thinned. “Are you well, Maxwell?”

Duo knew Wufei regretted the words by the way his lips twitched. Duo tried a grin and was once again surprised by how easily it slid on. Wufei's brows lowered, though, and it made Duo wonder if maybe the grin still didn't look quite right. He tried to fix it and finally gave up at the scowl Wufei sent him. “I'm all right. I just want to see him.”

“The leaders of the countries all know we don't have a Commander yet,” Heero said, even as Une stood. She watched him, as did Duo, but Heero's face was carefully empty. “Your actions–”

“Relena Peacecraft and Quatre Raberba Winner have both given testimony to my ascension earlier today.” She walked toward a thick tank of a truck, its walls blocky and thick. Metal. Duo knew instinctively that the car was the one used to transport criminals. It looked new, too. Too bad it was already stained with blood.

“Handy,” Duo said, and had Une smirking.

“Yes,” she said, and stopped in front of the tank.

Duo stilled. He could see the shadows of blood, even in the darkness. The cameras, flashing madly, made the blood inside glisten. Suddenly he was afraid to walk inside. How ridiculous was that? He'd seen so many dead bodies. And he wanted this man dead. He wanted Nind to suffer for what he'd done. And he thought of Heero, having been taught about rape from this man, and wanted to grind him into dust. Imagining Heero going through what Duo had, imagining Heero being trained to take what Nind had done to him without a murmur... Duo took a deep breath and strode inside. If Nind was somehow still clinging to life, Duo would grind his face into the metal of the car until he stopped wasting good oxygen on himself.

But when Duo stepped inside, he knew the man was dead.

The bullet had gone straight through the middle of his head, spraying brain matter all over the van's wall behind him. His head was leaned back, his eyes open, staring at nothing. Duo raised his head, feeling something in his chest release. Another dead body, but one he actually took pleasure in seeing. Still, Duo walked over and touched two fingers to that neck. Smooth still, with pieces of black hair falling over the nape. No heartbeat. Cold. Duo felt the urge to wring the neck anyway, to wrap his fingers around it like a vice and squeeze until the man's head popped off like a cork.

He stepped back. Two clanking footsteps told him Heero had followed him up.

“Are you all right?” Duo asked him, because he couldn't think of how to ask if Heero was remembering the man's touch. Nind's touch. He needn't be afraid of Nind's name anymore.

Heero was silent for a moment. “I was going to ask you the same. Did he...” Heero hesitated, then continued. “You said he raped you.”

Duo took a deep breath. “You came before he got all the way in.” He blushed, mortified. “I fought like hell, Heero. I didn't let it happen.”

“I know,” Heero said quickly, trying to turn off Duo's words. “I know you wouldn't...” Duo turned and looked at Heero, only to find a scowl on Heero's face and those cobalt eyes turned away. “I failed you.”

Duo snorted. The noise made Heero glare at him, and Duo smiled. Just a little, since his bigger grins seemed to be putting people off. “I'm the one who walked right into it. And you stopped him. That's... the most important part.”

Heero didn't know how to respond to that. Finally he said, “You had to protect me.”

Duo shrugged and finally turned completely away from Nind's body. Now that he knew for sure, he could relax a bit. “Turnaround's fair play.” At Heero's consternated look, Duo said, “you protected me through the war. Remember?”

Heero's brows drew down. “That's different.”

Duo laughed. “Oh, of course.”

Heero looked Duo up and down. Those brilliant eyes caught on the white bandages, just as Wufei's had, and Duo knew Heero was probably replaying all of Duo's injuries, all of his actions, since Heero had busted in, saving him. “Please stop,” Heero said finally. Duo tilted his head to the side. “Stop pretending to be fine.”

Duo's heart thrust itself against his ribcage. “I can't,” he said. “If I stop, I'll fall.”

“I'll catch you,” Heero said, those eyes strong on his once more.

Duo wanted to. He wanted to so badly it burned. But he shook his head. He saw a flash of something in Heero's eyes and hurriedly said, “you're hurting, too, Heero. And I'd rather get home first.”

Heero had opened his mouth to retort to the first part, but he nodded at the second and moved to step down. Duo followed behind him, careful not to step in any of the blood stains. When he got to the edge of the truck, he found Heero's hand raised, ready to help him down. He blushed. So Heero had noticed the way he'd winced climbing into the truck. He took the proffered hand and made his way down. His butt ached with the stretch of muscles.

The cameras were going off a bit less now, and Duo saw that more Preventers had come to push the reporters back. Heero quickly escorted Duo to Wufei's car. “Wufei has already lent us his car for the day. He will get a ride back to Preventers and get our car.” Duo nodded. He hadn't asked, but he thought maybe Heero was just filling up the space with sound, trying to distract Duo. The thought of Mr. Antisocial putting words out there just for his sake made him warm.

“I'm okay, Heero,” he told the man. “He's dead. I'm okay.”

“I'm not,” Heero said simply, and unlocked the car. He held the door open for Duo. Duo raised an eyebrow at him. “I'm not,” Heero repeated, and waited until Duo got inside the car before closing the door and heading to his own side. Duo watched Heero move, watched him slide into the driver's seat and get the car onto the road.

“Don't you have to be with Une?” Duo asked.

Heero stared straight ahead, his body like marble. “I watched over Nind. He's dead now. The forensic team will handle it. I'm needed elsewhere.”

Duo shrugged. He figured Heero couldn't possibly get in trouble at this point. Une had already broken more rules than Heero ever could, and she was now the one in charge.

The drive back to the house was almost silent, save for the occasional car passing by and the wind whistling against the glass of the windows. Duo stared out into the night, amazed at how little time had gone by between the day before and now. So much had changed. He had changed.

But they were free.

The realization hit like a ton of bricks. Nind was dead. J was dead. The brainbox was gone, the threats and danger were gone. They could live a normal life. A free, normal, civilian life.

But as he thought about it, he knew that wasn't true. He remembered Nind's hands on him, Nind's tongue in his mouth, his finger, the pain that had broken him. His hands shook at the memories.

No, they weren't ready yet.

It made him want to scream. They were so close. So close to the ending they'd wanted. And now Duo could feel it slipping through his fingers. He could feel it in the careful distance they kept from one another, the silence that was just on the edge of grating. He opened his mouth to speak, but what could he say? Anything about Nind would be redundant, anything about their relationship dangerous territory. They lived together. Fucked each other. What more did they have? He knew what he had; a tether tying him to Heero, one made of strong, thin webbing. But Heero?

He sighed. “We need to talk about this, Heero.”

“I'm waiting until we get to the house,” Heero said, his voice tight.

Ah. Waiting to help Duo, then. Because talking about it might make Duo break down. Duo decided to wait, too, and just sat quietly.

The house, when they arrived at it, was dark, the sidewalk deserted, most likely because it was just too late to care about the fancy happenings of the day. Duo knew he would be subject to questions about the attack on their house, and when the reporters finished tossing his picture all over the news, he would be bombarded. Why had he ever thought things would finally be normal?

Heero turned the car off, but while Duo's hand was on the handle to jump out, Heero simply sat there, staring forward. Duo tried not to fidget; his ass felt like it was on fire from sitting down on it in the car, but he didn't want to force Heero to move when he wasn't ready. He noticed Heero's hands clenching and unclenching the steering wheel and cleared his throat. Heero turned to him immediately. “How did you find me?”

Those hands clenched very tightly onto the wheel. Heero took a deep breath. “After you called me, we went to the house. The area was empty, but there weren't many places he could have gone.” Heero sat back then, forcibly removing his fingers from around the wheel, and dug into his pants pocket until he'd pulled out Duo's phone. He wordlessly handed it over to Duo. Duo saw Heero's fingers shaking. “We searched the area, found footprints deep enough to mean he was carrying something heavy.”

Heero's throat worked, but Duo just nodded before Heero had to say it. That Nind had been carrying _him_ , unconscious, to the construction site. “I understand.” Damn, his ass hurt.

“He walked onto a road, and he lost him,” Heero said, his voice tight, almost choked. We couldn't find him; we were calling for the police's K-9 team when he found your hairtie.”

Duo stared.

“It led us down twenty-ninth, but it split, and we were lost again.” Duo blinked, and suddenly the Perfect Soldier sat beside him. “Then we found your cross.”

Duo jerked. He hadn't even noticed its absence. He looked at Heero's pockets, wondering if it was there. Instead Heero pulled off his Kevlar vest, the velcro sounding as if Heero was ripping the world open, and then Heero dug beneath his green shirt and pulled out the thick silver chain. Duo's jaw dropped.

Heero had worn it?

“It led us to you.”

The hairtie was rare enough. He pulled the things so tight they wouldn't come off during a battle. But his cross? There was no way that was just coming off; it was locked in place by his braid. That meant... “I'd done that? I don't remember.”

Heero unlatched the chain and leaned forward. Duo bent his head and let Heero clasp the chain around his neck. When Duo raised his head, he found Heero lightly touching the cross, those cobalt eyes heavy, dark. Duo reached up to touch Heero's hand, but Heero pulled back. “From there,” he said, his voice gruff as he returned to the story, “we simply found the buildings most likely to house Nind in secret. The construction site was the only place that didn't have twenty-four hour service.”

Duo nodded. “I didn't sense you, or even those others.”

Heero nodded and pulled the key from the ignition, suddenly wrenching himself from his seat. “They were Une's, from Peacemillion. No one else was trusted enough.”

Oh. So that was why all the men had seemed familiar.

Duo tried to get out of the car, as well, only to find that any attempt to move made his ass flare like it had been lit on fire. He grimaced as his easy exit became an exhausted push. Heero came to stand before him and offered him his hand. Duo gave Heero a tired grin and accepted it.

The walk to the house took a while, as every muscle in Duo's butt raged, unwilling to take any steps now that he'd taken a break. Heero stayed beside him, almost hovering, though he carefully didn't touch Duo. Duo scowled. If he thought Heero would let him, he would just suck it up and walk normally. Of course, with the way his ankles seemed ready to twist, maybe he wouldn't get very far, anyway.

The window he'd jumped through was still open to the elements, and Heero looked at it with a dark frown as he opened the unlocked door. Duo almost found it in him to laugh; there was no point in locking the door until they got the window boarded up. They'd only been living together for a few months and already had a major expense. Good thing they weren't the types to break things when they got angry; they wouldn't be able to afford to replace anything for quite a while.

Oh, but wait, no it wouldn't. Because Preventers had their own personal house insurance. Duo remembered being angry about it before, but now he just found it amusing.

Then he made a sound in the back of his throat that made Heero turn to him and grip his shoulders. “Fuck!” he said, and Heero very carefully kept his fingers from digging into Duo's skin. “My computer!”

Heero blinked.

“I was supposed to give a status update to that Perry guy,” he said, and Heero's gaze turned from incredulous to murderous. Duo cleared his throat. “But I guess it can wait.”

Heero huffed and pulled Duo into the house. The man made Duo wait just beside the window as he checked the house from top to bottom. Duo figured it would just cap off the year to have someone steal their stuff while they were out.

Then he came back, leading Duo like a child to Heero's room upstairs, carefully taking Duo up one step at a time. Duo figured if Heero was going to try to get out of the conversation they needed to have, he would just jump up and down until Heero came to make him stop before he ripped his wounds open.

Heero took Duo to the bed, where he had Duo lay down on his side, placing a pillow underneath Duo's rump to keep it from hurting too much. Then the man stood up, and Duo reached for him. “We need to talk,” he said again, and watched as Heero wordlessly went over to the wall and flicked on the lights. Duo squinted as his vision adjusted. “Are you okay?” he asked Heero. The man looked at him from the wall. He didn't come to Duo's side. Duo tried to sit up, but Heero's gaze turned into a quick glare, and Duo stopped. If he pissed Heero off, then he really wouldn't talk.

Duo opened his mouth to ask again, but Heero finally spoke. “I'm fine.”

Duo furrowed his brows. “But Nind–”

“Damn you, Duo, I don't understand you!” he said, and the sudden visceral tone made Duo snap his mouth shut again. “Why are you like this? Why are you smiling and asking _me_ if _I'm_ all right? You got _raped_ , Duo – act like it!”

Duo's mouth dropped. Who the hell was this standing in front of him? Heero Yuy? Not hardly. “Who are you?” he asked, and couldn't believe the words had popped out of his mouth.

Heero glared at him, of course, but then that glare just kind've died out. Heero sighed. “Do you have any idea what happened after you walked out of that ambulance?”

Duo mutely shook his head.

“Sally called me. She told me that Nind was ready to snipe, and that you gave yourself to him as a hostage.” Duo watched the tension build in Heero's shoulders and back. “You'd said 'it's hot.'” The tension reached an all-time high. “Sally assured me you weren't talking about the heat.”

And so Heero had figured out that Duo had given himself over for Heero's sake. Duo tried to put himself in Heero's position and winced.

“You did this once before. You told me. Because Nind was interested in dominating me again, you turned his attention to you.” Heero's fingers clenched into fists, and to control himself he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Why?”

Duo looked at him like he was nuts. “What?”

Heero gritted his teeth and glared one super mega-watt glare. “Why did you do it?” He said it slowly, as if maybe Duo was brain-dead.

“You're telling me that me not getting raped is more important than you not getting killed?”

Heero didn't answer, but that glare of his said that Duo might have hit the nail on the head.

Duo snarled. “Don't you dare do that martyr shit on me, Yuy.” He gave up trying to lay down and sat up, pain and all. Heero's brows lowered, and his own scowl appeared on his face. “So you're allowed to worry about me, but I'm not allowed to worry about you? That's bullshit and you know it.”

Heero didn't say anything to that, either.

Duo stood. “You know I want to stay with you. You know I...” But what _did_ Heero know? When had they ever put it into words? Duo ground his own teeth and shoved a hand through his hair. He felt like he needed a shower, and here he was fighting with his lover. After what Nind had done, all he wanted was a shower, some sleep, and a couple warm arms around him. Was that so much to ask? “There's no way I'm going to let something happen to you if I can help it, and that's just something you're going to have to deal with.”

Heero watched Duo still, but that glare was softening. “I have never felt this way before. Worry, stress, pressure. All of that, I can respond to comfortably. But you...” Heero took a deep breath and looked away. “You destroy me.”

Duo swayed where he stood. He couldn't help it. His ankles hurt. “I don't want to destroy you, Heero,” Duo said, even though maybe that was what he needed to do to get Heero to show some more emotions. He'd actually yelled, after all. “But I can't let you go, either.”

Heero looked back at him then, recognizing the words he'd said their last night together on the Peacemillion. Duo willed Heero to understand him.

Heero nodded. “Understood.”

Duo sighed. It was probably the closest thing to a victory he would get.

“Are you all right?”

The words seemed to have almost been tripped over. Duo heard Heero move, just the slightest rustle of clothing, and then Heero was before him, steadying him. “I'm all...” He started, then stopped. This was something he shouldn't lie about. Not now that they were safely alone. “No,” he sighed, “not really.” Heero's grip tightened. “I feel disgusting, I'm tired from the adrenaline rushes, and I hurt. I also feel like I need to wash my mouth out with antibacterial soap.” Here gave Heero a tired grin. “But I'm glad you're here. I can't tell you what it was like to hear your voice.”

Heero's eyes flashed something. Regret, Duo thought, and then something akin to hope. “I'm sorry I didn't make it sooner.”

“You made it,” Duo said. “And it wasn't too late.”

Those words seemed to have an effect on Heero; he almost seemed to slump.

“I am taking a shower,” Duo said, moving over to Heero and wrapping his arms around the man, almost more to hold him in place than to snuggle in. “And after I'm done that – and brushing my teeth – then you and I are going to sleep. I'm going to use you as my pillow, and you will take it because you feel guilty. And when we wake up, we're having breakfast.” He tilted his head. “I'm thinking waffles. You can cook.”

Heero snorted and pulled him in tighter, lightly dropping a kiss onto the top of his head. “Wrong,” Heero said. Duo looked up, surprised, and just as surprised to find himself hurt. Heero gave him a very, very light smile. “I'll hold you because I want to.”

Duo's jaw dropped.

He hurried into the bathroom then, and got to listen to a light chuckle that said that maybe Heero was starting to heal, too.


	20. Home

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.”

~ Maya Angelou

* * *

When Duo woke up, it was to the smell of eggs and sausage. His mouth watered.

Trying to sit up was a chore in and of itself. His butt had apparently stiffened up during the night, and he ended up pulling and tugging at every available inch of muscle until rolling over and up made him wince. He reached for his butt and rubbed it, since he was alone. It still felt warm, warm and sensitive. Sitting down was going to be torture for a few days. It made him even madder; he felt afraid, a bit, of sex, and knew he had to fuck Heero before the fear managed to roost itself in the deeper recesses of his mind. For once, he was glad he'd undergone rape torture training under G. If he hadn't, he'd probably be far more scarred than he was.

It helped that Nind was dead, too.

He couldn't help grinning at that thought as he rose, his ass flaring at the sudden stretching. He stumbled a bit, too, as his ankles sharply protested the movement. He heard a small clank, then hurried footsteps. “I'm all right,” he called, but Heero was already up the stairs and in the doorway. Those dark blue eyes were watching him again. “I'm okay,” he said, and waved one arm in a shooing motion. Duo saw Heero's gaze flicker to his arm for a moment and grimaced. Of course. Stupid gauze. Stupid restraints. Stupid Nind.

Heero entered the room and grabbed Duo's elbow. “You should have called for me.”

“Heero, my ass hurts. It's not debilitating.” Heero's gaze darkened, deepening into a murderous stare that made Duo clear his throat. “Uh, right. Should have called for you.”

Heero didn't relent, just held Duo up as they made their way downstairs. “Until you're better, you'll be sleeping down here.”

“What?” Duo looked at Heero like he was mad. Sleeping downstairs in his old room? Without Heero beside him? Demoted? “No!”

“Duo, you can't go up and down the stairs–”

“Shut the fuck up, Yuy!” Heero hardly cocked an eyebrow at Duo's outburst, instead helping Duo down each step individually. His poor abused butt burned. His ankles decided to spike the pain a bit, too, as if afraid to be forgotten. Duo was glad he hadn't yet typed; doing so would make his wrists start vying for attention.

The trip downstairs finally finished, they both moved toward the kitchen. Duo was surprised to see a fair layout of food. The eggs and sausage were both there, along with toast; Duo grinned when he saw the waffles. Heero had actually taken his ramblings seriously?

As soon as Duo was seated, he laid into Heero. “I'm not staying down here. I will go back upstairs just to spite you.” Heero was silent as he went back to the stove, deftly turning off the stove and lifting the pan of... something as the smell of smoke started churning the air. Duo cocked his head. “Sorry I ruined the food,” Duo said.

Heero shook his head and put the pan on the other side of the stove. Only then did he turn back to Duo. “If you try to go up or down those stairs, you may fall. You can't afford another injury. I can only miss today, perhaps tomorrow before I have to return and send in my report.” Duo tried to protest Heero waiting to return, but Heero just turned that glare on again. Duo stuck his tongue out. “So you will be staying down here.”

“While you're gone,” Duo said, amending Heero's statement. That glare ratcheted up a notch. “Heero,” Duo said, and he looked straight into that glare, “if you have me sleep away from you, I'll feel like it's because Nind touched me.”

Duo was trying to be strong, to get Heero to calm down and, quite frankly, to win the argument before it even got the chance to turn into one. He honestly hadn't expected the flash of something dark and guilty in Heero's eyes that told him that was exactly why he was being delegated somewhere else.

He felt his chest freeze.

“I can't touch you, Duo,” Heero said, and Duo couldn't believe how much that hurt. He couldn't breathe. “I don't know how long that will last, but I can't touch you now.”

Duo took a few deep breaths. He broke eye contact with Heero. Well, at least he'd finally found somebody who didn't fall all over him for his body. At least not anymore. “Are you fucking serious? It's not like I'm poisoned,” he said. He couldn't believe how steady his voice was. He couldn't believe his stomach would dare to grumble in the middle of such a moment.

“Let's eat,” Heero said, and Duo glared at him.

“No. Fuck that. Are you serious right now? Do you not want to...” Duo's voice died out despite himself. He couldn't believe it. He was acting like a girl. A pathetic little girl whose crush has turned her down.

He felt a weight on his chest. It kept him from being able to breathe properly.

Heero's eyes were a little wide. “What?” he asked, and Duo almost snarled at him.

“Touch me, Heero! Do you really not want to fucking touch me?!”

Duo stopped cold when Heero's jaw dropped.

Duo had no idea what he was supposed to do. Backtrack? Apologize? Keep acting like a wounded puppy? He straightened his shoulders at that; if he could handle standing in front of reporters as a rape victim, then he could stand before his lover as he was pushed away. “What? Can't talk now? Was I supposed to just let it slide?” Heero's face got weirder and weirder, until finally Duo just stopped. Heero looked like he'd swallowed a lemon whole. In another minute, Duo would find it hilarious.

“That's not what I meant,” Heero said.

“Then what?!” Duo asked, but even as the words left his mouth, he understood. It dawned on him almost violently, so sudden that it nearly made him sick. Heero had been worried about him.

It was stupid, really; Heero constantly worried about him. How many times during the war had Heero come to save Duo? He'd never believed in Duo's strength – possibly, Duo thought almost bitterly, because he was always the one getting caught or hurt. So why would Heero change now? Duo hadn't been able to escape from Nind on his own, after all. Even Nind had said it – to the bitter end, Duo had to rely on help. So why would Heero suddenly think Duo could handle himself? Why not pander to poor little Duo, the emotional cripple now that he'd been flogged and raped?

Or maybe, just maybe, Heero was worried about him just because he cared.

He decided to sit down. His pity party was giving him a headache.

“Duo.”

“I know, I know,” Duo sighed. He was reacting so poorly because of the aftereffects of the trauma. He'd thought maybe he'd skipped this part. That maybe he would be able to gloss over... over the events the way he was carefully glossing over the memories. He took another deep breath. “Thanks for the food, Heero. And for staying with me. I might not be the best company right now, though.”

Heero didn't say a word, just made two plates of food and carried them over. Heero sat down across from Duo and didn't so much as touch his food, simply watching Duo. Telling him that he had to eat without even saying a word. Duo sighed. After one bite of the eggs, however, he found himself completely ravenous, and he needed no urging to finish everything on his plate. He looked up in time to see Heero hiding a smirk. “You shut up.”

The smirk gentled into something else. “I prefer you like this.”

Duo swallowed and wiped his mouth.

“Nind could have taken this you from me.” Heero's eyes darkened. Duo tried very hard to not drop his head. He'd told Heero everything, and hadn't seen any censure. That kept him from falling apart, too. “And I don't know enough to know what to do.”

Ah. That explained the unnecessarily large meal. And the waffles. “You know me,” Duo said, leaning forward. “What do you think I need right now?”

Heero searched Duo's gaze and nodded. With one smooth motion, he stood, walked around the table, and kissed Duo. “That was for me,” he said, though Duo was already straining for more. “And this,” he said, “is for you.” And he walked over to another room. Duo heard the distinct sound of wiring being pulled, and then Heero returned with Duo's laptop in hand.

Duo spluttered. “Hey – what the hell–”

“You do not need to be working on this today. It will slow the progress of your recovery.” Heero gestured to Duo's wrists, then looked at his ass, as if Duo didn't damn well know what he was talking about. Duo stood and reached for his laptop. “Duo.”

“Heero, that's my job now,” Duo hissed, reaching again, feeling the strain on his ass as he stretched the muscles. Heero just cocked an eyebrow at him. “I need that.” He thought quick. “It gives me something to do.”

“I can think of other things for you to do.”

Duo's jaw dropped, and Heero gave Duo a smirk. Duo was left blinking.

“You can watch a movie while I write up the start of my report.”

“A movie?” Duo brain rattled. He found himself frustrated and hard. Had Heero meant to do that? Why?

“Yes. A nice, calm, relaxing movie. I'm thinking Die Hard.”

Duo laughed despite himself. Heero told Duo to relax on the sofa while he took care of the dishes, and when Duo tried to help, Heero threatened bodily harm to Duo's laptop. It made Duo huff off and plop down on the sofa, which pulled at his wounds and made him wince. Heero heard; he paused in the act of collecting the plates to listen for a moment before turning on the water in the sink. Duo closed his eyes and let himself relax. Heero had said he couldn't touch Duo for a while, which made his teasing all that more undecipherable. Duo gave up on it and stared at the television screen. Heero had never so much as looked at it. Duo had only watched it during those agonizing days when he'd been stuck in the house waiting for Nind to attack.

Waiting. Duo snarled. He never should have waited.

It took a little while for Duo to get those kinds of thoughts out of his head, but he managed it before Heero entered. He grabbed a DVD from the coffee table and placed it in the DVD player that sat completely untouched underneath the TV. Duo grinned at the domestic look – and the view. Nice.

He cleared his throat when he remembered his own abused ass and the trapped position of his stomach draped over Nind's table.

The movie started then, nice and slow, and Duo proceeded to make fun of the old trailers as Heero grabbed his own laptop and started clacking away. Duo sighed and closed his eyes at the sound. Ridiculous that such an obnoxious noise had become so damn comforting. Duo only half listened to the movie, just let Heero's presence wash away the last of his tension. He fell asleep in the middle of one of John McClane's fights.

* * *

“Sanctuary, on a personal level, is where we perform the job of taking care of our soul.”

~ Christopher Forrest

* * *

Heero eventually returned to work, coming back more and more somber as he dealt with the repercussions of Nind's final hours. Whenever Duo tried to get him to talk, though, he just kept saying. “focus on recovering.”

So Duo messed around on his laptop while Heero got tenser and tenser, and Heero hovered more and more as Duo slowly got better. Duo managed to sit for a few hours without feeling like his ass was suffering from drag burn. Heero managed to sit for less than two minutes before he started pacing.

On the second Friday – the day Duo specifically waited for, in order to make sure Heero could use work as an excuse to escape Duo – Duo finally gave up on eating the food he himself had prepared and watched Heero pace up and down the kitchen, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Duo was about to lose his damn mind. “So what happened?” he tried, prepared for the answer he received.

“Nothing. Eat your dinner.”

Murder. Duo was going to murder him. He would deal with the body burial later, when it was darker out. He would break the legs postmortem so they couldn't possibly be used to pace in the Underworld, or whatever damn afterlife he wanted to imagine for the moment. The image was the only thing that kept him from losing his temper. “No.”

Heero looked up at that, his eyes taking in the set of Duo's jaw. Heero's gaze deadened. Ready for a fight, then, huh? Well, good. Because Duo had a good one in him. “Duo,” Heero said, trying to cut it off before it grew. But it was a little late for that.

“Did something more happen than me getting dommed by a psycho?” Duo asked, and Heero winced. Duo had had plenty of time to think about that damn day, and he'd decided he'd gotten out well enough to not freak out about it. But not Heero. They'd yet to have sex since that day. What the fuck was that about, anyway? “What happened with Une? What does the media know? Why are you such damn wreck when you come back to me? I feel like you might as well not be here.”

Heero actually flinched on that one. His eyes weren't deadened anymore. Oh, no. They looked... a little lost. “Nothing major has hit my desk since... since the incident.” The incident? Good Lord, seriously? Shouldn't Duo be the one having a harder time with all this? “Une has officially taken leadership of Preventors without inside incident. Her actions that night seem to have garnered her full support. Externally, however, the countries are trying to see if the paperwork had been completed before she killed Nind.”

Which it hadn't been. “But you filed it, didn't you? I mean, you're the obvious choice. The only ones who might see past your work are us pilots, and I don't really think any of us are going to raise any alarms.”

Heero still stood in the middle of the kitchen, but now it seemed he understood how ridiculous he looked and sat down. “Yes. The media... found out about a pilot getting injured. They jumped all over it, of course.”

Duo was glad he didn't watch the news. “Is that why you're stressed?”

Heero broke eye contact with him. “Not completely.”

More like not at all. Duo thrummed his fingers on the table. “Heero.”

Heero reached out and grabbed Duo's fingers, stilling them. “It's... I have a decision to make. One that affects the both of us, and I don't know that I'm ready to make it.”

Duo's heart stilled for a moment, then almost raced its way out of his chest. This couldn't be good. “A decision.”

Heero nodded, that cobalt gaze rising to lance Duo's. “Yes.”

Duo suddenly didn't know if he wanted to have this discussion. But he still burned forward. “Tell me.”

“I have to decide if this is my forever.”

Duo opened his mouth, then closed it. That sounded far too poetic to be what Heero meant. “What?”

Heero released Duo's hand and stood again, pacing through the kitchen once more. Duo felt his own tension rise as he watched. “You asked me once if you were staying. I thought it strange at the time. Why would he ask that? Of course he was staying. But now I understand. You were asking if we were permanent. I've thought yes, but lately I've realized that such an idea can't be shared by actions alone.” He turned and walked straight toward Duo, making Duo crane his neck back. He felt vulnerable as Heero stared down at him. “Actions are all I know.”

Duo tested his speaking abilities again. “And this has been bothering you?”

Heero nodded, one jerky little movement. “I don't know how to make promises. I don't have any in me to give.”

Duo didn't know what Heero meant, exactly, but his heart hurt, hearing it.

“Come with me.” Heero held out his hand. Duo looked at it. Duo had been living in limbo, waiting for this moment, for Heero to realize that relationships were commitments. Waiting for Heero to choose to walk away, even though Duo would swear Heero felt the same as Duo. But Duo had chosen his own path long ago, without ever actually considering it, and without hesitation, he took Heero's hand.

Heero led him upstairs to the bedroom.

When Heero started stripping, Duo almost laughed. He should have known Heero's answer would be a good fuck. He wouldn't argue with the idea, but he couldn't help but feel as if the tightrope he'd been balancing on was getting a little less stable by the hour. Sex would not help to strengthen it.

Duo ripped off his t-shirt, then his jeans, glancing over at Heero to make sure he had plenty of distractions to keep him from thinking about Heero's words. If he kept his mind on the physical, he wouldn't end up humiliating himself with a half-mast flag. He finally ripped off his boxers and moved to lay on the bed.

“No.”

Duo looked back, surprised, and found himself momentarily distracted by Heero's body. Damn, those hard lines and rippling planes would make Duo combust one day. He cleared his throat. “What?”

“That's my place.”

His place? Duo tried to interpret that in a way that didn't include worrying over Heero's previous words, but it didn't really work.

Then Heero moved forward and sat on the bed, and with one deep breath, he lay on his back on the bed. He turned to look at Duo , his hair falling crazily on the white pillow, and beckoned Duo over with one warm hand. “Come on.”

Duo's heart burst.

 _Actions are all I know._ Oh, Heero.

Duo wrapped his fingers around Heero's own and oh, so slowly moved over Heero, until his knees straddled Heero's legs and his arms caged Heero's face. Duo saw no fear, no worry. Only acceptance. “This has to be for you, too,” Duo said, and Heero raised his chin, looking somehow defiant as he lay naked below Duo. “It is. I want forever.”

And Duo's heart melted.

Duo had to lean down, for just a moment, and rest his d on Heero's collarbone. Heero took the hand that wasn't wrapped in Duo's and spread it through his hair, tangling in Duo's braid. “Heero,” Duo breathed, and let Heero's scent cover him. He'd needed this. He'd needed Heero on him, around him. How had he survived those past weeks without this? “I want forever, too. Like this. With you.” He raised his head. “Well, just to be clear, I wouldn't mind being under you forever, too.”

Heero pulled his hair.

“Ow!” But Duo smiled and raised himself up, finally resting his hips on Heero's. Their dicks touched, rubbed, and Duo groaned at the contact and arched his back and neck. He looked back down to find Heero looking at him with wide eyes. Duo rubbed against Heero again, just to see what the contact was like. Heero's eyes fluttered, almost closing but not quite, as Heero struggled to keep his eyes on Duo. Duo panted, his arms straining with the effort to not just devour Heero. He was beautiful below Duo, and Duo had to bite his tongue to keep from saying it. Instead he leaned down and kissed Heero, tasting the man on his tongue, on his lips, until his mouth alone wasn't enough. He leaned back up and pulled his hand from Heero's. Heero made a small sound of protest, but it died when Duo reached behind him and pulled his braid forward, quickly pulling his hair free of its bindings.

Heero's hands reached up and touched Duo's cheek as the strands slid onto his shoulders, then pulled a chunk forward, letting it fall through his fingers. His eyes were wide again.

“Heero,” Duo murmured, and leaned down for another kiss. Heero raised his head, and when they met, both moved their hands, Heero through Duo's hair, Duo down Heero's chest. He explored more thoroughly than ever before, touching Heero's nipples, which elicited a sharp jerk, then scraping down the sides of his waist again, feeling Heero's groan in his own mouth. Duo shivered. His mind tried to wrap around the idea of Heero below him, but the concept was so insane he found himself leaning up, breaking the kiss off again just to look, to see. Heero's eyes were almost black as he looked up at Duo, his hands outstretched, his gaze turning almost frustrated as Duo took too long for Heero's taste. “You're...” But for once, Duo couldn't find the words. “Thank you.”

Those lines of Heero's were sharp and defined against the stark white sheets, his body thin and lithe, those nipples standing up after just that short attention Duo gave them. Duo decided they deserved a reward, and he bent to give a kiss to each. Heero arched up into the touch, barely grunting at the touch. Duo wanted, suddenly, to have Heero go wild underneath him. He wanted Heero to know he would be safe in Duo's hold, wanted Heero to give him everything as Duo had done for him. Duo found himself wanting more than he'd ever thought he could. Was this what it was like to take the top?

Still, he was slow, gentle, ghosting his fingers alone Heero's stomach, back up to his chest, until those nipples were between his fingers and he was running the pads of his thumbs over those nubs and Heero was struggling to keep his breathing steady. Then Duo leaned down and kissed them again. He darted out his tongue and felt Heero jerk beneath him, heard a strangled sound that Heero cut off. Duo ran his teeth over the thing, just a small warning before he sucked the nub into his mouth. Heero jerked again. This time the sound wasn't cut off quite as quickly. Duo ran his fingers up Heero's sides as he worked. Heero's body didn't seem to know what to do.

Duo wanted this to be about them, just them, but he knew Heero had another motive. He knew Heero was trying to keep this situation as different from Duo's experience with Nind as possible. But Duo would make sure it ended with just them, only them, just himself and Heero and the forever they were promising each other. Nind had no place in this.

Heero's breathing was turning into something a bit more like panting, and Duo moved to the other side, one hand rising to play with the now exposed nipple. Heero grunted. The hands in Duo's hair fell to the bed and clenched the sheets. Duo heard a rip and smiled. Being on top was fun.

Duo finally left Heero's chest and licked his way down, one ab at a time, to Heero's thighs. Duo could feel the skin quiver beneath his lips. “Duo,” Heero said, his voice breathless and demanding all at once. Telling Duo to hurry up. Duo kissed the skin and nuzzled the hair that led down to Heero's member. “Not yet,” Duo said. “Just once, not yet. Please let me have this.”

Heero groaned.

The sound was one of acceptance, and Duo kissed Heero's skin again in thanks. His fingers found their way to Heero's inner thighs and reached up, just barely touching Heero's sac, rubbing softly over the bottom. Heero jumped and yelped, the sound almost loud in the room. Duo heard Heero clamp his jaw shut and licked Heero's tip, just once. He heard Heero's soft exhale and knew Heero had leaned his head back. He sat up quickly, catching the sight of Heero's head thrown against the pillow, his body heaving with the exertion of holding himself in check. God, he was beautiful.

Duo returned to his work, his hands circling Heero's member until Heero was jerking his hips up over and over again. “Duo,” Heero growled, and his voice was so low it rumbled through the room. Duo shivered.

“Soon,” he promised, and Heero... keened. It was a deep, desperate, almost angry sound, but Duo couldn't think of another word for it but keening. Heero's hands reached down and gripped Duo's hair, stopping him from traveling down to Heero's calves and feet, but that was okay for now. They had forever, after all.

He licked around Heero's dick, slowly getting closer, allowing Heero to pull on his hair so hard it hurt, as Heero lost control of himself and writhed beneath Duo's lips, trying to pull Duo onto his member as Duo deliberately ignored Heero's demands. Heero seemed beyond words now, his body one fluid movement after another, his every breath huffing short moans. Duo finally leaned up and took Heero into his mouth in one fell swoop, glad for his previous experiences as he heard Heero howl. Everything in Duo broke and mended at the sound of Heero's surrender, as those strong fingers pushed Duo further down, until Duo had to work to keep from gagging, until finally Duo had to breathe and he came up for air. Heero was insistent, however, and Duo returned, taking Heero once more, this time slowly pumping, up from the bottom to the tip, where he licked until he tasted Heero's pre-cum on his tongue, then down again only to almost let him go. Heero moaned, pushed against Duo's hands on his hips, forcing Duo's mouth deep once more. Heero's hands tangled messily into Duo's hair, his body squirming madly beneath Duo, and Duo finally gave it up and quickened his pace. Heero cried out again, his hips pistoning. Duo wrapped one hand around Heero's base and sucked hard. Heero went mad. His entire body arched, everything froze, and Heero stayed still. “Duo,” he rasped, his body trembling, “in me. Please.”

Duo couldn't believe he could feel even more, but he did. He finally let Heero go and leaned up, opening the top nightstand drawer for the lube that was always, always there. He took the tube out and squirted it onto his fingers, rubbing it between until it was warm. Then he leaned over and kissed Heero. Heero's body was greedy, desperate as Heero twisted his head and dove inside Duo's mouth, taking Duo's restraint as he rolled his hips over Duo's. Duo found himself gasping then, straining to keep himself under control. But Heero wrapped his legs around Duo's hips and thrust his pelvis against Duo's, wrapped his arms around Duo's shoulders until he could pull Duo down. Duo whimpered and let himself be held like this, let Heero take possession of him even now, let himself feel protected. Loved. He could feel it in every movement Heero made – mine, that beautiful body said. Mine. No one else may harm you. No one else may have you.

Duo trailed his wet fingers down Heero's body, down that sensitive side, until he reached Heero's hole. Heero tensed for a second, then weakened his hold until Duo was once again in charge of their movements, in charge of the kiss, and Duo tried to make it as reassuring as possible as he slid one finger slowly in. Hero squirmed for a bit, and Duo quickly distracted him with one hand tickling up Heero's side as his tongue licked deep into Heero's mouth. Heero finally relaxed, and Duo wriggled his finger a bit, playing with Heero in a way he knew Nind never would have, until Heero was squirming for a completely different reason. Only then did he add a second finger, and after a few moments' searching, Heero jumped wildly in Duo's arms. Heero's breath shuddered out, and Heero curled around Duo again. “Now,” Heero said.

“Not yet,” Duo said, worried about the lack of preparation, but apparently Heero's patience was all filled up.

“Now.”

So Duo played his fingers against that spot one more time, feeling Heero clench tightly around his fingers and worrying even more until he realized that Heero's entire body was tight. He was holding back his orgasm, Duo realized, and felt everything in his melt all over again. Heero wanted Duo inside him when he came. Well, fuck. The thought alone almost had Duo coming.

Duo leaned up, taking another moment to admire and letting Heero get himself slightly back under control. Duo pressed himself against Heero's hole and watched Heero lean back and open himself further, straining for Duo's presence. Duo slowly entered, giving Heero the time to adjust to the difference in size from finger to dick, but Heero just groaned and snarled and leaned his hips up, pulling Duo inside him. Duo was left gasping and throwing his own head back as Heero's head enveloped him. It almost hurt, the sudden tightening of muscles around his member, and he found his breath sucked out of him. It felt... it felt so damn good. “Heero,” he groaned, and Heero moaned, too, and suddenly Duo needed to be _in_ him, fully, to the hilt, and he slowly pushed in some more, Heero groaning, reaching for Duo's hips, and Duo felt Hero tugging him closer, closer, until they were as close as they were going to get without melting into each other, and both were panting against the other's lips, and Duo found himself needing to taste Heero. Their tongues battled, connected, mingled, until both were moving, one slow movement of hips at a time. Duo ripped his lips free and arched his back, getting a small millimeter further into Heero, and both men shouted. “Heero,” he said again, “Heero. Heero. I love you.” The words were out before he could stop them, and he nearly stopped.

“You, too,” Heero said, his voice little more than a breath, and Duo's control snapped. He found himself moving faster, faster, needing to reach that peak with Heero, needing everything.

Heero pushed deep into Duo, forcing Duo faster, demanding higher, until Heero's body shuddered. Duo stared, terrified of missing a single detail, afraid to blink as Heero's body shook and tore itself apart. Heero cried out Duo's name as he came. The sound, guttural and broken and full and perfectly whole, took Duo's control and thrashed it, and suddenly Duo was coming, deep and hard, almost screaming at the intensity. Duo held on to Heero and broke completely, feeling everything fit better afterward.

This was just a piece of their forever.

* * *

 

“And what do all the great words come to in the end, but that? I love – I am at rest with you – I have come home.”

~ Dorothy Sayers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had no intention of telling you all what Nind said, but since many asked, it was just a comment on how Nind was going to break Duo the way he'd broken Heero. /looks up at last scene/ I wonder how that worked out for him.
> 
> Quote that inspired the story:  
> “In Europe men and women have intercourse because they love each other. In the South Seas they love each other because they have had intercourse. Who is right?” ~ Paul Gauguin


End file.
